Now I come to the 3rd and the last part of this post. In this I will try to put across some of the expectations of both – boy’s parents and girl’s parents and what they need to do to achieve what they wish for. And when I say parents, it includes siblings of the boy or girl too.
First I will take up boy’s side. I am not at all talking of those who are greedy and dowry seekers. As far as I am concerned such persons do not need to be thought of as those who wish to have happy family life because for such persons it is jingle of coins only which makes them happy. Best part is while seeking dowry they open their mouths so big that even the whole world is not sufficient and at the same time when it comes to marriage of their daughters they feign poverty. Let us forget such blots on the face of earth.
His parents basically look for girl who will settle down as family member and follow traditions of the family. They would like her to share all good and bad of the family. They would expect her to keep all family affairs within the family and not make it public. They expect her not to divide the family. They would like her to show due respect and not talk back or sulk if told of some mistakes. They also look for grandchildren to give them company.
What should they do to have this happy situation? First of all they must give space to the new entrant to the family. They must understand that she has spent so many years in her parents house following their way of life, so give her time to adjust to new surroundings. They must let her have quality time with her husband as they have to understand each other to spend rest of their life. They should be open to logical discussion for any change needed in the traditions or way of life felt by the girl and agree to what seems better as well as explain why old customs must carry on. There should never be any mistrust. Mother should tell her likes and dislikes of her son including food habits so she can adjust to him faster. She should be given opportunity to learn whatever needs to be to take on responsibilities of the household. They should be support to her for bringing up the grandchildren but not to spoil them.
In short I will just say that THEY SHOULD TREAT HER AS THEY WOULD LIKE THEIR DAUGHTER TO BE TREATED AT HER HUSBAND’S HOME.
Now coming to girl’s parents. They would like to see their daughter settle down in the new home. They would like to see her being treated with love and respect. They would like to see her husband caring and supporting her.
To achieve the above they first of all need to explain to their daughter that she is starting with new life and her husband’s family is now her family. They can affirm their support to her just as earlier but make her understand that she needs to settle down in new place as quickly as possible. They should explain to her to have open mind and learn. If she feels something amiss she should speak to her husband in polite manner and thereafter with his mother or father. She should not run back to them for every small issue or try to divide the family. Above all they should never ever interfere into the affairs of her new family. They may keep an eye that she is not being harassed.
Again in short THEY SHOULD DO WHAT THEY EXPECT PARENTS OF THEIR SON’S WIFE TO DO.
Whatever I have said in these 3 parts is for an ideal situation which is very difficult to attain. However if efforts are made by each one to follow these as much as possible the life of any family will be peaceful thus lead to happiness.
It must be kept in mind that OPEN TWO WAY LOGICAL AND POLITE COMMUNICATION IS KEY TO ANY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.
May I request you all for adding your inputs to whatever I have felt or put across.
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16 comments:
I think it's a great post Jack and I would sum up this shortly. In every relation between people is needed understanding. This is a foundation of everything and with lack of communication, problems will appear. Especially between wife and husband and their new family. Both were brought up differently or in similar way, but they will always have some special traditions, maybe small ones but they will have and that’s what should be respected. Sometimes I’m wondering what kind of family I will join, I’m not worried about my future husband because I have very understanding and open-minded parents. Time will show…
this was a great post. Unfortunately, parents dont always think that way. The boy's parents often create problems for the girl. She's expected to know all the traditions and their way of life beforehand, which isnt possible
Well, great insight.. in India- especially- A marriage is not about the two people getting married but also about the two families.
They also get married to each other. One thing that you forgot to mention is that both sets of parents and in laws should make it easier for the couple and not make the couple choke when it comes to 'choosing' family. No really that happens. A boy is often told that he takes care more about his in laws rather than his parents.
There are situation- like if the parents only have a girl child- It does become her responsibility to look after her parents. So, the in laws should be understanding in that respect.
I have often heard this from my father (he handles a lot of divorces) that most of the time the culprit behind a broken marriage is the girls mother. It is always good be present for your daughter- but then she has to make the daughter understand that- her husband and their family is her responsibility and until she accepts then with an open heart and try to be a part of that family- she will always feel like an outsider.
Lastly- parents should be encouraged to accept the choice of a life partner by their children. By deliberately making the children unhappy for petty issues like caste, religion etc. it just makes things worse and even if later the wedding happens, a sense of sadness will always loom. Make the occasion a happy one.
You right.......jack.
See after some time i am also going to get into knot , and i am expecting same thing from my side..i mean polite and have to understood the ambiance of my inlaws place.....My inlaws are very open minded ......My daddy is little strict but my mummy is my rolly polly....i hope i see my inlaws as my own parents.....
Liked your post.
Jollieess:-)
and i just smiled and nodded to myself.
i am yet to do a post on this subject but i will eventually cuz lately i have been getting together with recently married friends :)
i just dont understand the understanding which is suppose to be there but isnt!
M A C A :
You have summed it up very aptly. One needs to have two way open communication in any relationship to be healthy and it becomes all the more important in married life.
Take care
ASH :
I agree with what you say. But it also depends upon girl how she makes her place in the new family. If she has open mind and strong desire to settle down then with love & affection she can win over all members of new family without much of difficulty. Take care
SAKAHI :
I fully agree with you on only girl child case. In my post last year at o3.indiatimes space I had said that in such case why can they not stay with their daughter even if her husbands parents too stay there. They all have to make adequate adjustments to live in a happy big family. In such event running of house should be left to the couple and no interference from either parents except lending helping hand as needed. As a matter of fact there should be no interference from parents of either side under all circumstances except if things are getting out of hands and violent. Let the couple sort out their difference at their own. That is where maturity of both boy and girl counts. Take care
ESCAPIST :
After reading your comment I feel sure that the family you go into will be lucky and you will make them very happy. Take care
A D :
Eagerly looking forward to post on this subject from you. Understanding which is needed is just how to get along with each other. And that is in all relationships, specially when you share space, be it residential or office. In marriage it becomes more important. Take care
I agree with you... Loads of expectations are involved in this marriage thing... And only few people are able to cope up with them... Sad no... Really afraid of this whole concept..
And yeah one more thing, Thank you so much for being a frequent visitor to my blog and posting your valuable comments..
Take Care,
Ann
:)
that's it....
:)
i like i like.
'what parents of the guy expect from daughter in law' was very important for me to read. thank you :D
ANN :
There is no need to be afraid as long as your heart is clear and you are willing to have clear two way communication. Of course, at times little diplomacy may be need of the hour. I am sure you will make the family you go to proud of you. Take care
SULAGNA :
You are a wise girl and I am sure you will never have any difficulty in your life. Hope other girls who are confused learn from you. Take care
DIP :
Welcome back. Noted your new url and will visit you soon. Thanks. I am absolutely sure that they will never feel you as an outsider and love you a lot. May I request you to share your e mail id and DOB so I can wish you in time. Take care
rish.dip@gmail.com is my email address and 29th march is the birthday. dooor hai :/
hi. My blog isnt visible to evryone anymore. Ive sent u an invite. Hope ul drop by soon!
This post is very good and very right. I guess everyone would agree to what is been said here....what is difficult is, to practice the same! But these days most of the parents agree & adopt the way of life which you have very nicely explained to the readers!
I hope everyone does it! But, what about the do's n dont's for spouse?
Hi Jack,
This is a very interesting post. Am learning much about your culture and traditions. As you have summed it up very well, good communication between spouses and with respective parents is the foundation that would ensure a working and solid marriage. I believe it as essential in marriages anywhere around the globe, regardless of culture and tradition.
By the way, thank you for dropping by my page ----- http://ellen-inretrospect.blogspot.com/2009/11/gift-to-my-blog-friends.html
-- a gift from the heart. :-)
Take care and God bless you and your family.
DIP :
Thanks. Will send belated one this time. Take care
ASH :
Thanks a lot. I feel so honoured. Visited you and left my comment. My PC is not working so will visit as soon as it is ok. Take care
JIGYASA :
Part I and II are for respective spouses. Please do read those and give your views. I have mentioned at the end of this part that these are ideal situations and we should try to achieve as much as possible. Take care
ELLEN :
Delighted with your visit and encouraging comments. I too feel that for a successful marriage in whatever society it may be these are some of the ingradients. Take care
really really excellent post.,
be happy keep smiling.
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