Friday, July 30, 2010

AVOIDABLE?

Manjusha was a very vivacious girl of 17, almost touching 18. She was tall, very good looking and her movements were graceful. Her parents were both middle level government officers. She had an elder brother by a year as well as a 2 years younger one. She had just cleared 12th and joined college. She was very social and jovial. She was well liked by one and all in our locality. She was very respectful to all elders. We were on good terms with her parents. I used to come across her during my evening walks. She visited us sometimes to seek guidance about career courses etc. What I could gather from her talks was that her parents favoured her brothers more. Their attitude towards her was not as warm as one may expect due to her being the only daughter. However it did not seem to affect her behaviour.

She was friendly with a boy about 3 years elder belonging to a well to do family. He was tall and quite handsome. He had just graduated. I had met him few times when he was with her and he seemed to be a nice boy with an aim to make it into filmworld. They looked a very nice as a couple. She had confirmed that her parents were in the know of their friendship.

A couple of months later I did not see her around for a week or so. Later I came to know that she had gone away with that boy to Mumbai. He wanted her also to join films as she had talent. She had turned 18 just a few days before she went away. She had told her parents and left. This was about 2 years ago.

Why am I bringing it up now is because last week I went to meet her father to discuss something about our locality and saw her there. She was just a shadow of her oldself. Her father told her to go to her room. He does share his woes with me, so he told me that when she went with that boy they wanted them to get married with knowledge of his family but the boy had stated that once they establish themselves in films they would tie the knot in proper fashion. They struggled for months to get a break in films by making numerous rounds of different studios and meeting many known or unknown persons involved with film making. Unfortunately it was a dream which looked rosy but reality was harsh. Though they had financial support from his family, it was not possible to continue indefinitely. We all are aware of how advantage is taken of such persons. He persuaded her to succumb to casting couch demands as it seemed last resort to gain foothold into glamour world. They did get some bit roles but nothing to talk about. But then there was no stopping such acts. She was very unhappy with this and refused him at times. He somehow convinced her that once they establish it would not be needed anymore. However it was not so and she was desperate to end this kind of life. On her refusal next time, he abused her physically and forced her to submit to demands of an agent who promised to get them meaty roles. This finally led to her being offered to please all and sundry. She could not take it anymore and packed her bags coming back without telling him.

As expected her father said that he would have rather seen her dead than to be there with them. I bluntly told him what stopped him from killing her, to which he replied that he could not as she was his child. So I then told him that it was the reason why she came back to them. She had faith in them to provide her help to start her life afresh. I suggested that putting past behind now, she start her studies to complete graduation even as private candidate. She could also take up some job for keep herself busy as well as financially independent. I offered to speak to some known person to take her as receptionist in their company. Fortunately sense prevailed and after some discussion with Manjusha we went ahead with it. She is now working in a company known to me and I keep track of it. She has started preparing to complete graduation.

I am bringing it here to analyse as to who was at fault. In my opinion it is first the parents who did not have enough bonding with her to make her feel confident for sharing her dreams with them before it was too late. Even then there was hardly any effort from them to make her see the truth. They could have given her directions to reach her goals in much better way or even taken help from some person who could have. Then the girl as she was too naïve to understand what world is like. She could have discussed this with someone whom she had trust in before taking such a big step. She just let herself be swept off her feet with rosy talk of that boy. Lastly the boy who being elder should have taken due steps for her well being. If they could not get a break into the films, he should have come back with her. I do not wish to blame the system in glamour world as there is no way of stopping such happenings unless those susceptible to such acts become strong to refuse.

May I invite your views on who to blame for this.

25 comments:

Sudeep said...

I too feel the same. Parents should have been more close with her, and they should have known her feelings

Ann said...

Yeah, you are right. Her parents were also responsible to some extent. But sometimes, children don't listen to their parents even. They learn from their own mistakes. Like, earlier I used to blame my folks for something or the other, but then I learnt from my mistakes and started taking their advice then. It not only made me confident enough to differentiate between right and wrong but independent as well. Sometimes, our experiences are our eye openers.

So, we must not be afraid from trying our luck, but then, learn from your mistakes and move ahead.. That's how I feel is the best way to live life :)

ritika said...

I just plainly blame the time! When times are wrong, everything that happens is wrong. And when it is right, everything turns outta be correct.

Teenagers, these days, trust people very easily, and also on the other side, when it is broken.. They, are not ready to trust anyone. These are the extreme conditions they undergo.

We learn only from out past. When it hurts, when it takes our lives into the wrong path.

I think, girl, to a limit got the maturity on time to come back to the parents on a proper time!Nobody is perfect, and we learn.. We learn something new, afresh,every single day!

in search of ...... said...

well just 1 question...if after goin for casting couch n all if she wud have got the films or a career in the industry wud she mind...she wud have definitely not come back....nor u must have seen her the way she is now...u helpin her is nice n all but just 1 thing for the record...i dunno whether u do or not but do change the original names n a few details so tht no1 shd think twice b4 comin for a help to u as one doesnt feel safe abt sharin thr secret to u as u make it very public.....and mistakes shd be done n risk shd be taken...its just tht one shd calculate the amount of risk in the steps they r takin.....frm an 18yr old who expects but thn who expects tht she gona run....so i guess i got to live it to choices one make in thr life...

ash89 said...

I dont think anyone can be solely blamed for it. The girl was too immature and the boy took advantage of it. Maybe if the parents had been close to her, things would have been different... Maybe she would have been able to confide in them when all of this had just started.

Sakshi said...

Its no one's fault really. I mean, you can't really pin the blame. But yeah, the boy definitely had to, had to be more responsible than that. Also, I feel that no girl is naive, when it comes to the things like casting couch, she should have stood firm and said no to it the very first time.
But what has happened is happened. I am glad that she is back and picking up her life. :) That is what really matters.
The past sometimes is best forgotten else it haunts you forever.

Vandita said...

Hi Jack,
Umm I think everyone here was a lil bit at fault. Mostly the parents and the guy. The parents coz they did not make her feel confident abt talkin to them abt her hopes and dreams and fears.
She should have thought of them the first time around something of the sort happened in Bombay, told em so they cud take proper action.
And the boy more importantly coz of various reasons, a) he dragged an innocent girl to an unknown city b)he did not take care of her c)he had the gall to expect her to do whatever he said d)he hit her, and that according to me is unforgivable!!

Dipti said...

its been a long time since i visited your place uncle j

sorry , forgive me...

i am always in your follower-list...

are u on facebook or something? cuz i keep updating my links there....

i'll read you posts one at a time ..

take care

ria said...

Any comment on this will be just like a Post-mortem.
A child provides the reflection of her upbringing-thats the reason why I spoke about paranormal behaviour in my comment on your previous post. There are two ways of looking into this incident-Parents can either be the best friends, or the worst guides of their delicate darlings. Absolute obsession of their children will doom their future. Proper guidance is based on understanding, faith and persuasion-only if parents possess these basic qualities irrespective of adverse circumstances, a child can be saved from an impending catastrophe. Similarly, the girl character in your story could have had a normal life if she had capable parents. But, I do also agree with Ritika regarding the concept of TIME.
I was just going through your previous articles of 2008 "Strength Of Family", "For a Happy Family", "Any Solution" e.t.c. where you have beautifully charted out the role and importance of girls. They should be given equal chance but at the same time protected well. Here also she should had been protected by her parents about her future.

By the way, I dont have a blog and this world in completely new to me, but I am enjoying going through your posts. Keep it up.

Jack said...
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Jack said...
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Jack said...

SUDEEP :

Welcome to my space. Parents need to understand their children well and encourage them to have confidence in them to share what they want. Hope you do let me have your views on my older posts as well. Take care


ANN :

I know youngsters resent being told to do this or that. That is why I always say that after certain age parents need to be friends and inculcate confidence in their children to share their thoughts. This is possible only if you involve them to discuss all that affects them, like studies, career etc etc without forcing them to accept what you say. We should show options to youngster and let him or her take decision, vetoing only if it is harmful. Take care


RITIKA :

Time does matter but we can not blame time alone. It is right decision by Manjusha to return when she found it unbearable. I agree that youngsters do indulge in extremes but that is where role of parents becomes important. Take care


In Search Of :

I agree if she had made it big this situation would not have arisen. Thanks for advice. I not only change names but give enough time gap too before saying anything. Secondly with my writing under pseudo name it is difficult to link up with real persons. And as far as she is concerned, all is well that ends well. Take care


ASH :

You have put it in very apt simple way. Take care


SAKSHI :

It does look that he wanted her only to promote his career without any consideration for her. However I still maintain that parents need to be open and frank with children to ensure that youngsters have confidence to share their thought without fear. Take care


VANDITA :

You have rightly said that everyone has been at fault to some extent. It now appears that the boy basically used her to promote himself in filmdom. His use of physical violence is absolutely unpardonable. Anyway she finally realised her mistake and came back. Take care


DIPTI :

DER AAYE DURUST AAYE. I am so happy to see you here. No, I am not on Facebook. I will really appreciate if you keep in touch. It is my deep desire to see you setllted happinly and SOON too. I will visit you today to read pending posts. Take care


RIA :

Your views are absolutely true. Parents need to be more of a friend after certain age so that child develops habit to share his or her ideas or dreams with them. This is possible if you involve your child while taking any decision which affect him or her. To give a very simple example, while buying clothes your young daughter of say 11 or 12 wishes to by low waist jeans, let her with advice that she wears long tops with it lest she makes a spectacle of herself when she bends. This way you make her have trust in you to honour her choice and at the same time see faults of her choice too. Parenting is an art which we think is easy but not so. And thanks for reading ramblings of an oldie. Take care

A S said...

hello sir

i think parents are to be blamed. rosy talks and showbiz dreams can blind most pple of this age. parents must have kept a proper check and most importantly a control on their daughter.

Jack said...

A S :

Welcome to my space. I agree parents need to be receptive to what children say and guide with reasoning. Do read my reply to Ria above to see my point. I visited you briefly and saw the sketches. Very well done. I would like to be proud possessor of one, if possible. I will visit your other space to read posts.

Take care

Dipti said...

uncle j : its neither a small o or a capital O. its a zero!! hahahahaha

0f-the-girl.blogspot.com

Dipti said...

mwahhh

Jack said...

DIPTI :

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. You naughty girl, you made me a fool. Anyway I owe you a treat now, specially as you are on diet. Saves KHARCHA. LOL

Take care

Dipti said...

very funny :p

sigh! yes i am on a diet.. no rajma chawal or desserts on the weekdays... waiting for saturday and sunday when i'll eat dil khol ke!

Jack said...

DIPTI :

Done. So treat on week end only.

Take care

Scribbling Girl said...

I completely agree to what you said ! Proximity to parents is important due to such things!
I feel the girl was wrong in trusting and guy was not worth the trust but importantly the time was not apt....I know kids end up being rebel sometimes but she did tell and left and knowing the industry she was going to they could have turned more supportive and close then maybe things would have been different!

P.S. If you like the signature style for ur website u can visit http://signatures.mylivesignature.com as thats where i got mine from !

Expressing Through Letters

Jack said...

S G :

Outlook of a child mainly depends on how parents treat him or her. A time comes when you have to inculcate confidence in children to discuss what is in their mind with you without any hesitations. If you read my reply to Ria above where I have given a very small example how to win the child and make him or her also to understand implications of his or her choice.

Take care

EM said...

i feel...there is no one to blame...just many people to thank...you for standing up to helping father and daughter..father and daughter for realizing their own mistakes and coming together..

EM said...

would you agree? or not?

Raj said...

from what i gather, the girl had admirers and no friends.

the parents cant be blamed here. she eloped. but yes they did have a role to play.

the guy definitely deserves to be kicked if no more.

the girl was at fault of course. no matter who your parents are it takes something to ignore that voice that tells you something is wrong. but then i am sure everything has been said.

Jack said...

E M :

I feel that her offering to sleep with unknown persons for rewards is just like prostitution. Had she been making out with her boyfriend it would have been different. I think this situation was avoidable had everyone played his or her role as expected in relationships. But now we can say it has happened so there is no use in blaming anyone as she is back with remorse and accepted by parents though little unwillingly. Take care


RAJ :

Welcome to my space. You can say that but if there was proper bonding between her and parents this could have been avoided. I will look forward to your views on my older posts too. Take care