Thursday, December 9, 2010

WHY ?

She had walked out of her marriage of over 18 years.

A little over month ago I alongwith my wife had gone to the vast departmental store which we frequent for our household needs and met her there. She was in Customer Care and enquired from us if we faced any difficulty. She is in early 40s. We found her very respectful and genuinely interested in helping customers. Over next few visits we developed bond with her. She and my wife got along as if they were long lost friends, though she was much younger. It was only last week that she confided in my wife.

She had worked for a few years after completing her graduation. Her had been a modest businessman and reasonably well off. She had arranged marriage with a match suggested by some far relative. His family also has been in business and well off. He lived with parents while his elder sister was married and lived in nearby town. Her father went by whatever was said by that lady relative. Few days after marriage she came to know that he had penchant for girls and had liaison with many other girls which he continued doing. His parents were of the opinion that once he was married he would get over this habit. His sister was almost on not speaking terms with him as he had tried to flirt with her sister in law.

She kept this to herself as her father who had heart ailment, would have been distraught on hearing it. Her brother was much too young to do anything. Her mother in law advised that she continue to make efforts to change him. She tried all methods but he used to become violent and hit her if she tried to stop him from going out. His father had got married rather late in life and was getting on the years. As such he remained mute spectator. He passed away in second year of her marriage. Now there was no one to say anything to him as he inherited the business.

She bore with this shame all these years without telling anyone. In due course she had a daughter and few years later a son. For the sake of children she kept quiet and stopped trying to change him. With advancing age it was becoming difficult for him to find girls so he started visiting women of ill repute. Their marriage was just for show. Her mother in law too passed away a couple of years ago. Now what made her walk out was that about three months ago while highly inebriated and frustrated at not finding any girl to satisfy his lust he misbehaved with his 16 years old daughter. This was beyond her tolerance and she hit him with a rod rescuing young girl. She did not even wait for daybreak and left that house with children with whatever little she could pack. She moved to her mother’s house. Next day her husband came begging her to return but she told him in no uncertain terms that time has come that he pays for his sins.

What surprised me is that being an educated girl she put up with this hell for so long. In my opinion she should have walked out long long ago even before children were born.


PS : We are shifting our residence, so I may not be coming on internet for few days till the same is installed at new house.

30 comments:

Ria said...

Yes i dont get it too...but i guess whoever does this has her own reasons. But yes if it was me i would never put up with this shit.

Deepika Vasudeva said...

somethings aren't always in our hands... its not that she wouldn't have thought of walking out of marriage before.. its just that she couldn't gather enough courage or guts to do so... marriage a is sacred thing all over the world and when it comes to women, they are (undoubtedly) emotional fools.. i can say that being one and i accept it.. before taking any major decision like divorce, we try everything that can be done instead... but yet again there are exceptions(better ones) who decide at right time, thus don't repent.

Neeha said...

We couldn't judge the circumstances..She might fear about her fathers health,reputation or whatever..But if I am in her shoes,I wouldn't have tolerated him dat long...

tanvii.com said...

When I was young my father told me (when I was in college) that never do anything for anyone else sakes. Not even if he was dying ... because death will come when it is destined but it is YOU who has to live that life. You make the choices and be strong enough to stand by them. I am so glad that he brought me up the way he did 'coz If it were me I do not think I would have stayed in 'that' marriage for a minute!

Ann said...

I know some women tolerate things very much and this way they motivate such people (like her husband). But, it should not be done.. If I were at his place, I would leave such a dishonest person and live an independent life.

Devil Incarnate... said...

There r ppl who try to plan there life bt things go the otherway.. There r somethings which we mayn't understand... bt then even i wonder 18 yrs??????? thats a bit long one..!!

Upasna said...

it's just so sad...Sometimes I think it's just the fear of being alone/ and taking a stand that makes people continue with a relationship like that.

Alka Gurha said...

Maybe she did not have the courage to walk out earlier...
Good luck with ur shifting Jack...

Jack said...

RIA :

As long as she is happy now, I think it is ok. Take care


DEEPIKA :

You have given very practical view. Take care


NEEHA :

We are no one to judge her. It was her own decision. Take care


TANVII :

He gave you very sound advice. Take care

Jack said...

ANN :

It is a fact that her putting up with this had encouraged him to continue with his ways. Take care


D I :

Welcome to my space. 18 years has been really too long to bear such ordeal. Take care


UPASNA :

It could be. Take care


ALKA :

That is what it looks like. Thanks for your wishes. Take care

♫♪♥Lonely Dreamer♥♪♫ said...

It's not always easy to walk out. It requires a lot of courage, and support. At least she finally walked out!

MissTerious♥ said...

Feel sad for her, she must have tried a lot, 18 years........LONG TIME.

Hats off to her patience.
God bless her.

See you soon.

Heavenly Muse said...

it reminded me a another blunder of this kind made by match makers whether that professional or any relatives.

Sonshu said...

Walking out is like something really difficult, and for a woman to have courage to do it with the society we live in etc, wow. And taking such crap is just ugh, so good thing she walked out!

Oh, we'll miss you! As im back, your going :(

Sonshu said...

You have been challenged : Dare to take it up?! :) A kiddy challenge. Brings out the child in you! :D

http://sonshus.blogspot.com/2010/12/rudolph-with-your-nose-so-bright-wont.html

suruchi said...

i guess sometimes we wait for things to brim for us to get out of the vessel that bounds...
it is always easier to know what should be the right thing to do but often difficult to do...
we rarely live our own lives for our own selves...
this woman also decided to walk out not for herself but for her daughter...
like i said...a woman rarely does a thing for herself alone...sad but true.

happy shifting n hope the new home brings new joys in your life:-)

Raj said...

i doubt the woman could have just walked off. too sensitive for that. someone had to take care of his mother in law, then her children.

preeti said...

I cannot sympathise with her. She is a first order fool.For continuing a namesake relationship for so long, for giving birth to childeren from a loose marriage. She is a fool.

cg said...

it saddens me to read such judgmental comments.
have we lost the decency to respect everyone? people come from different walks of life.. what is easy for you, is not easy for someone else. who are we to judge this woman for what she did or did not do?
preeti, who last wrote, i'm disgusted that you called her a fool.
deepika, that is a very demeaning stereotype and i am baffled that you could say that with such ease about our own sex.
ann, this isn't an issue about being tolerant.

i hope that you will all one day pick up a book and read about real-life experiences..
if you have not gone through something like this, don't toot your horn and look at the woman disdainfully.. now is the time where she needs your comfort, not your accusations.

neeha, you are the only one who spoke with a sound mind.

puja said...

Hello ..

I came across your blog today .. Its really disheartening to see how people allow themselves to be subjected to such things !!

Escapist said...

Sad on his husband.....
She should have not compromised even for a moment....
kcr.

T

Jack said...

LONELY DREAMER :

It does take a lot of courage to walk out of marriage. I admire her patience for putting up with such treatment for so long. Take care


MISS TERIOUS :

I too say May God be kind to her now. Take care


HEAVENLY MUSE :

Would you like to share that? Take care


SONSHU :

I agree with you. I am back now and will visit you soon. Take care

Jack said...

SURUCHI :

You have made factual statement. Thanks for your wishes. I too hope this house does bring luck. Take care


RAJ :

She did it finally when she realised that he was dangerous even for his own daughter. Take care


PREETI :

It does seem that way but we can not judge her in that manner. Take care


cg :

I am so glad that you took up cudgels on her behalf. And thank you for going through views of others. Welcome to my space. Hope to see you regularly and have your valued views. Do try to read my older posts and give you views. Take care

Jack said...

PUJA :

Welcome to my space. Hope to see you often. I do look forward to your views on my older posts also. Take care


ESCAPIST :

It is really very sad. Take care

Amrita said...

I see that this post has elicited quite some response from the readers. I honestly am with cg on this one, we have no clue on what her circumstances are. and women now also in the current society are expected to behave in a certain way. so maybe she was not bold enough to take a step. till her maternal instinct kicked in. i hope she has a better life now at least.

Kanupriya said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kanupriya said...

Well at least she moved out finally...she should not have put up with his non sense, I'm sure that only gave him liberty to continue doing it for so long...but who knows, maybe she had some limitations because of which she was sticking with that man. Its great to know that finally she took this step...god give her courage to stand by her decision

Jack said...

AMRITA :

I agree with you. I too feel cg has given right view. Take care


KANUPRIYA :

We do not wish to ask her any more details as it would open healing wounds. We hope and pray that all goes well now onwards. Take care

Ellen said...

Sad story. Sometimes the dictates of culture and tradition is paid with a heavy price. Most times the battered wife hangs on to a dream that things will be better one sweet day. But of course that doesn't happen with a jerk of a husband.

I agree with you that she should have realized earlier that fighting and defending her rights would in effect also protect her children from an unworthy spouse and father.

Jack said...

ELLEN :

It is indeed sad that she had to go through such times. But as it is said It is better late than never.

Take care