Monday, February 27, 2012

EGO

My school friend Rajat got married to Radhika within a few months after our wedding. They had known each other for quite some time, almost 3 years before marriage. They seemed made for each other couple. We were shocked when we learnt that they were separated within 6 months of marriage and were heading for divorce. In those days divorces were not very common. I took a few days leave to visit him.

What we learnt on reaching there was something so trivial that it was unbelievable that it could take such serious dimensions. About a month ago on his return from office one evening, he asked Radhika to do something but as she was talking to her friend on phone she did not respond. Those were landline days with cordless also being a rare thing. He repeated it and not getting her response he in a fit of anger shouted loudly that was this what her parents had taught her. Her friend quickly said bye and cut the phone. She then shouted back that she learnt better things than what his parents had taught him. One thing led to another and soon they had a slanging match. Hot words were freely aimed at each other. In fit of rage she packed her bags and moved to her parents place. He did not even once stop her. After a couple of days he felt that he could have been more understanding but did not call her up as he blamed her for walking out and wanted her to come back or call up first. I bluntly asked him if his ego was more important to him than his love for her. He agreed that he should not fall prey to ego but was still reluctant to make first move. We could make out that he was missing her.

So next day we visited Radhika at her parents place. She was delighted to see us. After normal greetings first thing she asked was as to how was Rajat. My wife counter questioned her that did she feel he would be happy. She had tears in her eyes which were straight indication of her missing him. On my asking as to why did she not go back or at least call him up, she told me that many a times she wanted to but then she feared his rejection. On my asking that was their love so fragile, she started crying. A little later when she calmed down a bit we asked her to get her bags and come with us to return to her home. Then she told us that her father would not like it as he wanted Rajat to visit them and apologize before she returns. This is when my wife made me so proud when she said “ Do you want to be a victim to ego of your father or have a happy family life with one you married for your love?” She chose later but seemed confused as how to tell her father.

Her father on his return from office showed happiness to see us but soon started blaming Rajat for all what had happened. He was stunned on my asking that what would he like, his daughter to be back with him as divorcee or see her happily settled down in her home affording him an opportunity to play with his grandchildren. He responded that which father would wish bad for daughter. So I told him that I would call up Rajat to come and pick her up but he should not say anything except scold them both in fatherly way that they should stop being kiddish.

And the matter got resolved. Now they too are grandparents like us. We still tease them at times asking as to how far has the case progressed in court.

This is true happening but with changed names. I have narrated this to tell that EGO is the foremost cause for breakup of relationships. ANGER comes a very close second. Both are mostly interlinked. There are some more but these two share majority of breakups.

28 comments:

Sonshu said...

How very true Jack Uncle. What a lovely anecdote to show the reality in today's world. I know so many friends too who've broken up because of ego clashes which is kind of sad because otherwise their love would have been strong.

You and your wife indeed did a great thing!

:)

Rachit said...

God may wish everyone friends like you :)

Weakest LINK

CATGIRL !! said...

it is soo disheartening..at least my mature age has already taught me lessons on keeping my ego in chk so i wud enter my marital life wid less expectations from others n making the first move towards apology

p.s. m suuure ur word verification below must hav made many ppl. erase their commments as it takes long n sometimes dusn't accept words..plzz drop it!!

Tanvi said...

What a story from real life. I can imagine how funny it might all seem to them now after so many years!!!

So true, though. Anger & Ego both are destructive. I only hope and wish that God keeps our head straight and always help us see what is important and worthy in the long run.

♡ from © tanvii.com

Gayu said...

Totally agree with you...EGO is the major roadblock.
"Why should I go?? Why should I say sorry??? Why should I say it all the time???"

This "Why" and "I" are big troublemakers
Wish we all could have such friends...who can resolve such matters...!!!

God Bless You !!!
Gayu

RiĆ  said...

Ego never helps in relationships...so well said Uncle J.

Iqra said...

Nicely penned down. Liked it :)

Sakshi said...

How very true.. and how I wish that people will understand that :)

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StyleDestino said...

so rightly said, ego clashes and mix of ego is the biggest cause of problems in most relationships. Loved the post.

Wish we all think rationally and not let the ego rule and ruin us

www.styledestino.blogspot.com/

Jyoti Mishra said...

sometimes even the trivial things can lead to a very bad situations..
really EGO does more damage than most people realize.
Me n I can be dangerous :P

Jack said...

SONSHU :

Thanks for such encouraging view. Take care


RACHIT :

Thanks. We did what we felt was necessary as friends. Take care


CATGIRL :

I am sure that you will make not only your husband but his entire family proud of you. The verification words are not in my hands, if I am not wrong these are generated by the blogspot. Take care


TANVI :

We do have a hearty laugh over drinks some times when we recall that incident. Take care

Jack said...

GAYU :

You are right. I and Why do mar many relationships. Take care


RIA :

Thanks for your support. Take care


IQRA :

Thanks for appreciation. Take care


SAKSHI :

I second you on that wish.Take care

Jack said...

N T L :

Welcome to my space. Hope to have your valuable views often. Take care


S D :

I second you on your wish. Hope sense prevails in those who have short tempers. Left reply on previous post too. Take care


JYOTI :

Thanks for your supportive views. I and Me are really dangerous. Take care

Oldfox004 said...

hehehe! even in that age, you were bothered about people!
Uncle, u never cease to amaze me:)

coming to this story, this is really a sweet love-ego story...just remembered a Bengali movie I saw last november called Romeo. Romeo's (Shiddhu's)dad and mom separated similarly due to some trivial arguement and then never called up each other although they did feel for them..Shiddhu brings them together in the end with his lecture on 'is your ego bigger than your love'

had u been his dad's friend, things would have been so different!

Purba said...

Apologizing doesn’t mean you are wrong, it just means you value your relationship over your ego.

Am I glad, you were able to knock some sense into their heads!

CATGIRL !! said...

thanx for the sweet compliment.. n yeah u hav to go to ur "settings" n click No on word verification. this way comments wud publish widout this cumbersome step.
anyways its up to u !!

Ellen said...

True, Jack. Man is all ego from birth to his golden years. It only diminishes with the passing years when the wisdom of age settles in and takes hold of things.

Blessings to you and your family.

Jack said...

OLD FOX :

It seems to be in my genes. Thanks for sharing story of movie. And such appreciating views. Take care


PURBA :

How I wish we all understand that! Take care


CATGIRL :

Facts should be acknowledged. Thanks for tip and please do check, it is done. Take care


ELLEN :

I am so glad to see you. It is true that one understands futility of EGO on growing old. Such understanding should actually come at young age when it is needed most. Take care

Live2cherish said...

Happy endings:)
True is ego is root of all breakups.

Sorry, took me a while to drop by.

Shreya said...

:) I agree with you. Nicely penned. Ego is a catalyst that reacts to bring disaster.

Jack said...

L2C :

As they say Better Late than Never. Thanks for your views. Take care


SHREYA :

Thanks for your supportive views. Take care

Ruprekha said...

Wish there is always a friend like you around to save a home from breaking .....
You are a wonderful person Jack.

Jack said...

RUPREKHA :

Thanks for such sweet appreciation. I just try to do what I think is right as per my conscience. Take care

Jigyasa said...

Not only are you a superb uncle but a great friend too....not many wish to help other to such an extent!!

Jack said...

JIGYASA :

I am so moved with such affectionate view. Why should we not try to be of help to those who may need it? Take care

Jack said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
school gal said...

Wow..!! This post is sooo true.. ego and anger both really are destructive..
we must either learn to let go of our ego or our relationship... choice is ours...

P S: I've become a huge fan of ur blog..!! pls keep updatin posts for me to read them..!! :)