Sunday, April 29, 2012

SAD, IT IS.


As told in my previous post, I am sharing with you what I had observed.

Most of the days I go to pick up our granddaughter from her school bus stop. Once I got a little late, though was in time to reach there but the bus had come early that day and she was standing at the exit door crying. Since then I give more allowance of time. It is not far but I still take the car as she feels happy. I normally park the car and wait outside. During this time I observe what goes on around. I have come to know how many school buses, with school names, go in the opposite directions or come in the same direction before her bus comes. I know which bus children of our housing complex get down from. Most of the young ones call me DADU as our granddaughter calls me and elder ones call me uncle, as the norm is.  A bus of well known school comes in the same direction almost 10 minutes before her bus. Two girls get down, one of them, say A, is from our complex while other one seems to be her classmate and takes a rickshaw to go home from there. A always stopped to say hello to me as we have a good rapport and I know her parents well.

Since beginning of this month I observed a young boy reached there around the same time as their bus arrived and waited under a tree a little distance away after parking his motorcycle nearby. The girl who comes with A used to say bye to her and go over to the boy. A as usual stopped to speak to me. That boy and girl used to be there when I left with our granddaughter. They though did not indulge in much PDA but it was quite evident that they were going strong in relationship. This was daily routine.

This went on for about a fortnight but then I saw that boy saying something which the girl used to nod her head in disagreement and the boy showed as if he was annoyed pretending to walk off. She used to then hold his hand to make him stay back while said something to please him. On last Monday that boy was not there when the girl arrived. She looked towards that tree and went over. A accompanied her and waited for a while. This girl started crying as it became evident that boy was not likely to come. A tried to  console her and later put her in a rickshaw before going home. The same thing happened for the next couple of days and that girl kept crying mostly. On Thursday when A stopped to talk to me, I asked her as to what was the problem with that girl. A told me that the boy who used to come was her boyfriend and it seemed that he had broken off with her. On my asking she told me that he was in their school but a year senior. He had appeared for 12th board examinations and was waiting for results. He used to come in the same bus and they used to share seat till he got down a couple of stops earlier. Since reopening of school, he started coming to this stop to meet her. Since I shared a good rapport with A, I told her that I hoped he had not taken advantage of that girl. A told me she would check on that. That day I told in my previous post that I would share an observation with you all.

On Friday she told me that what I suspected was likely to be true as her friend had visited his house on previous weekend because the boy had insisted a lot threatening to break off and he was alone at home.

I really feel so sad for that young girl who has been carried away with her feelings and is now in such a state. This is why I always advocate that it is very important for parents to share friendly relationship with grown up children to inculcate confidence in them to share what goes on in their mind. Parents should be able to guide children as to how to take care of self using language as appropriate to their age. I sincerely wish to speak to that girl and advise that the boy is not worth her as he only lusted after her. I wish to tell her to get over what happened and learn lesson for future. This is the time she needs support lest she takes some drastic step.  But I do not think I will as I do not know the girl. I do offer my help to those I know but I never want to impose myself on anyone. However I have requested A to be of support to her and see that she does not take any harmful step.     

22 comments:

Arooj said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
M said...

It is a sad story, but not something that I haven't experienced myself or seen it happen to very close friends.

Communication is the key! Why don't parents understand this.

Live2cherish said...

As much i would like to disbelieve this, it is a fact. I am not sure if I can blame the media or communication between kid-parent for this.
I think its more to do with the growing age of kids and their need to get affection and approval from others. So, yes i agree with your take on boosting their confidence by pep talk but is that enough?

RehyaBond said...

This story couldn't have been more timely, given the set experiences that I’ve come across in the past few weeks.. I’ve typed and erased countless times, but I don’t know what to say, but feel sorry and angry. Sorry for women-kind for having to face pity and remorse over such stories, very often if not always, revolving around them. Makes me wonder, do men ever love? Or has it always been lust?.. or else, how is it ever possible.. after being in a stable relationship for some time, to bear the strength of leaving a loved one like that. Shame on such men, who use women for their own play. Ughhh!

Me said...

This is sad... Yes, it is important to communicate with ur kids, but again, most of the times, the kids hide things because they fear being judged as 'bad' or 'wrong'. In order to be accepted in love, girls give-in..although most of the times, it is just about lust from the guys' pavilion.

I am not being anti-men, but it is a generic trend I have observed around me.

Arooj said...

people say that media is spoiling the children but besides this it is teaching something good as well,why dont such growing youth learns from the warning of it?

RiĆ  said...

I agree with Harshita...Girls need to understand certain things too. I feel sometimes girls give in too soon without realising that its not worth it and that it may lead to hear break.

Sakshi said...

I really hope that things get sorted for that girl!

Ruprekha said...

Hope the girl over comes this sad period soon and emerges much more matured to handle things better.
At our age it is easy to advise both the parents and the youngsters in this matter. But no matter how careful the parents are or how good a relationship the parents have with their children, these incidents do take place. The youngsters should learn from various means like films, tv and books too.

♥ Golden Pink ♥ said...

the most common story of every other girl these days.
why can't girls be strong?
why do they rush into these things?

Boys are into the same thing over and over again, they don't think twice before hurting someone.

both are at fault.

Rachna said...

Very well said, Uncle. We parents have to be tuned in to our kids. At every stage in their life, they require a different kind of monitoring. But, parents must make them comfortable enough to approach them and talk. And, we must also know that something is not right with our child just by their behavior. You did right by not approaching the girl directly, as she might have not appreciated your intrusion.

http://rachnaparmar.com

Jack said...

M :

While growing up we all have curiosities as well as urges which we need to understand. If there is not proper guidance then we learn what we do from our peers, which could be right or wrong. Parents need to keep pace with time and see to the needs of child. If they feel shy, let them use help of someone who can guide children on their behalf, may be an elder relative or professional counsellor. Take care


L2C :

Parents need to keep pace with time and understand needs of child as per age to be of support. Do read what I told M above. Take care


R B :

Unfortunately it is girl who is always at the receiving end, not only in our country but all over. It is not that boys can not love in true way but at that age it is more of physical curiosity. Children have to be told about what is what as per age and also be treated in friendly manner to encourage them to share their curiosities. Do share what you have experienced or seen, if you wish to. Take care


ME :

I agree that children hide things because of being judged. So the parents need to make them confident to share whatsoever without any fear. Boys are more open about their physical urges. Take care

Jack said...

AROOJ :

Media is telling us what is going on and it is upto us to derive lesson from what is happening. I feel that parents need to be more supportive towards children in their growing years to make them understand what is what and how to live with dignity. Take care


RIA :

If we all look back to our growing up years and see where did we flounder, we can ensure that our children do not face similar situations, isn't it? Take care


SAKSHI :

I too hope so. I am glad to have help from A for this. Take care

Jack said...

RUPREKHA :

I also hope and pray for that. If parents are understanding and children are confident to discuss anything with them, then chances of such happening are only with due application of mind by them.
Take care


G P :

I am so glad that you visited. If the children are aware of what is what and then do what they wish to it is after due thinking over, isn't it so? One should never take advantage of other's weakness. I will try to visit your blogspace soon. Take care


RACHNA :

Thanks for supportive views. As I said I do offer my help but do not like to impose myself on anyone. I feel happy that A is there to take care of her Take care

Gayu said...

There are many things which children never discuss with their parents. Again I think children themselves draw this line at times. They feel uncomfortable to ask questions and discuss issues with them.

Also girls should know where to draw the line. Every other day we come accross incidents of rape, breakoffs etc. Girls need to understand when to say "NO".

There is a song in Hindi"Jhukti hai Duniya, Jhukanewala chahiye".
It is like that.

Again, when such things come in front of parents, they start yelling and abusing the girl, rather than finding a solution and being supportive to her.

I am happy that she has a good friend like A, who is there to support her.
She has to move on now...!!

Such incidents make me think so much...I realise now parenting is no cake walk.

Take care
Gayu

Jack said...

GAYU :

You are right that most of the children do not approach parents for their doubts as they feel that they will be treated as culprits. Parenting is not so easy. One needs to be on look out as to what the child may be needing or upto. I am repeating myself that parents need to inculcate confidence in children to speak to them without fears.

Take care

Purba said...

Only when Parents stop being preachy and judgmental, will their kids start confiding in them.

school gal said...

omgg..!!!! dis is such an awesome post.. i wish my parents wer lik u!!

Jack said...

PURBA :

You are right. Although parents always have well being of children in mind but they instead of understanding aspirations of children impose their will more often leading to children doing things at the sly. How I wish parents become more like friends for them in growing years as per age and guide them instead of ordering them around. Take care


S G :

Nice to see you. All parents have well being of children in mind but their way of implementing it is different. If you try to be open with your parents I am sure they will also reciprocate. Take care

Jack said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nikita said...

dadu is chooo cute :)
evry gal goes thru this phase and they learn to cope up too on their own but agree parents supoort can make things much easier..

Jack said...

NIKITA :

I am so glad that you could find time to visit. True, every girl is likely to go through this phase but it is fine as long as what she does is as per her willingness and not forced to do it. Parents need to be more open and frank with children as per their age so that they develop confidence to share what goes on in their mind. Take care