Tuesday, October 30, 2012

UNFORTUNATELY THIS HAPPENS


About six months I was involved in start up of a project for spreading education and skill development for women in rural area. I was representing NGO I am consultant with. The project was sponsored by a well established corporate as its factory was located in that area. Ten odd surrounding villages were covered under the project. My interaction was with a young lady of that corporate who was responsible for CSR. She is in mid 20s, well educated with professional degree in mass communications. We met a number of times to work out modalities and also visited the site together. The project was launched after a month or so of preparations. Thereafter we met regularly at least 3 to 4 times a month to review progress and also visited site as needed. We developed a nice rapport and she started calling me Uncle. I treat her as family member. She speaks freely with me about anything and asks my advice on various issues. She has visited our home a few times. I have met her parents. We have developed a nice friendship. They are worried about her not consenting for marriage. I asked her a couple of times but she did not give any specific reply. I had even told that if our son was unmarried I would have taken her into our family as his wife.

Last week she asked me to help her. She told me that she had been in love with a boy but he had got married to someone else under parent’s pressure. I am going to narrate what she told me in her words with some moderation of language used by her:

I met him little over a year ago at a party thrown by my close friend. He was known to her from college. He is 6 footer with athletic build, fair with very pleasing manners. We liked each other and exchanged our phone numbers. We met few times thereafter before he confessed his love for me. I too had strong feelings towards him as he never had behaved in any unwanted manner. As we both had busy working life, we used to meet on weekends but spoke many times daily. On meeting we used to mostly visit restaurants or his club. We started going for movies after a month or so. He used to put his arm over my shoulders or at times hold my hand. I was quite comfortable with this or rather I liked it. It was during a very romantic sexy English movie that he pulled me close to him and kissed me on the cheek. We were in the last row with not too many people around. I felt little shy but was excited also. As I did not resist, he kissed me a few more times before he planted a kiss on my lips. I was scared but the experience was intoxicating. After few kisses I also started responding by kissing back. This carried on throughout the movie. When we came out, I was blushing. He kept his arm around my waist and guided me out of crowd to his car. We went to restaurant and later he dropped me close to my house. When I was alighting from the car he asked for good bye kiss which I responded to. Thereafter we hugged and kissed whenever we found opportunity. He had promised that he would not do anything without my consent. I had full faith in him as he had been a thorough gentleman all the time. I am not a child and have my own feelings & urges. I enjoyed his attention. I fantasized and played with myself at times when alone after our long kissing sessions.

A few weeks later he suggested that we watch our choice movies in his flat by taking CDs. It seemed alright as we had become very attached to each other. We took cold drinks and some snacks while going to his flat. It is one bedroom with drawing dining room flat. I was very impressed to see it neat & tidy which I did not expect as he used to stay alone. Once there we made ourselves comfortable in the bedroom as the TV & CD player was there. We sat side by side on the bed. As the movie progressed we did a lot of kissing. I was very excited and did not stop him when he started fondling my breasts over my shirt. I agreed when he asked if he could remove my shirt and bra for more intimacy. I jokingly told that I would feel shy being the only one topless. He laughed and removed his shirt & vest also. We had almost forgotten the movie. He hugged me close to his chest which tickled me due to his being so hairy. His kissing and caressing my breasts aroused me sent shivers down my spine making me very excited. I just nodded my acceptance when he looked askance while unzipping my jeans. We both were soon naked. He kissed me all over caressing me at my sensitive parts. His manipulations raised my arousal to very high pitch. There was no stopping after that. He parted and bent my legs at knees but while he positioned himself kneeling on top of me, he asked if no objections to make love. I feebly told him to go ahead.

Our having sex became a regular after that. He assured me that it is matter of time before we get married as he was going to speak to his parents on next visit home. It was a real shock when he told me a month ago that his marriage has been fixed by parents to another girl from his home town. He told me that he cannot go against their wishes as that would jeopardize marriage prospectus of his two younger sisters. He has returned last week with his wife. He contacted me to tell that he does not love her but has to stay with her. He professed his total love for me and wants me to continue our relation as earlier. I cannot say no to him as I am deeply in love with him inspite of all this but at the same time I am aware that it is not right for his wife or me also. I have not met him still though my desire is very strong. I am in dilemma and want advice from you.”         

I have advised her to wake up from dreams and face reality. I have told her not to keep any contact with him at all and tell him bluntly not to call her up or make efforts to meet her. I have told her to avail leave for a fortnight or so as well as change her mobile number. If she feels she may even look to change her job. If he makes any threats to her, she should let me know and I will speak to him. She has promised me to follow this but does not wish me to tell anything to her parents. She told me that she will keep in touch with me regularly.

I have shared this as some of you may need this as reminder that everything is not like fairy tales.   

16 comments:

ambika singh said...

I hope that she listens to your advise and move on with her life and also learn a lesson.

sulagna ™ said...

ohhh that poor girl..i feel so sorry for her but yes life haslet her off with a gentle warning uncle Jack, the boy could have misused her , gotten her pregnant..maybe the boy is genuinely in love with her but did so under family pressure, but had he been a man of character he would have never spoken to this girl after marriage, having made an apology.
i am sure this girl will get stronger and move on..

Bhagyashree said...

OMG But it happens.
Let her be more careful from now on. Maybe he really loved her, maybe not but it is time she moved on. Find some understanding partner and...move on
www.bbsearchingself.wordpress.com

Punam said...

Dear Uncle Jack, I am actually shocked at the contents of this post. I do hope she knows that you have put this on a public platform and has consented to it, in spite of the post being anonymous.

Most important thing is, she has to realise that she has been used. Period. I don't think there is any mid-way. I don't think that man's intentions were good, because if they were, he would have at least tried to speak to his parents about her. He has only used her. And still wants to use her, even after getting married. What does that say about his values and principles? Not only has he cheated her, but has no qualms whatsoever cheating his wife either.
Everything is a red light - an alert. She has to move on, maybe change cities/jobs .. so that she can find new friends and carry on with her life..
If her parents are forcing her to get married, I am still not really happy about her marrying a stranger/some unknown person her parents bring into her life, he might turn out to be a bigger brute.
Please advise her to let hope be, and that she will find someone deserving in life.

Brijesh said...

So did listen to your advise? I guess this calls for a follow up post.

veera veera said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jack said...

AMBIKA :

Welcome to my space. So far she is maintaining her promise. Hope that she can remain strong and move on. Please do let me have your url so I can visit you. Take care


SULAGNA :

He may have loved her genuinely but then should he not have stood up for her when marriage time came? Or he should have though about his parents wishes before he went ahead with making love to her. It is highly unethical of him to ask her to continue with physical relations once he is married. Take care


BHAGYASHREE :

So far she is keeping her promise. I will support her till she is married to someone who genuinely loves her. Take care

Jack said...

PUNAM :

Reality bites. This is third time that I have had to be there for a girl who has been duped like this. Luckily the first two had been able to gather themselves and move on. I hope she too does the same. She is the one who asked me to share this as warning to others. Take care


BRIJESH :

Welcome to my space. So far she is maintaining her promise. I hope she moves on. She is a strong girl. Take care


VEERA VEERA :

Welcome to my space. I agree with you that such guys have easy way with girls while those who genuinely love are ignored. Why did you remove your views? Please do let me have your url so I can visit you. Take care

veera veera said...

going to movies, going to his house,outings, etc, is she that much Innocent??? is she not even aware of what his intentions are & what will happen if they both together in such a environment??? he achieved what he wants with plain emotional manipulation. He wants her body not her love.A guy who truely loves never commit these type of things before marriage. pity for the guy who is going to enter into her life this time.

majority of the ladies are always like that only,. they always believe guys of this type only who do dirty things by talking sweet & creating opportunities like this in the name of love., After marrying another girl also still he wants to use her... that girl still only wants to forget everything but No revenge,.

But they never trust a good guys who truely and whole-heartedly loves a girl over so many years and wish to marry her,at that time she takes so many extra ordinary precautions hiding everything from that guy with respect to her activities in every walk of life to her online activites,but manipulating and emotionally hurting, ignoring, avoiding,etc,.when that boy who deeply in love feels void with out her, out of love in frustration,angry or jealousy commits mistake of hurt & begged for pardon later to her,but they still opt for revenge and spill the venom like anything and hurts that guy to the maximum level possible without thinking of the consequences that he may face later and makes life hell,totally make him fool and insults him to the maximum extent.,

Punam said...

Dear Uncle Jack, please do not allow trolls on your blog!!

Gayu said...

I am not shocked, as i know many such girls, who carry on their relationship with married guys.

The guy will never get affected by this, but by doing this he is playing with the life of two girls.

Here I want to ask one thing
What is the guy's wife has an affair with her EX-boyfriend????

Will this be accepatable for the guy. Just let the girl to ask this to him.

I am sure, hew will never accept, for that matter any guy would not want his wife to go to another man, then how come they are so shameless to cheat on their wives.

Amrita Tanmay said...

सही कहा आपने कि पारी-कथा सी जिंदगी नहीं होती है इसलिए कुछ आगे-पीछे भी सोच कर चलना चाहिए..

Bhavana said...

First, her confession to you is very very detailed. That in itself is strange for me.
Second, we put too much of halo around sex--about who and when one can have it, and if someone made love that it means a promise of marriage. The problem is women need to be educated about sex, decide what is they want, and go accordingly. Obviously the girl was unaware.
Third, yes, she needs to move on from that guy. One who would not stand up to his parents will never ever stand up for her. She will be hurt again and again.

Jack said...

BHAVANA :

I have seen that when one speaks of anything which he or she feels is unacceptable by society, he or she will speak at length to project that what happened was due to being lead into it. Sex is a natural urge and we make a lot of secrecy about it. Children need to be told about this as per their age. If one, boy or girl, indulges in it after due application of mind, there is nothing wrong. Why should society not point a finger at boys who have sex but blame the girls? This does not advocate promiscuity but do what own conscience permits. Of course, after marriage one, boy or girl, need to be loyal to the partner. She has kept her promise and hopefully will be strong to overcome this. Take care

Meera Sundararajan said...

This is unfortunately the story of many a "love story' of these days. I hope she recovers from this and carries on with her life.

Jack said...

Meera,

Sorry for late reply. It is only today that I visited this post and saw your views. You are right that it is not an isolated case. So far she is keeping her word and I think she will come out of this soon.

Take care