WE MEET TO PART

Of late I have been reading some posts about how the writers feel when friends move away. Most of them recall how close they had been with some friends and over a period how far they drifted away. Many of them wonder why this happens even when there seems to be no apparent reason. This set me thinking and I am sharing what came in my mind.

Why only friends, even siblings or some close relatives, say cousins, of similar age group also seem to drift apart. We develop very fine relationships with even those elder or younger to us during our life, we may even have been benefitted by some of them or may have helped someone out but still over some time we drift away. If we sit down and think it over it is not friends or relatives or those we shared such close relationships who move away but even we have drifted away from many. At times it may be imaginary reasons for one to move away.

During childhood our outlook is very simple. We like those who play with us or share toys etc with us. The choice is within near vicinity of our home. This is the stage when we develop feeling of CHADDI BUDDY. When we go to school our outlook is still almost the same in initial few years. Some of our childhood friends also are in the same school with us. But as there is wider circle we also become friends with new ones who show liking for us and share things with us. As we progress our outlook undergoes changes as per our needs. We now look for friends who we feel can be of support during crisis time. With change of schools or class, we though do keep in touch with old friends but it is new ones who take more of our time.

When we move to college the same process is repeated. We remain in close touch with few of our old buddies who may be in the same college or those who go to different ones but stay in same area. We or some may even move out to another town. Here itself you will find that you may have drifted a little away from even your CHADDI BUDDY.

The same thing happens when we start working, even if you join family business. We may move out of town or even some of our friends may move out. With this change of environments we though strive to keep in touch with old friends but as time goes it becomes less and less. Then work pressure, marriage, children and a lot of such factors keep you tied up and old ties do start fading. However as and when we do meet at any occasion the old comradeship is revived and we reminisce but when we move away again it is for short time we may try to keep in touch and same old story of being in thick of own affairs takes charge.

It is the same story with our friends also. So one should try to keep in touch with relatives or friends but never feel sad if circumstances make you or them move on. That is the way of life. I have been very close to many and helped some out of dire situations but today if we meet or speak even once a while, I feel happy. One should feel lucky if there are more than a couple of old CHUDDI BUDDIES still in close touch.

FOLLOW UP ON SHATTERED DREAMS

In my previous post I shared what Prateek told me without any alternations except holding back his angry outburst against his friends who made his dream remain unfulfilled. My basic aim of sharing it here was to bring out what could be the reasons for such unhappy situation. In my opinion these can be any or combination of the following :

1. Inadequate parental interaction. I firmly believe that parents interaction with children is of utmost importance. It needs to undergo change from authoritative to openness and friendly as the child grows. Of course the discipline is not forgotten but child is made aware that rights come with responsibility. Parents need to develop confidence in children to speak to them on any matter without any hesitations. Watchful parents can mostly observe if there is change in behavior of a child and can cajole the child to confide in them. I think that interaction was lacking as there must have been some visible change in his behavior which they did not see.

2. Succumbing to peer pressure in absence of proper guidance provided either at home or school. Children need to be taught about facts of life as per growing age. Parents and teachers are the ones who are best suited for this. Or proper counseling be done with parents knowledge , this could also be part of school activity.

3. Double standards which are prevalent in our society. Boys would prefer wife to be without any blemish but do they think of same when it comes to them?

4. Gender discrimination. Why should there be restrictions placed on girls? Let the girls too have same privileges as boys but safe environments should be ensured and adequate guidance given to use their discretion with utmost care. No girl should be forced to accept what she is not willing to. In this case it seems that Namrata was given laced drinks to make her lose control over mind and make judgmental errors.

May I request for your valuable views on this.

PS : I had advised Prateek to take up flying as hobby since he is still keen to fly citing if Douglas Bader, a pilot with RAF who lost both legs in an air accident but still flew fighters during WW II, why can he not.

SHATTERED DREAMS

Yesterday I met Prateek after almost 5 years. We used to stay in the same locality. His father was in high profile government job. He did not go beyond hello hello terms with anyone in the locality which I learnt later from someone that he felt others may seek favours due to his position. His mother was educated but did not mix much due to some complex of being from a small town. He and his year or so younger sister, Namrata, were in one of the top schools. They were friendly and paid due respect to everyone. He was a tall handsome boy and Namrata too was very good looking tall girl. They both excelled in studies as well as in other extra curricular activities. He was keen to be a fighter pilot in Air Force while she was keen on becoming a doctor and join Air Force. They used to be quite frank in talking to me. They were in 11^th and 10^th respectively when we shifted from there about five years ago. He was preparing for NDA.

I was surprised to run into him in our market. He is the one who recognized me and touched my feet. That is when I recollected him. When he straightened I saw a huge scar on his forehead. While we were walking I noticed he was limping. When I looked at him questioningly asking what was he doing here as I thought by now he would have been in Air Force. He told me that it was not so and it is a sad story. I told him to share it if he felt like it. This is what he told me.

After 12^th examinations were over, he joined classes to prepare for SSB interview as he had cleared written examination for NDA. There he came across a couple of boys of the same age who belonged to affluent families. They became close friends and spent a lot of time together. After a couple of weeks of their newly found closeness, he was invited for a party at house of one of them and told that as it will go on late, he should tell his parents that he would be staying over there for the night. On reaching there he found that there were no elders in the house. There was mixed group of about 20 odd youngsters with girls being almost as many as boys. Loud dance music was on with subdued lights and liquor was being consumed. He was compelled to have beer inspite of his saying that he had never had any alcoholic drink earlier. After some time he felt getting light headed and in mood for whatever be there. He mingled with girls and danced. He found himself getting excited as he saw a lot of couples getting cozy. The girl who was with him most of the time encouraged him to kiss and it lead to more cumulating in their making out in the bedroom. Next morning his friends pulled his leg at being such a fast lover. He told that this introduced him to new joys and his friends introduced him to a couple of more girls with whom he got physically close.

A month or so later when he and one of those friends got through SSB interview as well as medical, that friend threw a party to celebrate it. He was told that there will be a number of siblings so he should bring Namrata along. He was reluctant but thought that since he was going to be there and would try to avoid drinking, it would be safe for her. So they joined the party which was supposed to end by midnight. Parents of his friend after meeting the youngsters left for their own outing. So it was again only young lot which was there. However the number this time was just 6 boys and 5 girls including them. He was forced to have beer but he restricted it. One of the girls with whom he had been close stuck to him throughout. Even in that dim lit atmosphere and couples whirling around he tried to keep an eye for Namrata who seemed to be enjoying company of other girls as well as attention of some boys. She was having soft drink. He saw that the girl with whom he made out for first time was with her most of the time. After an hour or so he found her to be little more jovial than normal and frequently laughing loudly. He became cautious of this and tried to be as close to her as possible but the girl with him kept pulling him away while dancing. Little later he saw Namrata being lead by the girl who kept company with her towards upstairs where the bedrooms were. They were followed by two boys, one being his friend who did not succeed in SSB. Namrata was stumbling and giggling all the time. He rushed to her but found himself blocked by some boys. They told him not to be a spoilsport and let those boys have good time. He told them that she was his sister. They laughed and told him that the girls you made out with were also someone’s sisters. They pushed him back and that is when fight started. He yelled out loudly for Namrata and on seeing what was happening she rushed to him. He told her to get out of that place and contact home or police. The boys started hitting him all over. He fought back but was hit by whatever came handy to those boys. He was hit hard on forehead with something hard and before he lost consciousness he saw police persons entering the house. He suffered head injury apart from fractures of couple of ribs and leg. A steel rod had to be put into his leg to strengthen shattered bone which made the leg shorter leading to limp. That is why he could not join NDA shattering his dream of being fighter pilot in Air Force.

He completed graduation and MBA. He was with a MNC in sales side. Namrata was however safe and was undergoing MBBS. He ended his talk by saying that how sad it was that he never thought that those girls with whom he made out were also someone’s sisters.

THOUGHTS JUST BEFORE MISHAP

I wondered what goes on in the mind of anyone just before any mishap. Well, I experienced it first hand. Last Friday I had gone to bring children of our daughter from her place to spend long week end with us.

We set course after lunch. I was driving at a comfortable speed of about 50 as the road was good with not much of traffic. Usually I keep pace with fast moving vehicles and ensure that I am in the right lane. That day as the grandchildren were with me I was slow and kept two lanes on right free for fast moving traffic. There was an auto infront on right of me and was moving at the same speed. I kept a distance of two cars as that would ensure that I can stop in time if need arises. I had no intentions of overtaking as I was to turn left after about a kilometer or so. The weather was good as it had rained heavily little about an hour ago. The plants and trees in the open fields on both sides of road looked so freshly washed. I was enjoying the drive and keeping sharp look out as per my habit.

We must have covered about half a kilometer when that auto suddenly drifted left slowing down drastically. There was nothing infront of him or any traffic lights. I applied brake harshly and cut towards left but that auto had slowed down drastically. That was when I realized that there is no chance of not hitting it. The thought flashed through my mind “ Oh, God! I am going to collide with it. Hope nothing happens to children.”

My car when it hit that auto on its extreme left rear had stopped. The auto went further for about few yards and a person fell out of it. I told children that I am going to check up and they should stay put in the car. On reaching there I saw that auto had a very minor dent on left of tail light which was intact. That person turned out to be the driver and had minor bruises. However I called up police to have this sorted out. On coming back to my car I was shocked that panel behind the right head light had totally crumpled. The experience with police will make for another post. The SI who had come told me to hire an auto to send children to our place. I was so shocked as they are just 9 and 5. The distance from that place to our house is more than 15 kms while our daughter’s house to was 6 kms. However I called up our daughter who left her office immediately to be with us.

Apart from damage to car, none of us were hurt even a little except that my pride was hurt as my record of accident free run came to an end.

MEDIA RESPONSIBILITY

Today noon I was enjoying a glass of beer with my friends in our club bar, chitchatting and keeping an eye on the TV which was showing a popular news channel. There was a pop up “ Breaking News “. We got interested fearing the worst, like some accident or another criminal attack and also optimistically hoping that some unscrupulous person who has been plundering our country and stashing money abroad has been nabbed with ill gotten wealth on way back to our treasury. But no it was even a BIGGER NEWS as per media to deserve such attention grabbing tactic. It was “ Amitabh Bachan wishes Sonia speedy recovery “ or words to such effect.

This set me thinking has the media gone round the bend to dish out such trivial information in such fanfare which truly deserves only a mention in some inner page of newspaper. What about actual information which we badly need? How about telling what is the latest on black money, price rise, steps for safety of common public, exposing corrupt politicians or babus, arrest of those who commit heinous crimes and punishment awarded instead of telling us gossip like someone being in family way or not in relationship anymore or going steady with so & so or having extra marital relations etc etc.? What happened to MEDIA RESPONSIBILITY?