Wednesday, May 30, 2012

HAPPINESS OF CHILDREN Vs EGO


I have known Shaloo for about 18 years. Around that many years ago we had shifted to the locality where she stayed with her parents close to our house. Her father, JK, became quite close to me as we used to be on morning walks at the same timings. We both had our dogs with us during that time. They have a son, Ajay, who is 2 years elder to her. That time she must have been around 7 years as she was in 3rd standard while her brother was in 5th. Her mother used to visit our house frequently to spend time with my wife. The children also used to visit regularly though our children were elder to them. After about 5 years stay there we shifted to another close by locality. They kept in touch and children or rather Shaloo used to visit couple of times every week. She kept in regular touch with us inspite of our moving to another locality. JK too used to call up often and we used to meet may be once on a couple of months.  In due course of time she graduated and went on to do MBA in HR. She joined a MNC thereafter. Ajay completed engineering in Electronics and joined a leading IT company.

About 3 years ago she confided to us that she has fallen in love with a boy, Sanjay, in her office. He is their Marketing Manager and about 3 years elder to her. They both wanted to get married soon.  On asking she told that she had not yet told her parents as she was afraid because he is from different caste and region.  She told that even he had not spoken to his parents till then. I advised her that in case they both were sure of their love and felt that they would be happy together, then it was time to take it further by involving parents of both side. I offered my help, if needed. A few days later she came over our house in tears. Her parents had refused to accept this match while her brother was on her side. Her mother was more against it than her father. Even from boy’s side, father did not have much of an objection but his mother refused to accept this.  I tried to convince JK, though he seemed to be willing but was afraid of his wife. Sanjay told me that there would be no use of my meeting his parents as his mother insisted that he marry a girl of her choice who was her cousin’s daughter as she had promised cousin that she would take her daughter into her family. I advised both of them to give a little time as it was quite possible that both side parents may agree after some thinking. But then Shaloo called me up after about a month to inform that his mother had set a date for his marriage to that girl and was going to send invitations soon.  She told that Sanjay and she are going ahead with Court marriage in a day or two and wanted me to be there. She told me that his father would be there but would not sign anything. He would maintain later that he did not know anything. She wanted me to bring her father along without telling him the reason.

So on the appointed day  I took JK with me to court on some pretext. On reaching there, Shaloo met us and she told him the reason. She further told that she would not go ahead if he objected vehemently. Sanjay’s father told JK that he was there to give his blessings but would not acknowledge that in front of his wife. JK hugged me saying thanks. He too agreed on same terms as Sanjay’s father. So they both got married with their friends signing as witnesses. After that they moved to a friend’s house for a few days hoping that his mother might relent but it did not happen. So they moved into a small flat on their own.

Next one year though fathers did keep in touch on the quiet and visited them whenever they could but Sanjay or Shaloo could not visit their parental homes because of their mothers not accepting the marriage.  Ajay was married to a girl of his mother’s choice. Right from day one she made it clear that Ajay should move out of parent’s house to live separately. The situation became so tense that Ajay took up an offer for job in USA and they moved out to that place. JK and his wife were left alone. Though Ajay kept in touch but did not visit even once after moving out. In the meanwhile Shaloo was blessed with a son. JK and Sanjay’s father kept visiting on the quiet off and on to spend time with him but no one else from family did. Even Sanjay’s parents were alone after his sister got married and moved out. Sanjay and Shaloo made repeated attempts with some veiled help of respective fathers to diffuse situation but their mothers did not relent or give an inch.

A couple of weeks ago Shaloo’s  mother had suffered stroke. She was taken to hospital and put into ICU.  JK told Shaloo and also called up Ajay. His wife had attended the call and told that her parents had come to USA for a two month visit only a couple of days ago so Ajay or she cannot come to India immediately. Sanjay and Shaloo rushed to hospital and had been of support to JK throughout. On her discharge from hospital a couple of days ago she has been advised full bed rest for at least a month, so Shaloo took leave to be there. Her mother was in tears when she saw Shaloo taking care of her. When Shaloo’s young son sat next to her on bed giving smile, she in feeble voice asked Shaloo to forgive her. Sanjay’s father managed to somehow convince his wife to visit JK’s house to enquire about her health. She agreed as she too was feeling very lonely. When they came the little boy ran to his grandfather shouting with joy DADU  DADU. Sanjay’s father picked him up handing him over to his wife who after taking him started crying while hugging him close.

So all is well that ends well but may I ask why do we not live with changing times and accept happiness of our children instead of getting egoistic?   

25 comments:

Sonshu said...

A very important question raised. The post was so heartfelt.

Rià said...

The question asked in the end is a very pertinent one! Wish ppl cud put their ego aside.

school gal said...

the best post i've evr read..!!..
uncle jack, i know i comment in d same way for all ur posts...!! but ur posts are just the best!

Rose said...

Ego is so hard to forsake. People often cannot see beyond their self-imposed beliefs, even if it concerns their near and dear ones.

Irfanuddin said...

well..i personally feel that society and people around us are changing their attitude as far as these sort of issues are concerned but the pace of change is perhaps too slow as we wish it would have been.....

Lets hope that people start changing their attitude sooner than later...:))

Mannu said...

wonderful blog , uncle Jack.
makes me think again , what is ego?. And I come to the same answer, it is but our pre-learnt knowledge. and as you correctly point out, our refusal to change what we had already learnt.

Harman said...

very true and people shld change wid times whts harm?
I mean there shld be nothing more imp then kids and their happiness ,,very well written
best post !

Purba said...

A woman's pride often comes in the way of a mother's love.

(Btw Indiblogger is having a Delhi Bloggers meet at The Park on 10th of June. Hope you can make it)

Rachna said...

Very pertinent question! Why do we not let happiness dictate our decisions instead of egos?

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

People stick to their own thinking and refuse to change. But when the time comes, they are set right :)

Jyoti Mishra said...

Ego clash is one of the biggest reason..
as Irfan said.. ppl r changing but this change is slow..
ppl still consider inter-caste marriage a taboo..

Bikramjit said...

lets hope we get some answers to the questions some time..

alls well that end well is right but it took a long time and it does not work like this all the time ..

I wonder why we cant let everyone live happily ..

Bikram's

Jack said...

SONSHU :

I hope change in outlook happens sooner than later. Take care


RIA :

I hope that we can understand that happiness of children is far more important than false pride. Take care


S G :

Your liking my sharing of thoughts or experience makes my day.
Take care


ROSE :

I know that it is not easy to overcome EGO but we must do so to have life long happiness, isn't it? Take care

Jack said...

IRFANUDDIN :

I too hope and pray for change to take place faster. Take care


MANNU :

Thanks for such supportive view. Take care


HARMAN :

We surely need to change with times and understand happiness of our children is far more important than our EGO. Take care


PURBA :

So true, but is it not time to reflect on that for the sake of our children? Take care

Jack said...

RACHNA :

Yes, why not? Take care


PHILO :

Time to realize that change in attitude is must. Take care


JYOTI :

A lot of damage has been done in the world due to EGO clashes. Time to realize it and overcome our EGO. Take care


BIKRAMJIT :

Welcome to my space. It is not in every case that all ends well. We need to change our outlook and move with times. Hope to have your valuable views in future too. Take care

Pooja said...

So true. I wonder why some parents seem so hell bent and stubborn?! I wonder if it is because of being set in their ways or just an ego trip. Luckily this story has a happy ending.

Hey Jack, so sorry for not getting in touch sooner. you can email me the story at dittyorama@gmail.com. can't wait to read what you have come up with :)

Arooj said...

this post is a message to all.

Jack said...

POOJA :

Change in attitude is taking place but at a very slow pace and is mostly confined to educated people & urban areas. It is basically mind set due to social customs and then even ego comes into play as to how come youngster did not obey us. Thanks for id, I will send my ideas little later. Take care


AROOJ :

Hope that it does make some affect on society. Take care

jyothismusings said...

A very good question indeed. :)

I hope every Shaloo has someone like you in her life when her parents refuse to consider her happiness.

This is my first time here. I think I am going to come back often.

Jack said...

JYOTHI :

Welcome to my space. I feel so honoured that you liked what I tried to put across. Hope to have your views in future also. Please do read some of my older posts, if you find time. I really hope and pray for some of our customs to change with times.

Take care

Amrita Tanmay said...

यह कहानी एक साथ कई महत्वपूर्ण बिंदु को उजागर करती है..जातिवाद , बेटे-बेटियों में अंतर , अभिभावक का अहंकार आदि-आदि..प्रभावित करती हुई..

Jack said...

AMRITA :

YEH MERI BHOOL THIS KE MAINE ISKO KAL NAHIN DEKHA. HUMEIN JATIVAAD, BETE - BETI MEIN BHED BHAV AUR AHANKAAR SE ALAG HONA HAI. ASHAA KARTAA HOON KI MEIN YEH SAB ISI JEEVAN MEIN DEKH LOON.

Take care

ಅಶ್ವಿನಿ/ Ashwini said...

Oh no! I just dont know why some are so adamant on accepting the change.

Jack said...

ASHWINI :

Welcome to my space. Hope to have your valuable views often. I agree that such persons need to be made to understand that change in attitude is a must for not only happiness of children but own too.

Take care

Shilpa Garg said...

They say, egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity. Having an ego for one's own child!!?? It sure is stupidity!!