Saturday, March 10, 2012

BE CAREFUL

Life shows many things, some good and some bad. I shared two incidents of happy ending in my previous posts. I could not hold back a sad incident which happened a few years ago while I was in an organization where my work involved meeting Government officials at various levels. This included police department also.

Hazari Lal, who had migrated to Delhi over two decades ago, was looking after cafeteria of that organization. He was liked by everyone for his gentle behaviour. It was after my stay of about a year there that I saw him without smile for a couple of days while he brought tea. That was not his usual self. So I asked him if something was on his mind. He hesitated for a while then told me that he would speak to me later if I allowed him to do so alone. I normally used to leave office 15 to 20 minutes after closing time but that day I told him that I will wait for him to come over. I am narrating below what transpired in that meeting and subsequently.

He had 4 children. Eldest was daughter who was 17 years old at that time. Younger were two boys of 14 & 8 and a girl of 12. He himself was educated only upto 5 class which enabled him to keep simple accounts of his work. However he had realized that education was a must for progress. So he sent all his children to school. Eldest one, Dulari, was in 12th standard and was doing quite well in commerce stream. He was keen on her joining the same organization in finance department after completing graduation. The final board examinations were just 4 months away. He told me that she had become totally withdrawn and refused to go to school for the past one week. She refused to tell reasons but cried if she was told to either go to school. She did not confide in her mother also. He stated that he was very disturbed and wanted advice. I told him that I would think over what to do. Next day I spoke to a young lady in HR who was postgraduate in Psychology and we shared a good rapport as we used to join hands in solving a lot of problems faced by workers. She expressed that we cannot say anything unless we speak to the girl. I was of the same opinion. So we fixed up visiting his house on Sunday which was a couple of days later.

We found Dulari to be an above average girl in intelligence as well as looks. She was hesitant to speak to us as we were total strangers. We also felt that she may not open up in front of her parents. So I took him aside to tell him that when I signal he should go away alongwith others leaving us alone with the girl. We then first introduced ourselves giving our needed background to put her at ease and then asked her about her school activities etc indulging in small talk encouraging her to speak. As she started speaking little freely I signaled to her father as arranged. They stayed in a two roomed flat bought by him a few years ago with help from company. He took his wife and other children to other room. It took some cajoling by my companion to make her open up. She kept looking at me before she started speaking, so I offered to leave but she told me not to as I would need to know what happened to help her. What she then told us was shocking.

A little over a year earlier she had come in touch with a student in her school who was in 12th at that time. It was in one of inter-school competitions where he was team leader. The school won first position mainly due to their efforts. They started speaking to each other off and on which in normal course of time developed into friendship. He passed out of school but used to come and meet her everyday even after he joined college. She used to look for his company as he paid a lot of attention to her. He used to advise her on studies and other activities in which she took part. A number of times she went to his house which was close to the school. He was staying with his uncle and aunt who did not have any children. They were both working, thus they used to be alone in the house. Over a few such visits they got further than holding hands or kissing and hugging. It lead to their making love when they both were carried away with excitement. She cried after that and he consoled her by saying that he would marry her once they complete their education. That was about 3 months earlier. Thereafter they did not hesitate in making love whenever they felt like it. A month later two boys who knew him got into the house through an open window without their knowledge and caught them when they were making love. They told that they had suspected them of doing it and decided to catch them. They then threatened her that they would tell her parents as well as her school principal. She cried begging them to leave her and she would never do it again. Her friend too begged them offering them whatever money they wanted. They laughed and told that they wanted the girl. Her friend tried to reason out with them and even tried to fight but they were too strong for him. They hit him hard which made her scared that they may harm him badly. She told them to stop hitting him and she will do whatever they wanted. So they tied up her friend and both took turns with her while he watched helplessly. That is when her ordeal started. They then used to force him to bring her home to have her whenever they wanted which was almost every week. She was totally in their hands. They made her do acts she was too ashamed to tell. That is when she went into stunned depression refusing to go to school. On our asking she told that her friend was now avoiding her and met her only when they wanted him to call her. She also told that they had not given anything in writing or seen them taking any photographs. This was a real tricky situation as she did not want her parents or anyone else to know of this. She even said that she had thought of committing suicide. She gave us names of her friend as well those boys. I asked her to give us a couple of days and then she could go back to school without any fear. We told her parents that she had been teased by some boys who are local goondas which has scared her and she did not want them to get into trouble by going to police.

On the way back I discussed a plan with my colleague and she agreed with it in toto. The plan was to avoid involving Dulari’s name thus protecting her from any loose talk. We put that plan in action next day and it took two days to have success. It was not strictly legal but at the same time we did not indulge in any illegal activity also. We used my contacts with police as well as some of heavy weight union leaders. She rejoined school four days after our meeting. Her boyfriend went back to his home town joining college there. I moved out of that organization a year & half later. I have learnt that she joined that company as per her father’s wishes.

My idea of sharing this is to impress on young girls to be careful in what they do, why young girls only, anyone for that matter of fact.

PS : Names as well as some settings have been changed for protecting privacy.

21 comments:

Mannu said...

Hello Uncle Jack,
This kind of story is second event i have read in your blog. It is very sad that such things are so rampant in our society, particularly, in Delhi region. I remember reading one such news for the first time in 1994. I was 14 then. I read it in the times of India newspaper which used to be black- and- white, and only a few pages thick then. the news of blackmailing a girl into having sex by a boy and his friends kept me in shock for some many days. Truthfully, as a youngster I had my desires too :P, but the devil part of blackmailing action kept a struggle on between some carnal desires and some guilt thoughts. It was so much tumultous inside of me for so many days after reading that news. A sinful act inside another so pleasant yearning thing as sex just rips open the heart and mind. They come in fight and person like me, who is only a plain reader feels to much disturbed. I start thinking if there can be a way to make sex witha girl clean and heartwarming. A happy event for both of them/us, --the boy and the girl. Honestly thinking, maybe this kind of desire between men and women ,to make the sex event heartwarming and more pleasure giving, Adam and Eve started exchanging vows, and thus established the Institution of marriage. Any though of a devil act such as blackmailing her gives a disturbed thinking.

Shreya said...

I kinda like the way you present the story.

Tongue-fu Lady said...

Dulari was lucky to have met you and your colleague...but then there are so many girls out there who falls prey to such situations. Of course prevention is always better than cure, but who would have thought of such unfortunate outcomes while giving in to carnal desires. It is very difficult for a girl to ask for help when being blackmailed for sex - the shame, the guilt blinds her from seeking justice...and yes, the society always points the finger at the girl. Its irony that the girl is looked down upon while giving in to her desires, and not the guy...so much for women's liberation.

KayEm said...

Not sure if, at 17, the young woman was considered an adult in the eyes of the law. Minors should wait till they are adults in the eyes of the law. Otherwise they get not only themselves, but also their partners into trouble. Sex between two consenting adults is different from someone forcing a young woman to have sex with them because they caught her with someone else. That is rape. Besides, they even invaded someone else's home. They should have been severely punished for both these offences. If only the law were upheld, these two would be in jail and it would be the best deterrent for other would-be rapists.

Alka Gurha said...

There is so much to learn from your posts....specially for the youngsters.

RiĆ  said...

This is sad...but I m glad that her life didnt end up getting spoilt, all thnx to your timely intervention.

U r right in saying that girls must be careful while interacting with guys. U never know what might happen.

Ann said...

Well, you've been so helpful to people, I must say. I see very few people empathizing with others and going to any extent to help them. I must appreciate you. I am not doing this just because i know you but I genuinely appreciate your efforts and kindheartedness. Hats off to you Uncle Jack! May God bless you.. Keep posting :)

kavita said...

Kudos to your efforts in helping her .

Tanvi said...

My heart goes out to Dulaari. Sometimes, you have no way of knowing how your decision will affect your life. She was lucky enough to have someone like you to intervene for her.

∞ © tanvii.com ∞

Neha said...

shocking, but not unheard of. Such things keep happening with girls. There are many reasons - known to every one, and people take advantage of those things. Pity that things are going worse. The girl is blamed when she wears revealing clothes and she is pitied when she is fully covered. No matter how old she is, this happens with her. No matter what she wears, she is made the victim. City or town - everywhere. I wish we could make more and more women believe that it's alright to raise your voice. it's alright to come in open if you are molested.

It was a very good deed done by you and your friend. Kudos.

Jigyasa said...

Hmm...I am glad you could instill the same confidence & trust in Dulari! The story otherwise is a sad one...youngsters truly need some brains and awareness!

Jack said...

MANNU :

Life shows so many things, some happy some sad, specially when your job contents are conducive to it. We all have these natural urges but that does not give anyone right to force it on anyone. We need to inculcate right values in youngsters to respect a girl. Take care


SHREYA :

I try to put across what I have seen in simple way to let all see what happened and to draw lessons thereof. Take care


T- FL :

We all have these natural urges which we try to satisfy. A girl has equal right to live life the way she likes, just as boys, but she has to be more cautious. Boys will get away with whatever but she is left holding the baby. A girl should never be forced in any way to do something which she does not want, this is what I told our son when he was coming off age. Take care


KAY EM :

Welcome to my space. Hope to have your valuable views often. She was not an adult but was above the consenting age. What those boys did amounted to rape and we had thought of taking legal action but she did not want her name to be made public. So we did the next best way, scared the hell out of those goons. Take care

Jack said...

ALKA :

Thanks for such appreciative view. I try to share what I have experienced with hope that someone may benefit out of it. Take care


RIA :

In my opinion girls have equal right to live life the way they want, just as boys but need to be little cautious. Boys would like to do whatever but want their wives to be chaste, why? After marriage both should be loyal to each other. Take care


ANN :

If one can be of help to someone, why not? It is we who have to be of support to each other and not the aliens. Thanks for your affectionate views. Take care


KAVITA :

I follow my conscience and do what I feel is right. I believe that we all should do that. Take care

Jack said...

TANVI :

I consider it as God's wish as we are mere puppets in God's hands, isn't it? Take care


NEHA :


I feel so sad that girls are always at the receiving end. Boys get away with anything saying Boys will be boys but a girl even in such cases will get blamed. A girl should be given equal rights to live life the way she wants it without any discrimination but with support for more security. We need to raise awareness for women being treated with respect and not mere sex object. Take care


JIGYASA :

We do need to inculcate right values in youngsters. There should be no discrimination between girls and boys. A girl should never be forced to do something against her wishes. Take care

Jyoti Mishra said...

Lesson learned.. !!
Agree with alka that there's always a thing or two to learn from your posts.

Shadan Syed Khan said...

Wish every girl who falls prey to situations like this, has an uncle like you to help and evolve, rather than succumb. Great work done U'Jack!

viddhi said...

heylo!

I read your posts regularly ..and I am really happy to know that there are people you who think this way and try to help others.

things have not been good from the past few months.I need some time alone to think , so I am not getting enough time to blog . I'll be back soon. :)

Jack said...

JYOTI :

I feel so grateful for such appreciative view. Take care


SHADAN :

I would rather pray that NO GIRL should ever face any situation not good to her. Take care


VIDDHI :

Thanks for finding time to visit me and give your valuable views. Do have confidence and you will come out winner inspite of all difficulties. May I be of any assistance? Take care

Oldfox004 said...

uncle, its good u could save Dulhari:)
that said, how could she have known about those boys peeking in? this kind of girlfriend - boyfriend relationship exists in Urban cities too but it isn't easy to peek in. It is an unfortunate incident that happened with her, the guy didnt suffer much though.

i feel parents should make friends with children and not overpower them always. this way children are more respectful of their freedom and actions!

Jack said...

OLD FOX :

I agree with you that one does normally not have any clue if they are being followed or watch kept on them. I do not say what they did was wrong as it is natural urge and it was so unfortunate that they landed up in such situation. I agree with you again that parents should be more friendly with children after certain age and encourage them to share whatever with them without any fears. Take care

M said...

This made my eyes watery. We all have either experienced this first hand or know someone who is close and has been through something similar.

Feels good to know there are people like you Jack, angels in disguise.