Sunday, July 3, 2011

COULD THIS NOT BE PREVENTED?

Rakesh, called Rocky by his friends, is the only child of his parents. His father is in a high position in a MNC while his mother too is so in a reputed company. When he was born they both were struggling to make their mark and were more in office than home. He was taken care of by nannies from his infancy. He was just a year old when he was put in a day care centre and by the time he crossed 2 years he was in play school cum day care centre. When he went to regular school, they had kept a maid to be with him till either of them came back from office. By the time he was in teens he had a key to the apartment to let himself in and he used to be home at his own except that maid used to come at the time of his return to make his lunch. He had all facilities which could be given by his parents. He was quite popular in his friend’s circles as he had enough money to spend apart from being a young tall handsome lad. Many a times his friends both boys and girls used to accompany him on his return from school and stay over for lunch. He started smoking at an early age due to peer pressure.

He was in 10th when he got interested in girls as per normal curiosity. It was some time toward end of the session that he had come back with a girl and as maid left after lunch, they started mooching around which lead from one thing to another till they found themselves in bed making out. His mother was surprised to see bedcovers washed and hung to dry. He told her that he had spilled milk and thought to wash before stains get permanent. Thereafter it was something like a new toy for a child. They used to be together often and repeat the act. From there on he started looking for other girls. By the time he got to college he had a string of girls with whom he was physically active. However he did not let this affect his studies or sports in which he was good. That as a matter of fact was a point of attraction for girls to befriend him.

After graduation he started working with a BPO which involved night shifts. He used to be asleep when his parents went for work and he used to let himself in with his keys on return as his parents used to be asleep. Only time which he spent with them was week ends and even then either they had some commitment or he went out with friend. He completed MBA in marketing by distant learning. During this period at times he used to bring some girl colleague and sneak her in without the knowledge of his parents. When they left in the mornings he used to be asleep with room bolted from inside. One such girl introduced him to drugs. He slowly got addicted to it. There were a few occasions when no girl was available he brought some call girl contacted through so many advertisements offering same in round about way. He even had got STD but fortunately went to doctor in time and got cured. Though he was careful not to let this interfere with his work where he had proved to be good but finally all this took toll. He started deteriorating and landed up in de-addiction centre.

That is where I met him and heard all this from him. I am associated with a NGO which works for helping those who are addicted to drugs or alcohol. As he was not saying anything about his past, I was asked if I could meet him to see if he confides in me. He is a young man of just about 24 but looks close to 40.

I feel so sad at this young life having gone this way, almost wasted though there is still little hope of reclaiming him. I have my views on how this could have been avoided but am not writing that presently as I would like you all to share what could have prevented this. Please do share what you feel could have helped.

37 comments:

Tanvi said...

I think people should only have kids if/when they are ready to provide for them and give them time as well. If not, then they should not just do it as an automatic act expected out of them by society. This is an example of how a person with decent skills and intellect got side tracked 'cos there was no one to guide him! That's what I think :)

♡ from © tanvii.com

Raj said...

could it really be prevented? sure it could. but then it couldn't either. when you are faced with sacrifices on both sides, one tends to sacrifice loved ones who are taken for granted. in a way that's what happened.

as for the kid, one cant really blame him either, sure he was in-disciplined but then he wasn't really told what was wrong and what right was he?

Mishi said...

now this is the price that the modern metro-politn people will have to pay...with both husband and wife working, they find it hard to pay attention to their kids..to make up for their absence, they provide their kids with best of the facilities...their own cell phones, personal computer with internet connection.....none of the parents ever tries to discover what their kid is doing all locked up in his room...

when the kid gets spoiled like this kid..its the parents who should be blamed for this not anybody else...

it could have been prevented if his parents had tried to pay bit attention to his kids activities....those facilities were not making up for their absence in his life.... yes they were working to provide him all the good in life..but was it worth it? did it pay them at the end of the day? ofcourse not...there are certain things that you cant compromise over..or you shouldnt....

your child is the most precious thing in the world for you...you cant just let him stay on his own for that long..Life is not a story of "HOme ALone" ..its not about just one day...your kid is out there on his own..is it worth it? this Once , was the beauty of our eastern society..with no Old homes and strong family Bond..what WEST is regretting to lose. We are dying to have! I wish we could understand the price for this new modern life style.

Rachit said...

Well world takes us being a young nation but the reality is more than half of our youths aren't passionate about working effectively for the good of our country.

As far as the post is concerned, family plays an important role in a person life and so a good parents children relationship matters the most.

Weakest Link

Upasna said...

this is so scary, and I agree with Tanvi, I don't think people really realise how big a responsibility relationships esp with children are...they do things purely cos it's expected of them! nonetheless, very sad...

Harman said...

@with a fact to this reality one should not ignore that this is called parenting skills!
not having kids is no solution,it is running away before any battle starts!there is no need to get married ...then...to start with!
I have two kids ,I work,my hubby works ...we leave our kid in day care..in the evening spend time with kids ...weekend are with kids too...and always keep ourself updated to issues regarding kids..
here in this story its parents negligence and urge to earn more and more ...neglecting the kid and let me say other thing in india ..where there are parents and grand parents available why not make a trip ..during vacations or national holidays or long weekends so that ..the older peoples love and affection brings a change and creates a good bonding in the family...
I have seen similar cases ...the Best thing is to prioritise your needs of life...and keep an eye on children..to much pampering also leads to this!

Mishi said...

@harman..this is exactly what i was talking about..you need to prioritize your life!

Komal Ali said...

Sadly enough, some parents don't realize their responsibilities.
I feel really bad for the guy.

♥ Solitaire ♥ said...

maximum of the youth is falling for this trap.
I am an only child and had faced a lot of difficulties too in my childhood, I very well know guys who are away from their parents and are alone at home, no siblings, popularity and compliments is what they live on to please themselves.
he wasn't may be told or restricted much.
I know 3-4 guys who are on the same path but are too involved that they wont listen.
So, rehab is where they'll go and wonder later what have they done with their lives.
SAD !
Loneliness- Competition- Too much Freedom---> REHAB

TheGirlAtFirstAvenue said...

Parents should be there for their children. Period. There is no two ways about that. If you are not ready to have that kind of responsibility then dont have kids. But its totally unfair to have kids and then not be there for them at all.

I really dont understand what his parents were thinking. Dint they think of the consequences? Did it not strike them at all? Or did they assume that he was intelligent enough to make the right decisions without any help and guidance?

A lot could have been prevenetd and had he been guided on the right path he would have reached places.

Tongue-fu Lady said...

Gen Y is completely into experimentation. What starts as a curiosity can become an addiction without knowledge. And the more one preaches that its better to stay away from certain, the more curious the young mind will be to see what its like. Their typical argument is : If everyone is doing it, why not me?

The only way to deal with kids is open communication between the child and the parents/ elders in the family. Things like sex, drugs etc. should not be considered a taboo in a family. No matter how weird it feels, parents should discuss these stuff with the kids n let them know what the possible consequences can be. In this way they are not only imparting the knowledge, but also strengthening their bonds with the kids. Its how you deal with your kids matters the most. Instead of saying, "sex is bad, stay away from it" , they should rather be like "use contraceptives or do it with someone you are emotionally connected with". I know its hard to imagine Indian parents give advise like that. Thats why make your kids go to progressive youth camps like Y+, an Initiative of Art of Living, where youths come n interact such tabooed stuff in open. there is nothing to be ashamed of, nor should one go about abusing one's body by using recreational drugs.
It time the society moves along with the new waves of thought.

suruchi said...

It is sad but a fact of life when both parents are working..certain things can be avoided by keeping a better check on the child's activities...but kids these days are very smart and when they don't want you to know something, they pretty much know how to get away with it.

would really be interested in knowing what you think is the way out of this Uncle Jack

Sach! said...

I personally feel there are certain things that need not be just at right age but with right responsibility. We may have grown up but there is a high possibility that we still might be under developed brains! Parents should guide the kids right. And society too plays an important part in everything - good or bad. Sad but true.. :(

Sach! said...

btw.. when you turning 64!! you're my sun sign buddy too uncle jack :) :)

Chakoli said...

Well, quite a common stroy... not the fault of child ....

parents should have taken care of him :)

Jigyasa said...

Very disheartening to know that parents can be so self-centered and ruthless.....yes, we can say that after a certain age Rocky had his age to think & decide about the right & wrong. But what is shocking here is that the parents not only were ignorant about their kid all through out but I believe psychologically or by heart they were ever linked...or they felt or shared any relation. They never bothered to think about their kid, his future or about him. It is sad and shocking......i wish the kid was guided & supported or may be now!
There still is a hope against hope for you are there...

Jack said...

TANVI :

To have children or not yet is choice of an individual or a couple. However once they decide to have then they need to make some adjustments in their life style to give proper upbringing to the child. Take care


RAJ :

Well said. In such situations it is loved one who suffers. Take care


MISHI :

Rightly said. In pursuit of materialistic gains we tend to forget that our near & dear ones too need us. Take care


RACHIT :

I agree with you family plays a very important role in growing up stage. Take care

Jack said...

UPASNA :

One should be mentally prepared to have children as the child will need proper love and attention. Take care


HARMAN :

If I am not wrong people get married to settle down in life and start a family. Of course before they go in for children they need to give it a thought with full attention. Parenting is a skill which we do not give proper importance to. Family plays a big role in inculcating right values but today's generation tends to go in for nuclear family only. I agree with you one needs to get priorities right. Take care

PS : OK, Mishi?


KOMAL :

Parenting is not a joke but an art which many of us do not realise. Take care


SOLITAIRE :

You summed it up so correctly. It is a sad state of affairs. You are lucky to keep your wits. Take care

Jack said...

T G A F A :

Not having children is not the solution. As Harman said that means running away before battle has begun. One has to mentally prepare for having children and there are ways to ensure that they do get proper attention and guidance. Take care


T-F L :

Very rightly put. Parents need to be open and approachable. It is rather good for all if we can discuss whatever be it with our children than letting them learn from their peers or still worse by hit and trial. Take Care


SURUCHI :

Sometimes it may be necessary for both to work, not just for finance reasons but for many other too. But there are surely some safeguards which can be adopted. I agree children today are much more intelligent or tech savvy that of our time but still one can keep pace with them if not a step ahead by being more open and approachable. Take care

Jack said...

SACH :

We need to remember that times have moved fast and today children know much more at whatever be age as compared to those of same age even a few years ago. Parents, family and society has a big role to play in forming character of a person.

I had turned 63 just before I came here in 2008. So I will now be 66 this year my dear sun sign buddy niece. What is your Date of birth? If you do not wish to say so here, do let me know on my mail id given in profile. Take care


CHAKOLI :

I sincerely hope it is not that common but nor rare. Parents need to understand that just providing material comforts does not relieve them of their parental responsibilities. Take care


JIGYASA :

It is really very disheartening and you are right there was hardly any bonding between him and parents. As they say once downslide starts it is very difficult to stop. So his age later did not matter till he reported for rehab. Take care

viddhi said...

parents need to spend quality time with the kid.
Kids today ned to understand what is right and what is not.

i think it goes both way round. i've kids who were well taken care of landing in such situations

☆ Rià ღ said...

I completely agree with what Tanvi has said. I feel this can be prevented and our future generations can be saved.

Purba said...

Try as I might but I cannot refrain from blaming the parents.

He was too young to realize that with freedom comes responsibility.

Another case point on why parenting cannot be outsourced.

Alka Gurha said...

Raising kids is a full time job... each age entails a different set of issues which need to be addressed. Parents cant shrug away the responsibility......You must be coming across several such cases...more in metros.

Oldfox004 said...

i guess parents got to be friends all along with their kids. Its not about being busy making money for the family, its all about evolving together...learning to be better human beings while we learn to be better parents or better kids.

Quality time spent together, having meals together, sharing little details should happen from the very beginning...

n who starts that? the parents of course! So it is clearly the parents fault...unless u hear the story from their side too

Jack said...

VIDDHI :

True, parents need to spend quality time with their children lest something like this happens but there may be some constraints which come in the way, then there are other alternatives which I shall write soon. Take care


RIA :

I do agree that one should go for children only when mentally prepared and is willing to make needed sacrifices but does that mean not to have children if one is not willing to make efforts to prepare oneself for that?
Take care


PURBA :

You have rightly pinpointed the fault. If parents can not fulfill their responsibilities then other suitable alternatives need to be explored. Take care


ALKA :

As Harman said parenting is a skill which people forget. If it is not possible to give quality time to children then other proper avenue must be seen. Take care


OLDFOX :

I have been saying it at regular intervals while either writing or commenting that after certain age parents need to be more of friend than dictators. They should be more approachable making child to have confidence to speak to them on any issue to seek proper guidance. It is primarily parents' responsibility to provide proper environment for the child to grow. Take care

Amrita Tanmay said...

the only thing which could had prevented this was the proper attention of parents. both of them were working,no time for their only child, given him all of the facilities with full freedom....there is nothing which could had prevented his this fate.

Sakshi said...

Two incomes is a must for proper living and upbringing of the kids. What really needs to be addressed is the fact that you have to spend time with your children. There is no seconding that. Simple things really; like having one meal in a day together, or reserving Sunday as the family day.
I am a kid who was bought up by a maid because my mom is a working mom. The catch here was that, I had my grand-parents living with us, so my dad was monitoring everything. As a matter of fact she still does. She knows my habits more than my mother... and on the other hand my tayaji's son, who has a non-working mother, who was always there for the kids has not been able to control her son from partying all night, or mixing with the wrong kind of kids!

What the parents need to really look at is not just the grades at school, but also try and actively participate in the life of the kid. And above all, start being open to the idea of grand parents and the grand parents should also start being open to a lot of things, and not interfere with the independence of the couple.
That will set the stage...!

Jack said...

AMRITA :

That is what lead to this and it was definitely preventable. This will be in my next post. Take care


SAKSHI :

Do you read minds? Or is it that like minds think alike? You will know why I say so in my next post which is on it's way. Take care

Jyoti Mishra said...

The story u narrated is a commonplace these days... I am pretty sure that many readers will connect to it.
Can it be prevented ??
Well its a question which is debatable. Some will blame parents, others will blame the kid.
I'll say that both are responsible for this. It will be unfair to blame one party.

Its feels very bad that these things are spreading at an alarming speed.

Jack said...

JYOTI :

When the child is of impressionable age it is advisable to have some elderly person, preferably parents, to be there to give proper guidance. Once the child is grown up enough to understand right from wrong if he or she then strays it is fault of the child.

Take care

PS : Do give your valuable views on Follow Up on this post.

Ann said...

When I wud be a parent.. I wud make sure to give my kid some quality time and keep a check on him.. I think we all want to give our children a luxurious and comfortable lifestyle.. but we must not forget to give them love and care along with the materialistic things...

Jack said...

ANN :

A very wise thought. Please stick to it. Take care

Neeha said...

People with such a busy life and who giv lot of importance to their careers shouldn't have childern.What's the use of having them if they don't have time to share their love?

Jack said...

NEEHA :

Not having children is something which I would call negative attitude. Why can a proper balance not be drawn? Take care

Sach! said...

I couldn't drop by. I turned 24 on Jul 13 :)

Thank You for the wishes.

You didn't tell me you birthday date.

Jack said...

SACH :

Thanks for telling this. I will send belated e card this year but from next year I will try to be in time, if you trust me to tell mail id. Mine is in profile, to make it easy it is niceguy251@gmail.com. I will tell you my birthday if you really wish to know.

Take care