WHY DO WE COMPLICATE LIFE?

At times I used to meet a gentleman of about my age when I played escort to our granddaughter for her visits to play in our park. He used to be with his grandson of little elder to our granddaughter. While keeping eye on our wards we used to get chatting. We also meet otherwise at times in the complex while on way to market or some such time. He is also retired like me. We do get along well. His wife is quite friendly with my wife. They have two children like us. Younger is daughter who is married and settled abroad with her husband plus two children. They stay with son, dil and their son whom he comes with to the park. Last 10 days or so I saw him alone in the evening in the park. He talks to and enjoys company of small children. On my asking as to where was his grandson, he told me that their dil and grandson had gone to her parents place for a few days. He added that as he misses him, he comes down in the evenings to enjoy company of children. It was yesterday that I noticed his eyes being moist when our granddaughter asked him as to when his grandson was coming back. On my prodding him, he narrated whole thing. I am giving it in his words.

We had given full liberty to our son to choose his life partner but he left it to us with condition that first our daughter should be married off. Two years after her marriage he was also married to girl we found but he met and accepted. We had told the girl that we would like her as a family member.  We told her parents also the same and that we have no demands at all. Everything was fine for few months after marriage except usual little disagreements between them.

One day when I came back from office I learnt that after little argument with our son she had packed her bags and left for her parent’s house. On my asking our son told that she was insisting that they should stay independently and he reminded her that she had agreed to his saying that we all will be staying together. Her father at times had made veiled suggestions that they be allowed to stay separately. I told our son that if that makes his life peaceful, they might as well stay independently. He refused.

 After a few days one evening he came home very agitated. While I asked him the reason, he told that he had just learnt that she had an affair with someone for 4 years before marriage and was still keeping in touch with him. I asked him not to believe such rumours but he told that on asking she had confirmed that saying that her father did not want her to marry that boy. I asked him to cool off. Next day I visited her parent’s place and met her. Her parents were at work. I had a frank talk with her. I told her that if she was not happy with our son or us, she is welcome to settle down with whomsoever she wishes to. She also was frank to tell me that though she has had a boyfriend but was not at all keen to break up marriage. I ever offered that they may stay independently. She said no to that. She returned home after two days or so.

It was quite peaceful after that except that she wanted to be in control of everything. We for the sake of peace played along. They were blessed with son a year later. Now she has again suddenly gone off to her parents place with her son saying that our son has very casual attitude and she does not have sense of basic security for self as well as her son. Our son had spoken to her after that and told her that he would make efforts to be more dependable in every way but she refused to return. Our son does not wish us to speak to her or her parents as he feels that she will become more dominant if we do that. She is still there and our son had told her to come back whenever she wishes to. He does not want to keep asking her to return.

This has set me thinking that how ego, urge to dominate and disinterested attitude of parents can make life of so many persons including the young boy unhappy.