ITNAA MASROOF NA BANO KI APNO KE LIYE BHI WAQT NAHIN HAI,
JAB APNE HI NAA RAHENGE TO WAQT HONE PE BHI WAQT
( Don’t be that busy that for near & dear ones there is no time, Once they are gone then what is the use of having time )
I am so grateful for valuable views expressed in my previous post. Almost all opined that parents were responsible for what happened. As promised, I am giving my views as to how could that situation have been prevented.
First of all let us see what is the reason for getting married. Is it social obligation? Or is it because of aspirations or wants of those who get married?
If it is former, then parents of both sides look forward to joys of having grandchild. So don’t you think that obligation also needs to be fulfilled? If it is later, then what is it? Sex, well one could have it even without marriage. Companionship, even this is possible without marriage. Do I need to give example of famous publisher of an adult magazine to substantiate this? So then what is it which attracts two for marriage?
In my opinion it is wish to settle down in life with someone where both are willing to take care of needs of each other, emotional as well as physical. This is true even for arranged marriages as one would give consent only if this is in his or her mind. Thus it is logical to assume that they would also be willing to start a family. No amount of words, written or spoken, can ever make one understand joyous emotions or feelings of parenthood unless personally experienced just like orgasm has to be own experience.
When to have a child, own or adopted, is choice of those involved. They both have to be mentally and emotionally prepared to have that bonding member join in. That preparedness also includes ability to provide materialistic needs of the child.
Now coming to the main issue of parenting which seemed to have failed in the case narrated in the previous post. Parents can not shun responsibility of providing the child physical as well as emotional support. I am giving my views on what options parents, both working - which is almost a necessity ( financial or demand of qualification or self satisfaction ) these days - and not staying in joint family, may have to provide that.
Let me first say one proven fact as seen by me that sibling at growing age is a great motivational factor in ensuring one does not stray. So a couple should not be selfish and ensure company for their child keeping in mind that it will also help when they finally depart.
One of them can take a break. In the beginning it should be mother till the child is weaned. Then it can be either who can do so or have flexible working schedule or work from home till the elder child is grown up enough to understand responsibilities. A nanny to assist could be there throughout. I do understand that this may not be possible in most of the cases. So what is the next best option?
With little modification to what Sakshi said have parents ( even one surviving ) of either be with them. In many cases this can be possible as parents of either or both would be at an age when they are retired or may take off from whatever they are into. Keeping their age in mind a nanny can be employed to ensure that they do not have to exert but be there to keep an eye and guide. And parents should ensure that they are there for support and not interfere in anything else. Couple should also give due respect without any consideration as to who’s parents are there.
If that is not possible, then they may explore possibility of some elder relative who is willing and needy for having home, to be with them. However they need to be sure of his or her behaviour and do random checks till they are satisfied. A nanny should also be employed as in case of parents staying with them. If possible let parents of either side visit as often as possible as that will ensure proper care of the child.
What if that too is not possible? Then they need to have a very dependable nanny with due verification. They need to carry out random checks or ask their parents to spend sometime with them off and on so that her involvement can be monitored. They may even take help from some of their relatives or friendly neighbours. You may be aware of a case of Banglore where nanny used to hire out toddler to beggar woman for the day after parents left for work. This came to light when mother came back home unexpectedly as she was unwell.
May I have your suggestions on what I have said.