TERE BIN JEENA........ ( LIVING WITHOUT YOU..)

Bholu did not stop wailing even after few days elapsed since his wife had passed away. All efforts to console him were met with rather louder wailing. His close friend, Janu, asked him why was he still weeping while he had controlled himself within a day or so when his parents passed away. Bholu told him, “ When my father died every elder man in the village told me not to worry as he is there for me and when my mother died every elderly lady told me not to cry as she is there for me but now since his wife has died not a single woman has told me not to worry as she is there for me.”

Jokes apart, it is so true - No one can take place of partner.

What prompted me to write this is as I had met a very dear friend of mine after a long time in the gettogether which I mentioned in my post Think Positive. He had lost his wife many years ago. Though he appeared cheerful but I could see his feeling of loneliness at times. This made me think about how would one feel on loss of partner.

We complete 40 years of married life next month and we have had ( still have at times ) our share of arguments, quarrels, KUTTI ( not on speaking terms ) at times, disagreements but at the end of the day we both know that we are there for each other. I could not bring myself to think about life without her as it made my eyes so moist. Rather on reflections I felt that I could have been more understanding and supportive. So I am now more on making ourselves happier, if I make her happy it comes back with interest.

My request to you all is that please do give honest thought as to how would you feel in such case. That may make you change some of your ways for the better.

HAPPY DIWALI

This is to wish you all a VERY HAPPY DIWALI. May God bless you with whatever you wish.

Here is something to make you smile :

Mohan wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Diwali Party. Mohan is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Mohan had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Mohan sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Neha"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Mohan asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table: Rs 650. Hot Breakfast: Rs 25. Two Aspirins: Rs 0. 50. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!

Hello, is this the Narcotic Department?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Sohan! He is hiding marijuana inside his jumbled up garage." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the Narcotic agents descend on Sohan's house. They search the garage taking everything out and cleaning it thoroughly, but find no marijuana. They put the things back. They swore at Sohan and left... The phone rings at Sohan's house:
"Hey, Sohan, Roshan here! Did the Narcotic agents come?"
"Yes!"
"Did they clean up your garage?"
"Yes."
"Happy Diwali, Dost"

DEALING WITH CHILDREN

I am sharing with you all what I wrote in Nov 2009 with little additions as I felt need for this after seeing some incidents in our society : -

I read following two snippets way back in 1969 or 1970 and if my memory does not fail me it was in Readers’ Digest.

A young boy of 3 years or so was asked his name by someone and he replied, “ Jimmy No.”. It was explained that his parents always kept telling him “Jimmy No” whenever he did something they did not want. So he took No as part of his name.

A young man walking on the beach saw a girl of about 2 years playing very close to the sea running towards the waves and running back when waves touched her legs. Her mother was sitting few yards away watching her daughter intently. He asked her as to why does she not stop the girl from going towards sea as it was dangerous but the mother did not respond and kept looking at the girl without shifting her gaze. Suddenly mother sprang up rushing towards the girl who had almost got swept away by strong wave and brought her out of water. On reaching the man she said, “ If I had stopped her from playing the way she was, she would do so when she is alone and not being watched. Now she knows the danger and so she herself would be careful in future.”

These left a lasting impression on my mind.

A year or so later I heard a young girl of about 8 years telling a lady, “ Go ahead and tell my mother. What will she do, give me few slaps, so what?”. This seemed to be a retort to the lady threatening her that she would report her misdeed to her mother. What struck me was the defiant attitude of that young girl.

These made me think about how children should be treated in their formative years by parents. Relationship between parents and a child is very important at that stage for overall development of the child into a responsible adult. And subsequently too bond between parents and grown up children is of utmost importance to ensure all round happiness of a family. There are umpteen number of books written by specialists but what I am going to say is the basic principles which have been of help to us in our years of bringing up children and as such I am sharing it with you all.

First and foremost we need to keep in mind that a young child is innocent, curious and interprets things as per his or her exposure. So when we speak to child about anything we need to get down to his or her age and understand their point of view or way of looking at things. For safety of toddler we need to keep things which may be harmful for the child out of reach. We had put dummy plugs in all reachable power points not in use and removed all items from dressing table locking those up in the drawers instead of saying NO every time they reached for it.

Never should we discourage a child from asking questions even if those seem silly to us as in his or her mind those are curiosities. We need to address all questions with reasonable explanations understandable by child and if it is something which is not appropriate for that age we should divert attention of child. There are so many ways to do so instead of saying NO or this is not for you leaving the child wondering about unanswered question and trying to find answer from other sources.

As the child grows we need to change our approach too but never in dictatorial way. During school days never put child under pressure to perform as per our satisfaction. Child should be made to understand that it is for his or her good to learn attentively and understand the subject instead of just memorizing it blindly. Encouragement should be given for participation in sports and extra curricle activities. They should be made to understand time management without being ordered to study or do this or do that all the time. Let the child choose own profession. We need to explain pros and cons of each and let the decision be made by the child.

Now comes the difficult phase, teenage and college life. In this phase there is not only curiosity of new pastures or trying to explore new ways of freedom but rebellion too to move away from it is done this way approach of elders. It is not possible to be with them 24 hours of the day. We need to understand that time has come to treat them as friends, of course within limits and make them understand their responsibilities. We need to encourage them to share their feelings and thoughts. I had told our daughter when she joined college “ Now you are moving from uniformed regulated life to different way of life with time at your disposal. Do what your conscience permits you but just understand that whatever you do should not make us hang our heads in shame ever. There may be times when you may feel you have to do something against your wishes or conscience, so just take precautions not to get into that kind of situation.” I am proud to say that she behaved in a very sensible way without any monitoring. And to our son at his entry to college apart from what I told his sister I added “ Never force a girl for anything she does not want to do or never physically or emotionally coerce her to do what she is not willing to.” Again I am happy that he never let us down.

Then comes the marriage time. We should give full liberty to them to choose their soul mate. They should be made to feel confident to share their liking with us. If it is seen that the one chosen lacks something, it should be logically discussed and not forced for change of option. Our children had their own friendships but when time came they both left it to us to look for their would be life partners. But I insisted that they would have to meet our selected one, spending enough time without being chaperoned to make up their mind. I also told our son that the girl he so meets has full right to say no. Well, they are both now settled with children though with normal tiffs off and on. They have to solve their differences themselves without any interference from us. If asked for we give our unbiased support to one who is justified.

Thereafter they should be left to lead life as they want without interference but support as needed. Of course it does not mean that they can do something criminal or unacceptable in normal society for which once again we can only advise or guide logically but can not force our will. In such an event if he or she still continues to follow which is unacceptable, it is time to part company. Of course it goes without saying that there needs to be reciprocation from children too as they must understand that all the liberty given comes with responsibility.

That sums up what we have gone through in our time. Now it is grandchildren who make us relive our olden days all over again.

UPLIFTMENT OF BACKWARD CLASS?

A park housing statues costing Rs 685 crores! Spread over 85 acres+ of fertile land, if I am not mistaken. Isn’t it false EGO?

With that money I could have opened 12 schools, self reliant to sustain running to provide free quality education with text books & stationary to children from economical backward class for years and years to come. Won’t that have been a better tribute to those who’s statues have been erected which will wither away for lack of care in few years if not destroyed earlier by someone?

D I L

Acronym as per Oxford Dictionary means - a word formed from the first letters of other words. That would mean Daughter in law would be Dil. DIL is Hindi word for heart. So how come more often than not a daughter in law is not treated as DIL of a family? My thinking is that as we take care of our HEART to keep our body healthy, why should we not take care of DIL too to have a healthy peaceful family? Of course, she too should not function erratically.

THINK POSITIVE

Day before yesterday there was an evening get together of the organization where I started my working career. This is an annual affair. I was keen to attend that as it gives an opportunity to meet old colleagues. I did not want to tire myself before going there, so I thought of relaxing at home. But as the luck would have it I had to go out for an urgent chore. I had just driven 3 kms when I felt some funny behavior of the car, which is Maruti Zen Estilo only 1 ½ year half old with just little over 10 thousand kms logged. Sure enough, after wait for green signal at the traffic light it would not budge on engaging gear but engine would race well. I knew it that it is clutch problem. So I got it pushed to side with the help of passing Police PCR, which was a surprise as they did not say anything but gave help. I called up the authorised workshop where I normally go. Their service engineer was with me in a little while and confirmed that it needs to be taken to workshop. So it was towed a distance of about 12 kms. It was confirmed that clutch needs to be opened for replacing parts which had given way. So I was without car for the evening.

All this while I was busy in tying ups for taking it to workshop with no other thought in mind but after it was left there I thought “ Thank God it happened now when I could call for help, had it happened in the evening on my way back from get together I would have been stranded.”

My idea of sharing this is that no matter what the situation be one should not give up positive thinking. Everything happens for some reason beneficial to us.

PS : I did attend the get together as an old colleague staying little distance away was kind enough to take me along.