Tuesday, September 6, 2011

THINK BEFORE TAKING SUCH STEP

Jaibhagwan was with me in one of the organisations. We were together for a number of years. He was looking after stores and dispatches. Very honest and upright man basically because of his upbringing and semi rural background. A staunch believer in values. He kept in touch with me even after I moved out to another organization. He too settled down in Delhi after retirement. We speak to each other a couple of times a month and meet once in a couple of months or so. We attended marriage of his son about 6 months ago. He is manager in a reputed MNC. She is in HR of a reputed organization.

His unexpected visit about a fortnight ago was a pleasant surprise. He looked a little worried. After some time he told me he wanted to discuss something in private. We went into bedroom where he told me that he needed help in a very difficult situation and he was confident that I can find solution as he knew my way of working. He told me that I was aware of his son going abroad about a month after marriage for office work. He was to return in 3 months but it got extended and he was still out. His wife could not go because of her office. He said that she normally comes back at 10 pm. Few days earlier he had to go out for some work and when he was returning around 10 in the evening he saw a car parked near the gate of their locality. The road is very isolated and almost dark at that time. He saw a couple standing on the off side of car and kissing. As he moved a few steps further he saw them breaking off. She walked towards the gate while the man got into the car and drove off. As she neared the lights on the gate he was shocked that she was his daughter in law. He thought his eyes were playing tricks but on reaching home he found her in the same dress. He was dumbstruck to say anything. Next day he again went out at the time of her expected return and positioned himself behind a tree near the same place where he was on the previous day. Again he saw the same happening. He sought my advice as to what to do. I was quite taken aback by this. This brought back memories of an earlier sad incident which I had shared with you all in February this year. I did not want any repetition of that. I told him that times have changed a lot since our days and most of the youngsters do get into relationships before marriage. I reminded him that did we too not harbor feelings for some girl or the other in our younger days. Some find it little difficult to come out of that after marriage or are emotionally blackmailed. I told him that no girl will admit such thing after marriage and it will be futile to confront her. I promised to help him.

So a couple of days later after confirming that she had gone to office, I went to his locality late in the evening. I called him out to the gate. I told him not to tell anyone that I was there. On his showing me the spot, I parked my car a little distance away at the appropriate time and sat in a way that I was unnoticed. A while later I saw a car driving up and parking short of the gate. A girl got out of passenger side while a youngman came out of driver seat and moved towards the girl. They embraced and kissed for a while before she moved towards gate and he drove off. I followed her in the car and intercepted before the gate. She seemed scared to see me there at that time. I asked her to sit in the car as I wanted to speak to her. She quietly got in and I parked near their house. I just looked at her without saying anything and she started crying. She asked me not to tell anyone what happened. She told me that she was in relationship with that boy for about 3 years and they were very close. His parents did not agree for inter-caste marriage and he did not want to disobey them. She consented for marriage as per her parent’s wishes. She tried to move on and did not keep in touch with him though he kept calling up or sending messages. After her husband went abroad, she felt little lonely after two month of separation. One day he visited her office and requested her to meet him after work. She spent some time with him that evening in a coffee house. That meeting opened floodgates of her pent up urges and emotions. She met him regularly thereafter and redeveloped their old relations. I asked her if she understood consequences of what she got into. She said that she was aware that this would lead to messy situation and maybe divorce but she could not control herself due to feeling of loneliness and his show of love. She added that she knew that he cannot marry her. I advised her to get out of that without any further loss of time. I asked her to take leave for as long as she can get and stay home. I further told her to utilize time for some productive work to divert her feeling of loneliness. She agreed. She asked me to call up that boy and tell him not to contact her as she might not be strong enough to do that. She gave me his mobile number. So I went with her to their residence. There I told that I was in the near vicinity and on seeing her coming home I accompanied her. I called him out and told him that he should not speak about whatever he had seen and give her a chance to get over that. He promised that.

I am so glad that she took leave for a month and is coaching her sister in law for her upcoming MBA examination. I told that boy to keep off or I will have to do something drastic. She has confirmed that he never called up after that day.

16 comments:

♥ Solitaire ♥ said...

great deeds uncle.
so proud of you.

sometimes desires and loneliness makes us do things which we shouldn't, and our Indian hypocritical society force us into marriage and restricts us from marrying the person who we love, then forces us not to separate from the person we can't cope up with.
its not just that girl, Indian girls are indirectly/intentionally forced to do things which would spoil their whole life like marrying a person they don't wish to.
hope people get this message asap. Inter-caste marriage ! BIG DEAL?

Rachit said...

a girl who can once betray her husband will do it again given chance and opportunity to do so. The steps taken by you are temporary and you must tell the husband of the girl because if he finds out that in his absence she was having an affair with her ex-bf and you knowing this than not only his relationship with his wife would be affected drastically but with you too.

Weakest LINK

Mishi said...

well Jack.I loved the way you tackled the situation here..the girl was little messed up..we all can get trapped in a weak moment..,cant blame the girl alone.it can happen..doesnt mean it will happen again Rachit! everybody deserves a second chance,.I hope she has understood and has realized her mistake...girls are more emotional as compared to men..it takes time to get over emotions...she was fooling around..I agree as there was no point..the boy was a coward ..she should have thought of him refusing to marry her at the first place..before getting back with him again..but then again.,.it happens..it can happen..all I hope is she doesnt do that again..

Harman said...

Great...lovely
I would say very wise to handle the situation...rather then getting blown out ...its always when girls /boys left alone chances of getting strayed are possible but to handle..in a proper way needs to learned here.
Good job!
As far rachit ...your opinion..I disagree..it can happen with anyone ..second chance must be given,,,and nobody is ...a Saint Here.

Being Pramoda... said...

Hello uncle, that's wonderful effort by you, i must say.

Of course its not common, but these days its hapeninh here an dthere, as u rightly said and did, we must give such chances for them to get out of it..

i liked her in-law too, he didn't burst it out at home and he approached u.. thats very nice of him..

Thanks fr sharing this :)

Have nice time..

TheGirlAtFirstAvenue said...

That was the first thought that i got too! That her in-laws dint confront her and blame her directly.. instead they approached you for a smoother way of solving the problem.. That was very kind of them..

And you tackled the situation very well.. I can imagine what she must have been going through.. Sometimes you need a reality check to realize what you are doing is totally wrong.. Am glad the situation dint become any worse..

suvaiba fatima ahmed said...

trye life love or relationship situations leave me with actually NO COMMENTS
well basically we cannot judge emotions or love but in this case i surely think that her X-boyfriend was at fault....!
i dont actually beleive in love but if you actually love someone you should let them be happy and motivate rather than act as a thorn...!
and your mode of help was remarkable
moreover understanding is the base of all happy relationships i think she needs to adapt to her husbands style and understand him
who knows maybe she falls in love again...!
tc
dasvadaniya
suvaiba..!

Sakshi said...

Wow, Uncle, you are one hell of a good samritan!

All, I want to say is that, parents need to understand that, there is something much more larger than the caste, that is their Child's marriage. In the instant case, it was easy for the girl to get out, and the intervention happened at the right time.

We all know, that things could have gotten bad to worse, to what not!

Also, I feel, that, there are pressures of the job, for all of us. But, to really take off, to a completely different land, soon after marriage, is not done.
In this case, there was a previous bf, but loneliness, could have led her astray.

Or rather, even the husband could be philandering right now, he toh has no restrictions at all in the firang land.

See, what I really am saying is, that when you do decide to get married, then,
a. Move out. Completely out of any sort of a previous relationship that you have had.

b. Before marriage or after marriage, sit down and discuss the career priorities, and family priorities!

☆ Rià ღ said...

Loved the way u handledit Uncle Jack...and ur title says it all. We shud think before taking such a step.

Live2cherish said...

so strange.

Jigyasa said...

Strange world....and what about the Value System! What if - she again starts feeling lonely and her friend showers love.....pity such people who don't know what they want in life..!

Jack said...

SOLITAIRE :

I tried to do something which my conscience allowed. Thanks for your support. Falling in love is something no one can predict. We as society need to get over our hang up of caste or religion or region and let the two who wish to be life partners be so. But if by any chance it does not happen then not only girl but even the boy should not rekindle the flame if the other is married to someone else. Take care


RACHIT :

Our mental make up doe not normally let us trust a person who has committed anything wrong once but do you think that is correct attitude? Don't we apply different yardstick if someone close to us is involved? Each individual needs to be judged independently and given second chance if possible. And why only girls, boys indulge in such activities much more, don't you think so? Girls are made to submit by show of care & love for boy's own desire, am I off the mark? I am taking a calculated risk as I strongly feel that she will not do it again. Take care


MISHI :

Thanks for supportive view. Please do read what I have replied to Rachit above. Take care


HARMAN :

Thanks for your support. Should we crucify a person of doing something under unfavourable circumstances? No, isn't it? Please do read my reply to Rachit. Take care

Jack said...

PRAMODA :

Thanks for your support. It is not uncommon for boys and girls to get into close relationships before marriage and at times they are not in a position to get married due to many reasons. But once a boy or a girl is married efforts should be not to betray the partner even with ex. At times due to circumstances it may happen and we need to make him or her understand the reasoning and give a chance to come out of it. Only her father in law knows and he keeps his word. Take care


T G A F A :

He is very conservative but also keep his composure well under control. His action is laudable. No one can say with conviction that he or she will not fall for temptation under similar circumstances because when such situation actually happens one is not sure what will happen. Take care


SUVAIBA :

I agree that he should not have rekindled the emotions. She on realising the reality came out of that situation. Take care


SAKSHI :

Thanks. I did what my conscience allowed. I agree he may be having fun time but can that be the reason for her to go for such relationship? What happened was a mix of lot of reasons. What you said in the end is so right and each one should remember that. Take care

Jack said...

RIA :

Thanks for supporting my actions. Take care


L 2 C :

Such happenings are not that strange as we may like to think. Take care


JIGYASA :

Everyone can make a faulty decision and we need to take an overall view. Such incidents are not that rare as we may like to believe even in our society. We need to bring back the one who does it with reasoning. I agree there are some incorrigible ones too. Take care

Erratic Thoughts said...

Gosh!That was a very tricky situation, but as always you tackled it tactfully:)
I think the girl could accompany her husband wherever he is,maybe taking another month's leave, that way its a long shot that she might get lonely and think about her ex-bf at all...

Jack said...

E T :

Yes, she could join her husband but don't you think it could also be once bitten twice shy? Let us hope for the best. Take care