Saturday, July 14, 2012

WHY DO WE COMPLICATE LIFE?


At times I used to meet a gentleman of about my age when I played escort to our granddaughter for her visits to play in our park. He used to be with his grandson of little elder to our granddaughter. While keeping eye on our wards we used to get chatting. We also meet otherwise at times in the complex while on way to market or some such time. He is also retired like me. We do get along well. His wife is quite friendly with my wife. They have two children like us. Younger is daughter who is married and settled abroad with her husband plus two children. They stay with son, dil and their son whom he comes with to the park. Last 10 days or so I saw him alone in the evening in the park. He talks to and enjoys company of small children. On my asking as to where was his grandson, he told me that their dil and grandson had gone to her parents place for a few days. He added that as he misses him, he comes down in the evenings to enjoy company of children. It was yesterday that I noticed his eyes being moist when our granddaughter asked him as to when his grandson was coming back. On my prodding him, he narrated whole thing. I am giving it in his words.

We had given full liberty to our son to choose his life partner but he left it to us with condition that first our daughter should be married off. Two years after her marriage he was also married to girl we found but he met and accepted. We had told the girl that we would like her as a family member.  We told her parents also the same and that we have no demands at all. Everything was fine for few months after marriage except usual little disagreements between them.

One day when I came back from office I learnt that after little argument with our son she had packed her bags and left for her parent’s house. On my asking our son told that she was insisting that they should stay independently and he reminded her that she had agreed to his saying that we all will be staying together. Her father at times had made veiled suggestions that they be allowed to stay separately. I told our son that if that makes his life peaceful, they might as well stay independently. He refused.

 After a few days one evening he came home very agitated. While I asked him the reason, he told that he had just learnt that she had an affair with someone for 4 years before marriage and was still keeping in touch with him. I asked him not to believe such rumours but he told that on asking she had confirmed that saying that her father did not want her to marry that boy. I asked him to cool off. Next day I visited her parent’s place and met her. Her parents were at work. I had a frank talk with her. I told her that if she was not happy with our son or us, she is welcome to settle down with whomsoever she wishes to. She also was frank to tell me that though she has had a boyfriend but was not at all keen to break up marriage. I ever offered that they may stay independently. She said no to that. She returned home after two days or so.

It was quite peaceful after that except that she wanted to be in control of everything. We for the sake of peace played along. They were blessed with son a year later. Now she has again suddenly gone off to her parents place with her son saying that our son has very casual attitude and she does not have sense of basic security for self as well as her son. Our son had spoken to her after that and told her that he would make efforts to be more dependable in every way but she refused to return. Our son does not wish us to speak to her or her parents as he feels that she will become more dominant if we do that. She is still there and our son had told her to come back whenever she wishes to. He does not want to keep asking her to return.

This has set me thinking that how ego, urge to dominate and disinterested attitude of parents can make life of so many persons including the young boy unhappy.    

16 comments:

Oldfox004 said...

after reading this story, i had the same question - Why do we complicate life?
ego is the enemy of all relationships!

Thinking said...

hhmmm....this is very sad...

We sometimes have our past but once if we made our mind to go on we should stick to that and be honest with our partner...its okay...past can not be completely forgotten but that does not mean that we start going to back to it to never come back to reality...this is insane...I detest that girl's disloyalty....hmm...

Mom of A and a said...

Hello, sir. I am a new reader coming via Neha's blog. I feel so bad for the gentleman and his family after reading this story! I agree that the girls' parents are to blame somewhat, but I cannot understand the girl's attitude either, especially since it is very, very rare to get such broad-minded in-laws!! She should realize how blessed she is!

Rià said...

So true...i wonder why do ppl let ego come in between!

Meera Sundararajan said...

It is not often that you see inlaws like your friend. I think the girl is being silly. She should recognize good people when she sees them. Anyway a past is always past - we should never allow it to interfere with the present.

Amrita Tanmay said...

किसकी सोच किस बात से प्रभावित होती है या वो खुद ही अपनी जिन्दगी से क्या चाहता है ये समझना वाकई मुश्किल है..पर साथ रहने वालों को जो तकलीफ होती है उसके लिए क्या कहा जा सकता है..

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Jack said...

OLDFOX :

Thanks for the supportive view. Take care


THINKING :

We all have something or the other in past which could have been avoided but one should let past be past and be loyal in relationships in present. Take care


MOM Of A & a :

I hope and pray that she realizes her folly and gets back to her home soon. Take care


RIA :

If people understood that EGO is major killer of relationships, then the life would have been so simple, isn't it? Take care

Jack said...

MEERA :

You are right that past should be treated like past and not allowed to spoil present. Hope she comes back soon. Take care


AMRITA :

KABHI KABHI APNI SOCH KO LOG ITNAA THEEK SAMJHTE HAIN KI DOOSRE KI BAAT SUNNE KO TYAAR HI NAHIN HOTE. Take care


P P :

Thanks for your kind words. I will surely visit you a s a p. Take care

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

After so much, this is how people turn out to be. Better to let go. They will hopefully realise where they have gone wrong soon. If not, then they aren't worth hitting our heads over :)

Jack said...

Philo,

I know it is better to let go than to live in unhappiness but at times there are other factors like child to be thought of too.

Take care

Swapna Raghu Sanand said...

It is so painful to read this post. I have no words to say about this girl and esp about her parents who could have and should have guided her in the right way.

Bhavana said...

Hats off to the grandfather who offered to let his DIL settle in whoever she pleases!! I have yet to meet such a man or a woman. People I have known have been nasty. My ex-FIL had asked his son to beat me up for arguing. So this world that you write about is different from what I have experienced...very very different.

Jack said...

BHAVANA :

There are still some persons who believe in letting happiness be there in everyone's life, though very less. I am sorry to hear about what your ex FiL thought. May there be happiness for you now onwards.

Take care

Found In Folsom said...

:(

ambeekaa singh said...

some women wants to rule the world, but just the wrong way. Sad to hear some women are horror to old parents.