Thursday, August 5, 2010

WHY?

Rajat is in police lock up because of an accident he had. He is not willing to apply for bail or for that matter even engage a lawyer to defend him. His mother forced him to sign for a lawyer to plead his case. Let us see the background to this.

He is the only son of his parents. His father, a senior government officer, passed away when he had just joined service after his MBA. He had been a bright student and secured first division always. He also had been good in sports and other extra curricular activities. He had been provided the best of everything but without being pampered. Good values were also inculcated in him by his parents as well as grandparents who used to stay with them till they left this world. He was well liked by one and all for his gentle nature.

His hard work paid off and he climbed to the post of manager in very short time. He had befriended a girl and was keen to marry her. There was no objection from his mother but her father felt he was below their status. So he left it to his mother to find suitable match. She selected some girls and asked him to meet them to finalise. He got married to Sheetal, a girl from almost similar social background. Before marriage he was very honest to tell her about himself and his wish that his mother, though in receipt of pension, would continue staying with them. She had willingly agreed to this. She too was working in a good organization. They both used to be busy in their office routine and his mother took care of home. He used to enjoy a couple of CHHOTA drinks on return from office before having dinner. She used to give company at time with a glass of wine or so. On week ends they used to go out but his mother never agreed to accompany them saying that she would rather stay home to catch up with pending chores. Things were fine though they had normal adjustment problems. His mother always remained neutral and let them sort out their difference at their own. She rather sided with Sheetal if she found Rajat to be even a little unreasonable. There were some instances of interference from her mother at times but he ignored it with feeling that over time his wife will get over asking her mother for advice. They were blessed with a son in second year of marriage. By the time son was a year old, things seemed to change.

Sheetal started making issues of small happenings. She started nagging him a lot. Though she did not have any fights with his mother but started remaining aloof. There was hardly any interaction between her and mother in law. On return from office she used to take her son to her room and close the door. She even went off few times to stay with her parents for longish periods. Rajat was quite unhappy but continued making efforts to make things normal. She refused to communicate as to why was she behaving like this or what was on her mind. She started objecting to his drinking no matter how little it was. She would not stop him if he gave company to her father for drinking. This seemed very unreasonable to him. He tried to reason it out with her but she did not relent. So for the sake of peaceful life, he did not drink at home. However at times he used to have it on way back from office at some pub or the other and she never realized it. He was very unhappy with the way life was going on. He even indicated to her that this may drive him to leave the house and go away. She instead of understanding the gravity of such remarks became even more adamant on her ways. His mother though did not say anything but was sad at the turn of events. Her mother started making frequent visits and they would lock themselves up in her room.

Two days ago he poured a drink and Sheetal threw tantrum. She picked up his glass and threw it away. He lost temper and stormed out of house without saying anything to her. He went over to some pub and had more than he should have had. On way back while driving he momentarily lost consciousness and hit a cyclist. The cyclist was injured and his cycle was smashed. He was taken to police station. The cyclist was hospitalized and fortunately there were only superficial injuries from which he is expected to recover within few days. Rajat was very upset and said that he would rather stay in jail than to return home to all the bickering. Sheetal instead of showing any remorse put the blame on him and went off to her parents place. It is learnt that the cyclist is willing to compromise if he is given a new cycle and hospital bills paid off. His uncle has spoken to police who stated that they have no objection if compromise is reached.

I only hope and pray that it ends on a happy note. It will be so sad to see a good youngman going waste. It does make me wonder why we do not see positive side of life and live happily instead of creating disharmony.


PS : This is based on a true happening with very little additions from my side.

16 comments:

Raj said...

its a pity. people don't realize that marriage isn't just paper.

rohini said...

i hope everything gets settled asap....Rajat is in distracted state of mind...and if the prob persists or exceeds between the husband and wife...i would recommend couselling...that helps...sure

Sakshi said...

As a lawyer, I would say, that things would work out. A couple of thousand rupees to the cyclist, and he will be off the hook.

Now, as the girl who knows the reason behind this incident, then, well, the poor guy is in trouble. His wife is being MEAN.. really mean. but then I also believe that there has to be some sorta of a reason behind the unreasonable behaviour of the wife.
So, these guys should talk. Really talk about what is the trigger.

And on a personal note, Mothers who interfere in their daughters lives after marriage are playing with the lives of two people bound to each other through matrimony.They should be so wary of it.
All the best to them.

Komal Ali said...

Sad state of affairs, indeed.
I completely agree with Sakshi. She has put words to my thoughts.

Scribbling Girl said...

Completly agree to what sakshi suggested!
I hope they find some path within...I wish today's couples understood the sanctity of marriage in sense of it worth....but nevertheless con selling can resolve because there has to be reason for the wife's behavior...something ought to be disturbing her!

in search of ...... said...

kind of scary for unmarried guys like me.....i feel helpless coz sme women just dont change or listen and seems this is just 1 situation whr the female wants to say either its my way or highway kind of a thing.....no communication works....and to change sme1's attitude is 1 of the most hardest thing in life.....i think the story wud have been different he wud have ran away n got married to the gal he loved....i guess it again comes to the choices u make or if he wud have selected a wife himself thn his mother doin the same for him....neways ppl do mistakes n the wise one comes out of thm...let rajat find a way out n if stayin in jail for a week helps....if thr is ne scope his wife(if she is human) will change

Cherry Blossom said...

Women are the inevitable source of joy in a successful marriage. With this understanding,a woman should realize that a sudden fit of whimsicality can shatter a relationship in a family. Responsibility lies on both husband and wife. A wife can be an ideal Home Maker if she is practical and reasonable. On the contrary, she can be a Home Breaker if she blindly follows her heart, and not her mind. Mental poise can either be innate, or practised. Only a little bit of Patience can create wonders. Wish the couple a quick resolution...

Jack said...

RAJ :

It is sadly true. I think pre-marriage counselling is a must to let both partners know that they both need to change mindset and adjust. Take care


ROHINI :

You are right. Both of them need to go for counselling. And her mother also. Take care


SAKSHI :

It is so good of you go give such a wise and practical suggestion. As I said to Rohini above both of them as well as her mother need to go for counselling. Take care


KOMAL :

A person with sane and balanced mind will surely understand the situation and suggest same what Sakshi has. Take care


S G :

As I have said above they both as well as her mother need to go for counselling. Also it is helpful to go for pre-marriage counselling too as it makes both understand what is needed to make marriage a success. Take care


In S O :

Relax. It is not what happens in every marriage. For 1 bad marriage there are 9 good ones too. It depends on both partners as well as support by parents of both sides. Counselling, pre-marriage and if needed post-marriage too can make partners understand how their roles can affect success of a marriage. Take care


C B :

Welcome to my space. You are absolutely right, it is responsibility of both husband and wife to make a marriage work. If one of them becomes adamant or egoist there is bound to be trouble. Looking for your views on my older posts also. Take care

Dipti said...

oh yeah, they need to sit and talk about everything that is on everyone's mind, one by one. calmly!

specially the wife. i don't think Rajat's mom is at fault...she hardly interferes also right? and if everyone's living in the same house, there's bound to be some curiosity somewhere... misjudged as 'interference' by the daughter in law...

no girl should ever come between a mother and her son.
poor guy, i feel bad for Rajat. Hope he gets his peace of mind back.

suruchi said...

Omg...a bad environment at home can have such terrible repercussions...
I hope they sort things out or Rajat takes a strong stand to set things right before his life is messed up beyond repair being sandwiched between the two women!

As usual...an interesting reflection of the harsh realities of the society. Uncle Jack!:-)
Thanks for sharing!

Cherry Blossom said...

With relation to my previous comment, I would also like to add that parents should try to stay away from their children after their marriage, especially when they are a major source of discomfort in their children's lives. Marriages were more successful earlier because parents, once they send away their children, were taken to believe that husbands were the sole partner. Marriages are getting more and more complicated day by day and parental interference is one of the prime causes. Parents should be a good advisor to solve issues, like the best friend and create harmony in their relationship.

Jack said...

DIPTI :

The role of mother and wife are two different aspects in a man's life. Mother has to let go of her son so his wife can take care of his needs. She should guide the girl about it. At the same time an intelligent girl would keep his mother on her side and learn from her ways to his heart. That will ensure happiness all around. And girl's parents should not interfere unless it is life or death situation. Take care


SURUCHI :

You have given true picture of the situation. His mother is very supportive. Fortunately things got sorted out. Take care


C B :

Visited yous space but you have not yet posted anything. Post marriage the couple has to be give space to adjust. It is only when you are living 7 X 24 that you really come to know someone even if you have been in relationship for years. Both of them have to make efforts to know each other and adjust. There should be no EGO or one upmanship. Parents from both sides should refrain from interference. Girl may have to move to a joint family or even just his parents living with them as per situation. She has to realise that this is her family not and make her place with love. Please read my reply to Dipti above about it. Take care

BROKEN STAR said...

there is no concrete reason of sheetal's behaviour.......y she behaved lik this?????

mother in law stayin with them is such a big issue kya???

Jack said...

B S :

On the face of it that is what it looks like. Sheetal has not shared her feelings and it seems that her mother is interfering little more than necessary. Take care

Jigyasa said...

Uncle J,

Is there anyway that you can get in touch with Sheetal and explain....its a pity that they have such a lovely life waiting for them & they just can acknowledge!

Live2cherish said...

strange how people risk marriages for minor disputes.