HAPPY NEW YEAR --- 2012

Wish you all Very Happy New Year. May 2012 be just the way each one of you want it to be for yourself.

COMPLETION OF PREVIOUS POST

In the beginning of my previous post I had said that we all need space to do something or the other and also that we do not want anyone to hear our personal conversation. Further I had written about what I had observed without making any judgement and asked for opinion from you all. Surprisingly some of you felt that I had thought of her adversely. Most of you rightly deduced that she may be talking to her mother. I do not know her except that they stay in the block next to our and have seen her father in law at times with his grandson when I go with our granddaughter to the park. We are just on hello hello terms.

Now coming to the rest of the post :

One of their neighbors is also a dog lover and has a dog. We often meet while walking our dogs. That is how we got talking in general. He had been with me a few times when I observed what I stated. I did not say anything on this. A few days ago he told me about her.

She has been married for a little over 5 years. Though it was an arranged marriage, they had met a few times to get to know each other. Soon after marriage she started insisting that they should stay separately. Even her mother told her in laws that they should live independently. Her father in law had told that it was upto their son to do what he wished and neither he would interfere nor he would like anyone to do so. Her husband being the only son wanted parents to stay with them and he had made it clear to her before marriage which she had agreed to. Her father in law is retired government officer who contributes to family expenses from his pension. She still kept pestering him to separate out and at times there were ugly spats between the couple which the neighbors were witness to. Her in laws are non-interfering and have told their son to live separately if that brings peace in his life. He is not keen as he had told that if they did so there will be immense interference from her mother who is extremely overbearing. This young lady is still not reconciled and keeps on with her demand off & on. Her young son is taken care of by her in laws but as soon as she comes back from office she takes him to her room shutting the door inspite of young boy saying that he wants to be with granny. This he said that he had seen few times when he was in their house at that time. Her mother seldom visits as she understands that due to her interference she is not welcome warmly. It is well known that she still keeps on instigating her daughter to keep up with her demand and wants her to keep updating her on each and every thing happening in the house. This young lady seems to be controlled to a large extent by her mother.

I strongly feel that after marriage one should not interfere in daughter’s affairs unless it is deemed necessary due to domestic violence, mental or physical for which recourses are available. Let the couple settle down and accept that there will be some differences in any couple, specially newly married. All the more reason to severe umbilical cord if her in laws treat her with due respect and love. And one should use freedom or space judiciously and not for creating disharmony.

YOUR OPINION, PLEASE.

It is an open secret that we all need space to do something or the other. We do not like anyone to overhear personal conversation, specially some official matter or when in relationship. With advent of mobile telephony it has become quite easy to do so. Now what made me say all this –

When I take our dog out after her morning meal I see a young lady of mid 20s escorting her about 4 years old son to school bus stop on working days. On most of the days while coming back she is on her mobile. She stays in block next to ours. She keeps pacing infront of the block and talking for some time before moving in. If she sites her husband or either of her in laws, she hurriedly discontinues talking. I know she is working lady but I wonder who she could be talking to at that early hour in the morning.

I invite your opinions on this.

TO LEARN FROM CHILDREN

Yesterday our d i l had organized a party for children to celebrate birthday of our granddaughter who turned 4. Our daughter and her husband made little ones play games. The children seemed to be enjoying dancing away to music. I was taking photographs and keeping an eye if any child seemed aloof. After children left, the party continued as we had some guests and their children. It was quite a fun. Today morning I asked our granddaughter as to how was the party. Her response was short, “ Good “ and she continued with what she was doing – playing with dolls she had got. I realized that instead of reminiscing about past she has just moved on to present.

This brought to my mind what I have seen many a times in the small park in the society where children gather to play in the evenings. There are some discords or the other between some of them, with young boys even coming to fisticuffs, but within a short span of time I have seen them again on buddy buddy terms and playing. They move on and get over whatever it might have been.

This set me thinking why can we grownups not learn to move on like that and get over past to live happily in present. We too in our childhood must have moved on from all such petty things but at what age did we start keeping grudges? We must learn to be child again to forgive and forget.

SILVER LINING

My wife had been telling me for quite some time that she would like to visit our family jewelers in Karol Bagh for updating few items. I had been culprit of dilly dallying but yesterday I agreed on one condition that we would go by Metro. She agreed and I was very happy because it takes just 40 minutes by Metro while by car it takes more than an hour due to traffic as well as hassles of finding proper parking place. So off we went around 11:45 am.

We boarded the Metro and found that though it was not crowded like buses but there were no vacant seats. So we stood holding onto support rails. As the train moved a lady in mid 20s or so who was occupying a ladies seat got up and offered her place to my wife. She insisted that my wife sit while she would stand. I was quite surprised at her gesture. Within a minute or so a young boy of about 18 or 20 got up offering his place to me. I asked that lady to sit but she declined asking me to sit. I saw an elderly lady of my age or so standing a little ahead, so I asked her to take that place. She showed gratitude and sat down. And lo behold! Another young man of early 20s got up to make me sit at his place. While sitting I saw two young girls of 18 or so occupying two seats meant for “ Elderly or Handicapped Persons” and chit chatting away without any botheration for co-passengers who could be rightful persons to sit there.

After we finished our work we again boarded Metro for return journey. This time the train was very crowded. There was a man sitting along with a lady in place meant for two ladies and he made place by pushing towards other side asking my wife to sit. Again within a minute a young person of mid 20s got up offering me to take his place.

These two incidents made me feel that there is still silver lining and there still are some good Samaritans who care for elderly. This specially after my experience at that Bank branch which I wrote about in previous post.

May the breed of such persons prosper as each one of us will reach old age.

WHY MAKE MOCKERY?

I normally go to do chores relating to Bank or payment of bills to MTNL / BSES post lunch as it is generally less crowded. Most of these have arrangements to give priority to senior citizens. Boards are displayed prominently to say that. It is really a blessing as this allows one to avoid exertion at advancing age.

Yesterday I had to visit local branch of major government bank to deposit cash into someone’s account before noon. I had visited that branch a few times earlier to put my cheque in drop box provided for credit card payment. As expected there were a number of persons but almost all were seated in the chairs lined up along the walls. I did not see any long queues. I was impressed by this orderly way. After I filled up the required pay in slip I looked around for the counter to do the needful. I could not see any such caged cashier window. On my asking the watchman told me to take a token from the vending machine and see the directions given on the electronic board for which SINGLE WINDOW to go to. It seemed all fine. I took the token and saw that my number had another 40 + persons ahead of me. As all the seats were occupied, I stood in a place so as not to obstruct anyone. It was after a wait of almost 50 minutes that I was directed to window number X. The paying in took just about 2 minutes. While standing all this while I read a lot of boards informing customers about various services offered by the said Bank. One of the boards displayed prominently said “ We give preference to Senior Citizens”. After I had finished my work, I could not resist meeting the Branch Manager to request him to remove the said board as I felt this was a mockery or make some provision to honour it.

SOLUTION? Part 2 and concluded

Let me first of all clarify some points as I was disturbed after going through some of the comments in the previous post :

a. I am sure that you will agree with me that reel life is often inspired by incidents of real life.

b. My aim of sharing this is not to sensationalize it but to understand what went wrong and why. And what lessons can be drawn.

c. My friend and I have a lot of common beliefs, one of those is - anyone can condemn a wrong doer but our true worth is in redeeming that person. My friend being the emotionally affected person withdrew into himself leaving me to do what I felt was correct action.

Keeping the above in view I am now narrating rest of what happened that day and subsequently. This is going to be a long post but I did not want to break it up adding to my agony as I treat her as family member.

We moved to Coffee Bar which was quite deserted at that time. I guided them to sit at far end in an alcove. My friend looked drained out and weak. She was crying silently. Once we were settled and waiter had taken our order, I looked at my friend nodding to convey that I will do my best. He conveyed his agreement by nod. I asked her as to tell what was going on. She just looked down and continued crying. She murmured repeatedly with downcast eyes “ Sorry. Please forgive me.” After our order was served, I had to coax her to have coffee. As we sat in silence all through while having coffee, it became apparent that she was not likely to speak in his presence. He understood that and told me that he would go back to seminar lest someone comes looking for him. He thus left us alone.

It took all my persuasive powers to convince her that we wanted to protect her and that was possible only if she shared what happened. She said that she did not do it willingly but it was out of compulsions. She asked me to help her in saving her marriage. Once I convinced her that aim was that she started talking. A little cajoling was needed in between to make her continue whenever she hesitated due to feeling shy to reveal details. She poured her heart out. I am putting what she said in a narrative form in first person on her behalf with little moderation of language :

“ We are two siblings, brother is younger by little over 2 years. I have been good looking right from childhood. My father had been very strict with me for everything but not so much with my brother. My mother did not support me as she felt scared of him. As I grew up I felt this discrimination more even in small things like enjoying chocolates or cold drinks or going out to stay overnight with friends. I felt starved for affection. This made me look for attention and affection from others. I also craved for such denied pleasures and looked for way to have these outside his watchful eyes.

I was about 10 years old when an uncle shifted to a house closeby. He visited us with his wife and children who were much older to me. He used to offer me chocolates or toffees at times when he found me playing with friends. One day he asked me to come inside his house offering a cold drink. Once inside he made me sit in his lap while he held a Coca Cola in his hand. Though I was not keen but attraction of cold drink made me do his bidding. While I was sipping cold drink, he kept moving his hands all over me telling how sweet I was. I knew it was not alright and my father will beat me if he comes to know but having that drink made me forget all that. After that he off and on took me inside the house on pretext of offering something or the other and every time he fondled my budding breasts or touched my privates mostly over clothes. I did not like it as it felt wrong but temptation of having something denied by my father outweighed it. And frankly at times I liked his attention and touch. This lead to my thinking that there is no harm if I can get what I want by letting a person do little touching me or so. However they moved off from that house in another 2 or 3 months.

I was in an all girls school in our locality and as such did not have any contact with boys except those related to my class mates or friends. I did not dare to speak to any of those when alone due to fear of my father. As I moved to college which was co-ed and in another locality at good distance from our house I came in contact with boys. It felt strange but pleasant. After a couple of months I became very friendly with one boy. He paid a lot of attention to me. We talked to each other very freely. He used to treat me at good eating places in close vicinity to our college and at times we went to see movies, mainly English, during our free time. In the dark movie hall he used to either hold my hand or put his arm across my shoulders. He was from another town. He and his two friends stayed in two room accommodation close to college. At times we used to take my favourite dishes and eat at his place with his friends or alone. He also used to take chilled beer sometimes but I used to take just a few sips from his glass. Again it was attraction of doing something my father prohibited which made it exciting. I accepted his hugging or kissing as part of our relationship. Gradually we developed more intimacy. Once when we were alone and I was feeling highly aroused by his intense kissing plus heavy petting, he positioned himself on top of me. Before I could realize he had started making love. Initially I made efforts in vain to push him off but soon gave it up as I started liking the sensation. I cried after that but he consoled me saying that he felt I wanted it as the way I was pressing myself against him and it was culmination of our love. He further added that he would marry me at appropriate time. I felt a sense of exhilaration as if I had won a point against my overbearing father. Thereafter thinking that now it was done, there was no harm in doing it again, I continued this with him whenever we could till we finished college. After that he went back to his town promising me to remain in touch but never called up or wrote.

I completed MBA and wanted to work. My father let me on one condition that I hand over my salary to him and he would give me money for my needs. I had no option but it was painful to get money from him as he negated my reasons mostly. I used to get limited pocket money within which I had to pay our canteen bills. I thus at time had refused to attend office parties as I could ill afford to pay my share. My boss was quite young, a couple of years older than me and a bachelor. He mostly conveyed his appreciation for my hard work. This motivated me to work harder as well have soft corner for him. I never refused any additional task given by him. He used to offer me tea or coffee whenever we worked together on any project. It seems he had judged me correctly. At times we used to go out for meeting clients and on such occasions he used to treat me to lunch etc. He used to crack double meaning jokes and touch my hand or put arm across while we were alone in restaurant or office. He sort of pampered me. It was about six months after I started working that we had to meet an important client in nearby town. We were to go in the morning and return by evening. On reaching there after a couple of hours drive we learnt that he had to go out of town suddenly due to his father falling sick. My boss suggested that we start back after lunch which I agreed to. We went to a small resort just outside the town on our way back. He asked me to wait in the car while he went to reception. On return he drove the car to a hut type cottage telling that he had ordered food which would be served there. The single room cottage was not very big but spacious enough to accommodate a double bed, a small dressing table and couple of chairs with a centre table. There was TV and attached washroom. We were both in formals, he was in suit while I was in trousers with tucked in shirt and sleeveless jacket. The food was served and there were a few bottles of beer also. On his insistence I accepted a glass of beer. He put on some music channel playing romantic melodies. He took off his coat and tie saying it seemed too formal and laughingly assisted me to remove my jacket. He kept refilling my glass. After some beer I felt gay abandonment, giggling on his non-veg jokes. We continued having beer for some more time then he suddenly came over to me, pulling me to my feet and kissed me saying he could not resist as I looked so ravishing. This made me feel happily proud. He guided me to bed and we sat down. He kept holding me close and kissed me fiercely which made me respond with equal gusto. I was feeling such sensations that I made no effort to resist when he removed my shirt. His manipulations made me gasp and I did not even know when we shed clothes. After we had made love, reality hit me hard. We quietly dressed up and returned. Next day I did not feel like going to office but thought of making excuses to my father forced me to go. He behaved as if nothing had happened which was fine with me. We carried on with work as usual but I felt uneasy calm and a knot in the pit of my stomach. It was a couple of days later when I was discussing some project with him when he asked me to come towards his side to watch something on his laptop. I was dumbstruck to see it was recording of that cottage focused on the bed. Though it was bit hazy but we both were recognizable. It seems he had surreptitiously video-recorded it on his mobile placing it facing the bed. He then told me it was safe with him as long as I did not deny him what he asked for. After that I had to satisfy him as and when and whatever way he demanded. A couple of months later he told me that he would like me to please a friend of his but I refused saying that I would rather commit suicide. It was a month after that I got married and when I joined back I learnt that he had moved out to another company. That however did not give me any respite as he kept asking me sometimes to meet him even when I begged him to leave me alone as I am married. He is the one you saw me with today.”

On my asking she gave me his name and where he was working. She also told me she had learnt that he got married a month ago. She had kept crying while telling all this and pleaded that she wanted to save marriage as this was first time in her life that she found freedom with so much trust adding that to work or not was left to her and no one asked about her salary.

We moved out to reception and on calling up my friend came over. He told that seminar was almost over and he is ready to move. She had her car but I did not want her to go alone. So I told my friend that I will accompany her and he could drop me once we reach his place. On way back I requested her to take leave for few days and not to take any calls from him or any unknown number. If by chance he did get through to her she should politely tell him that she would call later, though I did not expect him to call up. When my friend dropped me home, I briefly told him that she is victim of blackmail due to her old folly. We put our heads together and made a plan to save her from that situation. He agreed not to say anything to anyone.

I spoke to some persons in corporate world to get information on that person. I made it seem as if I was interested to meet him for some CSR project. I struck gold as one of my contacts knew him but did not have very high opinion about him. He told that his reputation was very bad as he is alleged to have ruined life of a few girls. He told me that he had left company I was talking about as he got married to the only child of a well settled businessman and joined him. He promised to find out more and let me know later.

Next day, Sunday, I went to my friend’s house as per plan. I wanted to gauge how would his son react on this issue. I had seen him grow up and knew that he has taken after his father in many ways. When I told him that I wanted to have a word, he said that he had a feeling something was amiss as his father seemed little too preoccupied while his wife seemed close to tears all the time. He further added that he firmly believes in past is past as long as one does not revive it. So I told him that his wife was being blackmailed due to some indiscretion in the past. He offered to do whatever needed as he knew she did not have very happy childhood. So armed with this I went ahead with our plan.

On Monday afternoon I got a call from my source with more information. It emerged that his father in law is a man of the world. He took all possible precautions to safeguard his daughter’s wellbeing and future. She is MBA in finance and has been working with her father since her college days. She was well versed in his business. As he was not keeping good health he had drawn a will to pass on everything in her name. She was already in control of most of the things. She was also aware of greedy nature of persons and as such was on guard for that. Though he was with them in business but did not have any important hold. My contact had also been able to find names of two girls with whom he was linked in the past.

I shared this incident with you on Monday evening but upto her seeing us and our moving down.

This additional information made me realize that he had married for cushy life and will not be in a position to face divorce. This made my further task easy. Otherwise I was thinking of asking help from another friend who is a retired senior police officer.

On Wednesday, I with my friend and his son went to his office. I requested the young man to wait in the car. Though I knew he would not do anything inappropriate but still did not want him to meet that person. That “gentleman” was shocked to see us both there. He quickly ushered us in what seemed to be his office. Before he could say anything, I asked him if he would like to discuss what I had in mind or would he prefer that we invited his father in law and wife also. He could not say anything so I introduced myself and my friend giving our past occupations and also told him that husband to that girl was waiting in the car outside. He turned pale and asked us to let him off. I told him that if he ever harassed the girl again, I will come with her and named other two girls to meet his wife. He started perspiring. On my repeating what I said he just kept nodding his head that he will abide by what I said. He was stunned when I asked him to open that video on his laptop. He at first denied having it but on my insistence with threat to call police for help, he told that after copying it on CD he had deleted it. We believed him as he was so terrified. I asked for the CD which he reluctantly took out of his briefcase and handed over. After checking it’s authenticity on his PC I broke it in four pieces and put in my pocket. I asked for his mobile but he stated that after uploading it on laptop he had deleted it. However to be sure I did check his mobile. We left him with another warning that if he wanted to continue with happy life he should never again call up or make any effort to contact this girl.

On reaching the car I told her husband that matter is closed to our satisfaction. He thanked me and said that he is not interested in any more details. Later after he had reached us home and left for office, I advised her that she may join office on coming Monday but be careful in future. Also I requested her not to hesitate in sharing if she faces any problem in future.

Now I only hope and pray that it remains peaceful and also I do not face such situation ever again.

I would like to request you not to be a HAUWAA ( Demon ) for your children, specially girls, but to be accessible to them, make them confident to share their dreams, insecurities, wants, aspirations and curiosities without any fear.