Now coming to second part of my post. This is a difficult one. Before I go further may I tell you of an incident which happened few years ago. This is with due apologies to my readers of fair gender. Once a young man was strolling on the beach early in the morning. He saw a corked bottle with some fumes in it. He picked it up and pulled out the cork. Out came a Ginnie who bowed thanking him for setting him free. Ginnie further told that he would fulfill one of his wishes. The youngman was very scared of traveling by air or sea but was keen to visit Lakshdeep islands. He asked Ginnie to build a bridge to the islands so he could drive down to that place. Ginnie told him it is very difficult and requested for alternate wish. The youngman asked Ginnie to give him knowledge to understand women. Ginnie folded his hands and said “ How many lanes do you want in the bridge.”
Jokes apart, I am going to try to bring out expectations of a girl after marriage and how she can achieve what she wants. Let me put it here itself that what can be achieved by love and affection is not possible to get by sulking, throwing tantrums or being adamant. One needs to keep ego aside, however self respect is to be maintained. Though I have had fairly good idea as I used to speak to our daughter about her expectations when she was of marriageable age but still to update myself I spoke to few more young ladies – one newly married and rest of marriageable age. This post is thus based on these inputs along with what I had in my mind. Here I will try to put across her dreams for married life and her efforts to make the same come true.
First thing which we all have to understand is that no matter how long the girl may have known the husband or his family before marriage, it is only when one lives 7 X 24 that one gets to know the others fully. She moves from known environments where she is confident of her position and knows that her mistakes will not be made an issue. So the first thing which she looks for when she moves to husband’s house is acceptance with love & affection as an integral member of the family. Then comes space and independence followed by respect not only from husband but other members of the family too. She looks for time to settle down and wants support from all for that with open minded discussions and not sniggering remarks. It will of course facilitate her settling down if there are no demands of dowry. She is keen to have quality time with husband and feels that he should be with her as much as possible. She also wishes that her parents and relatives are given due respect by husband and others in the family. She wants to be part of decision making in the family and in many cases will like to continue with her career for financial independence. Most of this may not be difficult if staying alone with husband but if staying in joint family there will be some differences which may cause misunderstandings. She will definitely look for all the love from her husband and no unfaithfulness. She will expect her husband to understand that once she becomes a mother her attention will be more towards the child and he should not take it as if she is ignoring him. She will expect him to share her chores and all feelings. I do not think I need to say anything about physical relations which is definitely part of expectations.
Now let us see how can she get all she is looking for. First and foremost she has to understand that this is her family now. She must feel part and parcel of the family she joins. Not that she should forget her parental family but for settling down in new place she has to make efforts to be part of them. She needs to understand customs and traditions. If she finds any of these uncomfortable she must have clear communication with her husband and thereafter with her mother in law without drawing parallel with her parental house. She should try to take on household chores with concurrence of his mother, even if she is working then whatever is possible. She must understand that relation between mother and son is something which is very sacred and she has her own place. If she wins over his mother with her love she will not have any major difficulty with her husband as she will always have her support. Her respect for elders of the family will surely pay back as they too will have same feelings for her. If there is any misunderstanding she should clarify politely instead of keeping to herself and sulking.
I think instead of writing more I can just sum it up in one sentence “ SHE SHOULD DO WHAT SHE EXPECTS WIFE OF HER BROTHER TO DO IN HER PARENTAL HOUSE.”
I must convey my special thanks to Harpreet, Sonal and Shruti for their valuable inputs.