Saturday, December 31, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
In the beginning of my previous post I had said that we all need space to do something or the other and also that we do not want anyone to hear our personal conversation. Further I had written about what I had observed without making any judgement and asked for opinion from you all. Surprisingly some of you felt that I had thought of her adversely. Most of you rightly deduced that she may be talking to her mother. I do not know her except that they stay in the block next to our and have seen her father in law at times with his grandson when I go with our granddaughter to the park. We are just on hello hello terms.
Now coming to the rest of the post :
One of their neighbors is also a dog lover and has a dog. We often meet while walking our dogs. That is how we got talking in general. He had been with me a few times when I observed what I stated. I did not say anything on this. A few days ago he told me about her.
She has been married for a little over 5 years. Though it was an arranged marriage, they had met a few times to get to know each other. Soon after marriage she started insisting that they should stay separately. Even her mother told her in laws that they should live independently. Her father in law had told that it was upto their son to do what he wished and neither he would interfere nor he would like anyone to do so. Her husband being the only son wanted parents to stay with them and he had made it clear to her before marriage which she had agreed to. Her father in law is retired government officer who contributes to family expenses from his pension. She still kept pestering him to separate out and at times there were ugly spats between the couple which the neighbors were witness to. Her in laws are non-interfering and have told their son to live separately if that brings peace in his life. He is not keen as he had told that if they did so there will be immense interference from her mother who is extremely overbearing. This young lady is still not reconciled and keeps on with her demand off & on. Her young son is taken care of by her in laws but as soon as she comes back from office she takes him to her room shutting the door inspite of young boy saying that he wants to be with granny. This he said that he had seen few times when he was in their house at that time. Her mother seldom visits as she understands that due to her interference she is not welcome warmly. It is well known that she still keeps on instigating her daughter to keep up with her demand and wants her to keep updating her on each and every thing happening in the house. This young lady seems to be controlled to a large extent by her mother.
I strongly feel that after marriage one should not interfere in daughter’s affairs unless it is deemed necessary due to domestic violence, mental or physical for which recourses are available. Let the couple settle down and accept that there will be some differences in any couple, specially newly married. All the more reason to severe umbilical cord if her in laws treat her with due respect and love. And one should use freedom or space judiciously and not for creating disharmony.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
It is an open secret that we all need space to do something or the other. We do not like anyone to overhear personal conversation, specially some official matter or when in relationship. With advent of mobile telephony it has become quite easy to do so. Now what made me say all this –
When I take our dog out after her morning meal I see a young lady of mid 20s escorting her about 4 years old son to school bus stop on working days. On most of the days while coming back she is on her mobile. She stays in block next to ours. She keeps pacing infront of the block and talking for some time before moving in. If she sites her husband or either of her in laws, she hurriedly discontinues talking. I know she is working lady but I wonder who she could be talking to at that early hour in the morning.
I invite your opinions on this.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Yesterday our d i l had organized a party for children to celebrate birthday of our granddaughter who turned 4. Our daughter and her husband made little ones play games. The children seemed to be enjoying dancing away to music. I was taking photographs and keeping an eye if any child seemed aloof. After children left, the party continued as we had some guests and their children. It was quite a fun. Today morning I asked our granddaughter as to how was the party. Her response was short, “ Good “ and she continued with what she was doing – playing with dolls she had got. I realized that instead of reminiscing about past she has just moved on to present.
This brought to my mind what I have seen many a times in the small park in the society where children gather to play in the evenings. There are some discords or the other between some of them, with young boys even coming to fisticuffs, but within a short span of time I have seen them again on buddy buddy terms and playing. They move on and get over whatever it might have been.
This set me thinking why can we grownups not learn to move on like that and get over past to live happily in present. We too in our childhood must have moved on from all such petty things but at what age did we start keeping grudges? We must learn to be child again to forgive and forget.
Monday, December 12, 2011
My wife had been telling me for quite some time that she would like to visit our family jewelers in Karol Bagh for updating few items. I had been culprit of dilly dallying but yesterday I agreed on one condition that we would go by Metro. She agreed and I was very happy because it takes just 40 minutes by Metro while by car it takes more than an hour due to traffic as well as hassles of finding proper parking place. So off we went around 11:45 am.
We boarded the Metro and found that though it was not crowded like buses but there were no vacant seats. So we stood holding onto support rails. As the train moved a lady in mid 20s or so who was occupying a ladies seat got up and offered her place to my wife. She insisted that my wife sit while she would stand. I was quite surprised at her gesture. Within a minute or so a young boy of about 18 or 20 got up offering his place to me. I asked that lady to sit but she declined asking me to sit. I saw an elderly lady of my age or so standing a little ahead, so I asked her to take that place. She showed gratitude and sat down. And lo behold! Another young man of early 20s got up to make me sit at his place. While sitting I saw two young girls of 18 or so occupying two seats meant for “ Elderly or Handicapped Persons” and chit chatting away without any botheration for co-passengers who could be rightful persons to sit there.
After we finished our work we again boarded Metro for return journey. This time the train was very crowded. There was a man sitting along with a lady in place meant for two ladies and he made place by pushing towards other side asking my wife to sit. Again within a minute a young person of mid 20s got up offering me to take his place.
These two incidents made me feel that there is still silver lining and there still are some good Samaritans who care for elderly. This specially after my experience at that Bank branch which I wrote about in previous post.
May the breed of such persons prosper as each one of us will reach old age.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
I normally go to do chores relating to Bank or payment of bills to MTNL / BSES post lunch as it is generally less crowded. Most of these have arrangements to give priority to senior citizens. Boards are displayed prominently to say that. It is really a blessing as this allows one to avoid exertion at advancing age.
Yesterday I had to visit local branch of major government bank to deposit cash into someone’s account before noon. I had visited that branch a few times earlier to put my cheque in drop box provided for credit card payment. As expected there were a number of persons but almost all were seated in the chairs lined up along the walls. I did not see any long queues. I was impressed by this orderly way. After I filled up the required pay in slip I looked around for the counter to do the needful. I could not see any such caged cashier window. On my asking the watchman told me to take a token from the vending machine and see the directions given on the electronic board for which SINGLE WINDOW to go to. It seemed all fine. I took the token and saw that my number had another 40 + persons ahead of me. As all the seats were occupied, I stood in a place so as not to obstruct anyone. It was after a wait of almost 50 minutes that I was directed to window number X. The paying in took just about 2 minutes. While standing all this while I read a lot of boards informing customers about various services offered by the said Bank. One of the boards displayed prominently said “ We give preference to Senior Citizens”. After I had finished my work, I could not resist meeting the Branch Manager to request him to remove the said board as I felt this was a mockery or make some provision to honour it.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Let me first of all clarify some points as I was disturbed after going through some of the comments in the previous post :
a. I am sure that you will agree with me that reel life is often inspired by incidents of real life.
b. My aim of sharing this is not to sensationalize it but to understand what went wrong and why. And what lessons can be drawn.
c. My friend and I have a lot of common beliefs, one of those is - anyone can condemn a wrong doer but our true worth is in redeeming that person. My friend being the emotionally affected person withdrew into himself leaving me to do what I felt was correct action.
Keeping the above in view I am now narrating rest of what happened that day and subsequently. This is going to be a long post but I did not want to break it up adding to my agony as I treat her as family member.
We moved to Coffee Bar which was quite deserted at that time. I guided them to sit at far end in an alcove. My friend looked drained out and weak. She was crying silently. Once we were settled and waiter had taken our order, I looked at my friend nodding to convey that I will do my best. He conveyed his agreement by nod. I asked her as to tell what was going on. She just looked down and continued crying. She murmured repeatedly with downcast eyes “ Sorry. Please forgive me.” After our order was served, I had to coax her to have coffee. As we sat in silence all through while having coffee, it became apparent that she was not likely to speak in his presence. He understood that and told me that he would go back to seminar lest someone comes looking for him. He thus left us alone.
It took all my persuasive powers to convince her that we wanted to protect her and that was possible only if she shared what happened. She said that she did not do it willingly but it was out of compulsions. She asked me to help her in saving her marriage. Once I convinced her that aim was that she started talking. A little cajoling was needed in between to make her continue whenever she hesitated due to feeling shy to reveal details. She poured her heart out. I am putting what she said in a narrative form in first person on her behalf with little moderation of language :
“ We are two siblings, brother is younger by little over 2 years. I have been good looking right from childhood. My father had been very strict with me for everything but not so much with my brother. My mother did not support me as she felt scared of him. As I grew up I felt this discrimination more even in small things like enjoying chocolates or cold drinks or going out to stay overnight with friends. I felt starved for affection. This made me look for attention and affection from others. I also craved for such denied pleasures and looked for way to have these outside his watchful eyes.
I was about 10 years old when an uncle shifted to a house closeby. He visited us with his wife and children who were much older to me. He used to offer me chocolates or toffees at times when he found me playing with friends. One day he asked me to come inside his house offering a cold drink. Once inside he made me sit in his lap while he held a Coca Cola in his hand. Though I was not keen but attraction of cold drink made me do his bidding. While I was sipping cold drink, he kept moving his hands all over me telling how sweet I was. I knew it was not alright and my father will beat me if he comes to know but having that drink made me forget all that. After that he off and on took me inside the house on pretext of offering something or the other and every time he fondled my budding breasts or touched my privates mostly over clothes. I did not like it as it felt wrong but temptation of having something denied by my father outweighed it. And frankly at times I liked his attention and touch. This lead to my thinking that there is no harm if I can get what I want by letting a person do little touching me or so. However they moved off from that house in another 2 or 3 months.
I was in an all girls school in our locality and as such did not have any contact with boys except those related to my class mates or friends. I did not dare to speak to any of those when alone due to fear of my father. As I moved to college which was co-ed and in another locality at good distance from our house I came in contact with boys. It felt strange but pleasant. After a couple of months I became very friendly with one boy. He paid a lot of attention to me. We talked to each other very freely. He used to treat me at good eating places in close vicinity to our college and at times we went to see movies, mainly English, during our free time. In the dark movie hall he used to either hold my hand or put his arm across my shoulders. He was from another town. He and his two friends stayed in two room accommodation close to college. At times we used to take my favourite dishes and eat at his place with his friends or alone. He also used to take chilled beer sometimes but I used to take just a few sips from his glass. Again it was attraction of doing something my father prohibited which made it exciting. I accepted his hugging or kissing as part of our relationship. Gradually we developed more intimacy. Once when we were alone and I was feeling highly aroused by his intense kissing plus heavy petting, he positioned himself on top of me. Before I could realize he had started making love. Initially I made efforts in vain to push him off but soon gave it up as I started liking the sensation. I cried after that but he consoled me saying that he felt I wanted it as the way I was pressing myself against him and it was culmination of our love. He further added that he would marry me at appropriate time. I felt a sense of exhilaration as if I had won a point against my overbearing father. Thereafter thinking that now it was done, there was no harm in doing it again, I continued this with him whenever we could till we finished college. After that he went back to his town promising me to remain in touch but never called up or wrote.
I completed MBA and wanted to work. My father let me on one condition that I hand over my salary to him and he would give me money for my needs. I had no option but it was painful to get money from him as he negated my reasons mostly. I used to get limited pocket money within which I had to pay our canteen bills. I thus at time had refused to attend office parties as I could ill afford to pay my share. My boss was quite young, a couple of years older than me and a bachelor. He mostly conveyed his appreciation for my hard work. This motivated me to work harder as well have soft corner for him. I never refused any additional task given by him. He used to offer me tea or coffee whenever we worked together on any project. It seems he had judged me correctly. At times we used to go out for meeting clients and on such occasions he used to treat me to lunch etc. He used to crack double meaning jokes and touch my hand or put arm across while we were alone in restaurant or office. He sort of pampered me. It was about six months after I started working that we had to meet an important client in nearby town. We were to go in the morning and return by evening. On reaching there after a couple of hours drive we learnt that he had to go out of town suddenly due to his father falling sick. My boss suggested that we start back after lunch which I agreed to. We went to a small resort just outside the town on our way back. He asked me to wait in the car while he went to reception. On return he drove the car to a hut type cottage telling that he had ordered food which would be served there. The single room cottage was not very big but spacious enough to accommodate a double bed, a small dressing table and couple of chairs with a centre table. There was TV and attached washroom. We were both in formals, he was in suit while I was in trousers with tucked in shirt and sleeveless jacket. The food was served and there were a few bottles of beer also. On his insistence I accepted a glass of beer. He put on some music channel playing romantic melodies. He took off his coat and tie saying it seemed too formal and laughingly assisted me to remove my jacket. He kept refilling my glass. After some beer I felt gay abandonment, giggling on his non-veg jokes. We continued having beer for some more time then he suddenly came over to me, pulling me to my feet and kissed me saying he could not resist as I looked so ravishing. This made me feel happily proud. He guided me to bed and we sat down. He kept holding me close and kissed me fiercely which made me respond with equal gusto. I was feeling such sensations that I made no effort to resist when he removed my shirt. His manipulations made me gasp and I did not even know when we shed clothes. After we had made love, reality hit me hard. We quietly dressed up and returned. Next day I did not feel like going to office but thought of making excuses to my father forced me to go. He behaved as if nothing had happened which was fine with me. We carried on with work as usual but I felt uneasy calm and a knot in the pit of my stomach. It was a couple of days later when I was discussing some project with him when he asked me to come towards his side to watch something on his laptop. I was dumbstruck to see it was recording of that cottage focused on the bed. Though it was bit hazy but we both were recognizable. It seems he had surreptitiously video-recorded it on his mobile placing it facing the bed. He then told me it was safe with him as long as I did not deny him what he asked for. After that I had to satisfy him as and when and whatever way he demanded. A couple of months later he told me that he would like me to please a friend of his but I refused saying that I would rather commit suicide. It was a month after that I got married and when I joined back I learnt that he had moved out to another company. That however did not give me any respite as he kept asking me sometimes to meet him even when I begged him to leave me alone as I am married. He is the one you saw me with today.”
On my asking she gave me his name and where he was working. She also told me she had learnt that he got married a month ago. She had kept crying while telling all this and pleaded that she wanted to save marriage as this was first time in her life that she found freedom with so much trust adding that to work or not was left to her and no one asked about her salary.
We moved out to reception and on calling up my friend came over. He told that seminar was almost over and he is ready to move. She had her car but I did not want her to go alone. So I told my friend that I will accompany her and he could drop me once we reach his place. On way back I requested her to take leave for few days and not to take any calls from him or any unknown number. If by chance he did get through to her she should politely tell him that she would call later, though I did not expect him to call up. When my friend dropped me home, I briefly told him that she is victim of blackmail due to her old folly. We put our heads together and made a plan to save her from that situation. He agreed not to say anything to anyone.
I spoke to some persons in corporate world to get information on that person. I made it seem as if I was interested to meet him for some CSR project. I struck gold as one of my contacts knew him but did not have very high opinion about him. He told that his reputation was very bad as he is alleged to have ruined life of a few girls. He told me that he had left company I was talking about as he got married to the only child of a well settled businessman and joined him. He promised to find out more and let me know later.
Next day, Sunday, I went to my friend’s house as per plan. I wanted to gauge how would his son react on this issue. I had seen him grow up and knew that he has taken after his father in many ways. When I told him that I wanted to have a word, he said that he had a feeling something was amiss as his father seemed little too preoccupied while his wife seemed close to tears all the time. He further added that he firmly believes in past is past as long as one does not revive it. So I told him that his wife was being blackmailed due to some indiscretion in the past. He offered to do whatever needed as he knew she did not have very happy childhood. So armed with this I went ahead with our plan.
On Monday afternoon I got a call from my source with more information. It emerged that his father in law is a man of the world. He took all possible precautions to safeguard his daughter’s wellbeing and future. She is MBA in finance and has been working with her father since her college days. She was well versed in his business. As he was not keeping good health he had drawn a will to pass on everything in her name. She was already in control of most of the things. She was also aware of greedy nature of persons and as such was on guard for that. Though he was with them in business but did not have any important hold. My contact had also been able to find names of two girls with whom he was linked in the past.
I shared this incident with you on Monday evening but upto her seeing us and our moving down.
This additional information made me realize that he had married for cushy life and will not be in a position to face divorce. This made my further task easy. Otherwise I was thinking of asking help from another friend who is a retired senior police officer.
On Wednesday, I with my friend and his son went to his office. I requested the young man to wait in the car. Though I knew he would not do anything inappropriate but still did not want him to meet that person. That “gentleman” was shocked to see us both there. He quickly ushered us in what seemed to be his office. Before he could say anything, I asked him if he would like to discuss what I had in mind or would he prefer that we invited his father in law and wife also. He could not say anything so I introduced myself and my friend giving our past occupations and also told him that husband to that girl was waiting in the car outside. He turned pale and asked us to let him off. I told him that if he ever harassed the girl again, I will come with her and named other two girls to meet his wife. He started perspiring. On my repeating what I said he just kept nodding his head that he will abide by what I said. He was stunned when I asked him to open that video on his laptop. He at first denied having it but on my insistence with threat to call police for help, he told that after copying it on CD he had deleted it. We believed him as he was so terrified. I asked for the CD which he reluctantly took out of his briefcase and handed over. After checking it’s authenticity on his PC I broke it in four pieces and put in my pocket. I asked for his mobile but he stated that after uploading it on laptop he had deleted it. However to be sure I did check his mobile. We left him with another warning that if he wanted to continue with happy life he should never again call up or make any effort to contact this girl.
On reaching the car I told her husband that matter is closed to our satisfaction. He thanked me and said that he is not interested in any more details. Later after he had reached us home and left for office, I advised her that she may join office on coming Monday but be careful in future. Also I requested her not to hesitate in sharing if she faces any problem in future.
Now I only hope and pray that it remains peaceful and also I do not face such situation ever again.
I would like to request you not to be a HAUWAA ( Demon ) for your children, specially girls, but to be accessible to them, make them confident to share their dreams, insecurities, wants, aspirations and curiosities without any fear.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Last Saturday I was enjoying cup of tea after morning walk before next chore of grooming our dog when there was a call on my mobile. As it was little early for telemarketing calls I picked up expecting it to be from someone well known. Sure enough, it was from a good friend whom I had known for more than 20 years and we had been in the same organisation at one point of time. I had shifted to another. We shared a lot of common interests and outlooks to life. Though we did not meet so regularly but kept in regular touch updating each other. He told me that he had just got an invitation to attend a seminar on rural development with emphasis on role of women in it and since I am associated with a NGO working on same issues he wanted me to join him. I had just half an hour to get ready as he was coming to pick me up to reach venue which was a decent hotel in NCR, about 30 to 40 minutes drive from our place.
We got there well in time and found that the persons were still trickling in. We completed registration formalities and were enjoying a cup of coffee near entry to conference hall when I noticed him go still suddenly. He was looking intently towards reception of the hotel which was a little distance away. I followed his gaze and saw a couple standing there facing the receptionist. The man took what looked like keys and the couple turned to go towards lifts. I realized that the girl was daughter in law of my friend. He muttered something like “ What is she doing here?” By then the couple had gone out of our sight. He turned towards me and told that she had left before him saying that she had to go to office for task review meeting. I told him that may be the meeting was here but he did not take that. He then told me that he would like to find out what was it and asked for my help. I advised him to let it be as it might not be something worth it. But he was firm and requested for my help. I then told him that he speaks to her when she gets home or we meet her here to let her know we have seen her. He chose second. So we sauntered to reception and I told the girl there that I knew the man who had just left reception but was unable to recall his name adding if he was attending the seminar or was staying there. She told me with little smirk that he was neither but being a good friend of their Director Marketing, he visits them off & on to utilize room facility for an hour or so. I told her that it was not that important but I was just thinking to say hello to him if possible. She informed in conspiratorial tone that they are not to be disturbed till he orders something. I asked her if she could let me know if we could see him later. She agreed and gave us the room number. So we returned to seminar which was about to start. He was lost in his thoughts and I too felt little upset after learning what we did.
We went back to reception after little less than an hour. She told us that they will be leaving in another ten to fifteen minutes as he had ordered coffee and snacks. So we went upto the room. It was a corner room at the end of passage. I restrained my friend from knocking , telling him that let her come out and find us there. Next five minutes were real agonizing while waiting near the window at the end of passage overlooking main road.
She was stunned and turned pale on seeing us when she came out of the room. Before my friend could say anything, I told her that we would talk later once we are free to do so and steered him away. I kept an eye to ensure that they were following us. We went down together in the same lift and I kept holding onto his arm to see that he does not say anything. That man looked as if he gauged the situation and as soon as lift reached ground floor he quickly muttered something to her and moved off at brisk pace.
PS : This will become a long post, so I will share what happened after that in next post.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Today evening 40 years ago we got married. I have already said how was this journey in my post TERE BIN JEENA.... a few days ago. It has been sugar and spice in right mix. So here is something what people say to bring little smile :
A couple on their Golden Jubilee relived their honeymoon. When they returned, friend in the bar asked him how was it. He told that everything was same, they went to same hill station, stayed in the same hotel, they got the same room and stayed for the same number of days. He looked a little sad. On asking he said,” But there was one difference, last time it was she who cried but this time it was me.”
Wife got up in the middle of night to find husband missing. On looking she found him sitting in the living room crying. She was alarmed and on her asking the reason, he asked,” Do you know today we complete 25 years of marriage?”
She,” Oh, yes! Isn’t that lovely?”
He,” Remember your father who was in police had caught us doing naughty things and put a gun on my head saying that if I did not consent to marry you he would have me locked up in jail for 25 years?”
She,” Yes, how sweet of you to have chosen the former!”
He,” You know, had I not, today I would have been a free man.”
Young boy,” Daddy, do you spell marriage as m i r a g e?”
Father,” No son, but they are very akin.”
Friends were discussing how they fail to win an argument with wife and they were surprised when a meek looking man said that in any argument with his wife he has the last word. On their insistence he told, “ I always say I AM SORRY.?
Marriage – It is an institution where a man forfeits his bachelor’s degree while a woman gains master’s degree by default.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
There was response as expected to my previous post. After first two comments I realized that it is required to tell that I am talking about Legalizing Corruption. That is why I added PS to the post.
I am giving below some of the comments and my replies for you all to decide if what I say is right :
sulagna ™ said...
Jack said...MOVINGCLOUD :
Welcome to my space. I do not think it was said in that speech that takers will be punished. If he meant it as sarcastic remark on inefficiency of Government to curb corruption, it is well said but if it is in serious note, well then I stick to what I said. I too have had enough exposure in corporates and have been able to avoid it most of the times. I would have welcomed if he had said " LET US ALL FROM BIG HOUSES TAKE A PLEDGE NOT TO PAY BRIBES TO GET ANY WORK DONE NO MATTER EVEN IF IT MEANS WE STAND TO LOSE A CONTRACT OR ANYTHING. WE SHOULD NOT LET OUR COMPETITION LEAD TO THIS CANCER. Take care
TATKAL service is on paying higher fee officially and that does not go into the pocket of concerned BABU. Even in that there are greedy BABUs who will ask for MITHAI. What you say by forming an institution to adjudge if it is corruption or not amounts to saying that IF RAPE IS COMMITTED WITHOUT MUCH OF VIOLENCE IT MAY NOT BE CALLED RAPE. Please read my reply to Movingcloud above. Take care
Monday, November 14, 2011
I am struck so numb and speechless by what a very prominent, intelligent, highly educated and role model for many youngsters has suggested which amounts to - if a criminal activity cannot be curbed or controlled, it be legalized and given a fancy name. And there are some takers for this. May I have audacity to ask them should we not legalize RAPE too as that too seems difficult to curb or control and what he suggested for legalization is nothing short of Rape of our Nation?
PS : This has been necessitated after first 2 comments as I felt that the main issue may escape memory. Suggestion was made to legalize CORRUPTION and a fancy name, something like hastening fee for work, was suggested for it.
Friday, November 4, 2011
This I am sharing with a heavy heart. Yesterday we had to attend cremation of a young girl of 25 years and married just over 8 months ago. She is alleged to have committed suicide by hanging herself. I never expected her to do that as not only her parents are well educated, she too was professionally qualified. She was our niece from wife’s side. I had seen her grow from baby to fine young lady. Though we did not meet very frequently but were in regular touch with them.
What made me share this is due to what I learnt. I am told that she had told her mother few times that she was being ill treated and even beaten for various reasons including dowry. She had shown bruises to her but her parents for the sake of not letting their prestige be tarnished told her to adjust and settle down. They did not tell anyone about this situation, not even her DADI ( grandmother ). It is said that there was a fight prior to what happened. I do not know whether she was killed or committed suicide, but if it was later, she was driven to it as she did not expect any support from her parents. Looking at them wailing, I felt that would they ever be able to overcome their feeling of guilt. For her untimely departure from this world, I hold them as much responsible as her husband and in laws.
I know that in any marriage there are some hiccups before settling down, minor or even major but when it comes to physical violence, it is a BIG NO NO.
My sincere advice to girls is PLEASE DO NOT ACCEPT PHYSICAL VIOLENCE under any circumstances. If parents are not supportive, share this with someone you trust. And for parents, PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO MAKE ALL LOOK GOODY GOODY lest you face similar situation.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Bholu did not stop wailing even after few days elapsed since his wife had passed away. All efforts to console him were met with rather louder wailing. His close friend, Janu, asked him why was he still weeping while he had controlled himself within a day or so when his parents passed away. Bholu told him, “ When my father died every elder man in the village told me not to worry as he is there for me and when my mother died every elderly lady told me not to cry as she is there for me but now since his wife has died not a single woman has told me not to worry as she is there for me.”
Jokes apart, it is so true - No one can take place of partner.
What prompted me to write this is as I had met a very dear friend of mine after a long time in the gettogether which I mentioned in my post Think Positive. He had lost his wife many years ago. Though he appeared cheerful but I could see his feeling of loneliness at times. This made me think about how would one feel on loss of partner.
We complete 40 years of married life next month and we have had ( still have at times ) our share of arguments, quarrels, KUTTI ( not on speaking terms ) at times, disagreements but at the end of the day we both know that we are there for each other. I could not bring myself to think about life without her as it made my eyes so moist. Rather on reflections I felt that I could have been more understanding and supportive. So I am now more on making ourselves happier, if I make her happy it comes back with interest.
My request to you all is that please do give honest thought as to how would you feel in such case. That may make you change some of your ways for the better.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
This is to wish you all a VERY HAPPY DIWALI. May God bless you with whatever you wish.
Here is something to make you smile :
Mohan wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Diwali Party. Mohan is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Mohan had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Mohan sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Neha"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Mohan asks, "Son... What happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table: Rs 650. Hot Breakfast: Rs 25. Two Aspirins: Rs 0. 50. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!
Hello, is this the Narcotic Department?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Sohan! He is hiding marijuana inside his jumbled up garage." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the Narcotic agents descend on Sohan's house. They search the garage taking everything out and cleaning it thoroughly, but find no marijuana. They put the things back. They swore at Sohan and left... The phone rings at Sohan's house:
"Hey, Sohan, Roshan here! Did the Narcotic agents come?"
"Did they clean up your garage?"
"Happy Diwali, Dost"
Friday, October 21, 2011
I am sharing with you all what I wrote in Nov 2009 with little additions as I felt need for this after seeing some incidents in our society : -
I read following two snippets way back in 1969 or 1970 and if my memory does not fail me it was in Readers’ Digest.
A young boy of 3 years or so was asked his name by someone and he replied, “ Jimmy No.”. It was explained that his parents always kept telling him “Jimmy No” whenever he did something they did not want. So he took No as part of his name.
A young man walking on the beach saw a girl of about 2 years playing very close to the sea running towards the waves and running back when waves touched her legs. Her mother was sitting few yards away watching her daughter intently. He asked her as to why does she not stop the girl from going towards sea as it was dangerous but the mother did not respond and kept looking at the girl without shifting her gaze. Suddenly mother sprang up rushing towards the girl who had almost got swept away by strong wave and brought her out of water. On reaching the man she said, “ If I had stopped her from playing the way she was, she would do so when she is alone and not being watched. Now she knows the danger and so she herself would be careful in future.”
These left a lasting impression on my mind.
A year or so later I heard a young girl of about 8 years telling a lady, “ Go ahead and tell my mother. What will she do, give me few slaps, so what?”. This seemed to be a retort to the lady threatening her that she would report her misdeed to her mother. What struck me was the defiant attitude of that young girl.
These made me think about how children should be treated in their formative years by parents. Relationship between parents and a child is very important at that stage for overall development of the child into a responsible adult. And subsequently too bond between parents and grown up children is of utmost importance to ensure all round happiness of a family. There are umpteen number of books written by specialists but what I am going to say is the basic principles which have been of help to us in our years of bringing up children and as such I am sharing it with you all.
First and foremost we need to keep in mind that a young child is innocent, curious and interprets things as per his or her exposure. So when we speak to child about anything we need to get down to his or her age and understand their point of view or way of looking at things. For safety of toddler we need to keep things which may be harmful for the child out of reach. We had put dummy plugs in all reachable power points not in use and removed all items from dressing table locking those up in the drawers instead of saying NO every time they reached for it.
Never should we discourage a child from asking questions even if those seem silly to us as in his or her mind those are curiosities. We need to address all questions with reasonable explanations understandable by child and if it is something which is not appropriate for that age we should divert attention of child. There are so many ways to do so instead of saying NO or this is not for you leaving the child wondering about unanswered question and trying to find answer from other sources.
As the child grows we need to change our approach too but never in dictatorial way. During school days never put child under pressure to perform as per our satisfaction. Child should be made to understand that it is for his or her good to learn attentively and understand the subject instead of just memorizing it blindly. Encouragement should be given for participation in sports and extra curricle activities. They should be made to understand time management without being ordered to study or do this or do that all the time. Let the child choose own profession. We need to explain pros and cons of each and let the decision be made by the child.
Now comes the difficult phase, teenage and college life. In this phase there is not only curiosity of new pastures or trying to explore new ways of freedom but rebellion too to move away from it is done this way approach of elders. It is not possible to be with them 24 hours of the day. We need to understand that time has come to treat them as friends, of course within limits and make them understand their responsibilities. We need to encourage them to share their feelings and thoughts. I had told our daughter when she joined college “ Now you are moving from uniformed regulated life to different way of life with time at your disposal. Do what your conscience permits you but just understand that whatever you do should not make us hang our heads in shame ever. There may be times when you may feel you have to do something against your wishes or conscience, so just take precautions not to get into that kind of situation.” I am proud to say that she behaved in a very sensible way without any monitoring. And to our son at his entry to college apart from what I told his sister I added “ Never force a girl for anything she does not want to do or never physically or emotionally coerce her to do what she is not willing to.” Again I am happy that he never let us down.
Then comes the marriage time. We should give full liberty to them to choose their soul mate. They should be made to feel confident to share their liking with us. If it is seen that the one chosen lacks something, it should be logically discussed and not forced for change of option. Our children had their own friendships but when time came they both left it to us to look for their would be life partners. But I insisted that they would have to meet our selected one, spending enough time without being chaperoned to make up their mind. I also told our son that the girl he so meets has full right to say no. Well, they are both now settled with children though with normal tiffs off and on. They have to solve their differences themselves without any interference from us. If asked for we give our unbiased support to one who is justified.
Thereafter they should be left to lead life as they want without interference but support as needed. Of course it does not mean that they can do something criminal or unacceptable in normal society for which once again we can only advise or guide logically but can not force our will. In such an event if he or she still continues to follow which is unacceptable, it is time to part company. Of course it goes without saying that there needs to be reciprocation from children too as they must understand that all the liberty given comes with responsibility.
That sums up what we have gone through in our time. Now it is grandchildren who make us relive our olden days all over again.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
A park housing statues costing Rs 685 crores! Spread over 85 acres+ of fertile land, if I am not mistaken. Isn’t it false EGO?
With that money I could have opened 12 schools, self reliant to sustain running to provide free quality education with text books & stationary to children from economical backward class for years and years to come. Won’t that have been a better tribute to those who’s statues have been erected which will wither away for lack of care in few years if not destroyed earlier by someone?
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Acronym as per Oxford Dictionary means - a word formed from the first letters of other words. That would mean Daughter in law would be Dil. DIL is Hindi word for heart. So how come more often than not a daughter in law is not treated as DIL of a family? My thinking is that as we take care of our HEART to keep our body healthy, why should we not take care of DIL too to have a healthy peaceful family? Of course, she too should not function erratically.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Day before yesterday there was an evening get together of the organization where I started my working career. This is an annual affair. I was keen to attend that as it gives an opportunity to meet old colleagues. I did not want to tire myself before going there, so I thought of relaxing at home. But as the luck would have it I had to go out for an urgent chore. I had just driven 3 kms when I felt some funny behavior of the car, which is Maruti Zen Estilo only 1 ½ year half old with just little over 10 thousand kms logged. Sure enough, after wait for green signal at the traffic light it would not budge on engaging gear but engine would race well. I knew it that it is clutch problem. So I got it pushed to side with the help of passing Police PCR, which was a surprise as they did not say anything but gave help. I called up the authorised workshop where I normally go. Their service engineer was with me in a little while and confirmed that it needs to be taken to workshop. So it was towed a distance of about 12 kms. It was confirmed that clutch needs to be opened for replacing parts which had given way. So I was without car for the evening.
All this while I was busy in tying ups for taking it to workshop with no other thought in mind but after it was left there I thought “ Thank God it happened now when I could call for help, had it happened in the evening on my way back from get together I would have been stranded.”
My idea of sharing this is that no matter what the situation be one should not give up positive thinking. Everything happens for some reason beneficial to us.
PS : I did attend the get together as an old colleague staying little distance away was kind enough to take me along.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Today evening while I was walking back from market I witnessed this which I want to share with you all. I was little distance away from traffic lights when I saw a motorcycle rider who jumped red light being pulled up by traffic cop. As it was close by I, to satisfy my curiosity, stopped to see what transpires.
On taking off his helmet, the motorcycle rider turned out to be a young man of may be 20 or so. Here is the conversation which took place between two of them.
Cop, after pulling out challanbook, “ MAIN TUMHARAA CHALLAN KATOONGA, TUMNE RED LIGHT JUMP KI HAI.” ( I am giving you ticket for jumping red light.)
Young Man, “ OK.”
Cop,” TUMHEIN COURT MEIN JAA KAR FINE DENA PAREGAA.” ( You will have to go to court to pay fine.)
Young Man, “ OK.”
Cop,” FINE DO HAZAAR TAK KAA HO SAKTAA HAI.” ( Fine can be upto two thousand .)
Young Man,” OK.”
Cop,” MAIN TUMHEIN CHHOD SAKTAA HOON.” ( I can let you go.)
Young Man,” TO PHIR CHHOD DIJIYE.” ( Then let me go.)
Cop,” ISKAA KUCHH KHARCHA LAGEGAA.” ( There will be some expenses for that.”
Young Man,” KITNAA?” ( How much?)
Cop,” DO SAU.” ( Two Hundred.)
Young Man,” AAP CHALLAN KAAT DIJIYE.” ( You give me ticket.)
Cop,” SOCH LO, YE SASTAA HAI.” ( Think it over, this is cheap.)
Young Man,” MAINE GALTI KI HAI, MAIN PAISE COURT MEIN DE DOONGA PAR YEHAN NAHIN.?” ( I have committed a mistake, I will pay money in court not here.)
There was no slogan shouting or holding placards but message was LOUD and CLEAR, No Paying Bribes.
I really admire that young man, he took the CHALLAN and went off. Hats off to him. How I wish we all could be like him!
Monday, September 26, 2011
This happened a few years ago. I thought of sharing it with you as today in a get together I noticed a girl trying to garner attention of everyone in the group she was in. Though I came into picture at much later stage but I am narrating it as it happened.
Janki was born and brought up in a medium sized town. Her father has successful business and mother is a teacher. She has a brother younger by 5 years. She was good in studies and secured over 90% in final Board examinations. She wanted to study in some reputed college of a renowned university. So it was decided to send her to Delhi as some close relatives are there. So she joined a well known college for girls.
Everything was fine except that she developed inferiority complex because of her upbringing in her hometown. Though she is tall and very good looking but she felt that her sense of dressing and projected image was not upto standards here. So she took to copying those who were popular in dressing as well as appearance. She got into habit of seeking attention of those around her. She did not realize that at times her such efforts drew smiles as well as comments behind her back. This became her nature and she felt neglected if she was not paid attention as she looked for.
During her college time she met a boy who used to travel in the same bus as his college was close by and showed a lot of interest in her. His showering her with compliments used to make her feel very happy. Her friendship with him developed without knowledge of her parents or local guardians. As it happens in such cases he gradually made her submit to his physical demands. This continued till she completed graduation. He moved to another city on getting a good job. She went on to complete MBA securing high position. Her parents agreed to her staying in Delhi and take up a job. She joined a MNC with good salary. She still had habit of seeking attention whenever she felt neglected.
Her habit of seeking attention did not go. A young smart boy and working in the same department noticed this. He started paying compliments on her appearance or work. He also followed her on social networking site giving flattering comments. She developed a liking for him and used to spend free time with him. He was staying with his married cousin in a flat which was quite close to her place. His cousin and his wife were working in reputed companies. He started picking her up in the morning from a set place and drop her back too. Many times they stopped enroute on his say so to have a cup of coffee. She started depending on him for not only attention but convenience too. After a while he took her to his place on some pretext. There she met the couple. His cousin paid a lot of attention to her while his wife seemed friendly. They fussed over her offering tea and snacks. She felt like a princess. This became a routine and she used to visit his flat once a week or so. At times they used to alone. On such occasions he used to be extra attentive and sweet to her. On one such time they became physically involved. She started thinking that he loves her so she did not refuse him whenever he asked her to come with him as they will have flat to themselves. One day when they were there in the bedroom, his cousin came in. By the time she could react she saw that he was taking photographs on his mobile phone. She started crying and asking for forgiveness. Her colleague and his cousin just laughed and told her that they will not tell this to anyone if she submits to both of them. She was so scared that she agreed and while his cousin was with her he took photographs on mobile phone.
That is when her ordeal started for not only satisfying lust of both. His cousin’s wife had gone to her parents as she was in family way. She had to bow to his demand of visiting them on some Saturdays telling her local guardian that she had to go to office.
It was her good luck that her parents found suitable match for her within a couple of months after this and she was married to a boy in Delhi. It just so happened that her husband is son of a person well known to me. He is working at good position in another MNC. His father let her decide if she wanted to continue with job. As she wanted, he made arrangement for her to be taken to office in the morning by his driver and brought back in the evening. This made her contact with that boy less. In office she tried to keep with her other female colleagues.
It was all well for a couple of months but then that boy threatened her with dire consequences if she did not do what he wanted. She refused to bow to his threat.
All hell broke loose when a friend of her husband told him that he had seen an obscene video of her on the web. He was shocked and went into withdrawal mode, even not talking to her. His father sensed there was something wrong but could not put his finger to it. That is when I came into picture. His father called me and asking me to speak to his son. I spoke to him in private and he told me about the said video. On my asking, he told me that he would not like to break marriage as she is good wife and whatever happened before marriage is ok with him if she is not into it now. I told him that I would like to speak to her without any of them except my wife with me. He agreed telling that I should not tell anyone about it. He sent her to our house under some pretext next day. I frankly told her what was the situation and she broke down. After some cajoling she told me all what I have narrated above. I called her husband and apprised him of what had happened. He stood by her as she had refused to bow down to that boy’s blackmail.
With some efforts we got that video removed from that site. I along with him met that colleague and his cousin telling them to stop harassing her. I told the cousin that I will hold him personally responsible if there was any effort to contact her by any of them and I will then narrate the whole thing to his wife who had joined back with the baby a few days earlier. On my advice she changed job after taking leave for a fortnight. Fortunately it stands sorted out.
I narrated this to say that one should not be ashamed of own background. One can make efforts to improve but not make undue efforts to seek attention.