Wednesday, April 27, 2011


On most of the days I go to our housing complex park in the evenings to keep an eye for safety of our 3 years old granddaughter who goes down for cycling or playing with other children. There are a number of young children between 5 years to 10 years of age, mostly girls as grown up boys take to cricket with tennis ball. The gang of about 6 or so girls usually plays tag game, I spy or such games and let a couple of small boys also join them. Our granddaughter is too small but she keeps running around following them or cycling along with them around the blocks. I generally remain a spectator just keeping an eye for safety factor, following her when she is cycling.

At times I noticed couple of elder girls disagree with each other on rules of the game or some result or something small. Mostly it is clear that one of them is wrong but neither is willing to compromise or adjust. They then split the gang into smaller groups taking some young ones with them though it is for a short time if not for the rest of the play time.

This made me wonder if it is EGO at that young age. If so, how to make them realize that EGO is one of the top killers of any relation?


Always Happy said...

hello Uncle Jack,

Probably it is ego but they themselves may not be aware of it. What each one wants to prove is they are right because at that age they do not have the understanding to place themselves in other person's shoes and therefore end up thinking what they belive is right.

Sonshu said...


that was well thought. Ego is this quality of man which is with us ever since we're born in some or the other aspect.. its one of the vil wualities we have like jealously, being selfish etc. Kids should be taught to compromise at times but to also do the right thing, sadly no one teaches kids these days all this. All thats taught is STUDIES after all our world is gonna be filled with Engineers and docs that dont have morals!? :O

Sakshi said...

No, not at all! It is just kids fun. I remember this happening with me all the time. Just kiddish games, Ego is something that the poor babies don't even know about.. don't put them in that strata please! :)

Tanvi said...

I think it is definitely ego. I know so, 'coz I am quite sure I had it even when I was a kid ... I do not think there is a way around. You learn as your grow up! :)

♡ from ©

Sach! said...

:)) cute..
It is ego but a sweeter one! It is one where we value relationships more than the fight. I remember as a kid, even if I knew I was wrong I would stand by my point - but then the moment other person left, I would say please (and not sorry!) :D

Tongue-fu Lady said...

Hi Jack,

Ego, I think not. Ego is a greater evil prevalent among adults.
With kids its just competition. Whatever they do its always like - I win, you lose. This i think is an inborn instinct of survival of the fittest.
But if this over-competitiveness behavior doesn't get corrected in time, that might lead to an egoistic attitude.

♥ Duchess ♥ said...

bachpan ki yaad aa gyi !
these kind of young kids discriminate
happened with me.
but those instances still teach me when I look back, there was a time when people didn't want to play with me, I was out casted, i mean i was a kid, but believe it or not, those scars didn't parents asked them to let me in their group.made me feel worse though allowed me to understand the world better.

☆ Rià ღ said...

Yeah sometimes its ego, and most of the times these kids aren't even aware of it! And they learn it once they grow up.

Gayu said...

Ya it happens, even when my daughter goes to play, the elder ones sometimes pick up fights...
I guess this phase will pass away...hope so!!!!


Harman said...

they are kids..and ego at this age is for very short span to me its learning and growing up...
Compromises and forgiving is something that comes from home and humbleness...
this should be taught to kids!

Ritika said...

Uncle Jack,

We have some things in us, just by birth. Childhood is pure and innocent stage, they surely don't create hard feelings for each other at this stage. But later, It can create serious ego problems in the generation today. At this age, when they see.. fighting parents, or collapsing relationships with the cousins and splits in the families, they tend to disbelieve in the relationships, and right from there.. This ego problems start.

Only with tender love and care, and not forced prohibitions .. this can be taken care of. Ofcourse, you are elder to me, and know much more than I've seen, I just tried to explain you the mindset of the generations today.

Mannu said...

Hello Jack..I think u should go through the Wikipedia search on Ego.,_ego_and_super-ego#Ego

There are a few 'learned comments' i can see, below your post, but over all I am too much un-happy that our Indian Philosophy has really gone to the keepings of do#$...those Baba's we see on Aastha Channel.
Ego is an un-separable part of human beings, is the crux of our existence..but overtime we have begun to use it in a negative sense only, to mean something-- a combination of our stuborness and pride.
Those little children (girls, as u saw them)have acquired some knowledge of something on their minds..the Ego part. And when some new knowledge comes around...correct or wrong , that is immaterial at this point, ..the older knowledge has to erased. The existence of Id within them is refusing to do the discomforting job of erasure.(reference Pleasure Principle, in the link)
On a closer look , I think the scenario would be like..those girls who had already acquired a similar pre-knowledge on the matter would align together, -- correct or incorrect identification is purely your own cover, as an un-trained observer, to it by your grown-up Id. The summary is that those with same pre-knowledge will align on one side, and those with other pre-knowledge on other side. Who is correct is immaterial. But, at the age that they are, this behaviour is a sure confirmation of the fact that self-identification is beginning to happen about own existence.
The human society, we can notice has always been divided between the Good and Evil/Bad. I think your observation can explain the start point of how this demarcation happens.The fissure point is now; the good and evil take shape at a more advanced age.

Mannu said...

Maturity is learning to endure the pain of deferred gratification, when reality requires it
Sigmund Freud proposes that “an ego thus educated has become ‘reasonable’; it no longer lets itself be governed by the pleasure principle, but obeys the reality principle, which also, at bottom, seeks to obtain pleasure, but pleasure which is assured through taking account of reality, even though it is pleasure postponed and diminished”.

Jack said...

A H :

You are right. They are too young to understand how to balance out. But as elders we need to inculcate this in them, isn't it? Take care


Very rightly put. We are born with this quality but it is not just how to compromise but to understand what is right from wrong.
Take care


Even a child of two or so has this trait. Have you ever noticed if child of that age has thrown something to show tantrum and on being told to pick it up even without raising voice does he or she do it? At young age one may not be aware of this but as one grows it becomes more rigid trait. Take care


They are not aware of this but we need to somehow inculcate how to differentiate between right and wrong stand. Take care

Jack said...


Childhood fights are fun but we also need to understand some children try to impose their will more than others even when they are not right.
Take care

T-f L :

Evil it is, no doubt but it does not come with age. It is inborn but get strong as one grows up. Childhood pranks, inborn instinct of survival of the fittest or being competitive is fine. But when one is just adamant that he or she is the only one who is right then it is evil. Take care


BACHPAN KE DIN BHI KYA DIN THE, isn't it? But those childhood fights build one's character too. Take care

Jack said...


Yes, they are not aware of it. But as they grow it takes a monstrous shape for some. Take care


I too hope so. Take care


"Compromises and forgiving is something that comes from home and humbleness" - this is what I exactly wanted to say. Take care

Jack said...


Age is no bar to right thinking. What you said is summed up in a beautiful saying I read today " Do not worry that children are not listening, worry that they are watching you." This one is by Ms Sudha Gupta, Chairperson of Mother's Pride. Take care


It is so nice to see you here and have such valuable views of a well traveled person. I agree we all have EGOs and children are not even aware of it. I am not follower of the said channel as such I can not say what those BABAs term EGO as but my own commonsense tells - Be Proud but Not Vain, Have Self Respect but Not Ego. What I wanted to convey is that when one starts feeling that he or she is the only creation of God, that is when EGO is BAD. Hope to see you often and also have your views on some of my older posts too. Take care

Ann said...

Yes, you are right EGO is one of the factors that can spoil relationships. But, I think with age and experience, we learn with whom we must keep the EGo and with whome not. Self respect should be there.. But, EGo must not be.. But that understanding only comes with age.. That's what I think .. :)

Ellen said...

At that very young age, their world is still small and it is comprised of "I" "ME" and "MINE". Their world, their rules. Oh not to worry, pretty soon they will outgrow it and soon know that the world and life is also made up of others with their own rules. They will learn soon enough to live harmoniously within that perspective.

A good piece, Jack, and very perceptive. Blessings to you.

Being Pramoda... said...

Especially at younger age the ego is the top most killer of relationships..its hard to maintain..

Jack said...


I do hope they get over it on growing up. Take care


I sincerely hope they do not become Egoistic once grown up. Take care


I wish they understand and get over it over the growing years.
Take care

Cherry Blossom said...

Dear Jack Uncle
Ego is an inevitable characteristic of human nature. There is no being on earth without this virtue, or vice, as it turns out to be in the latter years. Our parents are our role models. We grow up with them, learn their traits and adopt their mannerisms to a great extent, if not always. At school, consciously or unconsciously we follow the moral characteristics of our teachers. All the people with whom we come across, play a part to mold our nature either to a sophisticated egoistic being, or a morally damaged entity of unbalanced upbringing. Whatever be the cause, a down to earth personality is universally celebrated. This quality can be nurtured right from childhood.
Thank you uncle, for such inquisitive post.

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

On reply to my post,
Sometimes it is the tougher to tell the truth than lie. And sometimes, the consequences of telling the truth are not easy to take in!

On your post,
Ego indeed starts at a young age, but kids don't realize it and later it's hard to get rid of it. In fact, it's impossible!

Nice observation :)
Loved the post!
Take Care!

Jack said...

C B :

Rightly said children learn from what they see, be it parents or teacher. I repeat what I told Ritika above " Do not worry children are not listening, worry that they are watching you."
Take care


One can inculcate in children to have pride but not vanity. Ego needs to be controlled. Take care

Raj said...

Our granddaughter is too small but she keeps running around following them or cycling along with them around the blocks.

you must love watching that :)

aah the ego. it drives and deprives.

Jack said...


Yes, it does give me a lot of joy watching her. Ego is one of the most potent killer of any relationship.

Take care

suruchi said...

it is just human surfaces at any age and in varied forms...nothing we can say to rectify it coz everyone learns n understands through their own mistakes n fumbles:-)

Jack said...


True, but as elders we can always try to teach children habit of adjustments without compromising self respect.

Take care