Friday, September 11, 2009

FACTS OR FICTION ?

I am sitting at my favorite spot, in small balcony attached to my bedroom facing rear of our 12 floor building. We live on the 10th floor. There is hardly anyone to be seen below as it faces a park beyond the boundary wall. This is where I come and go over many things which trouble my mind to sort them out. As usual I sit here for this only at night and it is almost midnight now. Today I have a major issue to be given thought to and decide my future action. Oh, I have not introduced myself. Let me start from beginning.

My name is Richa. I am going to be 18 this month and have passed my 12th. I have joined college recently. I am from a well to do family. My parents have this flat and my grandparents are with us. My uncles, two of them, stay in flats next to us. So it is like a joint family as most of the times we all are together. I was born first and then my younger brother, little over 6 years my junior, arrived. As far as I can remember my father did not have much time for me during my childhood. Even when I went to school he never asked how was I doing. My mother too did not have very close relation with me. My grandmother always was scolding me for something or the other. Only my grandfather showed some concern for me. He used to take me to school and bring me back too till I reached 6th standard. Thereafter I used to go with other girls from the same locality as the school was not very far off. I saw my father giving so much attention to my brother right from his birth. Even my mother and grandmother used to always be by his side and listen to all his demands when he started making them. I never understood the reasons but only once I grew up and realized that different treatment between us siblings was as I am a girl and he is a boy. Let me not say too much of this as I would like to get to the main point. This is just to give you little of my background. I was denied of many little joys of life in childhood. One of my uncles has 1 son while other has 2 sons and my cousins too did not mix well with me though we had very little age difference. It seems that I was not acceptable being a girl. I was asked to share house hold chores and never encouraged to go out to meet friends or play while all the boys had all the liberties. Inspite of being in a house full of relations I felt so lonely.

Rakesh who is son of my Chachi’s ( uncle’s wife ) brother came over to this city about two years ago as management trainee in one of the companies. He is about 4 years elder to me. He is staying in a working boys’ hostel and visits us on week ends. He after a couple of months somehow noticed my loneliness and showed sympathy. I liked his behavior and concern towards me. He tried to involve me in games which boys used to play in the house but found that others were not keen at all. About a year ago when school got over I found him at the gate of our school. He told me that he was around this side and thought of walking me home. I felt happy as that day I did not have any company. On the way he told me about his life till then and conveyed that he would like to see me happy. On reaching home he told me to go ahead and not to tell anyone we came together as he felt it will not be taken kindly. I too felt the same. This walk back was repeated a few times. Then one day he told me that he would like to spend some time with me and understand why I seem so unhappy most of the times. On my telling that we may talk when he is home, he told that did I not notice that whenever we are together at home we are under watch all the time. On reflection I realized that it was true as whenever we were alone even for a moment my grandmother or mother or aunt used to come over. He suggested that as I was in 12th I should join extra coaching classes after school which were held in the school itself. These classes were for 2 hours but most of the times took little longer. There was some resistance at home mainly from my father but finally I was allowed.

He started meeting me after these extra classes and we used to spend about half an hour or so together. He used to praise me for my good behavior and good marks in examinations. We went to some small restaurant a few times and had some cold drinks etc. I started liking his company. At times we just sat in a park eating bhel puri or something likewise. I used to dream of time spent with him and looked forward to it. Once my preparatory holidays started it was only for special classes that I used to go , thus enabling me to meet him often. During examinations we met few times only. Then we could not meet as I was not allowed to go out of house without someone or the other going with me. This made me long for his company. He too on visits used to give me sad looks without saying anything. Once my college started we met during my free periods.

One day he took me to his friend’s house. His friend was there but left to bring something to eat. While we were there he told me that he has fallen in love with me. He knelt down infront of me while saying so. He held my hand and kissed it. I was so surprised and overwhelmed by feeling of happiness. He got up and hugged me asking if I too loved him. I told him yes. Thereafter it became a practice to go there. His friend was staying alone in that house and used to go out on some pretext or the other when we got there. I started liking his holding me close and when he kissed me few days later I did not resent. His hugging and kisses used to raise a tingling sensation in me. Not to go into intimate details, one thing led to another. We started indulging in feeling each other. His forbidden touches used to send shivers down. He coaxed me to partially undress. I did not offer much resistance as I felt he truly loved me and I too had so much of love for him. A fortnight ago we crossed all limits before I could gain my self control we ended up going all the way. After what happened I cried but he consoled me that we are in love and it is normal when two persons love each other so much. I could not sleep that night fearing what if someone came to know or if I became pregnant. Next day when I told him my fears he laughed telling me while he pulled me into his arms not to fear as he will always be with me. We ended up repeating our act again. I will be honest, after initial pain I did like it. So I was not very hesitant that day. We have done it a few times and I feel so attached to him.

Lately I felt little change in his attitude. I asked him if there was anything to which he replied in negative. I also asked him if we should tell our parents that we wish to get married. He told me that though he deeply loves me he can not think of marriage till he settles down with proper job. However he insisted that we should continue our relation as we love each other so much. I do not wish to continue in this manner. This is causing so much of stress what if we are discovered. I feel so used and do not know what to do. I feel like jumping off the balcony now but it would bring bad name to my family. I do not know how long will it take for me to come to any decision as on one hand I deeply love him while on the other hand I am not keen at all to continue in this manner. I am really in a dilemma.


NOTE : Though it is fiction but could be reality too. This is my attempt to show how youngsters due to some perceived reason or the other get into such situations without realizing the emotional aspects or letting their conscience guide them.

23 comments:

Sakshi said...

I agree that this may be happening to any girl, as I write this comment. Simply put- All I can say is that- anyone who is denied of love will go where he/she finds even little love.
What is more important to understand is- that how soever modern we are, How can a brother indulge in such a thing with his only sister?
This is GROSS.

I just hope and pray- that we get out of the vicious circle of 'I can't love my own child because its a girl'

Jack said...

Sakshi,

Yes, one denied of natural love will find solace wherever one gets it and at times be defiant for it. He was not her brother but son of her Chachi's brother. No direct relationship at all with her.

Take care

workhard said...

Its a good piece of fiction...

I can assure you how men seem to sweet talk women.. so easily and we so gullible. fall for such things...so easily...

Make website india

♪♪HARINI♪♪ said...

That was a wonderful story jack.
I had a friend like that, who said that her cousin was in love with her and all that...
But the girl int even 18!!! Marriage??
:O

♥ ♥ Vinnie ° ♥ ♥ said...

ahh..
reality..!!
u will definitely find 10000s of richas n rakeshs in our country..!!
As always, I repeat, its not easy being a girl..!!
Well...I am lucky to be an only child..
however, a person (m/f) sets his or her priorities and values himself, so what if u feel denied of love from a stupid lot of society, every girl should stand independent, and in my opinion should never gift her virginity too early..!!
And this is a bitter truth which though wouldn't be accepted but ppl are biased..
sometimes, we cannot stop society, i guess
a person shouldn't depend their happiness on anyone.

preeti said...

I am shocked angry and upset. There is truth in this. Cant ward it off as jus-another-fiction. Their love was a sine wave. once it reached the maximum peak, it diminished, and even went to negative half. I dunno whom to blame or sympathize with, for Richa for her unadulterated yet unrequitted love after getting physically connected, or with Rakesh for assuming physical infatuation to be love. I strongly believe in Love, you neednot cross physical limits. The feeling builds up even without it.

Americanising Desi said...

I will come back to this Jack and I will comment :)

Americanising Desi said...

i know how this happens and i also am aware to the extent a man can go to meet the satisfaction of his lust and ego.

this isnt unusual. this isnt something new. i have known people up close been through this and it always is the girl on the other end who suffers and then men say they arent jerks. i bash men around for a reason.

i cannot spell their acts of BS all the time because i have my integrity to maintain too but in the name of love, man rapes a lot of women. i use the word rape because that what it is. if he doesnt say i love you the girl will not give in and woman being such marsh mellows always melt when anyone says it!

fiction all true!

Chakoli said...

true true true!
it is,wen 1 is deprivd of luv he/she tends to get suport frm ne1 who ofers a helpin hand.v human jst r in need of 1 thing nd thad is luv whic makes us to do many things which v shudnt

Being Pramoda... said...

Hi Uncle,

let me start my comment by saying one thing: when i started reading this post, after few lines i thought that i had opened someone's else blog..some another girl's blog..I re-checked, and confirmed it...heheh..:)..

In to the post now:

Since she had been lacking the love and support, it took very less time for her to mould herself towards him. it happens with most of the people and especially with girls.

But the thing is, the love or the affection that came in to her mind should not have made her go away from the basics. I would say it strictly, every girl or boy should understand this very clearly. I can understand how exactly they may have felt when they were together alone, but there should be some thing else in their mind which could probably tell them what they were and how they were.

I also can understand the chemical issues that lie behind the attractions. To speak for the solution of her problem, i would say, she should not feel low just because some thing had happened earlier. I would suggest her to take some time, control her senses and live life. Its not the jump from balcony that would answer her questions, but the right step towards life can keep her prominent in the society the other day.

She should not loose the hope now, and since their relation is not yet out or not completely broken, she may continue the good being with him, but should avoid the physical stay.

I have seen in movies, guys ask their lovers to spend a night with them. then girl shivers. he nurtures and ask, don't you believe me? I always wanted to hit back at them by asking "What's the belief that they have on their own life or on the girl?"

It happens with the age, but i would say ur mind and heart also develop with the same age..if u have some feelings growing with u, there would have been some controlling power that has been developing with the same. Find every corner of your heart and u will find the answer for every feeling that ur heart feels.

I believe it and i would suggest the girl to stay happily. Mistakes are not the end of life, in fact they are the perfect beginners for a successful life...

having been undergone such a pressure, he stamina in handling troubles must have developed alott...and that will come for her rescue when it is needed. she need to start living and be happy.

Uncle, sorry for sounding soo lengthy, but i wanted it to be that way to convey my exact feelings. Thanks for this post..

finally let me say one thing, i read ur post yesterday morning and am commenting after almost 20 hrs. Now i have not read a single line of the post before i started commenting. but the feelings are fresh in my mind...thats the magical way of ur write up..very well done.

Keep expressing :)

Jack said...

WORKHARD :

Welcome to my space. How I wish this could help some youngsters to take decisions by applying mind properly. I will try to visit your space soon. Take care


HARINI :

My main idea of this post is that youngsters should think of all pros and cons before taking such important decision. Take care


VINNIE :

A girl has equal right to live life as she wants to just like a boy but before taking such decisions she must be clear in her mind what if this relationship turn sour. Take care


PREETI :

I agree with you that it is not necessary to have physical intimacy to this extent when in love but it is also natural to go alongwith aroused feelings. Limits have to be set by each individual as per conscience. Take care


A D :

In my post LOVE ??? I had said that a man will show love to have sex while a woman will consent for sex to get love. Though I say that girls have full rights to live the way they want to just as boys but unfortunately they have to take care of not being taken advantage of. Take care


CHAKOLI :

While I agree that one deprived of love by close ones will fell happy even if little love is shown towards her by anyone but this does not mean that she should forget norms and go ahead with whatever that person demands. Take care


PRAMODA :

It is so nice of you to give your views in depth. I always say that boys & girls have equal rights to live the life the way they wish to but a girl has to take such decision with due application of mind keeping all aspects in view before surrendering to demands of her partner. This is unfortunately girls are always on the receiving end. Take care

Swats said...

Hmmmm..I will come back and comment :)

Americanising Desi said...

you've been crowned

http://2short2sweet.blogspot.com/2009/09/ooh-my-blog-is-crowned.html

Swats said...

It's my personal belief tht children who r neglected or not given enough attention in childhood r more vulnerable and prone to addictions, bad company etc..

Children who r given time and attention r less likely to go astray...

anyway..young girls often fall in this attention trap..they get carried away and commit such horrendous mistakes and repent later...physical attraction is inevitable, and most ppl cannot handle it

Amrita said...

Very apt story in todays world Jack... You brought out the sensitive issue without making it sound rude or crass. I hope more and more read this post especially

ash89 said...

Its a piece of fiction but it sounds so true... probably because things like these happen around us all the time.

Jack said...

SWATS :

I agree that children who have been given love and attention are less likely to go astray as they will have confidence to speak to parents for guidence. But situations can arise. I am giving 2more posts with similar theme where young girls get into situations without wanting to but due to lack of proper application of mind. Take care


AMRITA :

My idea was to let youngsters know that whatever you do, it should be with proper thoughts. As I said to Swats there will be two more posts with little variations of situation. Take care


ASH :

Please do read next two posts as those too are with the same theme. One is ready and I will put it up in a day or so after reading it critically. Take care

Pavi!!!! said...

At that age..love ,care n attention from a guy is so hard to resist..specially if neglected by family members n stuff. Yes. This could be reality. I’m sure several girls get fooled in this manner for no fault of theirs.

N many times..even the guys don’t set out to con the girl… it just so happens that their priorities change with age.

Mystique said...

I don't know, I don't see anything wrong with premarital sex. But marriage before...like, 25 at least? no way.

Cursed♪♫ said...

Girls are emotional fools. (no offence!)

Jack said...

PAVI :

I agree that even boy may not have that in mind when relationship started but when 2 grown ups have close proximity and are free with each other this may develop. All I say is whatever one does should be with clear and conscious mind. Take care


MYSTIQUE :

There is nothing wrong with premarital sex as long as both are clear about their needs and none is pressuried or tricked into it. Take care


JUHI :

I feel sorry that they let advantage be taken of them.
Take care

WarmSunshine said...

Hello

Hope you're doing fine. Sadly, what you wrote happens ever so often. Girls fall prey and end up caught in something they can never undo.

I hope they'd come to their senses sooner.

Jack said...

MEHREEN :

My aim to post these here is basically to make young girls aware to apply mind fully before taking any step like this. Take care