Sunday, March 7, 2010


I had been busy with a friend of mine for some time as he was going through little difficult phase. I am going to share with you what happened and ask for your views. Let us say he is Mr Singh. I have known him for over 20 years. We were staying next door to each other way back in 1989 when we were both in service. We shifted out to different localities after a couple of years but kept in touch. Although we are in the same city but we meet off and on as they are in far part of the city.

Mr Singh is about my age. He is very Godfearing and open minded person. He has very practical approach to everything. He does not keep any grudges and tries to sort out differences by logical discussions. He is now retired from a senior post in Government service. His wife is little different as she, though very good at heart, is too blunt and calls a spade a spade without bothering whether it hurts someone or not. They have a son, Atul, who is working in private sector. They have given Atul a lot of freedom with just one line advice – “ Do not do anything which makes us feel ashamed”. Atul has lived upto their expectations. Though he had had his share of affairs, he told parents to choose girl for his marriage. Mr Singh was very clear in this regard and told him that even while they do find girl for him, he has to meet her and finalise it. Atul was married about a year and half ago to Devina, who’s father too was in senior position in Government.

We had met Devina at engagement and later marriage. Whatever little inter-action we had, she seemed to be an intelligent girl. We hoped that she would settle down in their house without any problem. She too is working at a good position in a MNC. They had welcomed her with not only a lot of love and affection but respect too. They consulted her on all issues pertaining to the family. She was encouraged to suggest menus and outings. She was not burdened with household work keeping in mind her being a working girl but whenever she wanted to do some chore at home Mrs Singh let her do it giving a helping hand.

We visited them 6 or 7 times after marriage and we found Devina to be away to her parents place most of the times. We did think much about it. Last month I ran into Mr Singh at a seminar which was organized by a NGO on Child Labour. He did not seem his ownself and looked little pre-occupied in his thoughts. After seminar I invited him to join me in my club for a drink and offered to drop him home as he had not come by his own car.

As we have nice healthy relations, over the drink I asked him if I could help him overcome whatever is keeping him distracted. He opened up and what he said made me wonder is there A GOD.

A few days after marriage Devina told Atul that she was in love with someone but could not make her father agree for their marriage. Atul stopped her there itself saying that he too had had affairs and past is past. They should not think or talk about it and spoil their present. It was seen that she was mostly on phone, cordless or mobile, talking to someone moving away from everyone or in whispered tone. After a couple of months she asked Atul to shift and live separately closer to her parents. Atul flatly refused it. Thereafter she started picking arguments on some issue or the other and moved to her parents house. She used to come back after a couple of weeks. Her father did not say anything to her on this but rather told Atul that she can stay with them as long as and whenever she pleases. He too told Mr Singh once as to why does he not let youngsters stay independently to have space. Mr Singh told him that it was upto Atul and as far as space was concerned he and his wife never interfered in what Atul and Devina did. He told me that she has been away now for more than 2 months insisting that they live separately but Atul has refused. He had even advised Atul to move out for sake of his marriage but he did not agree. He said that it is now getting on his nerves and all his efforts to bring harmony have failed. He told that it is certain that her father interferes too much in their affairs. He said that he would not speak to him but let Atul sort it out. He even made a statement which was very unlike him that he would like to call it a day now from this world. All I could do was to tell him to take it easy and things would get better as long as Atul is not losing his balance. That is when he told that Atul had started drinking little more than he used to.

That is what made me wonder Is There A God. Or is God testing this nice couple for their patience? What makes Devina indulge in this kind of behavior? Does her father not want her to settle down happily with her new family?

I could just keep in touch with Mr Singh on phone and meeting him a number of times to see that he does not take any wrong step. Now he seems to have regained his composure and advised her to return but she is still at her parents house.


Rinkal said...

god is everywhere this is said by everyone but really many times we feel that god takes our exam and we feel that there is no god but it is.i have experience that if you really remember from heart he really helps us and parents should no interference in child matters and let live them their life on their own way happily and peacefully.
i will write something on this topic that is there god on my blog dreamy later.

Sakshi said...

You know uncle J, sometimes its not the God, but the people who stop listening to Him. Sometimes, it is about, not what He has in store for you, but what you choose as your destiny.

Lavender said...

I think the woman is really screwed up.
It's sad that she is ruining his life.
But I strongle believe in justice and karma.
God will help him.
May be whatever he is suffering now is a lesson he is meant to learn in this life. The pain will certainly not last forever.
He will see a better tomorrow.
He has people like you looking out for him :)

Escapist said...

Even sometime this question arises in my mind as well and then i make myself to think that he is there looking with a smile just want to see where and how i can come out of any trouble..


ki said...

God both tests us and blesses us. It's a matter of having faith, I think.

Feeling sad for Atul and Devina. I'm going to get married myself so it hurts to read such stories.

sulagna ™ said...

for someone who believes a lot in God, let em honest, there is nothing, absolutely nothing tat will make me loose faith..

i believe in the silver lining in the dark clouds..its there, the lining will be there

ash89 said...

God is there for sure. We all doubt His existance at times but He's the one we turn to in the end.

Amrita said...

Of course there is God,and its very easy to loose patience and question His existence.Cmon it is only in testing times that our true faith on Him is determined.I somehow feel the guy Atul should have a one on one talk with the girl, and reach an amicable solution. If shes being too adamant, he should talk to her in the presence of her parents, cos we never know what picture are her parents getting. Maybe they are getting a very negative image about her inlaws.And once that fails too, both sides parents and the kids should be brought to the discussion table.If there is no headway being made, the children should move apart.Cos of the lack of discussion I have had a very close relatives wedding get ruined. Her husband started acting abusive,and instead of talking to his parents and taking coherent steps,she got scared and moved out of his house, waiting that he will improve one day and come bac for her.Till date both stay apart but alone.Life is not to be lived like this.

Jack said...


I do not deny that God is everywhere. All I tried to bring out was that why a Godfearing person has to undergo such difficult time, just because of someone not trying to adjust. Take care


We are nothing but puppets in the hands of God. We are put to test for what we have done, may be in our previous life, and rewarded if we come out successful. The test is through other people as in this case. Take care


I agree with you that our KARMA is what makes us have happiness or troubles. I hope and pray that this situation gets sorted out soon. Take care


God has own ways and we can never fathom those. We have to bow before God and do our duty sincerely. Take care

KI :

Yes, God tests us. If you are sincere in your dealings and honest in relationship there is nothing to fear about. Knowing you from what you write, I am sure you will have peaceful time with lots of love and affections from everyone. Take care


I agree dawn comes only after a dark night. I am quite sure that this phase will pass soon and she will settle down. Take care


Why turn to God only as last resort? " Dukh mein simran sab karein, sukh mein kare na koye. Sukh mein jo simran kare, to dukh kahe ko hoye." It is upto us to keep God in mind always. Not just praying to show off but to be honest in dealings and sincere in our life. Take care


You made me proud of you. What you suggested is already spoken about by some of us close friends of Mr Singh. Hopefully Atul will do the needful soon. He is only contemplating whether to take it up alone or have a family sitting on this issue. Take care

Amrita said...

Its and honor that you agree with what I suggested :) I was just speaking from what I felt would be decent. I hope things fall into place for the family.

Shayon said...

hullo Uncle J.. thought you might be interested in checking out my latest post

Jack said...


If one applies mind properly every problem can be solved with honest two way communication. You have thought over it in a level headed way and what you suggested is much needed way. Take care


Welcome to my space. I have visited and left my comment. I feel sorry and would like to contribute to happiness all around. Take care

Diva said...

I cannot answer this, cos I dont know the answer to this question. I have another question though- What is God going to get by testing us(Given that he exists and he tests us?) What use is it to him to see us suffer? Is there an answer to that??

Jack said...
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Jack said...
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Jack said...


Nice to see you here. I have asked those who say there is no God if they can convincingly explain all that happens in this world - birth variations, colour difference in the same region or even of same parents, natural disasters or whatever you think of, or why does someone die young and others old, or why one gets sick but others do not under the same situation etc etc. None of them were able to and agree that there is some force which controls all this. So I say this force is called God by different names by us. And we pray accordingly to appease this force to give us peace. Why does God test us, is a way we like to face tough situation saying that God is testing us and draw strength to carry on with our life. God is in our mind and it is individual's own thoughts which matter. I do not say God is male or female as this too is imagination of an individual. I pray and do bow my head to different deities, both male or female but in hearts of heart I say God is one whom we look at in different forms to have our faith. There is NO use of praying or fasting or appeasing God in any manner if we are not honest in our dealings or have malice for others in our heart. I think my reply is more of a sermon.

Take care

Jigyasa said...

Yeah God is there....Uncle J but seems like he is right now missing in action....for Singh's and ofcourse for Devina....seems like he is abstaining wisdom from her!!

Poo said...

I wonder why people like Devina ever get married??? Seriously, she is not happy and in turn is making a whole family feel rotten. And i doubt that any of this is making her life any better, this can't be anyones idea of happiness. Hopefully time will make her wiser and if not her karma will catch up with her!

Tranquility Speaks said...

Parental pressure to go in for an arranged marriage? Shouldn't be so. Parents should give their children the freedom to choose their life partners!

Jack said...


True. It seems that way. Hope God makes a late appearance soon.
Take care


I too hope she realises that she needs to accept reality and settle down before it is too late. Take care


I agree parent should let children choose own life partners but at times it may not be advisable and then proper counseling is needed. While Atul had full support from his parents to choose his life partner but chose to let them find one and even then his father wanted him to meet the girl to give his consent, it was Devina's father who forbade her marrying her boyfriend without proper counseling her. Take care

rohini said...

for me God is within us....the two things which exist is good and bad...good is god and bad is demon...the path we choose really matters for us and helps us finding the solutions to any prob...there is one famous saying...god help those who help themselves...we have to find ways to our own difficulties with our open and clear mind...

rohini said...

and sir , i also commented on your post- happiness is in your was great to read it....thnx for posting it...and yes i also rectified the error in my blog relating to posting comments....have a look sir...

Jack said...


I agree with you that God is within us. If you read my reply to Diva you will find I have similar thoughts. I have seen your views on my post about Happiness and visited your site which you suggested. I agree with you on that. Let past be past and let us not spoil present by living in past. Take care

PS : Was looking forward to hear from you.

rohini said...

thnx sir.....hoping to get more feedbacks from you...check out the latest comparisions of songs...

oRange* said...

I think God does exist and everything happens for a reason. If such an unfortunate thing has happened, there has to be some good outcome.
Faith matters and truly believing in the fact that he will give you whats best for you. Now, it depends on the person if they want to look at it that way or go the other way.

Jack said...


I did see and leave my comments too. Take care


Welcome to my space. It is upto us to look at things in positive way or negative way. We can make efforts but fruit is in God's hands. We all have to face our own doings or Karma. Hope you read my other posts too. I will visit you soon and read your valuable writings. Take care

geeta said...

God is surely there...As good times pass so as the bad times ...We suffer more when we loose our wisdom to differentiate between what is good and what is bad for us...sometimes that too I think is destined...

He will surely come out of this phase..

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

God is inside you.

Depends on how much do you listen to that inside voice of yours.


Jack said...


It is certain that bad times too pass just as good times do. We do get perturbed when we are going through a bad phase. One has to keep faith and have positive attitude but at the same time efforts should not be left for making times change. Take care

L S L :

True. God is inside each one of us but we fail to recognize this fact. We strive to search for God outside and feel sad when we can not. Take care

Di said...

God's there for sure...and I always thank him.

Devina shouldn't have married Atul in the first place when she was in love with someone else. I don't know why girls can't fight for their guys and end up marrying someone else and then ruin the new guy's (the husband) life! Crazy..

Sad situation for Mr. Singh and his son.. poo guy..

Anonymous said...

first of all...Good that Mr.Singh has a friend like you...there are very few people who are genuinely concerned about you and very few among those few actually try to help you out...
I wouldnot like to comment on the existence of God as I myself am drifting away from faith...but as far as this situation is concerned... I think youth today should be very clear about what they want...If they want to go for an arranged marriage they should nnot indulge themselves in love affairs...and if they happen to be in love...then they should fight for it...

Jack said...

DI :

I agree with you that girl should stand for her love but if due to any reason marrying as per parental pressure becomes inevitable she should accept it with grace and give 100% to her husband and new family. Take care


Welcome to my space. We all have some problem or the other and if we as friends do not help each other then what is friendship for? Please do not lose faith in God. We may not understand God's ways but must keep in mind that our best interests are know to God. Please read my reply to DI above if girl has to marry someone other than her love. Take care

Di said...

yeah i know...correct. once you are married.. you should give it all.. its about life.. not just your own but the entire family... hope things get better for this family!

Mannu said...

Good blog, all the more for people review it has received.

But i wonder if this s a correct menifestation of the episode. I mean i feel it is a little biased work. The phone calls of Devina do not say for sure that there is another person in her life! Or that the person lives close to her house that she wants to go there, or lives near to Atul's place that she wants to escape away?!

The cause for her conduct is not much known.
The comments on your write up show that most people believe in god and karma. But they believe that only your karma impact your life. I often doubt that. Other's Karma also impact your life. And karma is all about you good conduct, and not about intelligent choices made in the past or to be made in future to correct a mistake of past. (like Mr Singh chose wrong person, Devina, for Atul/ Now they can dump her - a new intelligent Karma- to correct that incorrect Karma of past)
Karma alone do not matter.
What i conclude is that Karma seems to be popularly interpreted as something like conduct/behaviour or close to this word.
Does the event of Choosing /Decision-making come in the purview of Karma.?? A good karma person - is he destined to make a good decision in life?! Karma , in this case, is fetching him abundant Sympathy of public, but not helping him to decide good.

So what would be a more accurate meaning of Karma ??!
HOw did the question of god arise in all this? and question of his existence.?! I guess i am agnostic, more or less.