Follow up on LOVE ??????

I had put my post LOVE?????? in o3.indiatimes.com too. A young lady had commented which alongwith my reply I am placing it here for your views.


HER COMMENT

Hi Uncle, Just read your BLOG.. I want to share once more incidence, which I read in some article. There is a girl involved with a boy since last 5 years. Initially, it was a plain friendship, but gradually they got into a relationship.. She loved him very deeply, but the boy had initially cleared her that he won't be able to convince anyone in his family for their marriage. She knew it, but still went into a physical relationship with that boy. The boy told her that he loved her too but due to some reasons he could not convince his parents. Later on, boy's family searched a match for him. At that point of time also, she tried to save the relationship so that it can get converted into marriage.. She cried, yelled & did every thing to save the relationship, But sadly, the boy got married.. She was outbroken with this, knowingly unknowingly she knew that it is not only the fault of boy.. but still she couldn't recover from it. & see the other side of the story, the boy still says that she will be having the same place in his life, what she had before his marriage.. He has also told her that they will not get into any physical relationship, because he respects her body and soul.. & he has kept his promise as of now.. The girl is still in love with that boy, & is very much heartbroken.. the boy doesn't let her go away from him, as he feels that she will die thinking the same thing again & again.. atleast he would be there to support her & to come out of this situation.. What is your opinion about this whole situation??


MY REPLY

Before saying anything on this I will make a general statement. Two persons get attracted to each other, become friends over a time they gradually fall in love. Over a period there is certain amount of physicality due to feeling of closeness and sharing of innermost thoughts. It starts with holding hands to hugging, peck on the cheek and it goes on further gradually with it being an individual choice to go all the way or not by consent based on intense feelings of love and mutual confidence. It is just normal. Physical needs are common between boys and girls. It can not be termed as right or wrong. Only hitch being that mostly it is the girl who is left broken hearted in the event of break up as she has given everything in the relationship. Now coming to what you said. The boy had told the girl right from beginning that there is no future as he would not be able to make his parents agree to their marriage. But as they were in deep love and she thought time may change situation so she willingly consented for whatever way the relationship progressed. Boy instead of exercising restraint gave in to his physical urges and went ahead with physicality while the girl loving him whole heartedly and living with hope that his parents may change their stance consented to go ahead with deeper relationship .

Now that he is married it is not ethical on his part to show love to the girl stating that there will be no physical relations but who can assure that they may not resume such relaitons in future. By doing this he is spoiling her future life for his selfishness. It could also be a case of boy ensuring fulfilment of his needs on rainy days. Girl on her part should realise that there is nothing tangible in such relationship unless she is hoping to break up the marriage. She should keep fond memories and move on. All contacts have to be severed immediately. She may go for counseling from someone she trusts. Before saying anything on this I will make a general statement. Two persons get attracted to each other, become friends over a time they gradually fall in love. Over a period there is certain amount of physicality due to feeling of closeness and sharing of innermost thoughts. It starts with holding hands to hugging, peck on the cheek and it goes on further gradually with it being an individual choice to go all the way or not by consent based on intense feelings of love and mutual confidence. It is just normal. Physical needs are common between boys and girls. It can not be termed as right or wrong. Only hitch being that mostly it is the girl who is left broken hearted in the event of break up as she has given everything in the relationship. Now coming to what you said. The boy had told the girl right from beginning that there is no future as he would not be able to make his parents agree to their marriage. But as they were in deep love and she thought time may change situation so she willingly consented for whatever way the relationship progressed. Boy instead of exercising restraint gave in to his physical urges and went ahead with physicality while the girl loving him whole heartedly and living with hope that his parents may change their stance consented to go ahead with deeper relationship . Now that he is married it is not ethical on his part to show love to the girl stating that there will be no physical relations but who can assure that they may not resume such relaitons in future. By doing this he is spoiling her future life for his selfishness. It could also be a case of boy ensuring fulfilment of his needs on rainy days. Girl on her part should realise that there is nothing tangible in such relationship unless she is hoping to break up the marriage. She should keep fond memories and move on. All contacts have to be severed immediately. She may go for counseling from someone she trusts.

HER REPLY

Very true... i wonder why in this era, people have such reservations regarding inter-caste marriages.. These days girls are becoming more courageous in choosing their life partners and boys have taken a back seat... they can easily get into a relationship, but think different when it comes to marriage. Then their first priority is their family...