Friday, November 4, 2011

PLEASE DO NOT ACCEPT THIS

This I am sharing with a heavy heart. Yesterday we had to attend cremation of a young girl of 25 years and married just over 8 months ago. She is alleged to have committed suicide by hanging herself. I never expected her to do that as not only her parents are well educated, she too was professionally qualified. She was our niece from wife’s side. I had seen her grow from baby to fine young lady. Though we did not meet very frequently but were in regular touch with them.

What made me share this is due to what I learnt. I am told that she had told her mother few times that she was being ill treated and even beaten for various reasons including dowry. She had shown bruises to her but her parents for the sake of not letting their prestige be tarnished told her to adjust and settle down. They did not tell anyone about this situation, not even her DADI ( grandmother ). It is said that there was a fight prior to what happened. I do not know whether she was killed or committed suicide, but if it was later, she was driven to it as she did not expect any support from her parents. Looking at them wailing, I felt that would they ever be able to overcome their feeling of guilt. For her untimely departure from this world, I hold them as much responsible as her husband and in laws.

I know that in any marriage there are some hiccups before settling down, minor or even major but when it comes to physical violence, it is a BIG NO NO.

My sincere advice to girls is PLEASE DO NOT ACCEPT PHYSICAL VIOLENCE under any circumstances. If parents are not supportive, share this with someone you trust. And for parents, PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO MAKE ALL LOOK GOODY GOODY lest you face similar situation.

50 comments:

Mishi said...

I agree with you here Mr.Jack..ours unfortunately is a society where little attention is paid to what individual want,expect or go through and more stressed is given to "wot pple will think "..Physical violence is something very serious, no one should accept it under any circumstances...what made me sad here is the fact that the girl was educated, she could have stood for herself without anybody;s help..the gross dependency on others makes me sick to my stomach.why educated girls have to look up to others for help? dont they know their rights?
God help us all..and to that girl.May her soul rest in peace.ameen

Sonshu said...

Aaww May her soul RIP. :/
And I completely agree, all of us are subjected to human rights and we should not take any form of abuse what be it. :/ It is very sad to see that in today's modern society such evils still prevail.

Raj said...

RIP. some things are just catastrophic.

Gayu said...

Why do parents do this...why are they more afraid and bothered about the society but not bothered about their daughter.

There are so many cases around me...I feel helpless...
PLEASE PARENTS...think about your children first...people will talk at your back...even if your are the best.

May her soul RIP.

Can you send a msg on my number,I dont have ur number.

Take care
Gayu

suvaiba said...

ahh i just remember your post-DIL :(
its a sad sad sad story..
when i started reading i had so much agression.. against the in laws of the gal but then it all faded in thin air coz more than anger i can feel the pain and i am not in a position to explain the intensity of it :(
i just want to say
RIP for the girl..! :(

Latha Vijayakumar said...

The same situation me too faced. But I crossed all the obstacles with smile and keeping mum. We need only patience. We should not go for a hasty decision. Be calm, Give all your worries to god. God knows what to do. Wait for the good day with patience.

Amrita said...

Thats so sad :( Reminds me a of a similar incident with an acquaintance of ours. May she find eternal rest. But its a young life lost :( Feel so sorry for her, wish she had gone to the right people at the right time. :(

tarunima said...

This is so sad, no one deserves to die like this. May her soul rest in peace..

Amigo said...

Thats so bad! Physical violence for the sake of money is awful...And it is very much common in society like ours...God alone knows when will it be eradicated completely...

Sakshi said...

I just do not understand the reason for any type of physical violence. And if there is even a single instance of that, it should be put to stop. Put your foot down, do, whatever but do not accept it!

Parents need to understand that, if they have never touched their daughter, how could they let any one else even if he is the husband do so? Family honor is not when you make it look like all is well. It is when you stand for your family for the right reasons.

May her soul RIP!

Being Pramoda... said...

I'm against the parents who want to cover everything their girl has been ill treated at in laws.. especially the physical violence.. what it takes i to interfere and clear it off? why they keep the girl alone and keep saying that she has to be with her husband whatever! love shall keep the bonds, not the culture, not the customs.. that's very sad to know about her uncle, parents shall wake up.. also, girls shall never commit suicide, it solves nothing.. but we cant say, living their life may make us realize..

herenownotforeva said...

thats serious.

Jack said...

MISHI :

We need to overcome that attitude for the sake of well being of young girls. Thanks for supportive view but why so formal? Take care


SONSHU :

Not only that you do not take it but also stand up for those who are subjected to this. Take care


RAJ :

So true. We need to awaken the society against this evil. Take care


GAYU :

Thanks for supportive view. We need to do something to awaken the people who let this happen.
Take care

Jack said...

SUVAIBA :

I am still to get over this shock. It is a pity we still let such incidents happen. Take care


LATHA :

You are a rare lucky one. If one keeps mum the tormentors get encouraged to do more leading to what happened. Take care


AMRITA :

I am feeling so sad that why did I not meet her after marriage even if she did not call me up. Take care


TARUNIMA :

I agree with you that no one should face this situation ever. Take care

Jack said...

AMIGO :

Instead of leaving it to God, we should make efforts to do something about it. Take care


SAKSHI :

I agree with you, if you allow it once it just goes on. Parents too need to understand that child is more important than the pride or prestige. Take care


PRAMODA :

I wonder if they will ever be able to get over their guilt feeling. How I wish they had shared it with someone, may be then this situation may not have arisen. Take care


HERENOWNOTFOREVA :

Thanks for your support. Take care

Alka Gurha said...

Sad indeed...most of the times life is not fair but giving up is criminal. MAY her soul RIP.

Ann said...

I am so sorry to hear the news. Well, this is the situation in many Indian families. First the parents force girls to get married by hook or crook (no matter if the girl is qualified), they'll make them marry even without their wish and after that they refuse to support if the girl faces any problem in their in-law's house.

So, it is my request to all ladies that please be financially independent and don't make such decisions to commit suicide. Life is beautiful if nobody is supporting you. Be on your own. Earn money and live independently. Take your own decisions.

And yes, May the gal's spirit rest in peace.

Again, it's very sad to hear the news :(

Nidhi said...

That is so sad. May her soul rest in peace at least now. Physical violence is a big no. Parents should be supportive in such situations. I think she would have taken to more practical steps rather than this. But I am pretty sure her mental state was not good enough for that. It hurts so much to know that these traditions have no end in our society no matter how much 'modern' we try to be.

Neha said...

It's indeed a very sad and tragic ending to a young life. It's really sad that for the sake of prestige and family honor, people suppress such things. How can these things mean more than the love for their child? How can they see their children in such state and how can they bear to live with it? Moreover, the society that we are brought up in makes girls dependent on someone or the other and if a girl embarks on any road, different from the norm, she is looked down at. More often it is this fear that makes girls take such a step. Having been brought up in a closed, secured environment, they are unable to think of living their lives without it.

To fight this, we need to do it at its root. It's not only education, but also good and sound upbringing that can make girls independent and confident about themselves. Only formal education cannot suffice. Hope people understand this sooner.

Jack said...

ALKA :

That is what is more hurting. She was a professionally qualified girl who could have taken care of herself without anyone's help. Take care


ANN :

She could have been self supporting but I feel so sad that she took this step. How I wish she had spoken to someone other than parents once she found them non supportive. Left reply on previous post also. Take care


NIDHI :

I agree with you. She seems to be too dependent on parents for support and did not think of anyone outside that. My idea of sharing this is that girls should never hesitate to share what weighs on their mind with someone they trust lest they face such horrible situation leading to even thinking of ending life which is God's gift to us. Take care


NEHA :

It is so sad that some of us still have that false sense of prestige. I agree that apart from education children also must be taught right from wrong and made bold to take right decisions. Take care

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

:(

You talked about physical violence , but what about the emotional/mental torture ? In a way, the emotional/mental torture also leads to death, though often the emo/mental suffering is labelled as "adjustment problems"

Jigyasa said...

Shocking....the life of a girl is just too fragile...and i feel so hopeless about it.

Whatever happened is serious and needs to be taken care of...parents feel that they should be with daughter until her wedlock and then she should be just left...to live or to adjust!! This needs urgent attention....Is she alive or just
adjusting??

Secondly, the two who are getting married...should know or find out what they want out of it!!

☆ Rià ღ said...

Its painful and sad when girls dont get the much needed support from their parents.

Jack said...

DEEPA :

Very pertinent point. That is first step before physical violence. I agree that even mental or emotional torture can lead a young girl to take such drastic step if she is not supported by parents or someone close. We definitely need to raise awareness against any kind of pressures put on the young bride. At the same time she too must understand what is expected from her and not make too many unwanted issues. Take care


JIGYASA :

I agree that there should be free exchange of thoughts before getting married. Take care


RIA :

Let us try to see that we take steps to ensure such incidents do not happen again. Take care

Live2cherish said...

Geez! this things still happen in our society. such things shall be taken a taboo.

Gayu said...

How can we do this??? I feel really bad...and helpless.

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

I'm so sorry to hear about the lady.. I'm sure that what she underwent must have been very hard, or else she would not have taken such a step.
Indeed physical violence is something that no one should bear with. It's sad how people ill treat women.
Great post..

Harman said...

very SAD...God bless her soul ...
its very sad on parents part ...not to support the kid!
SAY "NO" To Domestic Violence

Celestial Dreamz said...

I appreciate your view so much. thanks for sharing this. May the soul rest in peace and may we living beings get wisdom.

Jack said...

L2C :

Unfortunately such things still happen. We definitely need to raise awareness against such inhuman acts. Take care


GAYU :

We can start with keeping our eyes & ears open and if we come to know of any domestic violence, physical or even mental, we should make right authorities aware. That could be a dedicated NGO or NCW. We could also be active participant of such organisations for seminar etc. Take care


PHILO :

In my view physical violence by husband or in laws coupled with non supportive attitude of her parents which lead to this. We need to ensure that a girl gets full support against any kind of torture, physical or mental. Take care

Jack said...

HARMAN :

I also feel strongly that it was parents who let her down very badly. Take care


C D :

I agree that may we get wisdom to see that such incidents do not happen ever. Take care

Meera Sundararajan said...

You are right- people would do anything to make a marriage work- including forcing their daughter to stay in a violent relationship. I am very sad for your niece..

Jyoti Mishra said...

The thing which is tragic is that in many cases ppl who r most close doesn't support :(
thatz wat make the victim more vulnerable to ideas like suicide.

Instances like this(In India we have many) are darkest black spots.

PS: Been away from blogosphere in past few days, hope u doing fine !!

Jack said...

MEERA :

It is so tragic and I feel sad that I did not keep in touch with her thinking that let them settle down and my wife was in touch with her grandmother on regular basis. We surely need to see what can be done to remove this evil from society. Hope to see you often and also if you can do give your valuable views on some of my older posts. Take care


JYOTI :

It is really so tragic. How I wish I had even a little inkling so that I could have done whatever was in my hands. Take care

sulagna ™ said...

ohh jack uncle this is such a sad reality...i so wish all of girls have the courage to figth such atrocity and have parents who understand us more than they value their social status

Ellen said...

When a person is up against one's own culture, there is really nothing much one can do about it. Or on the other hand one can decide on two things..... submission (which apparently would please the elders) or defiance (which would entirely shock them to their social toes). Still a difficult situation whatever the choice may be.

Jack said...

SULAGNA :

I too wish the same. Hope a day comes when this is reality. Take care


ELLEN :

Whatever be it, there should be no compromise to dignity or self respect. No comment on previous post? Take care

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

Support is indeed required. Else women will never be able to come up!

Jack said...

PHILO :

True. If my bad luck parents do not give required support then one must take someone elder whom she trusts into confidence. Take care

Suruchi said...

it is so sad and sadder the fact that some parents take the ill treatment of their daughters at the in-laws' house lightly..also sad that many a times the girls can't really voice their problems for many parents are over sensitive!

i myself often remained mum about any marital bafflement that i faced for i did not want my parents to be upset...but physical abuse and disrespect in a relationship is something that girls just should not suffer!

Kanupriya said...

So sorry to hear about this! And surprised that even in today's age despite giving good education etc to their daughters, parents are still skeptical of supporting their married daughters in times of such need! Yet another young life gone just like that... even if parents are not supporting, I think its high time women learn to break free... i know dependent women cant do so easily but what stops professionally qualified and strong women to say no to such abusive relationship.
Condolences to you and your family members :(

Jack said...

SURUCHI :

I agree it is for the two to sort out whatever be it but when it becomes beyond limits, intervention is must. And for that girl must not hide such horrendous facts from parents and if they are non-supportive then speak to someone whom she trusts. Take care


KANUPRIYA :

Unfortunately girls even when professional qualified look up to their parents for backing. That is the way they are brought up. Sad. Parents too need to shed false sense of image in society.
Take care

A Restless Mind With A Sensitive Heart! said...

Very sad to read this post. Indian girls are taught to be goody goody, even if they are suffering like hell, for the sake of their parents and society.

The msg given at the end is appreciable.

RESTLESS

Jack said...

RESTLESS :

It is so sad that inspite of education some persons still have not come out of this evil. I really wish that girls do understand that though they need to make efforts to settle down in new environments but this does not at all mean that they should accept any such harassment. Take care

CATGIRL !! said...

it is really extremely disheartening to know dat.... i wish the girl had been stronger n asked for divorce nt hen lived away in a hostel or sumthing..i mean if u hav to kill urself u can opt for a lesser life..isn't dat??
but yeahh i blame her parents sooo soo much!!

Jack said...

CATGIRL :

How I wish that she had confided this in someone whom she trusted when she found her parents were not supportive. She was a professionally educated girl. Really sad it is. As I said her parents are to equally blame as her husband or in-laws. Take care

Neha said...

Such a sad tale. May her soul rest in peace. Yes, one must not take physical violence. And not only leave the person, but also file a complaint against him.

Jack said...

NEHA :

It is extremely sad. I can still not come to terms that she inspite of being a professionally qualified girl did this. The complaint has been lodged but that will not bring her back. Take care

Purba said...

There are so many women like her - forced to put up with daily humiliation and torture just for the sake of society.

The parents are equally guilty for forcing their daughter to take such an extreme step!

Jack said...

PURBA :

Rightly said. It is a pity that even educated parents do not realise this. Take care