Saturday, March 12, 2011

NANNY Vs PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY

Nanny has become a necessity with more and more nuclear families coming up with both partners working. It is really a big task to find correct person for the job. Parents have to have faith in the one employed. There are numerous agencies offering candidates for this job. Some are taken on by recommendations of other known persons. But should we be satisfied once we have taken a nanny that child will be well taken care of, specially in case of small child who can not communicate properly? This is one aspect which many parents prefer blind eye or deaf ear to. I am bringing this up as there was a case reported from Banglore that a nanny used to hire out small child to organized begging racket. As soon as parents went off for work she handed over the child to a beggar woman who used to give sedative to child and dress him up in rags to go for begging on roads. The child was returned before parents came back. Parents did notice the child to be drowsy and malnourished but did not feel alarmed. However one day mother returned early as she was unwell and that is how the whole racket was exposed. You all may say that this is one of the rare cases. I agree but what I have personally seen is also not desirable.

When I go for evening walk I see a lot of nannies in the park as they bring their wards to play there. But what shocks me is that almost all of them sit in groups chatting while children are running around freely and unsupervised. There are rocky patches, pits dug for planting saplings or even slippery slopes which are potential danger spots for small child if he or she stumbles. And concerned nanny will be unable to react as she is sitting at a distance. When I used to or even now take our small grandchildren I make it a point to stay just a couple of paces behind to ensure nothing untoward happens. If they go with maid, I randomly go and see as to what is she doing. Also I have seen small children being scolded in the park or at home for minor issues because it is inconvenient for nanny or maid to tackle them.

So what is the remedy? Well, should grandparents of child or some elder relative not be accepted as part of family if they can join? I know a lot of today’s young girls wish to have independence but is it not just satisfying own ego instead of looking for better upbringing of child? If such situation is not possible, then a random check on activities of maid or nanny is definitely advisable.

34 comments:

Scribbling Girl said...

What an appropriate time for this post.....recently lot of my friends became mothers and my sis-in-law is on the way too....and I completely agree to all what u said....nothing like having parents around....that is one reason my mom will be going to states ....and I doubt i can ever have a child if my mom isnt around for a while....infact this is one reason 2 yrs apart for a while before one decides on having baby is something we need in today's time.....but ya convenience of nanny has advantages and disadvantages....at the end of day its our child so we need to care :)

Being Pramoda... said...

Hi Uncle, very timely post considering the on ging situations..

yeah, its not problem wanting to be independent..but enough care shall be taken in all aspects whr it has to be taken..such as children..

their early age is the important phase of their life and learnings.. thae need to be well constructed..

Prams

suruchi said...

uncle J, nannies are required...ask me. with seeya being a handful, i need help.
but also when i had the luxury of a maid, i rarely left her alone or without anyone supervising their activities, much to the annoyance of everyone that what is the point of the maid, if you have to stick around the baby all the time anyways...

it is a very difficult task to leave the child in the hands of someone else. so if parents do that for such longish period, i am sure it is under great pressures...

and not always are the elderlies so eager to help..i guess some things never really change and one such thing is the binding of the mother to a child till it is big enough to understand stuff

Vinnie said...

havent yet reached that stage;)
i feel parents should not trust anybody blindly when it comes to their little children...keep an eye on the nanny, the driver, the tuition teacher, etc.etc.

Ellen said...

Having a nanny for the children does not mean that you relinquish control or management over the kids. Not at all. It only means that you have a foot soldier trained and properly briefed who will ably and strictly obey and do as you command her to. The nanny should understand that there are house rules and corresponding rewards and punishment whenever merited or required. And a mother or father or both should monitor - monitor - monitor.

Alka Gurha said...

I was in Blore when this story came out...With both parents working nannies are a necessity. And to get a good one is a blessing..Very valid post.

Gayu said...

Uncle,

Yes i agree, the presence of elders does make a difference.
My in-laws were of great support when my daughter was born.

However, adjustment is required from both sides. Little privacy, open communication, less interference...etc needs to be maintained.

This will help in maintaining a healthy relation with in-laws:)

Gayu

Sakshi said...

Now.. well this a weird topic... to be honest I feel that a nanny is a must. Kids are a handful these days and in house holds where one income is not enough, grandparents are a huge support. I was brought up that ways, grandma and my maid. It is a tough job bringing up kids these days!!!

Starry-eyed nut said...

what a time uncle for you to write this. Post poppins, when I decided to get back to work, I employed a nanny but one who is closely supervised by grandparents (either set). But a nanny is very required till the baby is 2-3 years is a must. Because with me away at work, its impossible for grandparents to run around.
But not all grandparents are keen to help, I hav friends, who have to make the difficult decision of leaving the babies behind with nannies because there is no support and the biggest truth of our lives i.e. EMIs staring at them. What does one do?
Even I have noticed that parks these days have more of nannies than elders or parents. And I have heard some of them speak rudely and threaten kids. Its a catch-22 situation with nannies I guess.

Jack said...

BEFORE I GET DOWN TO REPLY INDIVIDUALLY, LET ME CLARIFY THAT I DID NOT UNDERMINE NECESSITY OF HAVING NANNY OR MAID TO TAKE CARE OF CHILD. ALL I WANTED TO BRING OUT WAS THAT WE NEED TO MONITOR HER. AS ELLEN RIGHTLY SAID SHE IS FOOTSOLDIER TO ASSIST US UNDER PROPER SUPERVISION. WE TOO HAVE MAID TO HELP US IN TAKING CARE OF OUR GRANDDAUGHTER BUT WE REMAIN RESPONSIBLE PRIMARILY.

Jack said...

S G :

So nice to see you here. True, parents are a great help but due to their age factor nanny or maid is needed. The advantage is clear that she is under watchful eyes. Take care


PRAMODA :

Some couples may not like parents staying with them inspite of advantages, so moinitoring nanny or maid has to be undertaken by them. Take care


SURUCHI :

Having a nanny or maid is a necessity and you are right in not ignoring your responsibility. Those who felt otherwise are wrong. Take care


VINNIE :

You are absolutely right. Parent need to be aware of thier child with each and every outsider. Take care


ELLEN :

I am so grateful to you for putting it with such clarity. Thanks. Take care

Jack said...

ALKA :

One definitely needs nanny or maid but monitoring her is what is required by parents or grandparents. Take care


GAYU :

I agree adjustments are needed from all concerned. You have rightly brought out spheres where one needs to be careful. Take care


SAKSHI :

Nanny or maid is surely needed. But she needs to be monitored by either parents or grandparents if they can be with the couple. Take care


STARRY-EYED :

I agree with my own experience that age is a big handicap to handle young children. So nanny or maid is must but at the same time monitoring her is also. If grandparents can not be there for any reason then parents must assume this responsiblity. Take care

Escapist said...

Hi uncle jack,

I guess that's y i miss my mom alot.She has been around me all the time and have never left me alone or uncared.And now when i need her more than anything ,i realize how important she is in my life and how beautifully she has made me to grow up....

Love yuh ....

Jollieess:)

P.S:-I guess she never missed any moment of our childhood...

Chandrika Shubham said...

Grandparents can upbring the child in a better way.

Maids can to other household works.

Jack said...

ESCAPIST :

I am so glad to see you here. No one can be better than mother, even grandparents, but we do need nanny or maid to assist under proper supervision. Take care


CHANDRIKA :

I feel so happy to see you here. As I have been saying it is best to have parents or grandparents for upbringing of child with maid or nanny to be in support role. Take care

Ria said...

A very pertinent post, and yes i hope i have my mom around when i have a baby. I hate leaving kids to nannies...there's nothing like having parents around. Unfortuantely these days nannies are becoming more of a necessary evil, coz of the kinda life we are having.

Sonshu said...

Nanny's are okay. But then there's always that trust factor, and how good they are with kids etc. But theirs nothing like parental care and love. :)

We've also the keep in mind the numerous cases we see where nanny's have proven to be dangerous. And the whole nanny thing creates a space between the parents and kids! :)

Jack said...

RIA :

In today's life it has become a necessity to have nanny or maid specially for working couple even if grandparents of either side are there as children do become handful for elderly. If it is not feasible to have them then it is a must that parents keep random check on nanny or maid. Take care


SONSHU :

It is not that all nannies are bad but as they say blood is thicker than water. What parents can do for the child, no one else can. Take care

Amrita said...

Well, This is again a topic i feel very strongly about.
With changing environs, i think there should be a healthy change from every quarter. I believe that kids are the responsibility of the parents, and they should make time to rear them.just giving birth does not suffice. Grandparents are more than willing to pitch in - but i have seen a lot of sense of responsibility going from parents. Come on if you dont see ur kid day in and day out, when will you bond? In this respect i have seen where there is a will there is a way.With many working women, offices are more than happy to allow temp-ing, part time jobs, work from homes etc etc. I think every woman should avail them. Cos even if they become high and mighty at work, its the home which should be a happy and hearty place. where that is not there, i am sure there would be work arounds.
And with changing scenarios, i believe every company should make an effort to have atleast a part time day care center. in this way, either parent can keep a watch over the progress of the child.
But i feel we are slowing going the US way - we are slowing maturing in the child care department. And might in some time reach there where kids as young as 6 mths are left in creches :(
its sad. but i feel burdening grand parents is not the solution. Sometimes they are way old to run after a little kid, they might have other responsibilities, or they might simply want to relax their old age. its fine to take their help and assistance, cos without doubt they know a lot and are muchhhhh better than new parents. but putting the entire responsibility on them till the child goes to pre school is also not fair as far as i think....
hope there is no offense taken- i am not taking sides. i just wish our generation took a balanced approach rather than heading for a rat race.

Jigyasa said...

As far as a maid is there for help n support its completely fine....we need to be careful with setting the guidelines and must keep a check on surroundings!

Yeah nothing like having someone from the family around....but then I guess the patience it demands is a history now....!

Though a very valid input...but I am really wondering what it would be like?

Jack said...

AMRITA :

It is so nice to see what young mind thinks. True, bonding between parents and child is must and that can come only when they spend quality time together. And that is possible even if grandparents from either side or some elderly relative is with them monitor nanny or maid making them comfortable at old age. They can spend time after office or week ends as our son and his wife do.

Take care


JIGYASA :

Nanny or maid has become a necessity for a working couple. If grandparents from either side are with them it is a boon. Adjustments from both side are required for their being together under one roof as MIL and YOUNG WIFE must understand their boundries. It is not history yet, I hope and pray.

Take care

Sach! said...

Uncle Jack,
(Can I please address you like this?)

:-)

Well I haven't reached this particular stage but I for sure know no one can take the place of a mother or father's care and concern. So every parents should just take care of not blindly trusting strangers for their beloved kids - "aankho ka taara" or "star of eye" as they say! :)

Jack said...

SACH :

I will be glad if you address me as you have. You have so rightly said it is responsibility of parents to see well being of child. If couple is working then what I have suggested is needed. Wish you all the best when you reach that stage.

Take care

Miss Hanif said...

Nanny is now become a culture. Every one is asking nanny for their kids. No doubt its a good opportunity for poor ladies if they do their work properly and parents should keep check on them!

Jack said...

MISS HANIF :

Well said. It has become a necessity for working couple as well as those who can afford it. This is good avenue for earning by women with economic need and can prove their good work. Monitoring by parents will still be needed till she becomes a part and parcel of family by her involvement.

Take care

Kiran Ashraf said...

Great post sir : ) I am of the opinion that Nanny's can never replace parents or grand parents. I still cherish my childhood memories with my grandparents when they use to take me to parks or on walks. I cant recall those precious memories with a nanny. And yes u are very right that many cases of nannys abusing children have been reported off and on lately.

Jack said...

KIRAN :

Welcome to my space. Hope to see you often and also would like your views on my older posts, if you find time to check the list to read what you like. You have very rightly said that no one can replace parents or grandparents. Nanny or maid has become a necessity for a working couple but monitoring is a must.

Take care

PS : I will visit your space soon. And please do not be so formal by addressing me as Sir. If you wish you may address me as many of my young friends here do.

Kiran Ashraf said...

@ Jack: : ) i am really not being formal by adressing you as sir : )i just felt like calling u sir so i did it.and i will surely visit your older posts : )keep posting u rock : )

Jack said...

KIRAN :

Lot of my young friends here address me Uncle and I feel so glad about this show of affection.

Take care

Kiran Ashraf said...

alright : ) so from now on u are my jack uncle : )

Jack said...

KIRAN :

Thanks, you made me so happy. I tried to visit your space but every time it opens but soon pop up comes that internet can not open this site and it goes off. It has happened more than half a dozon times. Please check if your site has any viral as my pc is McAfee protected. I definitely would like to visit you.

Take care

Kiran Ashraf said...

Omg. Its really sad cuz the Pc at my university is suffering from the same problem. I just cant open my blog at my university cuz a message pops up saying that internet explorer cant open this site. I have already reported it to google. I hope that they wil take some action soon.

Harman said...

nice post...most of it is ignorance and unable to cope with jobs...
I personally believe grandparents also are not baby sitters for free!unless they are given their due respect as indian community never do that in US...so the option is Nanny or joint family...but under supervision!

Jack said...

HARMAN :

Welcome to my space. Hope to see you more often. I normally share my experience on social issues. Nanny or maid has become a necessity. Even if grandparents of either side are there, apart from due respect they too need help due to advancing age. So monitoring either by them or parents in their absence is a must. Looking forward to your views on my older posts too. I will visit you as soon as I can.

Take care