Thursday, March 31, 2011

AVOIDABLE, ISN'T IT?

Some time ago Suruchi ( mytumblingthoughts) wrote a post here about suicide. I did not even think for a while that I may be writing on the same. It is so unfortunate but I need to share it with you all as I very strongly feel it could have been avoided if the involved persons had little human approach. During my evening walks with our dog after her feed I used to see a nice looking young girl of maybe around 18 or so taking rounds of periphery road. She used to be on her mobile all the time and from little what drifted to my ears when she was close enough it was certain that she was talking to her boyfriend. She was smartly dressed, mostly in jeans and matching tops. A few times I saw her with a boy of her age or little older sitting on motorcycle at isolated spot on the road away from our locality and chatting. Couple of times I saw them in the market engrossed in their own world oblivious to the surrounding. I never spoke to her as it is not my habit to intrude into someone’s space unless other person shows some inclination to talk. I was shocked when someone told that she committed suicide couple of days ago. What I learnt is that she stayed in nearby locality and had a 4 years younger brother. Her father is very strict and does not allow children any liberty at all. Her mother is more like a spectator. She had joined a girls college last year. As life became a little less rigid than school, she became friendly with few other girls. She on seeing them have friendship with boys got little curious and on insistence of some girls she became friends with the boy with whom I had seen her. It was all hush hush with no inkling to her anyone in her family, specially her father. In due course of time she developed trust in that boy. He took advantage of that to make her accept physicality in gradual way. As the luck would have it his younger brother had a fight with her younger brother as they are both in the same class. He was at the losing end and in fit of rage told her brother that his brother f***s his sister. The youngster was crying when he returned home and on threats of his father blurted out the whole thing. You can well imagine what must have followed. This girl was thrashed badly and locked up in her room with threat that no more college and she will be married off to the first boy they select. That lead to her committing suicide. Now what comes to my mind is what was the cause? I strongly feel that as children grow up we need to be more like a friend to encourage them to share what goes on in their mind. We should educate them on facts of life as per their age. Instead of using rod we should develop habit in them to sieve between right and wrong following their conscience. If one continues to deal with children harshly without caring for their feelings or age, they would tend to do what is forbidden when not under surveillance.

20 comments:

Jigyasa said...

Absolutely Uncle J.....parents need to be the friends in adolescence and that would surely make life simpler! And also....in our nation there is a dire need to have same standards & rules for a girl & a boy child in family!

Vinnie said...

sick parenting...everybody teaches kids right n wrong,etc, who will teach parents ???

suruchi said...

absolutely sad...there is no right or wrong as per one perception...there is always a right way and wrong way of doing things.

also a right way of handling them...suicide is a very major step uncle J...we think children don't think about parents when they commit suicides on trivial matters, but no one tries to understand their psychology...and least perhaps, some of the parents!

Neeha said...

I need to agree with you Jack.
Esp in India,in many places I have been,parents always try to restrict their children(Ofc, that's 4 the child secure future) & there is no way of developing intimacy between parents & children.
So if some problem arises children first think about suicides & those stuff.
I read suruchi's post too,both of you had done a good work:)
Take Care

Sach! said...

I totally agree that some parents do not even try to understand but here particularly I would say that you cannot you cannot end your life for a any reason. If you can't fight in life; then yes you can not live in life.

Nikita said...

Its so nice to hear from you...

Glad to have found you ,Uncle Jack..

Niki

Ann said...

I really fee sorry for suc people who commit suicide but then they have their own reasons. Ya, parents must understand.. but nobody, actually cares.. When it comes to them , they behave typically..

Alka Gurha said...

Its a very disturbing trend...lately every second day we hear about children committing suicide.Scary that their innocent carefree minds can think of such a ghastly act...so much stress for little ones too...parents need parenting.

☆ Rià ღ said...

So true, its sad that such incidents happen....i hope parents get to learn from others mistakes or it will be too late.

P said...

Very sad incident and I totally agree with you about parenting ways. Parents make or break a person.

Jack said...

JIGYASA :

You are right. I have seen children doing forbidden things behind back of their parents as they did not have healthy rapport with them. I agree that there should be no difference in bringing up of boy or girl.
Take care


VINNIE :

Parents do not come from outer world. We only become parents after growing up and forget what we wished as children, isn't it? Take care


SURUCHI :

Any act may be considered right or wrong as per individual's thinking but if one follows conscience one would not go wrong. Parents need to be more open with children encouraging them to share their thoughts without fear. Take care


NEEHA :

It is needed to cultivate sense of discipline in growing children but not with rod. Even 6 months old child can understand reasoning but may not be able to exercise proper choice when faced with a situation but that does not mean that we use only rod. Child should be encouraged to see difference between right and wrong. We need to set example too by our own behaviour. Take care


SACH :

True, we need to inculcate this thinking in children that taking life is no escape but one must face odds and make efforts to win. For this we need to have good two way trusting relations. Take care

Jack said...

NIKITA :

Welcome to my space. Hope to see you often and have your views on my posts. I will be visiting you soon. Take care


ANN :

Do keep this in your mind when you have children. Be strict but with proper reasoning and friendly way. Take care


ALKA :

Yes, it is very disturbing. To control it not only parents but all who have interaction with youngsters must try to fathom what is needed, including teachers, other relatives or friends etc. Take care


RIA :

Parents do need to analyse why child may be acting recluse or off normal. They should try to be of help for overcoming what bothers child than be terror in his or her mind. Take care


P :

I am so glad to see you here. Thanks for such supportive comment. Take care

Purba said...

Just because a girl gets intimate with a boy she is attracted to, she is made to feel so guilty that she is compelled to take her life!!!

It's time parents let their children decide their rights and wrongs. This is the only way they will learn.

May her soul rest in peace.

Being Pramoda... said...

Hello Uncle,

@Instead of using rod we should develop habit in them to sieve between right and wrong following their conscience.

true!!

Its just abt understanding between parents and children..and the confidence and belief they shown mutually on each other..

Shall be worked out well..:)

Hope u r doing well:)

Noor-ul-ain Hanif said...

another great post :)

Jack said...

PURBA :

Welcome to my space. It is time that we realise to treat children with more openness and encourage them to share their apprehenssions without any hesitations. Hope to see you often. Do try to read some older posts and give your views. Take care


PRAMODA :

You are right, parents and children should have mutual understanding and confidence. That can be developed with love and not rod. I am fine, how about you?

Take care


NOOR :

Thanks. Take care

Artemisia D. said...

In a country like India, everything begins and ends with mentality.

I'm glad suicide has never been an option for me, even in my worst days.

Harman said...

very sad!it could have been handled in a better way...and things could be simplified...I am not surprised by this behaviour of parents...but these kind of instances definitely needs awakening and a dire need to be mature handling of kids relationships!

A Restless Mind With A Sensitive Heart! said...

This was really shocking sad. And knowing someone personally makes us even more sad.

Times have changed that we must accept that premarital sex is a reality.

I feel sad for her. may her soul RIP.

RESTLESS

Jack said...

ARTEMISIA :

Welcome to my space. I agree with you that it is mentality but let us hope we can make a beginning to change it, starting with ourselves and trying to encourage those close to us. I pray that you should never have to give even a fleeting thought to such action. Take care


HARMAN :

We definitely need to ensure that children have confidence in us to share what goes on in their mind - good or bad. Take care


RESTLESS :

We need to change with times and have more faith in children provided we have been able to make them understand how to apply their mind and follow conscience. Example is the best way. Take care