WHAT MAKES MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP HAPPY & HEALTHY?

I REQUEST YOU ALL TO READ "SCARED HEARTS" A POEM WRITTEN BY 14 YEARS OLD GIRL IN HER SPACE - staryeyedandscreeming. And my comments too before you leave your views. THANKS A LOT.


I am overwhelmed that two young intelligent persons here wrote a post each as an offtake on my previous post - Ambition Vs Sense of Propriety. I visited them. I am inspired by their posts as well as your views in my post. I will first give gist of what they had written.

Shayon ( http://www.shayonpal.com/ ) in his post “ Aren’t You Jealous” raised questions about difference between being possessive and being jealous, love for many things and not wanting to share love for somethings you “book” for yourself as bike, computer, spouse or parents. He opined that it is better if we share love and also talked of change needed for established norms, citing example of SATTI PRATHA against which Raja Ram Mohan Roy had successfully campaigned.

The Bald Guy ( desigheeandcoffee. blogspot.com ) in his post “ Sex With The Boss” had emphasized that irrespective of being single or married sleeping with boss is undesirable as it would lead to complications later ( I fully concur him on this issue ), he opined that Neena may be upset as she may not have enjoyed sex with boss for various reasons he listed ( which I would like you all to read in original ), as per him good sex leaves no remorse, he compared sex to bribery. He also said that we all at times have done something or the other making us put ethics on back seat to advance our careers. He suggested society as being hypocritical.

Anon while commenting in Shayon’s post had mentioned that “physical infidelity can still be overlooked but emotional infidelity can not be pardoned.” Or words to that effect.

I am going to put across my views on the issues raised by them and what I believe is needed to keep sanctity of marriage or a relationship. What I had narrated in my previous post was an incident which took place in Neena’s life and situation faced by her is not uncommon.

Love is of many hues. As infant we without being conscious, love our mother as she feeds us. A crying infant on being picked up by mother calms down as he or she instinctively knows that hands are of the one he or she loves. As we grow we start loving our father, siblings, relatives, friends, home, school / college, teachers, town, country, vocation ( some may contradict me on this ), pets and worldly possessions. This is the love if shared in appropriate manner can increase our happiness manifold.

Then comes someone in our life whom we initially start liking as friend but as time passes we feel more attached to that person. We start behaving in a manner which is not explainable. We start pining for his or her company, look for ways to be together and all in all feel incomplete without that person. This is my friends what we understand when someone says LOVE. I do not feel that there is anything as Love at First Sight which happens in Mills & Boon only. Initially it is attraction, mainly due to physical appearance of that person. As we interact that gets strengthened with his or her conduct. That leads to stage of RELATIONSHIP. There will be certain amount of physicality which would be as per their own decisions. Now some are lucky to have support of their families and get married. Some have arranged marriage with someone whom they may or may not meet before marriage depending upon customs of the community.

Anjuli ( maybeiamaddicted ) in her post “ Are Movies Reflection of Life ” had very aptly told that TRUE LOVE is when a person does not desire the partner to be his or her but wishes self to be his or her. Thus there is distinct difference between LUST and LOVE.

I am going to talk about sense of propriety in such Relationship and Marriage.

In any relationship there are few fundamental factors which make that relationship HEALTHY, more so in case of LOVE RELATIONSHIP and MARRIAGE. Major ones are MUTUAL RESPECT FOR PARTNER AS HE OR SHE IS, MUTUAL TRUST, GIVING SPACE and OPEN FRANK TWO WAY COMMUNICATION. For this we have to see that we do not let ego be vamp in our respect by belittling or pulling other down , betray trust by going for another relationships ( emotional or physical ) simultaneously , misuse space by having other relations ( physical ) and telling lies, be emotional or overbearing instead of logical while communicating. Then come other factors not less by any means - Respect and Acceptance of other’s family and friends, Sense of Humour including ability to laugh at ownself, Understanding other’s strengths or weaknesses and Supporting that AND LAST But not the LEAST PHYSICAL RELATIONS. These are time tested and found to lead to happiness of those involved. We may term them as traditions.


Now I pose following questions to all :

a) Do you feel that these factors leading to HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP are redundant and need change?
b) Would you share same love as between you and your partner / spouse with others?
c) Would you overlook physical infidelity not involving emotional attachment of your partner or spouse?
d) Would you let your partner or spouse have one night stands with anyone he or she feels lust for as there is no emotional aspect attached?
e) Would you let your partner or spouse have sex for advancing his or her career?
f) Is it not advisable to keep a single incident involving breach of trust or misuse of space buried if it is done under coercion and regretted immediately, to save the marriage or relationship provided there is no repetition of such act?

I request for honest views.