Of late I have been reading some posts about how the writers feel when friends move away. Most of them recall how close they had been with some friends and over a period how far they drifted away. Many of them wonder why this happens even when there seems to be no apparent reason. This set me thinking and I am sharing what came in my mind.
Why only friends, even siblings or some close relatives, say cousins, of similar age group also seem to drift apart. We develop very fine relationships with even those elder or younger to us during our life, we may even have been benefitted by some of them or may have helped someone out but still over some time we drift away. If we sit down and think it over it is not friends or relatives or those we shared such close relationships who move away but even we have drifted away from many. At times it may be imaginary reasons for one to move away.
During childhood our outlook is very simple. We like those who play with us or share toys etc with us. The choice is within near vicinity of our home. This is the stage when we develop feeling of CHADDI BUDDY. When we go to school our outlook is still almost the same in initial few years. Some of our childhood friends also are in the same school with us. But as there is wider circle we also become friends with new ones who show liking for us and share things with us. As we progress our outlook undergoes changes as per our needs. We now look for friends who we feel can be of support during crisis time. With change of schools or class, we though do keep in touch with old friends but it is new ones who take more of our time.
When we move to college the same process is repeated. We remain in close touch with few of our old buddies who may be in the same college or those who go to different ones but stay in same area. We or some may even move out to another town. Here itself you will find that you may have drifted a little away from even your CHADDI BUDDY.
The same thing happens when we start working, even if you join family business. We may move out of town or even some of our friends may move out. With this change of environments we though strive to keep in touch with old friends but as time goes it becomes less and less. Then work pressure, marriage, children and a lot of such factors keep you tied up and old ties do start fading. However as and when we do meet at any occasion the old comradeship is revived and we reminisce but when we move away again it is for short time we may try to keep in touch and same old story of being in thick of own affairs takes charge.
It is the same story with our friends also. So one should try to keep in touch with relatives or friends but never feel sad if circumstances make you or them move on. That is the way of life. I have been very close to many and helped some out of dire situations but today if we meet or speak even once a while, I feel happy. One should feel lucky if there are more than a couple of old CHUDDI BUDDIES still in close touch.
29 comments:
if i could say what i know in one word, i would say,
out of sight out of mind.
simple as that. its good actually. this way you get to know so many people that eventually you learn. through their experiences you live. and eventually as they all leave they leave a part of them in you and take a part of you with them.
hence the million parts of you are all so special that it makes you unique. best part is, you don't even know it. :)
jack.
well as an adult the advice is pretty correct but the reality when children or teenagers go through this they ant adults ofcourse they will feel sad... and low..!
anywayz i like your view..!
for me it was always BETRAYAL so i think my sadness was apt :P well iv grown a little hard now..!
keep writing
DASVADANIYA
suvaiba
This post reminded me of all those friends who I missed to call back. I can't believe these are the people I once used to speak everyday for hours. It's hard to figure what has changed. If I said 'lack of time' I would be lying.
Thanks for bringing back the memories of my friends and also for reminding me how I lacked emotions. We often get so engaged in our lives that we don't feel the need to be in touch with childhood buddies and cousins we have grown up with! Relationships are what we are going to keep forever.. and you have put it into beautiful words.
Well I feel that's the way it is supposed to be. As you move forward in life, you need to be able to concentrate on the people who are currently in your life, than those whom you left behind. That's the only way you can adapt to new situations. Just imagine... if you weren't able to let go, you'd forever be living in the past!
But then we get so caught up in 'moving forward' that sometimes we tend to ignore our old friends completely... staying in touch is just as important as moving forward :)
It's true that we should never feel sad,if circumstances turn that way.
But it's difficult to accept in real time.I had experience how it hurts when friends leave us.
Mere Dost! Tera Khat Mileya
Tu Gila Kita Hai Mere Te
Ki Main Bhul Chuka Haan Tainu,
Te Tuhanu Sab Nu.
Per Mere Dost
Main Kinj Bhul Sakda Haan?
Bapu Verge Sehar,
Te Maava Vergia Galian Nu.
Ki Main Bhul Sakda Haan?
Veera Verge Bachpan De Yara Nu.
Mainu Yaad Hai Sab,
Bachpan Da Larrna Te Phir Mil Jana,
Seu Beeriyaan De Beeran Nu Torr Torr Khana,
Sadka Te O Awara Almsat Ghumna,
Ki Main Bhul Sakda Haan?
Per Aarri! Dhidh Di Awaaz Uchi Hai,
Te Eh Tuhadi Sab Di Awaaz Nu Mere Tak Pahunchan To Pehla Hi…..?
Tainu Pata Hai Aarri
Eh Ta Sirf Shuruaat Hai
Aapa Ta Ajey Larrna Hai Bhukh De Khilaaf,
Berujgari De Khilaaf,
Aapne Sapney Poorey Karan Layi.
Unjh Zameer Zioondi Hai Ajey Meri
Ki Pata Aapa Mil Sakiye Kadi?
Per.....Ki Pata Milan To Pehla Hi…??
Per Tu Mainu Ajehey Khat Na Likheya Ker,
Kyuki Main Perr Ke Tera Khat
Kayi Raatan To So Nahin Sakeya,
Mere Dost Tera Khat Mileya,
Maa Vergi Mamta Te
Bapu Verge Honsle Wala
Mere Dost Tera Khat Mileya
Mere Dost Tera Khat Mileya
@rohit..
Wow!absolutely wonderful...its such a beautiful poetry..with emotion and love..reminds me of those good old days with friends..
@jack... This beautiful poetry explains all..
This is a good topic to discuss.
Friends are one whom you can connect with just two letter word Hi irrespective of the lapse of time and age and place. Recently i came across a post which mentioned people do not drift away, they are just meeting new people or learnt new things.
Reminds me of this new ad : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxGZlXyG100
Many people come into our lives, but in the end very few stay..
When times chance, when new people come in, we forget the old. We forget what they meant to us.
Lovely post :)
Keep it up!
@ your comment: I'm so glad you are liking my story. Thank you for your comments. Do come by again :)
Thanks to social networking websites and cheap calling rates(even cheaper India calling cards), its been easy to stay in touch with my Chaddi-buddies. But still I miss their physical presence, and the old times together. What to do? Life's like that :)
Wow Uncle its like you've read my mind!
I'm the sort of person who has a lot of friends but isn't very close to anyone. I have a different best friend at every stage of my life. Thats cos my dad had a transferable job abd I lived in 3 cities and went to 4 schools in my school life.
I also have friends with whom I get really close for a while then we drift apart and then again we contact each other and get close. So I've accepted it as a part of life.
I've also grown used to the idea that I can't find someone with whom I can share all my interests with.
But for the last month or more, I've been thinking of one friend who was so perfect and amazing, but I never bothered to keep in touch. We both moved on and now when I think of her, I wish I could go back to those days. And the worst part is knowing that it was all my fault.
and I was just going to write a blog post about it today when I read your post today.
What you say is so true :)
I guess many of ur readers will fully relate wid it... coz thatz wat happens wid almost everyone.
u said it ryt.. we should cherish those lil moments we share wid our chuddy buddies :)
they give immense happiness
True. rememinded me of many people i left behind ,who still mean a lot.
nice ! :)
RAJ :
True, out of sight out of mind. But some are not out of mind but it is we who keep putting off calling up. I agree it is good that we meet so many persons in life but still I do feel that some are such close ones we should try to keep in touch if not in person then by telephone. Take care
SUVAIBA :
I know as a child or teenager or even as grown up it is not easy to get over someone walking away. But life is such. We should not walk away without some very valid reason. Do try to keep in touch with those you feel happy with. Take care
SHRUTI :
You can always make amends and surprise them by calling up. We should make efforts to keep our relations with those we felt happy with green as far as we can. Best of luck. Take care
T G A FA :
Yes, that is what life is. We get caught up with present friends and without realising lose contact with those we were so close with earlier. We should make efforts to keep in touch with those we felt happy with. Take care
NEEHA :
We should make efforts to be in touch with those with whom we were so happy. If any of such persons calls you up, how would you feel?
Take care
ROHIT :
YE KIDDAAN HO SAKDA HAI KI MAIN BHUL JAWAAN UNHAANOO JINAA NAAL KHEDIA SAAN GULLI DANDA,
PAR UNHAAN NAAL GAL VEE YE KAMBHAKAT WAQT KARAN HI NAHIN DENDA. Take care
HARMAN :
Please do visit him, he write very well. How is my reply to him? Take care
L 2 C :
It is way of life that we come in contact with new persons as we keep busy in our life but we should also try to keep in touch with those who gave us happiness when we were with them. Take care
PHILO :
Moral is that we should make those whom we were close with happy by keeping in touch. Take care
T -f L :
With advancement of connectivity avenues we should make our best efforts to keep in touch with our not only CHADDY BUDDIES but those too who made us happy with their friendship. Take care
H G L :
This is what I tried to tell. With often movements in life we do make new friends but old close friends slowly fade away. If some old close friend who has not been it touch with you for a very long time calls up, how would you feel? So do try to make some of your old buddies happy. Take care
JYOTI :
Cherish those memories and do make efforts to contact them to revive as well as update. Take care
VIDDHI :
Do try to call them up and see how happy they will be. Take care
This is the best post to read when Nostalgia hits us...Thank you uncle for this post :)
Its amazing how back in school days I used to talk to my best friend everyday even when I was with her for 7-8 hrs ...and now we hardly keep in touch....such is life...
Over a period of time I lost loaads of friends...But then I still miss them because somehow down the path I imbibed a kind of isolation when it comes to friends....
But the last line made me feel better :) Because I somehow I have few Chaddi Buddies I manage to keep in touch with forever :)
Loved your post Uncle :)
I so concur with ur thoughts uncle jack...i miss my friends back in India terribly...and i wish i cud go back and keep in touch with them the way i used to earlier.
u encompassed it all beautifully... yess we seem t drift away but i hate it when friends tend to IGNORE u when u need them ..dats not called drifting dats called being ungrateful!!!
I agree with this post when we speak of No Apparent Reasons.
but sometimes, Its due to choice, when a person gets to know you more and more, he tends to know more of your flaws and start drifting slowly and when the bond tends to loosen up a bit and when he or she sees that there's less connection left as the time spent is getting lesser, a person doesn't make efforts thinking its not worth it.
S G :
Lucky you are to be still in touch with some CHADDI BUDDIES. May God remain kind to you always. Take care
RIA :
Why not call them up at regular intervals? And also by e mails. That will be so good when you meet them on visit here. Take care
CATGIRL :
Those who ignore you are not at all friends. Let me tell you what is a FRIEND :
Forever
Ready
In
Every
Need
Dependably
So those who do not fulfill this are not friends, including us if we too fail. Take care
SOLITAIRE :
Person who drifts away due to coming to know flaws does not at all qualify to be termed a FRIEND. As friends we need to accept the other as he or she is and make efforts to help in overcoming unhealthy traits. Take care
hmmm....nice write up....
Please note a little change in my blog address:
http://thinkinglifeandyou.blogspot.com/
Trust you to pick a topic that's on my mind lately...
Child/adult one does feel low when their close frnds move away, at least I have, always!
We get into a habit of having them around and it is difficult to break a habit...
Sometimes, some places or some actions remind us of the memories we've shared and I believe they make life interesting...
Sorry for the late comment.. but better late than never-
The thing is, that in friendship, instead of making friends with benefits, if we make friends because we like a person.. it would automatically make things simpler.
Then you can pick up, whenever you want!
Lovely insight though! Thanks!
THINKING :
Thanks for liking it. I have noted the change and will visit soon. Take care
E T :
We should always keep good memories and cherish. Efforts should be made to keep in touch with those with whom you felt comfortable and close. Take care
SAKSHI :
How true! Make friends not for selfish gains but as you like the person. That friendship goes a long way. But unfortunately present trend is once your need is over then TU KAUN AUR MAIN KAUN. Take care
A profound thought...this post made me nostalgic...I called up two of my school friends...and I must say I felt very nice.
Its strange how things unfold in life...people come and go...even we move away from someone else's life...strange life....
Loved your post uncle....
Take care
Gayu
GAYU :
I am so glad you could call up and speak to your school friends to revive the old memories. Do keep in touch with those who are true friends.
Take care
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