HOPE

I wish to tell our respectable NETA that I am neither a student nor a dented painted sari clad woman seeking publicity but am a 67 years old male who took part in candle light peaceful march today with a hope that this lit candle may show light to caretakers of our Nation who seem to have been blinded by glitter of POWER. 

ASHAMED

I am writing this post with a very heavy heart. I feel so ashamed about what has happened to the young girl who was yet to see happy days after all the hard work she had put in and my heart goes out to her parents who had given her all they could. I did not write anything as there is so much being talked in media as well as by public but cake goes to our respected leaders who are now talking to gain something out of this. Why I say so? Were they not aware of problems faced by not only girls but even public as whole? Did they ever speak about it earlier or suggest some ways to curb crime on the whole with special attention to crime again women? The answer is NO. Even now after all these demonstrations or protests, situation will go back to same state after a few weeks. This case will go on in the courts for a long time and who knows what will be the verdict.

Everyone is now talking of measure which should have been taken or should be taken and pointing fingers at each other but in my opinion it is WE as a whole who are to be blamed. The whole system needs to be purged. And in my humble submission first step is to ensure there is NO corruption as that is the main cancer which leads all those who are responsible to provide protection or service to public to shirk their responsibility. The NETAs need to stop meddling in or politicizing governance. They need to keep interest of NATION at heart and not just cling to POWER by any means.  But will this dream ever come true? YES, it is possible if WE ALL take a pledge not to accept any nonsense by those who are responsible for good governance and ensure their accountability. These include bureaucrats or government servants also apart from politicians.

May I request all of you to join me in praying for eternal peace for the departed soul. 

LET US SMILE WHILE BIDDING BYE TO 2012

As this year is coming to an end, let us have some smile to bid farewell to 2012 :

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a somewhat conservative fellow, so naturally he's curious about the sudden change in fashion sense.

The man walks up to his co-worker and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

"Well, I'm curious," begged the man, "how long have you been wearing an earring?"

"Er, ever since my wife found it in our bed."

An airline introduced a special package for business men: “buy your ticket get your wife's ticket free”.
After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip.
All of them gave a same reply...”Which trip?”

An intelligent wife is one who makes sure she spends so much that her husband can't afford another women.

Woman buys a new SIM card puts it in her phone and decides to surprise her husband who is seated on the couch in the living room.
She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number: “Hello Darling!”
The husband responds in a low tone: “Let me call you back later Honey, the dumb lady is in the kitchen.”

 

“Dear Mother-in-law, don't teach me how to handle my children, I'm living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.”

In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on a tourist's wife.

WIFE: “Shoot him! Shoot him!”
Husband: “Yes, Yes. I'm changing the battery of my camera.”

Having "WIFE" is a part of living...
But having "GIRLFRIEND" along with the "WIFE" is an art of living.


It is said that husband is the head of the family, but remember that wife is the neck of the family and the neck can turn the head exactly the way she wants.

God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth. 
 
Then He made the earth round... and He laughed and laughed and laughed!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU

WISE WORDS WORTH FOLLOWING

I read it recently and felt need to share the wise words of an elderly lady with you all.

This is written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio  :

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. 

5.Don't buy stuff you don't need.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with yourself. You can take it.

9. Save for things that matter.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. Its OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. 

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take NO for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but YOU.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive but don’t forget. 

29. What other people think of you is none of your business. 

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time!

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. People love you because of who you are, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need.

42. The best is yet to come ...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

HOME SWEET HOME

ALAKH  NAA  BUKHAARE, JEHRHA SUKH CHHAJJU  DE CHOBAARE   -   which translated in English means East or West Home is the Best.

As I had mentioned in my previous post, I was out of Delhi from 3^rd of this month till 8^th when we returned.  I had to go to Chamunda Devi in Himachal Pradesh to attend marriage of my younger brother’s daughter. Though they do not belong to that place but had to perform marriage there as boy’s family stays close by there. My wife decided at the last minute to accompany so I opted to go by car. Our son suggested that I engage a driver but I preferred to drive myself as this could be our last time to have an outing together. It was about 600 kms drive covering plains and hills. I did not want strain myself, so we covered around 200 kms per day.

On way out we halted at Ambala on first night and then in Pathankot on second. On third day we traveled to destination which was mostly hill driving. We stayed the night there. Next day we started back with one night at Pathankot and then second at Ambala. At both these places as well as at Chamunda Devi we had comfortable accommodation with all amenities available, including my few CHHOTAAS of Old Monk pre – dinner at intervening halts. But it was only when we got back home on the 8^th that I found real comfort which lead me to mention the saying in the opening of this post. No matter how good facilities one has at other places, it is HOME which actually makes one feel comfortable. It was only after reaching home that the driving fatigue caught up and made me take it easy for a couple of days to recoup. I do feel that at my age it is normal.

As I was driving, I could not take many photographs of enroute scenery but here are two of hilly area :

FOR SOME SMILE

Time for little cheers, isn’t  it?  With due apologies to blondes : Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home. A gorgeous young redhead went into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' said the doctor.. 'Show me.’ The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?’  'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.' A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!' A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.  The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!' The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!' A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, And asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'! PS : I may be out of town for a week without access to internet. Please bear with me.

LOVE WINS ALL

Yesterday I had the privilege of attending wedding of two young blogger friends -  Sakshi and Shayon got married. They had known each other for a long time and had been very keen to be together for life. As usual there were little hurdles but they had finally got over all that and joined up for life. I am extremely happy not only that their true love has culminated in marriage but also that they have set an example of overcoming caste and regional bias of our society. Kudos to them and their supportive parents. We need more such youngsters and parents to make India as ONE NATION.  

Please join me in wishing them MANY MANY YEARS OF TOGETHERNESS FULL OF LOVE, SUCCESS, FUN, HAPPINESS, JOYS AND PEACE.

HAPPY RELATIONSHIP

Today 41 years ago we got married. This morning when I got up she was already in the kitchen preparing tea. I was searching for words to wish her but was finding it little difficult. Then suddenly without any effort words just came out of my mouth. I told her “ Thanks a lot for being with me all these years.”

This set me on memories of our journey till now. It is not that we did not have our differences. We have had many and also have had numerous arguments or fights you may say. We have also been on KUTTI ( not on speaking terms ) many a times which lasted from half an hour to may be a day.  Or speaking in mono syllable for some time.   I am not qualified to say much on relationships except from my experience. It is certain that for any relationship to be healthy there are some basic principles. I always list the following :

a)     Mutual Respect

b)    Mutual Trust

c)     Two Way Open & Logical Communication 

d)    Accepting other as he or she is without trying to change him or her but making efforts to overcome own weak points.

Then it struck me that all this is possible if we have WILLINGNESS TO BE WITH EACH OTHER.  So now I can say that for STRONG & HEALTHY relationship FIRM GROUND is WILLINGNESS TO BE WITH EACH OTHER and then SOLID FOUNDATIONS can be laid by the basic principles listed above. 

HOW TO HAVE PEACEFUL LIFE

This one tells so well that it is upto us how we make our life peaceful.

When someone does something or is about to do something, in a way we don’t want it to be done, and we are not able to accept it - we become angry. However, when someone does something or is about to do something, in a way we don’t want it to be done - but we are able to accept it - we remain tolerant.

When someone has something which we don’t have, or someone is able to produce results which we are capable to produce - and we are not able to accept it - we become jealous. When someone has something which we don’t have, or someone is able to produce results which we are capable to produce and we are able to accept it - we get inspired. 

When someone is present in our thoughts, but not physically present and we are not able to accept it - we say "I am missing you". When someone is present in our thoughts, but not physically present and we are able to accept it - we say "I am thinking of you".

The emotional equation is quite simple.

Something + Non-Acceptance = Negative Emotion

Something + Acceptance = Positive Emotion

So, it is NOT 'something' or 'someone' that makes us feel positive or negative, but it is our 'acceptance' or 'non-acceptance' of something or someone, that makes us feel positive or negative.

It isn’t the world, but the quality of our response to the world - acceptance or non-acceptance - that determines the quality of our emotions.

Next time you feel disturbed with a negative emotion, instead of asking who or what is disturbing you, examine who or what you are resisting or not accepting that is causing this disturbance. Replace resistance or non-acceptance with acceptance, and the negative emotion will turn into a positive one. Emotional management begins when we stop blaming that 'something' or 'someone' and start taking the responsibility to respond to life with 'acceptance'.

HAPPY DIWALI

HAPPY DIWALI TO ALL OF YOU.  MAY GOD BLESS YOU WITH FULFILLMENT OF ALL YOUR WISHES. MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.

WE SHOULD FOLLOW THIS

I could not resist sharing this story with you all.

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell.
He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and
set about nailing it to a post on the edge of
his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the
post, he felt a tug on his overalls.

He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.

"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your
puppies."

"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat
off the back of his neck, "These puppies come
from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."

The boy dropped his head for moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.

"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"

"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called.

Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran
Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.

The little boy pressed his face against the chain
link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.

Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...

"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.

In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.

Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."

With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.

Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.

"How much?" asked the little boy... "No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."

The world is full of people who need someone who understands.


Show your friends how much you care.

LET US SMILE

This is my 200^th post. So let me make you all smile as I am. I am sharing some light hearted humour with you :

A ship docked at a small port for replenishing rations after almost a year at sea. A sailor with home town just about half an hour away from there, requested Captain for shore leave. Captain agreed due to compassionate grounds but told him to be back next day as they would be sailing in two days. There was no sign of him next day. As the ship was about to sail after two days, he was seen running up the pier towards the ship. When he boarded, Captain asked him for reasons to be late. Here is their conversation after that –

Sailor “ It took two days for my uniform to dry.”

Captain “ But it did not rain.”

Sailor” Sir, when I reached home my wife was in shower.”

Jim walking by river bank found a man propped up against a tree with his fishing rod secured in hallow of tree trunk. He saw that fishing line was taut as fish seemed to have taken the bait. He told that man about it asking him to pull out the fish. That man asked Jim to do it for him. After the fish was pulled out and unhooked, he asked Jim to put a bait and cast the line again. Jim obliged him and continued with his walk. Later while on his way back Jim found the same situation again. And the whole process of pulling out fish and casting fresh bait was repeated. Jim could not hold his curiosity asking that man if he was so lazy why did he not bring his son along with him for fishing. He said that he did not have a son as he was not married. Jim asked him then why did he not get married. That man asked Jim if he had a pregnant woman in mind.    

Dodo got married. His friends asked him about plans for honeymoon. He told of an exotic destination chosen for that. Friends were surprised as that place was known to be very expensive while Dodo was a miser. On their asking Dodo told them that he is saving 50% cost. On being asked how, he told that his wife was going alone and his business partner had volunteered to go along at his expense to look after her safety.

UNFORTUNATELY THIS HAPPENS

About six months I was involved in start up of a project for spreading education and skill development for women in rural area. I was representing NGO I am consultant with. The project was sponsored by a well established corporate as its factory was located in that area. Ten odd surrounding villages were covered under the project. My interaction was with a young lady of that corporate who was responsible for CSR. She is in mid 20s, well educated with professional degree in mass communications. We met a number of times to work out modalities and also visited the site together. The project was launched after a month or so of preparations. Thereafter we met regularly at least 3 to 4 times a month to review progress and also visited site as needed. We developed a nice rapport and she started calling me Uncle. I treat her as family member. She speaks freely with me about anything and asks my advice on various issues. She has visited our home a few times. I have met her parents. We have developed a nice friendship. They are worried about her not consenting for marriage. I asked her a couple of times but she did not give any specific reply. I had even told that if our son was unmarried I would have taken her into our family as his wife.

Last week she asked me to help her. She told me that she had been in love with a boy but he had got married to someone else under parent’s pressure. I am going to narrate what she told me in her words with some moderation of language used by her:

“I met him little over a year ago at a party thrown by my close friend. He was known to her from college. He is 6 footer with athletic build, fair with very pleasing manners. We liked each other and exchanged our phone numbers. We met few times thereafter before he confessed his love for me. I too had strong feelings towards him as he never had behaved in any unwanted manner. As we both had busy working life, we used to meet on weekends but spoke many times daily. On meeting we used to mostly visit restaurants or his club. We started going for movies after a month or so. He used to put his arm over my shoulders or at times hold my hand. I was quite comfortable with this or rather I liked it. It was during a very romantic sexy English movie that he pulled me close to him and kissed me on the cheek. We were in the last row with not too many people around. I felt little shy but was excited also. As I did not resist, he kissed me a few more times before he planted a kiss on my lips. I was scared but the experience was intoxicating. After few kisses I also started responding by kissing back. This carried on throughout the movie. When we came out, I was blushing. He kept his arm around my waist and guided me out of crowd to his car. We went to restaurant and later he dropped me close to my house. When I was alighting from the car he asked for good bye kiss which I responded to. Thereafter we hugged and kissed whenever we found opportunity. He had promised that he would not do anything without my consent. I had full faith in him as he had been a thorough gentleman all the time. I am not a child and have my own feelings & urges. I enjoyed his attention. I fantasized and played with myself at times when alone after our long kissing sessions.

A few weeks later he suggested that we watch our choice movies in his flat by taking CDs. It seemed alright as we had become very attached to each other. We took cold drinks and some snacks while going to his flat. It is one bedroom with drawing dining room flat. I was very impressed to see it neat & tidy which I did not expect as he used to stay alone. Once there we made ourselves comfortable in the bedroom as the TV & CD player was there. We sat side by side on the bed. As the movie progressed we did a lot of kissing. I was very excited and did not stop him when he started fondling my breasts over my shirt. I agreed when he asked if he could remove my shirt and bra for more intimacy. I jokingly told that I would feel shy being the only one topless. He laughed and removed his shirt & vest also. We had almost forgotten the movie. He hugged me close to his chest which tickled me due to his being so hairy. His kissing and caressing my breasts aroused me sent shivers down my spine making me very excited. I just nodded my acceptance when he looked askance while unzipping my jeans. We both were soon naked. He kissed me all over caressing me at my sensitive parts. His manipulations raised my arousal to very high pitch. There was no stopping after that. He parted and bent my legs at knees but while he positioned himself kneeling on top of me, he asked if no objections to make love. I feebly told him to go ahead.

Our having sex became a regular after that. He assured me that it is matter of time before we get married as he was going to speak to his parents on next visit home. It was a real shock when he told me a month ago that his marriage has been fixed by parents to another girl from his home town. He told me that he cannot go against their wishes as that would jeopardize marriage prospectus of his two younger sisters. He has returned last week with his wife. He contacted me to tell that he does not love her but has to stay with her. He professed his total love for me and wants me to continue our relation as earlier. I cannot say no to him as I am deeply in love with him inspite of all this but at the same time I am aware that it is not right for his wife or me also. I have not met him still though my desire is very strong. I am in dilemma and want advice from you.”         

I have advised her to wake up from dreams and face reality. I have told her not to keep any contact with him at all and tell him bluntly not to call her up or make efforts to meet her. I have told her to avail leave for a fortnight or so as well as change her mobile number. If she feels she may even look to change her job. If he makes any threats to her, she should let me know and I will speak to him. She has promised me to follow this but does not wish me to tell anything to her parents. She told me that she will keep in touch with me regularly.

I have shared this as some of you may need this as reminder that everything is not like fairy tales.   

AVENUE FOR CORRUPTION

Is the government serious about curbing corruption? Why this question? I will first narrate a story of Akbar and Birbal before I speak about what prompted my question.

Akbar was told that one of his courtiers was corrupt. He discussed this with Birbal as there was no evidence to prove this. Birbal advised that he speak to the concerned person telling him to stop such practice. Akbar told that instead of that he would put that person on some job where he will have no chance to indulge in this. Birbal told him that no matter what you may do unless a person feels from within not to indulge he will find ways to do so in any position. Akbar challenged Birbal that he would prove him wrong.

Akbar put that corrupt courtier on job of recording waves of river Yamuna touching shores from dawn to dusk. After few days he asked Birbal if that man had found way to make money. Birbal confirmed in affirmative. Akbar did not believe him and told that he would ask that courtier. Birbal told that unless he granted that man royal pardon, he would not tell truth.

On being asked that person denied but after a lot of cajoling and grant of royal pardon, he confessed that he was making money. He told that after a couple of days of this boring job he started telling boatmen who crossed in front of him that they were hindering him in carrying royal orders. So they paid him in cash or in kind to hush up their crossing that place.

My idea to narrate this story was that we need to inculcate in our people that it is incorrect to indulge in corruption. It could be by proper education raising moral awareness or / and harsh punishments to guilty to deter others. 

But the actions of government point to the other way. Just to quote one example as how corruption avenues are being created, limit of 6 LPG cylinders per year on subsidized rates per connection has been laid down with rider that one address will have only one connection. This as it is had loopholes for corruption by dealers who could use dormant users for benefit of those whom they may like to oblige. Now it has been announced that one address can have two connections if there are two kitchens operational at that one address. This will be verified by officials of LPG supplier companies.  Do I need to say any more on this?

ASHAMED

Last few weeks were full of provoking news about spate of rapes mostly in Haryana and also in some other states. That not only made me feel angry but ashamed too as I expected that after first couple of such heinous acts the authorities as well as local elders would have or should have come out with some concrete plan to curb it. It shocked me to read what our respectable leaders including of KHAPs had to say about this. Instead of coming out with ways to curb such deplorable crimes, they showed their lack of sensitivity as well as thinking power.

One said that girls should be married off at young age. Will that make them Rapeproof? Don’t married girls too fall victims? Or did he mean that let boys be married at young age to channelize their energy? Don’t married men also make targets for their lust?

Another one, a lady, said that rapes are due to free inter mingling of boys and girls. May I request her to suggest what is the remedy, segregate both genders at all times.

Yet another one said that most of rapes are consensual as if he had been witness to those.

KHAP leaders blamed Chowmein or fast food for such acts. Does that not show how stupid a person can be?

I know that it is not possible for Police to give protection to everyone but certain steps can be taken to discourage potential rapists. To start with investigation of such complaints should be carried out fast and trials should be time bound including appeals to the highest court.  Once found guilty, punishment should be a deterrent – may be castration and made to do menial jobs in lunatic hospitals for the rest of life.

Awareness for respect of girls should be inculcated from young age and for this role of elders including teachers cannot be overemphasized.  Apart from that girls should be trained to protect themselves should they encounter such beasts. Some basic precautions need to be kept in mind. If a girl has to travel alone at unwarranted hours, then due protection should be looked for. If a couple wants to cozy up, they should ensure that place they choose for such activity is not exposed to unwanted intrusions. 

HAPPINESS AT FAG END OF LIFE, IS IT NOT A RIGHT?

Once again I take up news items which recently have been appearing regularly – Robbing or murder of elderly person/s staying alone, latest being robbing and assaulting of a 79 years old woman in a posh colony of Delhi. She stays alone in ground floor of the building. Her son and married daughter are reported to be staying within NCR. The attack took place at wee hours of morning. She had put up stiff fight as she is quite strong but was beaten up, overpowered and gagged by the robbers. She somehow managed to press the warning alarm bell which brought her caretaker living on uppermost story of the building. She is lucky to have someone as caretaker but how many can speak of that? The question which comes in my mind is why should elderly, even a couple, be staying alone?

Some may not want to leave their familiar environments. My own grandparents, both paternal and maternal, continued living at their own houses as they were not keen to keep moving to different cities with their children who had transferable jobs, though within the state. They were frequently visited at regular intervals by children and grandchildren to ensure not only their safety but happiness also. I used to travel inter-city alone from age of 10 years or so to be with my paternal grandparents frequently. Summer vacations were spent equally with both sets of grandparents. Of course, those days the crime was not so high. But then a time came when their children forced them to shift with them as their health starting causing concern.

As per news items it is seen that lately even those with ailments are reported to be staying alone inspite of their children being well off.  Is it due to desire of having independence or space by their children? Is it not selfishness to neglect the parents at their twilight years, specially when they are non-interfering and are more of a support, particularly in taking care of grandchildren when both parents are working? Don’t the elderly deserve happiness with their grandchildren in the fag end of their life? Are we becoming so insensitive to relations?

I think that we need to do introspection on this issue.

UNWANTED WASTAGE OF LIFE

Today I read, tucked away on an inside page of newspaper that a young married woman of 30 committed suicide. The reason was that her husband had stopped loving her after seeing photographs because of which her ex-boyfriend was blackmailing her.

I was quite disturbed as she was daughter in law of a retired officer of our elite service. This surely would mean that her husband must be well educated as well as well placed. Does that not mean that they should have been broadminded and in keeping with changing times? I strongly feel that they should have supported her and taken that unscrupulous man to task. He not only played with her emotions when she was young but also was a villain trying to ruin her married life.

Everyone of us has something from our past which we do not want to be publicly known but as long as it is PAST, it should be let remain so. Young persons do get carried away by false sense of security in love emotions but should that be held against only girls and not boys?  I think if a family understands and gives loving support to girl to overcome that mistake, she would be a truly dependable member of family for all times to come. Of course, there can be some girls who will not understand this gesture and take advantage of such affection as sign of weakness. 

UPBRINGING ?

Yesterday I went to see an old friend of mine. As I was going alone I decided to go by Metro instead of using car. There was not much of rush and I got a comfortable place to sit. Some more persons got in at the next station. Two young girls, may be around mid 20s, occupied seats next to me. One of them appeared to be newly married as evident from tell tale signs. Other seemed to be her close friend. They were talking all things under the sun and I could not help but hear snatches of conversation while watching  activities and expressions of  other passengers. I was startled to hear the newly married one saying “ ISNE TO 26 SAAL MAAN KI DUM SE BANDHE KATE HAIN TO AB MUJHE KUCHCHH TIME TO LAGEGAA USE  MAAN SE DOOR KARNE MEIN AUR ALAG RAHNE KE LIYE.” ( He has been tied to mother’s tail for 26 years, now I will take some time to distance him from her and live separately.) She further added that her father is supporting her in this.

This set me wondering is this what is being taught to daughters now, to break up families they go into? What kind of upbringing is this? How will her father feel if their son is made to separate out by his wife? I know there are many situations for taking such a step but is thinking of cutting family ties like she said right?

DREAMS

It is a must that we all should have dreams to achieve something in life. Some dreams can be fulfilled and some remain dreams only due to various factors.  Dreams do change also as a person grows up. As a child one has very simple aspirations which we may say dreams as a teenager these take on some new found thoughts while as adult these start relating to career and being settled in life. When one reaches final lap of life the thinking alters to putting experience to use of others.

I am no exception and have gone through this process. I have achieved most of my goals and now when I wait for my final call I long for making some of my dreams into reality. Few of those are dependant of others, like world living in peace and harmony, but I try to make my contribution to make those whom I know to bury differences and live happily in peace.

Two of my dreams which I hope I can fulfill before I go to meet my creator are

Self sustained schools to educate children of economically weaker families, without any caste or religion considerations, as I strongly feel that education is the foremost need to bridge gap between haves and have-nots. The students will be charged some fee as no one takes freebees seriously but that will be compensated in other ways. I have plans ready but need support from some organizations who are willing to invest for their name and avail income tax benefits apart from fulfilling their duty toward Corporate Social Responsibilities. I have knocked at doors of some but unfortunately those entrusted with such duties have their own priorities.

Second is to put a stop to eve teasing. This is not impossible, though difficult. My plan is to make use of our population of third gender as enforcement force. This will also help in taking care of their basic needs, leading to their not being nuisance at traffic lights. Apart from that to inculcate habit of respect towards girls from childhood itself by awareness campaigns in public as well as schools. Of course, again I need support for sustaining this from organizations as well as Government.  

I sincerely hope that something happens as I may not have unlimited time at my hands. 

A CHILD SPEAKS

Hi, I am Vanshika. I am going to be 5 years old soon. Why am I here? Well, I want to ask you why do grown up people fight and make life of children bad. I did not understand earlier as to what is fight but now as I have grown up I can understand.

My Papa and Mummy fight a lot. She says something which makes Papa angry and then fight starts. I feel like crying but my Dadi takes me to her room. I love my Dadi and Dadu as they always help me. They do not say anything when Papa and Mummy are fighting but if it goes on for long then they ask them to stop. My Dadi plays with me like a friend. Dadu puts on computer games whenever I want to play those. Dadi makes me do homework and tells me if I go wrong. I like living with them. I have many friends in our area and in the evening Dadu takes me to park to play with them.

Many times Mummy after fight takes me to Nanu’s house. She takes clothes and my school bag also. We stay there for many days. I go to school from there. Nanu and Nani also love me but it is not as in Dadi’s house. Nanu does not let me play as I want to or touch computer. Maid takes me to park in the evening. Many children come but I miss my friends. I always want to go back to my own house. Why can Papa and Mummy not understand that I become so unhappy at such fights and living away from my own home? Am I not right in asking for my happiness? Are they not supposed to see that I am happy? Why do they not talk peacefully?

Can any of you tell me that?

TALE OF TWO FATHERS

First is about a father who’s professionally qualified daughter died unnatural death few months after her marriage. She was in her early 20s or so. He is my wife’s cousin. He was in knickers when we got married almost 41 years ago. Though we did not have very close contact but met once or twice a year. I had attended his marriage as well as of his daughter. She is supposed to have committed suicide as claimed by her in-laws. It was after her death that we learnt that she was harassed by her husband and his mother. They had even lied about his business etc. She had told her parents about it and had even shown bruises she suffered but her father told her to adjust and settle down.  They did not share this sad situation with anyone. It was only after she was no more that they lodged complaint with police. I have shared this here almost a year ago stating that had he spoken about it when  she was alive, a young life could have been saved. This is one extreme of behavior for the sake of family honour in the eyes of society.

The second father is a self confessed strict person in who’s presence no one can utter anything which he disapproves. His daughter had once told that he used to slap her till she was 14 or 15 years old. While in college she got into relationship with a boy without her father’s knowledge. When she started working she told her father about it and expressed desire to marry that boy. He not only refused but also gave her scolding so harshly that she did not have courage to speak about it again. Then he got her married off  few months later. Her would be in-laws told her before marriage that they were not looking for a daughter in law but member of family as they would all be living together. They also told her that she had full right to refuse if she did not like their son or did not wish to live together. She had told them that she was willing without any problems. Even the boy she was married to told her a number of times whenever they met before marriage that he being the only son, as his sister was married and living with her family, he would like his parents to stay with him. She had accepted this without any arguments. But after marriage she had a lot of differences with him on small issues and her father used to be with her whenever she called him. She left for her parents’ house a number of times after quarreling with her husband on some small issue and her father not only let her be there but also never made efforts to contact her husband or his parents about what the issue was. Her in- laws had offered to live separately but her husband would not hear of that and even she outwardly told them that she had no problems with them but with husband only. They were blessed with child after almost 2 years of marriage. Her moving to her parents’ house frequently and staying with them for long periods is spoiling not only their married life but causing a lot of unhappiness for her in-laws as well as her child. It seems that main issue is that she wants her husband to follow whatever her father says which he does not as he feels that to be interference in their personal life which his own parents never do. Now this is the other extreme behavior of a father.

This makes me wonder why can parents not look for their daughters to settle down safely and happily after marriage instead of worrying about false prestige in the eyes of society or to satisfy their own jumbo ego. When our daughter was married, I had told her that though we would be there for her but she has to make her place in her new family with love and respect. I am proud that she has not let us down, though they had their own share of fights and all which they resolved at their own.  

SO TRUE!

A friend forwarded this and I could not resist sharing it with you all. 

The cost of Oxygen!!  Very interesting!!

In one day a human being breaths oxygen equivalent to 3 cylinders.

 Each oxygen cylinder costs Rs 700.00, without subsidy.

So in one day one uses Oxygen worth Rs 2,100.00 and for full year it is

Rs 7,66,500.00. And if consider average life span of 65 years; the cost of Oxygen we use becomes staggering amount of Rs 500,00,000. 00 or Rs 50 millions. All this OXYGEN is derived free of cost from surrounding trees.

Very few people look at a tree as a RESOURCE and there is rampant tree cutting going on everywhere which must stop.

Do give it a thought, please.

SOME QUOTES YOU MAY LIKE

I read these quotes recently and felt that I must share these with you all :

An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.'

Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.

Delegate tasks to capable others.

Simplify and unclutter your life.

Take one day at a time.

Separate worries from concerns . If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.

 K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble. 

Do something for the Kid in You everyday.

 Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you GOD .'

Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).

Sit on your ego.

Talk less; listen more.

Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.

 The Beauty of Life does not depend on how happy you are.
But how happy others can be...Because of You...
Today, we are together. Tomorrow, we may depart,
But the memories of our friendship will always be in our heart 

INDEPENDENCE ?

Before I go any further may I wish all of you Happy Independence Day.

Today we have completed 65 years of gaining independence after having been ruled for so many centuries by outsiders. Like on every Independence Day a lot of celebrations have been done and a lot of show of patriotism claimed. Most of us, including me as I was just 2 years old at that time, are not in a position to understand the actual importance of this transition except what we gather from history books. Unfortunately even history books make a passing reference to atrocities carried out by those rulers as our present set of elected rulers are more worried about vote banks than what is good for our country. We all know how Babar could establish his dynastic rule and how East India Company pushed out the then rulers to take over.

It was all basically because of disunity or not being ONE with each other. It seems that we have not learnt this lesson as evident from what our respected leaders say and do. I know we elected the ones who rule us but is it not a fact that except a handful of voters who judge candidate by merit, rest majority is swayed by caste, religion, region and many a times by pressure of unlawful activity by goons of some candidates? Is it not time to become aware of such actions of ours and be sensible while electing our representatives? Should the ones who have ability to raise awareness about power of vote speak to those who are not so literate to understand this while casting vote?

                                            OR

Should we let the history repeat itself and be ruled by OUTSIDERS after  our country is split into fragments by outside influence?

GRANDPARENTS OF BROKEN HOMES

Whenever a couple has disagreements and separate, temporarily or permanently, all of us think of their children. We all speak about children of broken homes. Has anyone ever given a thought about grandparents of such children? I know in many cases it is parents of either husband or wife who may be responsible for such split but there are surely some instances where it is just the EGO of the couple which plays spoilsport while parents are keen that they resolve whatever issue be by logical two way communication. Has anyone ever thought what they must be going through at fag end of their life? How much they must be missing grandchildren? I know many of you may suggest that they may indulge in some activity to occupy their mind. Some may suggest prayers and keeping busy in some religious activity or the other. But should one not have faith in God all the times? Some may feel that they could do some social service which one should do in any case and not just in such circumstances. There are some who may suggest that they may take up reading / writing, be TV addict or even socialize. Travel is yet another option, to religious places or otherwise. But has anyone ever thought that at the end of it all they have to get back to empty home some time or the other and miss the naughty pranks of grandchildren? Isn’t it tough life at final years of age? Many of them may be requesting God to recall them to end their misery. Hope and pray that no one faces such situation. 

PEPPED UP

I am thankful to all of you for wishing me to come out of the state I was in. Well, it is still there but in a way it proved to be a blessing in disguise for me. I had been delaying my medical checkup for little too long. The tension made me feel a bit out of form so I have undergone total medical checkup. This included ECG, ECHO, TMT, BP monitoring, Urine test and all kinds of Blood tests. All that specialist told me is I am fine and it is only some tension which is making me feel low. Physical fitness is first requirement to meet all challenges. So now I will strive for mental or emotional happiness by concentrating on cause of tension to remove that forever. Please pray for me.

TESTS BY LIFE

Life has own way of shaking one up from complacency and at times it makes one feel enough is enough to give up. I am going through a little rough patch and read some sayings which pepped me up. Here are some of those :  

Never hold your head high with  ego. 
Even the winner of a gold medal gets his medal only when he bows his head down 

Do not  try to maintain relations in your life 
Just try to maintain life in your relations 

 We are very good Lawyers for our mistakes 
Very good Judge for other's mistakes 

World always say - Find good people and leave bad ones. 
But I say, Find the good in people and ignore the bad in them 
Because No one is born perfect 

Negative Thinkers focus on Problems 

Positive thinkers focus on Solutions 

WHY DO WE COMPLICATE LIFE?

At times I used to meet a gentleman of about my age when I played escort to our granddaughter for her visits to play in our park. He used to be with his grandson of little elder to our granddaughter. While keeping eye on our wards we used to get chatting. We also meet otherwise at times in the complex while on way to market or some such time. He is also retired like me. We do get along well. His wife is quite friendly with my wife. They have two children like us. Younger is daughter who is married and settled abroad with her husband plus two children. They stay with son, dil and their son whom he comes with to the park. Last 10 days or so I saw him alone in the evening in the park. He talks to and enjoys company of small children. On my asking as to where was his grandson, he told me that their dil and grandson had gone to her parents place for a few days. He added that as he misses him, he comes down in the evenings to enjoy company of children. It was yesterday that I noticed his eyes being moist when our granddaughter asked him as to when his grandson was coming back. On my prodding him, he narrated whole thing. I am giving it in his words.

We had given full liberty to our son to choose his life partner but he left it to us with condition that first our daughter should be married off. Two years after her marriage he was also married to girl we found but he met and accepted. We had told the girl that we would like her as a family member.  We told her parents also the same and that we have no demands at all. Everything was fine for few months after marriage except usual little disagreements between them.

One day when I came back from office I learnt that after little argument with our son she had packed her bags and left for her parent’s house. On my asking our son told that she was insisting that they should stay independently and he reminded her that she had agreed to his saying that we all will be staying together. Her father at times had made veiled suggestions that they be allowed to stay separately. I told our son that if that makes his life peaceful, they might as well stay independently. He refused.

 After a few days one evening he came home very agitated. While I asked him the reason, he told that he had just learnt that she had an affair with someone for 4 years before marriage and was still keeping in touch with him. I asked him not to believe such rumours but he told that on asking she had confirmed that saying that her father did not want her to marry that boy. I asked him to cool off. Next day I visited her parent’s place and met her. Her parents were at work. I had a frank talk with her. I told her that if she was not happy with our son or us, she is welcome to settle down with whomsoever she wishes to. She also was frank to tell me that though she has had a boyfriend but was not at all keen to break up marriage. I ever offered that they may stay independently. She said no to that. She returned home after two days or so.

It was quite peaceful after that except that she wanted to be in control of everything. We for the sake of peace played along. They were blessed with son a year later. Now she has again suddenly gone off to her parents place with her son saying that our son has very casual attitude and she does not have sense of basic security for self as well as her son. Our son had spoken to her after that and told her that he would make efforts to be more dependable in every way but she refused to return. Our son does not wish us to speak to her or her parents as he feels that she will become more dominant if we do that. She is still there and our son had told her to come back whenever she wishes to. He does not want to keep asking her to return.

This has set me thinking that how ego, urge to dominate and disinterested attitude of parents can make life of so many persons including the young boy unhappy.