I am feeling so, what should I say, distressed. I despise myself at what happened. I need to talk to someone but am not sure if my parents or brother will understand me. Even my best friend may not believe me. Let me take it off my mind and see if I can muster courage to seek guidance.
I am Shuchi. I am 22 and working in a multinational company as Sales Co-ordinator. I completed my graduation last year and took up this job. Not that I need it for financial reasons but it was to keep myself gainfully busy, get exposure to work culture and of course financial independence. I am doing MBA in marketing by distant learning. I come from an upper middle class family. Both my parents are working in multinationals at good positions. My elder brother, 3 years my senior , is an engineer with a public sector company. I have had freedom to follow whatever I wished to. My parents have been very liberal and never distinguished between us siblings. I had gone to a reputed co-education school as well as college. I had many good friends from both genders. I was quite free in mixing. I played basket ball and was middle distance runner during school as well as college days. I also play chess. I am fond of good life though not at the cost of studies. I scored very good marks always and made my parents proud.
I came in contact with Tony about 4 months ago in a sales team party for which some of the clients too were invited. He is from a rich business family. He it very tall over 6 footer with good physique which I learnt later is due to being regular at Gym. Somehow we got attracted to each other and started meeting later. He is about 4 years elder and very magnetic person. It was after meeting few times that I realized I had fallen in love with him and he too expressed the same on my asking. We had discussions over a period and decided to tell our parents. His parents were reluctant initially but later relented while my parents though accepting him asked me to exercise caution in my relationship. We started meeting almost daily. We both set limits and agreed to wait for marriage to go all the way. We did have certain amount of physicality as after all being young we do have some feelings.
Yesterday, Saturday was birthday of one of his friends – Bittu whom I had met few times. He invited us to celebrate where some more known persons were expected. We had gone to a famous pub. We were a group of 6 boys and 5 girls. Apart from Bittu and his girlfriend, Malini I did not know others well though had seen them at times. I do not drink except beer and that too occasionally. I accepted beer as the occasion demanded and Tony indicated it would be fine. I saw other girls were also drinking. As we were dancing we lost track of time. My parents had asked me to keep them informed and return by midnight. It was well past midnight. I asked Tony to drop me home but he insisted we stay little longer. So we decided to call my parents that I would be staying at my friends place for the night. Malini spoke to my parents seeking their permission to let me stay at her place. We continued dancing and as it was tiring I had maybe 3 glasses of beer. We left pub after 1’O clock. Tony told me that we would stay with Bittu, Malini and another boy, Gary in his company flat for guests which was close by. I did not feel it unacceptable as we were all little high and thought long drive would be risky. Presence of another girl too made me feel comfortable.
It was a cozy flat of 3 bedrooms and comfortably furnished with all amenities. Once in Gary said why not to continue with party for a while more. As we were all in mood for some more fun we all said yes. Tony put on music and we started dancing. Tony laid out drinks and eatables on the dinning table. On insistence by Malini I accepted beer. Lights were dimmed. I seemed such a happy dream to me, may be beer affect. As we were only 2 girls we all danced in a way to keep Gary feel part of dance. We continued dancing and took swigs of our drinks to keep thirst quenched. I must have had at least 4 or 5 glasses of beer as I was feeling full of joy and on top of the world. We sat down as we all felt tired. We were exchanging small talk while Tony was refilling everyone’s glass. I too continued having beer without being conscious about it. Tony sat next to me after filling glasses. He put his arm around me. Somehow our talk got around to sex. I think it was Malini who brought up High Court judgment regarding gays and lesbians. Thereafter everyone started telling freely about own experiences. When I was asked to tell about myself I in that bonhomie attitude spoke freely like others. I am no saint and have had my share of fun but within limits. I spoke about an incident which still makes me shiver. I told them when I was 10 how a neighbor used to feel me around whenever we happened to be alone. Tony had his arm over my shoulders and Malini moved next to me. When I finished she whispered how tense I was and hugged me close. Everyone hugged me close. I was feeling quite worked up by closeness of Tony.
We broke up soon after that to sleep. Bittu & Malini and Tony & me took one bedroom each leaving third for Gary. Once in the room we hugged each other and kissed while we lay in bed. I was quite high and feeling as if I was floating on clouds thus what followed is hazy which I am trying to reconstruct now. We were feeling little uncomfortable and on his suggestion we both took off jeans. Then I think our physical hunger took over and one thing followed other culminating in our making love. I drifted off to sleep which was more of a drunken stupor due to lots of beer. Sometime later I felt him touching me around and he again made love to me. But somehow his body felt different. It seems like a dream but I think he was Gary as Tony lay next to me. I was drifting in and out of deep sleep. I could not move around much as it seemed our bed was too crowded. I woke up a while ago and was so stunned to find myself nude amidst tangle of other’s bodies in the similar state. They were all asleep as if dead.
I am now sitting in the loo and thinking what & why. What do I do now? Why did I let this happen? Was it planned this way? What will Tony say now? Is he a party to all this? How will I face my parents who gave me so much of liberty? Above all how will I face myself too? I am trying to find answers.
NOTE : Though again it is fiction but could be reality too. This is my attempt to show how youngsters can get into such situations without realizing what they are heading for.