SOME HUMOUR

A friend of mine shared these three stories with me which I felt that after some serious posts, I must share these with you for a laugh.

MEXICAN MAID

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. 
The wife was very upset about this and decided to
talk to her about the raise.
She asked: 
"Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"
Maria: 
"Well,Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze."
"The first is that I iron better than you.
Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Maria: "Jor huzban he say so."
Wife: "Oh yeah?"
Maria: "The second reason eez that
I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense,
who said you were a better cook than me?"
Maria: "Jor hozban did."
Wife increasingly agitated:
"Oh he did did he???"
Maria: "The third reason is that
I am better at sex than you in the bed."
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.
"And did my husband say that as well?"
Maria: "No Señora......."
"The gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"

Two Woodpeckers

A Canadian woodpecker had migrated to Mexico for the winter and
happened upon a Mexican woodpecker.  Soon they were arguing about
which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed
Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a
hole in the tree with no problem.  He then continued to peck out a
complete statue of a man waving.  The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to
Summer in Canada and peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely
'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers).  The Mexican
woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the
challenge.

The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker
successfully pecked a beautifully carved cameo in the so-called
'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat...

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the
Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the
Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither
was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:
"Your pecker gets harder when you're away from home."

A true story, you gotta love him...

One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a
professional golfer and married man,was at his home in Dallas,Texas
mowing his front lawn, as he always did.
A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his
house, lowered the window and asked, " Excuse me, do you speak English
?"

Lee responded, " Yes Ma'am, I do "

The lady then asked, " What do you charge to do yard work? "

Lee said, " Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her ".

The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.