Monday, August 31, 2009

DO WE HAVE RIGHT FOR THIS?

Note : I am sorry I may be irregular for a while or may not give proper comments. Joey, our male Cocker Spaniel who was just 3 years 5 months old passed away at about 11:30 pm last night after being unwell for just 2 days. I have been looking after them for everything from taking them out to feeding and playing. Though Zuby is there but I miss him a lot. So does she and now I have to see that she does not go into depression. 02 Sep 2009


You must have read in almost all newspapers remembrances inserted by people showing how much they miss their departed near & dear ones. These are mostly in language showing unlimited love and on death anniversary or birthday.

During days of “ Shradhs “ which is a period of a few days twice a year as per Hindu calender when homage and respects are paid to departed ancestors - mainly parents and grandparents. We remember them, pray for them and offer them feast of what they relished. Some even give clothes also. How does this offering reach them? We call a priest and treat him to these delicacies or take it to him. This is our way of showing our gratitude.

It is all very fine to publicly show our gratitude or how much we miss them but what comes to my mind is that did we take care of them or make them happy in the twilight years of their life? Did we see to their comforts? Do we remember them on days of the year other than this period or on death anniversary? If not, do we deserve to make a show of our gratitude now that they are no more?


NOTE : I had posted this last year end in my o3.indiatimes.com space. Almost 3 weeks ago I made some changes to post it here but was lazy. I was so moved while reading a poem “Rocking in my Armchair Alone” written by Juhi, a young girl of 16 sorry 14 and that worked like catalyst to make me post it today itself. Kindly do visit her and encourage at

staryeyedandscreeming.blogspot.com

27 comments:

Cursed♪♫ said...

I sure don't mind. I'm glad you liked it. And I'm 14 not 16 :P

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hi uncle,

So well said..i could feel the pain in those words..

I remember ut comment on one of my posts saing - "WHat's the point in wishing on mother's day and leaving them the rest of the year"

I can relate it to this one..very true. People show gratitude after they pass by, but they even dont care when they are aline, which is most required for their parents then..

Thanks for this post ..:)

PS: I'm awaiting ur reviews on my posts..:)

♥ ♥ Vinnie ° ♥ ♥ said...

nice post...i agree to every word above.
i read her bful poem...its one of a kind.
take care

and what reply?? i did not get you?

ash89 said...

It is better to take care of the aged and make them happy when they are with us. Its more important to respect them when they are alive. Disrespecting them then and paying respects after their death makes no sense

Tranquility Speaks said...

We take for granted what we have, because some things just fall into our laps. But realize it's value, only when it's long gone. Ironical.

Shruti said...

yea.. we tend to know the value of something.someone only when that person is not near us.
As long as we have all our 5 senses intact, we don't feel the need for it.. same with ppl around us, na?

geeta banati said...

True ...word by word ..its really true..
they just need love,respect and care....
nothing else

Shall go through your other posts and will share my views very soon...

Jack said...

JUHI :

Thanks. I have corrected the age factor. Sorry for that. Take care


PRAMODA :

Hope people realise this. I will read your posts in a shortwhile and give my views. Take care


VINNIE :

Hope you left encouraging comments in her space. I am sure she will be a very good poetess soon. I sent you a mail and have still not heard from you. Take care


ASH :

This is exacty what I wanted to bring out. Take care


TRANQUILITY :

This is our nature. We do not realise what we must do to make them happy when they are with us and then to overcome our guilt feelings we do all these rituals. Take care


SHRUTI :

You are right. We donot miss what we have but it is only when we are deprived of it we miss it.
Take care


GEETA :

So nice to see you after such a long time. How I wish people realise it and give due care to their old ones. Take care

Pavi!!!! said...

The poem is so well-written. Very touching.

Hmm…first thing about caring for those who have passed away…okay (un)fortunately ? the reality is that with time one learns to live in the absence of another person who matters a lot. That doesn’t mean that we stop caring for the person. As much as we care ,adore and treasure someone, life won’t stop..it must go on.
Depending on how close we were to that person..we hurt for longer, but with time the wounds do hurt lesser. I don’t think one can deny that. n again, that is not a bad thing. The truth is that none of us are immortal… but neither are any of us completely erasable from everyone’s thoughts for good.
There will be some trigger..a fav food, place, a dialogue, the way we sit,stand,the smile…just some small thing that will make a near n dear one think of the deceased person every once in a while even after many many yrs of they being gone.

N then about , do we need to make a show?Hmm… I don’t blv that obituaries in newspapers convey much. But abt the pooja that one does for the dead..i think on every amavasya…I’ve heard that therz some reason n logic to it. I’m not sure what it is unfortunately..so can’t comment. N if we feed the poor and give clothes to the poor….watever be the reason…that is a good thing right?

Pavi!!!! said...

I think I missed addressing the Q about how well we take care of their comforts during old age..the time when they need us… No we don’t do a good job of that. specially since the last 1 or 2 generations.
The thing is, there is no easy solution for this problem. On the one hand there is the view that parents have sacrificed so much , so their child gets good education and is able to make a successful career for himself..and so it is the responsibility of the child to ensure that the parents comforts and need is taken care of. Mind you need is nto just finance..but also company and other such vital matters.

But how do children give up their job and all that they have studied for ..JUST to be with their parents? Is that feasible and good for the child’s future?
Like I said no easy answer to this problem.

Ketan said...

Hello, sir!

In my opinion, it's outright human hypocrisy combined with opportunism. When people are alive (whatever the age), we think them to be liabilities or competition, and we don't pay them any consideration, only because we know completely well they don't have the power to help/harm us significantly. But the moment they die, our scriptures would have us believe, they transform into spirits that can bless us or haunt us. It's this instilled primal fear that driver us to display that affection.

Thought-provoking post!

Take care.

Jack said...

PAVI :

I agree we all come to terms as time passes and overcome our grief to a large extent. However memories still remain. I do not at all suggest that children who by then themselves be parents if not grandparents should leave their vocation to be with aged parents. If they are in different city and can not join to be with them then they can be visited often, specially during holidays of their own children. They can remain in touch and be available if need arises. Take care


KETAN :

You are right. It is hypocrasy. I am sorry I have not been able to visit you often but will make ammends soon. Take care

Ellen said...

Hi Jack,

How we treat our elders, the aging, the old folks among us -- comes out from what we have learned in our own families. Our attitudes towards the elderly are greatly influenced and formed by the values taught us and learned within the four walls of our homes by our mothers and fathers and from our extended families of grandparents, uncles and aunts.

But at sometime it goes through some transformation, alteration, twisting, change, or color as it moves along the mainstream of the bigger world outside. So we then see how this same basic values so revered are suddenly neutralized, subdued, muted, altered, diluted, or jaded by the trappings and influence of a fast-changing modern world.

So then the challenge for us is to hold on to those old values we started with. Because this will tell us how to conduct ourselves properly towards our aging elders. Our values serve as guide to our life journey and in our relationships.

If we have learned to respect and care and value our elders, we would be doing all the good stuff in a natural way. We would treat them with proper respect and honor and consideration; also care for them as they deserve to be cared for. We would do all these things without guilt, shame, sham or pretense. We would regard them unconditionally with utter respect, care, and love in life or in death. And would be very glad and proud to do so. :-)

Hey, Jack, it was nice to see you in my blog. Thanks for the lovely visit and message. Take care and God bless you and your loved ones.

Jack said...

Ellen,

What you say is absolutely right. It is something which is learnt as a child while living in a joint family and watching elders being respected and cared for. That will make a long lasting impression on our mind which will be difficult to erase.

Take care

♪♪HARINI♪♪ said...

jack,

I'm so every sorry about your dog.. It hurts me more to lose a dog than a relative, cos dogs are so very close and they love you no matter what.

About your post, well it is true and I do agree with you, but what opinion i always maintain is the children arent always the ones to be blamed.. Mostly, unless the parents hurt their child and make him/her hate them, they wouldn't leave cos you dont want to leave someone you love. If you understand your children and make them love you, they will love you too..
It might be something against the opinion of others, but to each his own..

Im also very sorry for not having visited for a while.. wasn't feeling all that great :)

Ill visit "cursed" as soon as i can :)

Adah said...

its heartbreaking..

Rinkal said...

hello uncle
how r u?
i am here reading your post
with open heart to receives lesson from it
i loved it
i also agree taht people do shoe of having nice gratitude but no even care after few days they have past.if they are their parents only or grand parents
after some days they will be busy in their works
i think its better to take care of elders from first
take care


rinkal

Jack said...

HARINI :

I am now getting over the loss as I am concentrating on Zuby. I do miss him. I agree that it is not that children are to blame in all cases but in majority of cases parents who gave their all are neglected at their old age which is sad and once they are no more lot of show of missing them is put up by children. That is where I say do they have a right for such rituals if they did not care for them at old age. Take care


ADAH :

It is. He went off while I was holding him in my lap waiting for doctor to arrive. May God grant him MUKTI, no more coming back to this earth. Thanks for your support. Take care


RINKAL :

Nice to see you after long time. How are your studies going on? Not seen any new post from you. Thanks for your supportive comments. Take care

nups said...

hi Jack
oh dear m so sorry to hear abt Joey... i really am... hows Zuby dealing with this ... and hw r u ... i knw hw it hurts to lose a dog... only time can soothe the pain ...
do take care n cheer up my friend.... u did wat u could for Joey maybe that was the time he was destined to live... he lived well with love n passed on ... m sure he'l find peace ...

Americanising Desi said...

you make me feel bad.
i havent recited or given anything for many months in the name of my grandfather. i sure hope he is happy in heaven!

Americanising Desi said...

p.s. i thought i boggle brains but you leave me totally thinking!

Jack said...

NUPS :

I am now getting used to his absence but memories remain. He was much more playful and active. He used to play ball with our younger 2 grandchildren. I also feel that he had come for this much time only and am thankful to God that he did not suffer much. May God grant him MUKTI. Take care


A D :

My idea of writing this was not to make someone feel sad or guilty but only to prick conscience of those who are not taking care of their elders. I am sure you must have loved him till the end and done whatever you could do to make him happy. One need not do anything eloberate but simple conversation with honest & open heart with God to take care of the one for whom you wish to pray is much more than anything else. Take care

Shruti Mukundan said...

ohh am so sorry to know abt ur dog. its been long i visited ur page, my apology.. these days studies r keeping me on toes!! but i really appreciate ur comments on my page n i really like ur style of writing.. ur thoughts r very clear n good to read on :)

Jack said...

Shruti,

I am slowly coming to terms that he is no more. It seems God had given him that much time only with us. May he attain MUKTI. Please do concentrate in your studies as this is foundation for your future. I am overwhelmed by your comment on my previous post. And am glad that you enjoyed humour.

Take care

♥ ♥ Vinnie ° ♥ ♥ said...

heyyy i sent u my reply few weeks back...bt thrs no reply from your side...u dont even stop by my blog...whats wrong?

Jack said...

Vinnie,

I replied on the same id making one small mistake, I wrote NOT instead of NOW in the opening sentence. I regularly visit your space and leave my comment. If you have not received my mail or comments I will resend. I have posted new one today.

Take care

workhard said...

i know. i never understood what kinda ritual that is...


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