Now I come to the 3rd and the last part of this post. In this I will try to put across some of the expectations of both – boy’s parents and girl’s parents and what they need to do to achieve what they wish for. And when I say parents, it includes siblings of the boy or girl too.
First I will take up boy’s side. I am not at all talking of those who are greedy and dowry seekers. As far as I am concerned such persons do not need to be thought of as those who wish to have happy family life because for such persons it is jingle of coins only which makes them happy. Best part is while seeking dowry they open their mouths so big that even the whole world is not sufficient and at the same time when it comes to marriage of their daughters they feign poverty. Let us forget such blots on the face of earth.
His parents basically look for girl who will settle down as family member and follow traditions of the family. They would like her to share all good and bad of the family. They would expect her to keep all family affairs within the family and not make it public. They expect her not to divide the family. They would like her to show due respect and not talk back or sulk if told of some mistakes. They also look for grandchildren to give them company.
What should they do to have this happy situation? First of all they must give space to the new entrant to the family. They must understand that she has spent so many years in her parents house following their way of life, so give her time to adjust to new surroundings. They must let her have quality time with her husband as they have to understand each other to spend rest of their life. They should be open to logical discussion for any change needed in the traditions or way of life felt by the girl and agree to what seems better as well as explain why old customs must carry on. There should never be any mistrust. Mother should tell her likes and dislikes of her son including food habits so she can adjust to him faster. She should be given opportunity to learn whatever needs to be to take on responsibilities of the household. They should be support to her for bringing up the grandchildren but not to spoil them.
In short I will just say that THEY SHOULD TREAT HER AS THEY WOULD LIKE THEIR DAUGHTER TO BE TREATED AT HER HUSBAND’S HOME.
Now coming to girl’s parents. They would like to see their daughter settle down in the new home. They would like to see her being treated with love and respect. They would like to see her husband caring and supporting her.
To achieve the above they first of all need to explain to their daughter that she is starting with new life and her husband’s family is now her family. They can affirm their support to her just as earlier but make her understand that she needs to settle down in new place as quickly as possible. They should explain to her to have open mind and learn. If she feels something amiss she should speak to her husband in polite manner and thereafter with his mother or father. She should not run back to them for every small issue or try to divide the family. Above all they should never ever interfere into the affairs of her new family. They may keep an eye that she is not being harassed.
Again in short THEY SHOULD DO WHAT THEY EXPECT PARENTS OF THEIR SON’S WIFE TO DO.
Whatever I have said in these 3 parts is for an ideal situation which is very difficult to attain. However if efforts are made by each one to follow these as much as possible the life of any family will be peaceful thus lead to happiness.
It must be kept in mind that OPEN TWO WAY LOGICAL AND POLITE COMMUNICATION IS KEY TO ANY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.
May I request you all for adding your inputs to whatever I have felt or put across.