EGO

My school friend Rajat got married to Radhika within a few months after our wedding. They had known each other for quite some time, almost 3 years before marriage. They seemed made for each other couple. We were shocked when we learnt that they were separated within 6 months of marriage and were heading for divorce. In those days divorces were not very common. I took a few days leave to visit him.

What we learnt on reaching there was something so trivial that it was unbelievable that it could take such serious dimensions. About a month ago on his return from office one evening, he asked Radhika to do something but as she was talking to her friend on phone she did not respond. Those were landline days with cordless also being a rare thing. He repeated it and not getting her response he in a fit of anger shouted loudly that was this what her parents had taught her. Her friend quickly said bye and cut the phone. She then shouted back that she learnt better things than what his parents had taught him. One thing led to another and soon they had a slanging match. Hot words were freely aimed at each other. In fit of rage she packed her bags and moved to her parents place. He did not even once stop her. After a couple of days he felt that he could have been more understanding but did not call her up as he blamed her for walking out and wanted her to come back or call up first. I bluntly asked him if his ego was more important to him than his love for her. He agreed that he should not fall prey to ego but was still reluctant to make first move. We could make out that he was missing her.

So next day we visited Radhika at her parents place. She was delighted to see us. After normal greetings first thing she asked was as to how was Rajat. My wife counter questioned her that did she feel he would be happy. She had tears in her eyes which were straight indication of her missing him. On my asking as to why did she not go back or at least call him up, she told me that many a times she wanted to but then she feared his rejection. On my asking that was their love so fragile, she started crying. A little later when she calmed down a bit we asked her to get her bags and come with us to return to her home. Then she told us that her father would not like it as he wanted Rajat to visit them and apologize before she returns. This is when my wife made me so proud when she said “ Do you want to be a victim to ego of your father or have a happy family life with one you married for your love?” She chose later but seemed confused as how to tell her father.

Her father on his return from office showed happiness to see us but soon started blaming Rajat for all what had happened. He was stunned on my asking that what would he like, his daughter to be back with him as divorcee or see her happily settled down in her home affording him an opportunity to play with his grandchildren. He responded that which father would wish bad for daughter. So I told him that I would call up Rajat to come and pick her up but he should not say anything except scold them both in fatherly way that they should stop being kiddish.

And the matter got resolved. Now they too are grandparents like us. We still tease them at times asking as to how far has the case progressed in court.

This is true happening but with changed names. I have narrated this to tell that EGO is the foremost cause for breakup of relationships. ANGER comes a very close second. Both are mostly interlinked. There are some more but these two share majority of breakups.

IMAGINATION

Many a times jokes have better impact when something is left to imagination. Here are some to prove the point :

Three young ladies were sitting by the swimming pool side when door of men’s changing room swung open. A naked man, with his face hidden behind towel he was rubbing head with, walked past.

One lady said, “ Thank God! Not my husband.”

Second one said, “ Not mine too.”

The third one exclaimed, “ OMG! Not even member of this club.”

In a party some ladies were discussing the host. One said,” How elegantly he desses.” Another one quipped, “ And how fast too.”

Three young women working in a office were terrified of their strict woman boss. The boss used to make them work without any time for gossip. Every Wednesday she used to go out of office around 12 pm and come back at 4 pm. These young women then decided that they too would go out one on each Wednesdays just after she leaves and come back before she returns. On first following Wednesday one of them did it. On her return she told that she went to movie with a friend and enjoyed. Next Wednesday second one on return told that she went to spa and had gala time. They both were surprised to see the third one come back within half an hour or so looking very scared. When asked she told, “ I nearly got caught for bunking by Boss. I thought I will go home and make love as my husband has off on Wednesdays but on reaching home I found Boss’s car parked in our driveway.”

One evening a young boy crying while holding a stiff finger told his father that he was stirring a solution with it and it went stiff. Father after looking at the finger told him to wash it with fresh water. Further he told that he would give his $ 5 for that solution. Next morning the young boy found $ 15 under his pillow. On asking father told $ 10 were from his mother.

RELATIONSHIP

A couple of days back I got call from a well known young girl in mid 20s asking me if she could meet me. It seemed she was in need to discuss something weighing on her mind. I have a weakness of never shirking to help someone if I can. She came over home and we spent good about 5 hours talking things over. I will share it with you.

She was in relationship earlier which turned sour. She spoke to me about it at a very late stage. Main problem was that she became little too possessive and started monitoring his movements as well as calls. She used to give him missed calls on his landline or his mobile from payphone booth. He got to know and that made him break off. I told her that there are 4 basic principles which make a relationship healthy and these are :

a) Mutual Respect. Not only for each other but for relatives and friends of each other also.

b) Mutual Trust. This includes giving space and not misusing such given space.

c) Two way open and logically communication without losing temper or raising voice. Ego is the foremost cause of making any relationship sour.

d) Willingness to accept other as he or she is without forcing him or her to change but at the same time making efforts to overcome own shortcomings.

Apart from these there are some more factors which help in making relationship stronger such as physical aspect in married couple or those who feel committed, good sense of humour.

Now she is in relationship with another person for the past over a year. She had told me about this about 6 months ago. I had advised her not to repeat her mistakes but at the same time not to go overboard without applying her mind. She had been repeatedly telling me that he is very good and wants to make her happy. She told me that he has been asking her to go outstation for trips. I advised her that this indicates that he is interested in physical side and it is upto her to do what her conscience permits. She categorically denied that there was even a bit of physical contact. I do not believe that as it is just normal way of showing love for each other. She had been telling me that he is serious about her. On my asking if she has met his parents or he has met her parents, the reply was negative. I feel that if one is in relationship for this long and is serious the only way to prove is to introduce girl to his parents and meet her parents.

I seek your views on this.