Thursday, August 20, 2009

HAPPY AND TENSION FREE LIFE

I consider myself very lucky to have got to this space. It gives me a lot of not only pleasure but also insight into what is today's way of thinking when I read so many blogs. I comment on many and at times I have annoyed the writer. I have written a few. My this post is inspired by a girl who was my colleague, much younger to me but we share a very good human relation. She is level headed and very clear about her ideas. I feel responsible for her as elder. She asked me why have not written on personal relationships. I write not only here but articles which get published sometimes. So this is to keep my promise to her.
As you get on in years you tend to become a preacher saying do this or do that because it is good for you. I used to hate such sermons from my seniors and resolved that I will always share my experience with youngsters and let them choose their path. I have maintained this with my both children also and am proud that they can take decisions without any outside help by proper application of mind.
Today I am sharing with you what I feel is key to a happy, peaceful and simple life. If one follows these principles chances of one leading a tension free life are bright, be it in office or at home or in social life.
First one is TWO WAY COMMUNICATION. Most of our problems at office or home are as we think of someone doing wrong to us. Be it with Boss, Mother in law – Daughter in Law, Husband - Wife, Sisters in Law ete etc. Instead of talking it out amicably and logically with concerned person we tend to bottle up fueling up our emotions leading to thinking of things which may not even have happened. Only way to resolve such situations is to TALK IT OUT with concerned person in private without show of tempers but in polite way. This brings us to second principle
OPEN MIND. When you talk to someone to resolve issues donot go with preconceived ideas. Let mind be clear and blank. Start discussion without any perceived wrong or grouse. This way you may be able to follow other's way of thinking also. This could also be called POSITIVE APPROACH to resolve an issue and not to complicate it with your biased thoughts.
Third is ADAPTABILITY. One should be able to adapt to changed circumstances. When you take up a job, the reporting head may be a person much younger or less experienced than you but you have to give the devil his / her due as he / she is the BOSS. Not that you do away with your values but see how best you can stick to them. A girl after marriage goes to new family and unless she starts considering that to be HER FAMILY there will be problems galore. She has to start a new life and it is HER HOME where she is an important member.
GIVE CREDIT TO THOSE WHO DESERVE. Do not hog all praise for job well done or pass blame for failure. Share it alike with those who are responsible.
Then last but not the least is FEEDBACK. It is very important to give feedback to concerned persons, be it senior or subordinates or even family members. If you have done something after due discussion it is expected that you share what has happened with those connected to it.
These are a few things which come to my mind but I am sure there are many more like politeness, being approachable etc etc. I invite you all to share your views and make us more positive to lead a happy, peaceful and simple life.

44 comments:

Pramoda Meduri said...

HI Jack,

A timely one for me, am in the office now and i have been keeping my face red to my boss..:(

hehe..u have made me think and provoked me to do some thing different..:)

Thank You.

♥ ♥ Vinnie ° ♥ ♥ said...

Hello

I feel the same as your colleague...
You must write more bout personal relationships..your suggestions as in comments too have been proved helpful..!!
However, Why would you post for bloggers ??
I love every post of yours..!!
KUDOS....!!!

TAKE CARE.

ash89 said...

hey jack... I agree with all of ur points. The first one about two way communication is very important. However, not everyone realises the importance of it.

Diva said...

Hi Jack

I quite like what you have written in your post... and I agree to most of it as well!!

However,the problem is that even if you want to be amicable and find a solution by talking things out, its rare that the other person involved(be it your boss,mother-in-law or husband) is co-operative enough to be sitting and talking out the issue at hand....

Not every person in the world is same... Not everyone is good and level-headed.... Do you agree????

P.S: Do read my new post!!!

Ellen said...

Hi Jack,

Wonderful post! Much to be learned there. You did it again writing the way you do. Thanks for the pleasure of reading an interesting piece.

Jack said...

PRAMODA :

Hope it was settled. Just keep your thoughts under control. Do not think negative. I know you are level headed one but still young to have temper. Take care


VINNIE :

Thanks for such encouraging comment. I will try to write more often. Hope all is ok now.
Take care


ASH :

Most of our perceived problems arise out of non-communication. This is the very first step in any healthy relationship. Take care


DIVA :

I agree we all are of different make. Many of us are not prone to logical talking to sort out matters. That is the main reason for all disputes, even international. This is where your skill to presude the other person to sit across and talk it out. Left my comment in your space. Take care


ELLEN :

You are always encouraging. It is so nice of you. We may never meet but I will relish your company always. Take care

Dip said...

advices taken! :)

thank you

how can i explore ME... said...

well i try to sort things amicably,but whenever i meet that person face to face ,intentions get reversed and instead of talking we fight and situation gets worse .latter we go for a party or sth like that and we get back to track....

scarlet pimpernel said...

Hi jack

Thnx for all that

Amrita said...

What you said made perfect sense :)

Chakoli said...

hey

thats now valuable info..
I agree communication is the root cause of any problem :((

and peopel dont undertsnad that....

Jack said...

DIP :

I am sure you will have a very very happy time always as you are quite wise. Take care


how......ME... :

Welcome to my space.I know it takes a lot of effort to keep your feelings under control. Do try to maintain your calm. Hope to see you often. Take care



SCARLET PIMPERNAL :

Welcome to my space. Have you read my older posts? Looking forward to your views on those. Hope to see you more often. Take care


AMRITA :

Thanks for encouraging comments. Hope it helps someone for the better. Take care


CHAKOLI :

What a pleasant surprise! So nice to see you here. Two way clear communication with logic and cool mind is key to all relations being healthy. Take care

WarmSunshine said...

Hello Jack!

I hope you're doing well. I cam to thank you for being so regular on my blog. I am again getting lazy with the Ramadan having just started. Gets really tiring without anything to eat or drink. I will definitely come back to read about your colleague. Just felt like dropping in and saying 'thanks'.

Hope you have a good week ahead.

Take care.

WarmSunshine said...

Hello Jack!

I hope you're doing well. I cam to thank you for being so regular on my blog. I am again getting lazy with the Ramadan having just started. Gets really tiring without anything to eat or drink. I will definitely come back to read about your colleague. Just felt like dropping in and saying 'thanks'.

Hope you have a good week ahead.

Take care.

Cursed♪♫ said...

Hi!!
I;m fine now. Back to school! Thanks for your wishes :)

Jack said...

MEHREEN :

Wish you a Happy Ramadan. This is the time to reaffirm faith. I am sure God will be kind to a good soul like you.

Looking forward to your re-visit.

Take care


JUHI :

Be careful of your health. Do catch up with studies.

Take care

Pavi!!!! said...

Very nice points jack. N very true ones as well. Communicating and having an open mind will help avoid a zillion mis-communications.

One other thing that helps..is being forgiving. U’standing that the person involved is also human, can do mistakes and fogive them. Putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes and then reacting will avoid so many conflicts.

I have just one complaint about this post tho : I wish you had said girl/ BOY after marriage… HIS/her family…Really why does such eg.s apply only to women??

Americanising Desi said...

that is why they have business communication taught in school :D

but no one agrees.
no one wants to talk to speak to communicate...
but yes there will be ample barking :)

Jack said...

PAVI :

My intention was not to put girl on the receiving end but as in most of societies it is girl who has to leave her parental home to be with her husband and adopt to the ways of new family I wanted to stress it is for her own happiness that she settles down as soon as she can. If you find time try to read some of my other posts - Strength of a family ( Nov 2008 ) or later ones like Happy married life and Happiness is in your hands you will find that parents of both boy and girl have equal role to play in making her settle down. Take care


AD :

Welcome to my space. Hope to see you regularly. Although in hearts of hearts we all know that logical two way communication is key to any healthy relation but most of us ignore it. Sad, isn't it?
Take care

Tranquility Speaks said...

I came here from Nups blog. I've seen your comments there often and they've always been so profound!

In total agreement with your views here! Leaves me with nothing more to add :)

Diva said...

hey.... thanks for the comments on my space!! made a great difference to me :)
and yep, as you said, that is where YOU as a person counts.. its 'your' choice if you wish to talk out the in differences diplomatically or rather sit an whine about it... at the end of the day, its what you make of the situation. YOU make it or break it... not entirely, of course!!!

P.S: still waiting for the belated card.... :) email id : diva.life@gmail.com

indrablog said...

I agree with your views. I also think trying to understand the other person and putting yourself in the place of the other person and thinking how you would react in a similar situation helps.

Jack said...

T S :

Welcome to my space. Hope to see you often. I would appreciate your views on my older posts too, mainly the ones on personal relationships. I will visit you soon. Take care


DIVA :

Nice to see you back. I am sending one right after this. Take care

Jack said...

INDRABLOG :

My reply to TS and DIVA must have been chasing your view in space. Welcome to my space. Hope to see you often. Please do give your views on my older posts too. I will visit you soon. Take care

Americanising Desi said...

indeed i will be :)

Pavi!!!! said...

Jack from the li’l that I have read ur blog n ur comments on others’ blogs..i am sure that putting the girl on the receiving end WAS NOT ur intention.

Yes like you said in most societies it is the girl who leaves her parental home. But these days the child(girl/guy) mostly, leaves home for studies / work.. years before they are ready for marrg… n after marrg ,many couples live in a nuclear family where-in the husband n wife learn to adapt to each other’s lifestyles.
Why then must we list the girl adapting to a new lifestyle as a way to happiness.

Our minds have been conditioned to think in this manner. N unless we break away from it..the struggle towards gender equality will not be a success. The battle will not have been truly fought with such biases still in place even if only in thoughts n words and not in practice. ‘coz when the thought-process is such in our subconscious mind we sumtimes unknowingly tend to put it to practice.

I u’stand that ur stressing on it with the interest of the girl’s happiness in mind. But if the only way she can be happy is by adapting, giving-in and conforming to what society expects of her…I wonder if that’s true happiness in the 1st place.

Tabitha said...

Nice Blog Uncle :)
Did u receive my mail

Fareed said...

So, is the author only one to be mindful of ingraining undertones to this post?

Let relativism and existentialism be given a chance for once, nay?

Jack said...

AD,

It will be my honour to have you as regular visitor. Take care


PAVI :

I tried to state facts as they are. It is God who created the difference and made female specie of almost every living being on the receiving end. I will however confine to men and women. After God's work it is our societies and preachers who took over to heighten the difference. May I be little frank on birds & bees? Even in lovemaking who is the one at the receiving end, I mean physically? Who bears all related pains to bear a child? Who is more involved in bringing up the child? Who breastfeeds the child? And instead of honouring strength of a woman to undertake all these we try to pull her down by laying down so many restrictions. I firmly believe that it is woman who makes a house A HOME. If a man falls sick or goes away everything will run almost as per normal in the house but if lady of the house falls sick or goes away the whole routine goes topsy turvy. My intention of saying that a girl has to make more efforts or adapt more after marriage is not for any other reason but to bring out fact that she moves from known environments to practically new unknown ones where she needs to win over one and all with her love and not by trying to create rifts between mother and son. This is not at the cost of her self respect or individuality. However she has to understand the need and overcome her childhood habits. And at the same time it is moral duty of husband's family including him to understand, help and respect her. Her family should be supportive and not advise any wily things. I agree that a lot of youngsters leave home early for studies or even for jobs as well as there are nuclear families but what %age of whole population? I am not talking about USA where the culture is different. Old parents will stay with their children, mainly males, in the twlight years of their lives and that is where she has to understand that one day she too will be in their shoes. All in all I will say that it is a misnomer that women are weaker sex, they are actually pillars of any family or society. OMG, such long reply. Take care


TABITHA :

Nice to see you. I will check mail after this and reply. Take care


FAREED :

Welcome to my space. Hope you keep visiting regualrly. My main intention while writing this was that most of the quarrels are unnecessary. If we can relate to each other logically then we can co-exist peacefully, isn't it? Take care

nups said...

hi jack
those r the rules to eternal bliss i would say... but its after years of experience one realises these virtues..... its like its alws there but till u go thru ur own muck u never realise them ...... take care buddy :)

WarmSunshine said...

Hello Jack :)

I don't have anything to add to this, but I will keep them in mind, especially when I'm soon going to start a new life. It's always refreshing to read your blog with simple advices.

Thank you :)

Jack said...

NUPS :

I agree with you that most of us know what is not right from experience of others but still we try it till we too suffer. Take care


MEHREEN :

Hope it helps you in your new life. If possible do share what it is going to be. However wish you all the best. Take care

Cursed♪♫ said...

I am so glad you liked my poem. Your comments really inspire me to write more.
Thanks a lot.

Cecilia said...

Very Very true..liked this alot..

Cecilia said...

Very Very true..liked this alot..

Jack said...

CECILIA :

Welcome to my space. Kindly do read my older posts too. I would appreciate your views on many of them, particularly on relationships.

Take care

Shruti Mukundan said...

amazing points!!!

u r a good guide i tell u...n ur best point is ur urge to share ur experiences n to teach others. u seem to have learnt a lot from life n ur willingness to teach shows off in ur writing!! keep up the good work!!

workhard said...

Good post...

nice collection of advice...


Make website india

Pavi!!!! said...

Firstly.. since apologies for much delayed reply. Was held up with too many other things…now for the response

Ahaah! Very convenient to blame God for everything no? Really was it God who decided that women should leave the home n women should adjust to the husband’s family n forget her parents after marrg, n pay dowry to get married n jump into the fire on her husband’s death all that nonsense jack? Really ?God?! God created man n women…how is a big discussion..but he didn’t play any role in making anyone be at the receiving end okay?! If at all..he gave women the strength of bearing babies n so made her more deserving of care n respect. But that’s a discussion I don’t want to get into..

It is humans(NOTE: I don’t say men..i say HUMANS)..who brought abt this ridiculous difference. N as far as giving birth, breastfeeding n all goes…it depends on the perspective…some mite see it as a strength , while some others may interpret it as God’s way of making women be at the receiving end!

Who is more involved to bring up a child? MAYBE the woman. But ideally it should be the mother and father. And instead of saying that since in the past generations women have been more involved in bringing up children..it will continue that way, its better men take the responsibility. [which many men already have!]

N yes.. some ppl do try to put down women..instead of honoring them for what they are n that’s a pity. Women don’t want to be patronized n nor do they want to be disrespected. They want to be treated like normal humans.

Just coz in the past..a woman has made a home , n the house has stopped functioning when a woman falls sick..it doesn’t mean that that shld continue into the future. We MUST get out of that mindset n ask mean to be equally responsible in contributing to the home in all ways.

My intention of questioning that…is that a guy ALSO moves into a new envt..he also has to win over the love n faith of his inlaws, he must also work on making the girl n her mother not feel like they are separated? Rite?

ALL of us have to overcome childhood habits. If the gurl is xpected to behave like an adult..ditto with the guy. He can’t continue being mamma’s boy while the girl is xpected to be adjusting to families, giving birth, making a home out of a house n all that.

“Old parents will stay with their children, mostly male”..hec!that is the very thing I want to change. If according to our culture old parents must stay with their children..that has to be true irrespective of gender. Why the hec shld it hold good for only a guy? Do a girl’s parents grow old differently???or have they not gone thru as much struggle to bring her up?!

I am glad that u think women are pillars of the society. But really like I sd before..most of us dont want to be patronized..we don’t want so much burden on our shoulders. We want to be treated like regular humans and have equal rights as men.

Just ‘coz things have been a certain way for the past so many yrs..we shldnt continue advocating the same. Change has to begin somewhere…n its best if that somewhere is the self..for each person.

Thanks for providing the forum for a discussion.

Jack said...

PAVI :

So nice of you to speak frankly. It is refreshing. But I feel you have not read my reply earlier fully. I had clearly said that after what God made biological difference it is society and preachers took over. Please read it once again.

Now coming to what you say. I have not said that women should only make HOME. I have stated facts that it is women who are the MAIN PILLAR of a family and so of HOME too.

Certain conventions are formed by any society over a period and those are followed. I do agree that women should not be put at disadvantage but given equal status. Even in animals you will find some set trends.

Parents of both boys or girls grow old equally and have right to stay with either but as per society norms they prefer to be with boys. If some do not have son then it is girl with whom they will spend their twlight years. Unless you wish that all old parents be put in old age homes disregarding all they had gone through to bring up their offsprings.

If you have read my Equality at work place you will see that I categorically say that all have to be treated equally and should behave equally too.

Hope to hear from you.

Take care

Nahl said...

Wow, I love this post! So very helpful!
When you say "talk it out", could you please explain how? I'm not too good when it comes to commuication.

Jack said...

Nahl,

It depends on what the issue is or what the difference of opinion has arisen. Instead of sulking or retaliating angerily it would be better to discuss logically explaining your point of view and listening with open mind to other's too. You are welcome to discuss any particular issue if you wish to at my mail id.

Take care

Pavi!!!! said...

Jack

Sorry. I take so long to respond each time. I have been very busy work-wise and social-life wise n hvnt had much time to spend on long responses. Wanted to respond tot his when I have enough time to do justice to it. Here goes :

Well, I did read ur comment completely jack . u said “It is God who created the difference and made female specie of almost every living being on the receiving end” and then you went on to say that preachers heightened the difference.. U did not indicate that you were talking abt biological difference when it came to God. Also..ur statement says that God made the female species be at the receiving end…n that I disagreed with.

Jack like I said before, I very well know that u are all for men n women being equal. I realize ur just stating what is practiced at large by society.

Well..im just taking a step ahead and saying.. NO we don’t have to conform to the norms of the society. If the society’s practices are wrong and unfair..some generation has to put their foot down and not behave according to the norm. n the sooner we do it..the easier it is going to be and better too!It will be very hard to defy wat everyone thinks is “norm”..but it has GOT TO BE DONE! It has to begin sumplace. N why can’t that beginning be each one of us?

I was not suggesting that old parents stay in old age homes. Where they should stay is a different topic..n mabbe a debate for another day n time.

old parents if they decide to stay with children..should be able to stay with the son or daughter..there should be no caveat of if there is no son only then will they stay with daughter. Its high time we change these stupid norms that have no logic behind them.

Jack said...

PAVI :

It is nice discussing this with you. It is not only biological difference but even differences in outlook and emotions too. Under the same circumstances men and women will look at it in different ways. And customes set over the centuaries can not be changed overnight. The changes are taking place and it is evident in many ways. What I saw during my grandparents time, I have changed those customs which I felt needed to be. It is happening in urban areas more than rural. I am sure you will find this divide even in advanced nations too. Religion too plays a major role in bringing about changes. Hope that we do see some positive side soon, I wish to see in my life time at least.

Take care