Sunday, October 30, 2011

TERE BIN JEENA........ ( LIVING WITHOUT YOU..)

Bholu did not stop wailing even after few days elapsed since his wife had passed away. All efforts to console him were met with rather louder wailing. His close friend, Janu, asked him why was he still weeping while he had controlled himself within a day or so when his parents passed away. Bholu told him, “ When my father died every elder man in the village told me not to worry as he is there for me and when my mother died every elderly lady told me not to cry as she is there for me but now since his wife has died not a single woman has told me not to worry as she is there for me.”

Jokes apart, it is so true - No one can take place of partner.

What prompted me to write this is as I had met a very dear friend of mine after a long time in the gettogether which I mentioned in my post Think Positive. He had lost his wife many years ago. Though he appeared cheerful but I could see his feeling of loneliness at times. This made me think about how would one feel on loss of partner.

We complete 40 years of married life next month and we have had ( still have at times ) our share of arguments, quarrels, KUTTI ( not on speaking terms ) at times, disagreements but at the end of the day we both know that we are there for each other. I could not bring myself to think about life without her as it made my eyes so moist. Rather on reflections I felt that I could have been more understanding and supportive. So I am now more on making ourselves happier, if I make her happy it comes back with interest.

My request to you all is that please do give honest thought as to how would you feel in such case. That may make you change some of your ways for the better.

43 comments:

IRFANUDDIN said...

Thought provocative sir....and indeed an eye opener for every one.

thanks for sharing,
regards.

Sonshu said...

Aaaawww :) That was such a sweet tribute sort of thing to all the wives. Won't they feel lovely uncle? :)

HAHAHA


Sonshu
sonshus.blogspot.com

Neeha said...

It's true that no one can occupy the place of partner, but that's true only if we love them and there is mutual understanding between them.

Vijendra Lakshmana Rao said...

So true. No one can replace your partner. Because its not just living together its that special bond (stronger than covalent bond) which tied both to live for each other. good one!

TheGirlAtFirstAvenue said...

40 years!!! That's amazing!
I just hope I am at least half as lucky as you are :)

Mishi said...

wow Uncle Jack..it was sweet..I wish my future husband knows such things like how to value your partner:p

Librangirl said...

WoW - 40 years of togetherness!!! I am speechless as what to say. Must have been an amazing journey so far with your partner! :)

Shruti said...

I tell you what? Don't try to find solutions to these fights/arguments/quarrels. These things have kept you two together for 40 years and forever. My experience counts nowhere in front of yours but My fiance and I are so very different people, we fight so much but he is the best I could get.. and I love him more and more at the end of each fight. :-P Yeah.. I know I sound like a maniac.

Alka Gurha said...

Wish you many many more years of togetherness....Loss of a partner does take life away though people have no choice but to live.I saw the laughter vanish from my moms life after dad left. It will never be the same for her.

Upasna said...

wow! 40 years is awesome! Congratulations uncle :)

Neha said...

Congratulations and wish you many more years of love and togetherness!!!

Gayu said...

40 yrs...wow!!!! Cho chweet:) God bless you both!!!

Life is strange..when we are together..we tend to take each other for granted...and when the loved love departs...we miss them like hell!!!!

People are afraid to express love...I don't know why...maximum relations fail just cos people don't hold each other and express their love...!!

A request to all of you here...three little words "I Love You"..and "I am Sorry" can solve many big problems....!!!

I activated my SIM today.

Take care
Gayu

Jack said...

IRFANUDDIN :

Thanks for appreciative views. I will be so happy if someone can have happiness this way. Take care


SONSHU :

Not only for husbands to follow but for wives too. Take care


NEEHA :

I am sharing what one of fellow bloggers wrote here - Success of a marriage does not depend upon finding a right partner but on being one. Both have to make efforts and accept each other the way they are. Take care


VIJENDRA :

True, the bond goes much beyond just living together. It is for being there for each other. Take care

Jack said...

T G A F A :

Don't worry. You will have many many happy years of togetherness with your sweet nature. Take care


MISHI :

I would be really so pleased to see you happily settled and showing us photographs of you both and grandchildren. Take care


L G :

Yes, it has been not only amazing but educative too. Take care


SHRUTI :

No, you are not maniac. You said the sanest thing. I would love to meet both of you sometime. Take care

Jack said...

ALKA :

Thanks for your wishes. One has no option but to carry on with life but the spark goes. Take care


UPASNA :

Thank you. Take care


NEHA :

Thanks for your wishes. May you both also have many many years of togetherness full of love. Take care


GAYU :

I agree with you. We should not take each other for granted but continue to woo like during courtship days. Show of love never goes stale. Those three words are miracle. Take care

Raj said...

loneliness is like incompleteness. and the loss of being complete is worse than that of not having achieved it.
wouldn't u agree sir? :)

Suruchi said...

awww...40 years is a whole lot and to feel that you could have done better after it all-is a whole lot more than any woman can ask!

congratulations and wish u all the bliss:-)

Sach! said...

Lovely! Had goose bumps. I am not sure about partner for now.. but I guess that is with love! No matter what relation it is, if there is love, there is something too beautiful about it. Nothing can ever replace that. Memories will never die! And relations will always blossom..

Jack said...

RAJ :

I could not have put it any better. Take care


SURUCHI :

It is never too late, isn't it? It is two way commitment and one should not become a doormat but be rational. Take care


SACH :

Relax. I am sure you will prove to be a good partner. Love is not giving what happiness one can without expecting anything. Do read what I told NEEHA above. Take care

☆ Rià ღ said...

Aww..this was such a sweet post. I love to see ppl understand the value of love in their life. :)

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

Congratulations :)
Here's praying for more happiness for you and your family :)

Ritika said...

Yeh! We all need partners- to fight, to argue, to UNDERSTAND, to cuddle, to love, and for being with each other in all the times.

Congratulations, for completing 40 years of togetherness with the sweet-salt coated tit-bits.

And also, I recieved your greeting for Diwali. Sorry for not replying back. But, better late than never- Happy Diwali. :)

Take care.

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

reg: your Upliftment post ...
isn't that what the world runs on ? False Ego of people ???

Politicians with an exxagerated sense of self importance, NRIs with exaggerated sense of self importance, just about any person you meet assumes the world revolves around him.

And the maker of statue park .... he gets his importance buy having paid false tribute to people whose statues have been constructed

After the movie 'Zindagi Na bilegi dobara' , people wanted to have a tomato thropwing competition in BLR. ... it was disgusting ... there are 1000s starving .. a % of those tomatoes would have made such a huge difference to those starving.

On days when i was starving, getting even a fruit to eat made such a difference ...

Harman said...

Love the post and joke too :)
well ..partners cannot be replaced ...unless its US ;)
But seriously ..I think its such a sweet bonding for life ...nobody can do a thing ...it part of life to accept BUT
jus keeping yourself busy.like reading... some classes or voluntary work ...like in US most of the men or women do...might ease a situation little bit.

Jack said...

SACH :

I stand corrected. The sentence should read " Love is not JUST giving......". Take care


RIA :

I agree with you on people understanding. Take care


DEEPA :

Thanks for you wishes. I am combining my reply to both your views. It is so sad that we still have to come out of our I, ME and MYSELF attitude. We do need to look around to see if we can do something who are less fortunate. Of course, for the ones who deserve and not those who make it a HOBBY to live on charity. We definitely should curb our wasteful ways. Take care


RITIKA :

If it was all SUGAR who would enjoy? So there has to be more than that, a little spice and fun, isn't it? I am sure lucky will be the one who is your partner. Take care


HARMAN :

If one becomes too materialistic and treats partner also like a replaceable commodity then he or she is not human. You are right, we can not do anything but accept losing partner and need to keep fond memories while engaging in activities not only to keep busy but also what our gone partner would have been pleased with. Take care

A Restless Mind With A Sensitive Heart! said...

Lovely thought expressed Uncle... i think the bonding gets stronger with our partners as we age. I've always seen elderly couples all loving and supporting each other. Feels nice!

Loss of a partner at a younger age can still be coped with, but at a later stage it can be devastating.

Btw, only today i was reading in newspaper that now elderly ppl look for live in partners for the sake of companionship. I think it's a good idea for everyone.

regards

Jack said...

RESTLESS :

I whole heartedly vouch for what you said about bonding with age. But on the latest trend which seems to make the news, I, should that situation arise, would rather keep myself busy with reading, writing - here also and involving myself with some social activities apart from looking after grandchildren. That should keep my hands full, isn't it?

Take care

Purba said...

Ironically we tend to take our closest ones for granted when it should be otherwise!

Jack said...

PURBA :

Exactly. That is when we make those silly errors which cost so much later. Take care

Ann said...

The joke was good. :) and your term KUTTI that's so sweet :) .. Anyways, yes, sometimes even I think about this. Even I am not married but sometimes I think if my partner dies before me or I get divorce, how would I live. May be the time will heal all wounds and may be my children or other people will be there to keep mee happy or support me. But yes, the fact can't be denied that without partner, the life would not be that easy. So, Love and cherish all the moments spent with your Partner. And Congratulations for your 40th Anniversary. Give our best wishes to Aunty. May God Bless you both !

Jack said...

ANN :

Life without one's partner definitely is not what it is used to with him or her. One has to face it and channelise thoughts into something productive. Please do not think about divorce as I am sure you will make the family you move to very happy.

Take care

Ruprekha said...

Loved your post. My eyes became moist as I read....
My father, who is in his late seventies, lost my maa a few years ago, is indeed lonely. We all miss her, but not lonely without her. I can see, no amount of love and care of a whole family can fill up that void in my father's life.
Wish we can honour your request, I for one, have already given it a honest thought ......

Jigyasa said...

Lovely Post....and I am so happy about the post and about both of you...! Auntie surely is the lucky one!!

Wishes

☆ Rià ღ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jack said...

RUPREKHA :

I feel so guilty of not having visited your space still. I am so glad to see you here. No matter how much one tries to keep occupied with whatever, loneliness still creeps in. I pray that your father does not feel it too much. Take care


JIGYASA :

I think I am the one lucky to have her as partner. Take care

Live2cherish said...

I would say never forget to appreciate a person who makes your day in any little aspect, you never know, what lies in future.

Jack said...

L2C :

That is so gracious of you. This gesture goes a long way in making relationships happy and long lasting.

Take care

Jyoti Mishra said...

I wish u have more n more lovely moments together !!!

Cheers n smiles :)

Jack said...

JYOTI :

It is so sweet of you to wish that. I am so touched. Take care

mudita said...

Hello Jack,I recently lost a very young cousin who was married for only 5 years. This brought the topic of death in our married life. Though i feel love makes me weak in many ways, both of us agreed that we had each one of us become strong individuals to carry on in the absence of the other. Yes, the missing part would be there but we could draw on our inner strength to live with the loss positively.

Jack said...

MUDITA :

We can not avoid death. One who gets left behind surely needs all the inner strength to carry on. One could also involve in some activities to keep mind busy, like writing, social work, taking care of little children of family etc. But there will surely be moments when one will miss the gone partner. Take care

Preity Angel... said...

Lovely...

Jack said...

PREITY ANGEL :

Welcome to my space. Hope to have your valuable views in future also. Please do read some of my older post after checking in archive to read what interests you. I will visit you a s a p.

Take care