Wednesday, April 14, 2010

WHAT CAN ADAMANT NATURE LEAD TO

I am Anu. I come from a high middle class family. My father is from rural area but since he was in transferable service we stayed in towns, mostly small or medium. I studied in the best available schools and had been good in studies as well as other extra curricular activities. My father, though strict disciplinarian, used to pamper me a lot telling me that I was cut above all other classmates or friends of mine. This made me feel superior to all my age group girls or even little older ones. I have fair complexion with attractive face. I am comparatively tall with fairly good shape.

My father was transferred to Delhi when I was in 8th standard. Though we had visited Delhi off and on but it was totally different to live here. I was admitted to a very reputed co-education school. I found boys & girls very advanced and forward. I felt I was way behind them. This hurt my pride as I was used to being in the lead. So I made concerted efforts to be like them. I changed my hair style to shoulder length from wearing braids. I started copying clothing trends, their mannerism and way of speaking. In short I tried to become a modern girl in every way. I completed my schooling and then moved on to college. My father was transferred but I continued staying in Delhi with my mother as I wanted to continue my education here. He had purchased a house for us in a decent locality. The inhabitants of this locality are also well to do and modern.

I developed friendship with a boy while in 1st year of college. We, in keeping with trend, became close in due course of time and on his insistence had physical relations too as that seemed to be the in thing. I did PG Diploma in marketing after graduation. Thereafter I got a job with a reputed company as marketing executive. This gave me feeling of financial independence. However I could never go against wishes of my father. He refused to accept my boyfriend for marriage with me. So I was married as per his choice.

I went out with my husband few times before marriage and we spoke about our future. He is a nice person. I had known before marriage that we will need to stay with his parents as he is the only son. I had shown my willingness. We got married few months after our engagement. His parents are nice and welcomed me with a lot of love. They give me a lot of freedom and respect. His father is very frank and open minded. He always supported me if there was any need for it. I have no complaints against them.

About six months after my marriage I asked my husband to live separately as some of my friends were. I told him that I wanted to have my own home because I never felt this as my home. He refused. I have not said anything to his parents. So I started picking some issue or the other and go over to my parents. I used to return after a week or more hoping that he might agree to live separately. We have been married for about a year and half now. I came to my parent’s place about 4 months ago telling him that I would return only if he agreed to live separately but he is still not willing. I have been to his place on few week ends as I am working. His parents do not interfere though father is keen that I get back at the earliest. They have left it to their son to decide if he wishes to live separately. I know I am causing a lot of tension but I want him to be stressed out to give in to my demand. I do miss his company as I am a normal healthy girl of 26.

I had changed my job last month as such I have not visited him for three weeks. I am now with a Marketing Consultancy Company. We do not have any dress code for office but we do wear formals when we go for meeting with clients. Mostly I wear jeans with normal tops. At times I wear low waist jeans. I know that when I bend to pick up anything I expose my butt a little. This gives me a thrill that I can still make men look at me. This also gives me a feeling that I am living with time.

My boss Amit, is good looking and very advanced. He wears trendy clothes. His wife is very beautiful and modern. Many a times I wish I was like her. She is working in a MNC. They have been married for about 3 years. He is little elder to my husband. We share good working relationship. I try to match his outlook of life. I make efforts to live upto his expectations. At times we sit late when new product is being launched. During our casual chit chats I told him that I was at my parent’s place and the reasons for that. He seemed very understanding and supporive.

We got a reputed company as new client about 2 weeks ago. We are working on launch of their new products. This is being conceptualized by Amit and me. Last Friday there was some maintenance work being carried out in our office. Around lunch Amit suggested that we move to his place where we could carry on with work without disturbance. I was thrilled at this suggestion as I felt that he found me so competent for coming out with new ideas. So we picked up our laptops and other necessary items to go.

I followed him in my car. I was awed to see his apartment in a posh locality. It was so modern and with such amenities. His wife was away at work. We placed our laptops on work table in the study room. He ordered for lunch which was expected in about half an hour. He asked me if I would like to have something to drink as he was going to have a glass of beer. I did not want to be seen as not modern so I opted for beer with little Limca or Fanta. I have had drinks earlier since college days to live upto reputation of being modern. We moved over to drawing room. He busied himself getting our drinks. He asked me to take out snacks kept in the bottom drawer of sideboard in the dinning room. I was in low waist jeans and a short top. As I bent to open the said drawer I could sense that I was exposing almost half my butt. When I straightened I saw him staring intently at me. I felt strange current running through me. I gathered myself up. We sat down in the drawing room with our drinks, chit chatting and waiting for lunch to be delivered. By the time it reached we had had a couple of glasses of beer. We had quick lunch and some more beer with it. After that we moved over to study room for work.

We sat on opposite sides of the table working on our laptops. A little later when I told him about what kind of approach I was thinking of, he came over to see it on my laptop. He bent over my shoulder. This closeness sent shivers down my spine. He read what I had typed and exclaimed it to be fantastic. He made some suggestions still bending over my shoulder while I entered those. I could feel his warm breath on the nape of my neck. I started feeling aroused, may be as I had not been with my husband for so many days. I too suggested some changes. While talking I found my voice to be shaky. He put his hands on my shoulders telling me to relax. He kept his hands on my shoulders. He gently pressed and massaged them. This made me want more. Once we had finished the text and read it a couple of times, he praised my work giving a peck on my cheek. I am sure he could feel my shivers. As I got up he pulled me into his arms. I like a zombie melted into his embrace. He held me tightly. As his lips touched mine I felt my knees weakening. Then in highly desirous state I let him lead me to the bedroom. Once there I submitted to his manipulations without any resistance. He undressed me first and then himself. What followed was mad hungry lusty union. Afterwards he told me that he had been wanting to do this ever since the time he saw me at interview. On his asking repeatedly I honestly confessed that I too had enjoyed it. He promised that he would take care of me as long as I wanted due to being away from my husband. I returned home with all kinds of thoughts churning in my mind.

Today is Sunday. After the week end I have to go to office tomorrow. I am in two minds. One says I should not go as I feel having been used. The other says that I should go so we can continue with our relationship to satiate my physical needs and to hell with mama’s boy, my husband. My mind is in confusion.


NOTE BY AUTHOR : This is based on true behavior of a girl. Her bearing and conduct is office gossip.

Don’t you think this can happen if one takes unreasonable stand coupled with projecting false facade of oneself?

28 comments:

M@ria said...

Life is complicated to say the least and puts us in very difficult circumstances.
This story can be of anybody, so many men & women fall into such circumstamces & then don't know how to get out of it or feel guilty.

I don't think the man can be blamed entirely..i mean on one level yes, because he knew her circumstances, but the girl too wanted this and she did enjoy. So, she is no poor bechari manipulated nari.

Realization is the key & making amends should be next for both men and women. But, yes of course if one doesn't realize or thinks this is the way it should go on...then their will...they are grown up & know their rights and obligations and circumstances.

And, the joint and nuclear family debate haunts probably every household and many many men feel guilty for deserting their old parents. But, I do feel the nuclear family in many ways is a more practical option today. That should not mean that old parents should be deserted. They need to be taken care of emotionally and financially. One day youngsters like me will be old too and will need company and support.

Americanising Desi said...

realization is absolutely absent in today's generation - even from my generation who are not at all guilty about their actions and positioning!

yukh! i m sorry but it so totally kills me to think conscience is dead in the living

Jigyasa said...

May be the want to achieve everything quickly and to be in-charge of their own lives....make such people blind, insensitive & sick at times....

It's sad & immensely disheartening to read this... I feel sad & shattered!!

♫♪♥W!nK♥♪♫ said...

I agree with Maria. It does happen many a times in offices!
Umm...I guess girls should be careful and not give out any signals!
Anyways, I'm glad you liked my post :)
Do check out my new one!

BROKEN STAR said...

I think the problem lies in the institution of marriage...a woman is expected to adjust in every situation...even if her wishes and desires are suppressed by the society norms...although she knew dat she had to adjust with the parents be4 marriage also but sumtimes when we see things in reality v feel v r trapped and look for the better ways to live life..she has every right to share and request her husband what she wants...but at the same time her husband's stand was very appropriate...this complexity in situation arises coz we don’t upgrade our age old norms....times hav changed ...human being has become more powerful...their ability to think and innovate has changed tremendously with times...our lifestyle has changed...now human beings are not very patient and individualism is increasing day by day....let me tell u I am not against marriage but would like if our society at least make an effort to amend certain rules for the betterment of both the genders....sumtimes if the flow of water doesn’t get the desired route...it finds its own way...I think this has happened to that woman who was trapped ... the advantage taken by her boss was wrong.. ..but I don't think it happened coz of her adamant nature..if sum1 has to blame for this..it is the age old society rules...at the same time i don't think what she did was justiciable just dat its a normal human behavior... in times of frustration one tends to choose a path which seems wrong afterward ….but plz don’t blame it on the female gender…think holistically and understand v ppl need change or be ready to live a life of hypocrite minds and plastic faces….indian society should head towards a revolutionary change…where all the modern day relationship problems should be resolved in a different way so that moral values of upcoming generation should be preserved at the same time we find freedom to live happily and in trust…..

Escapist said...

Liked it..


Jollieess:)

Jack said...

M@RIA :

What I feel is that she got into this situation as she was away from husband for many days and being a normal healthy girl she too needs to be satiated. But why was she not with husband, is the main issue. If her in laws had ill treated her, her stance of staying independent with husband is very much justified but that was not so. They rather supported her and gave her all the freedom asking her to take on family responsibilities to give them rest. As children our parents took care of us, is it not our responsibility to reciprocate in their old age? There has to be mutual adjustments. I have written post on Happy Married Life or so in 3 parts in Oct – Nov last year. Please do read those starting with part 1 and going further. I would really appreciate your views on those. Take care


A D :

It was so even in previous generations but has increased much more now. It is really a heart breaking to see youngsters doing something due to being adamant. They do not see consequence of the same. Take care


JIGYASA :

Thanks for supportive comments. Take care


JUHI :

True, she gave unwanted show of her butt which can be interpreted that she is willing to go further. Why should one put up false fa├žade just to show being modern? Take care


B S :

I agree that we need to keep upgrading society norms. But before we do that we need to evaluate those with full application of mind to see what purpose do those have. As we started walking erect from our four legged posture, we evolved from MIGHT IS RIGHT herds where the one strongest took over leadership of the herd by fighting it out, even with his father or siblings and copulated with whichever female he wanted and whenever he wanted to present herds or society where we learnt to live amicably and in harmony. Before we talk of changing norms we ought to see does it benefit few individuals or people in large. Also changes we suggest should be acceptable to us if our own offsprings follow those. Marriage or live in relationship is a commitment between two adult individuals. Former is with sanction of society, later with legal backing now. But that legal backing is for long term live in. What if we wish to live in for shortwhile and keep changing partners like outfashioned clothes? Some may say it is acceptable, so would they let some male live in with their daughter in the same way and discard her as & when he feels like? Do we go back to old herds way to kick out old parents to fend for themselves? Do give an open minded thought. Take care


ESCAPIST :

Liked what? Her adamant nature or having fling with her boss? Or my bringing out this malady? Take care

WarmSunshine said...

i have to say its so disheartening to read this.... i dun want to say much on this topic because i avoid debates. i hope sanity prevails. girls should know their limits. no offence should be taken, as i, myself am a girl.

rohini said...

nice post....GO to my blog....surprise for you.....

Tranquility Speaks said...

I'm a little uncomfortable commenting on posts like these,so I shall refrain from it. Thanks for your understanding

Ellen said...

This is much a work of thorough research, Jack. You certainly missed nothing on the details of her life story. Interesting.

But this case in point is not all about her. Actually it is all about the marriage.. about the couple and how they cope or resolve differences. That's a problem in any marriage regardless of color, race, or creed. It always takes two to tango. Especially in marriage, or in any relationship for that matter. It also seems that her behavior at the office stems from the fact that her marriage failed to resolve its issues. This gnawed at her sense of security thus leaving her quite open and vulnerable to other possible threats, influence, or temptation.

Anyway, it would also be interesting to know bout the other side of the coin -- the husband's story. Because, as the old folks say, it always takes two to make or break a marriage... the husband and the wife.

Jack said...

MEHREEN :

It is sad that at times one is blinded by adamant nature. Take care


ROHINI :

I have read the post and left my comment. Take care


TRANQUILITY :

I can understand. One needs to take balanced view. Take care


ELLEN :

This is mainly as per her talk with me over a period except that her talk about her visit to her boss's house was sketchy. I had to fill up gaps. Her husband supports her in all things except her desire to live separately from parents who are rather more of help than hinderence. It is her adamant nature which is causing such problems. Take care

suruchi said...

Hi Jack...
I don’t understand why the insistence on a separate home when the in-laws are aid to be supportive and caring!
The husband has done nothing wrong either!
The girl is purely motivated by the desire to have a richer n modern life that is leading her to her ruin!
Discussing her vulnerabilities with those at a stature naturally allow them to use her...which is exactly what this is!

One n a half year into a marriage is too short a period to give up on the effort to make it work!
Agreed one must do what makes one happy...but also true is that sometimes a completely unreasonable attitude can never be justified! I feel there must be more reasons for ruffle at her husband’s home than have been enumerated for her to go to her parents so often!
Otherwise it is difficult to understand her separate home fixation!

Jack said...

Suruchi,

I was asked by a friend of mine to talk to them. They live in same city but little far. I have met them few times and what made this interesting was the situation. His parents are so unassuming and simple. What I could understand after all the interaction is that she gets adamant on some issue and it is just not possible to reason it out with her. She has a couple of friends and couple of his also who live independently but their situations are entirely different. Hope she realises that she can be much happier staying with his parents keeping in mind future when they have children and she continues to work. Take care

♫♪♥W!nK♥♪♫ said...

Hi Uncle :)
Thanks again for your comment! Do check out my new post :)
Take Care!

Ellen said...

I can understand that, Jack. But she has to be listened to because she has a point too. She simply wants a place of her own to raise her family. Although her ways of expressing it are not 'desirable'. You see, every woman who hopes to marry someday dreams of a house and family of her own...away from the shadow of her parents or her husband's. That's quite normal wherever you are in the world. That's not a crime. This is something which seemed to be noticeably overlooked by the husband and in-laws.

If the husband's parents are not handicapped or sick or helpless on their own, that would be a different picture. They should be indeed cared for. But since they are in fact a blessing rather than a burden to the couple, then it means that they can well afford living by themselves too. But of course with the son continuing his loving assistance and care as a dutiful son to them, even if he lives apart from them. He can always visit anytime.

It's not all the wife's fault, even if she shows such 'unpleasant or improper' behavior. Maybe she just doesn't know a better and proper way to get her message through and understood by them. Not all women know how to express or put out their opinions or ideas through. Especially in a society where women traditionally are not allowed their own voice. Putting up a facade of adamant attitude or behavior is just a pretense to look strong. But inside her, she must be confused terrified and insecure. Adamant -- does not always nor necessarily reflect the true sentiments of a person. It's just a facade, a pretense, a mask. Ask any counselor bout that.

Maybe they should all sit down and discuss the issues like all good families do. Or get professional help for their shaky marriage. Good luck to them.

Mademoiselle Deva said...

Firs off I want to apologize that I haven't been around much actually I haven't commented for awhile! I need to finish project in two weeks so I am kind of busy.

Life can be complicated and sometimes we should listen to ourselves and what we need and what we want. Maybe if she had talked to her father the situation would have looked completely different. You say it really did happen, I can only say that I pity her not to have around a real man but on the other hand she knew what she was doing.

I really hope she figured out what's best for her and she's happy.

Jack said...

JUHI :

Read and left my comments. Take care


ELLEN :

True, each girl dreams of having her own home after marriage. But in Indian society it is unwritten rule that if they are in the same place, they live with his parents unless the house is too small. Basically it is family bonding and joint family is a traditional Indian custom. It is basically to take care of parents in their twilight years. It is only if his parents or other family members are too intusive that couple decides to live separately. And that is not looked upon well by the society as it is felt that it is only animals who desert their parents. Living together has it's own advantages which I need not enumerate, most prominent being care of grandchildren and sharing of finances. Here she was given all the liberaty to run the house as per her liking and there are no other persons to interfere. Take care


DEVA :

It is so nice to see you here. I can understand that you are too busy with your work and I never ever ask anyone to neglect their work. In this case, she had all the freedom and her husband is with her on each issue except shifting away from parents as he feels it is his moral duty to take care of them in their old age as per Indian customs. He is the only son. They are non interfering and give lot of freedom to her but she is just being adamant to live away. Take care

Sonshu said...

Hppens...This sorta stuff always happens!! Girls should be more careful...Life is already so complicated, twisted and all!!

Yeah men will take the opportunity when given! The girls have to be careful! "{

sulagna ™ said...

jack uncle, i think what happened in the house with amit was obvious,being away from her husband for so many days.
but i also want to make it clear that if she really loved her husband she would never have succumbed to all that passion.. considering staying away from him was her choice..i hope the girls gets some brain in her head, and goes back to her husband before she messes up her life ..i hope she learnt the word called "content" during her schooling

Jack said...

SHONA :

I agree with you. Girls need to exercise more caution in doing what they wish to. They should evaluate situation before taking any stand. Adamant nature always harms anyone, be it girl or boy. Take care


SULAGNA :

I too wish that she realises what she is missing by insisting on staying independly with husband. I would support her if in laws were harrassing her for anything. She gets full space and support from all but it is just adamant nature which harms her. Hope better sense prevails. Take care

geeta said...

Every human being may it be the girl or the boy should understand her/his own limits...When they cross those life starts getting complicated..
It was sad and disheartening Jack..

Jack said...

GEETA :

Each one of us needs to understand that it is ok to have pride but not ego. It is ego which leads to adamant nature and that is when all sense of propriety goes out of window.

Take care

Rinkal said...

uncle sorry for late reply
as my exams were going on
today i read it and from this i want to sya one thing only taht girl should be carefull about hersef.as i am girl i know it
good post
take care :)

Mannu said...

HI Jack,
nice post. I did read through this post, but not all the commentary that follows it.
I agree and understand the heat , varoius types, u have shown in one simple post. However, i also appreciate its intrinsic limitation that it is actually composed as a monologue by YOURSELF, and not Anu, the female narator.
I agree with what ever you show, but would rather want parents to understand that they need to bring-up children such as to live "modernised". Jack, i have a similar story running in my own house, that of my sister, though i am in no position to speak on that extra-marital part. My bro-in-law is a senior ranking bureaucrat.
Then i also know one classmate of mine, of my caste(although it is immaterial when we claim we are educated lot) who was married to a Member of Parliament, and she is divorced now!
All for the one common reason that parents forgot to grow themselves up while they were bringing up their children! Oh they thought they are fully grown to the needs of hour !
MOdernisation, u seem to suggest, is about wearing trendy dresses.! well i disagree here although i assert that dresses do show the modernity, the updated-ness of mind. In all ages we have managed to recognise human society's evolution through the dress worn in the days.. Isn't it.?
Dresses reprent the value system that you follow. The value system has not changed much because adultry and most others are still the same--human psychology is much the same. Although women's sanitary pads, the greatest socially revolutionising invention, has brought about so big changes.
If a girl wears them, which all girls do, be prepared to accept her assertivesness and independence.

Jack said...

MANNU :

I feel guilty for not having visited you. What I wrote is based on what she told, and her office people told. I made up what may have happened with boss based on these. I agree we need to grow up while bringing up children. One must not lose dignity while following modern trends of dressing.

Take care

Nikhil Jain said...

A nice read on how to deal with people who are adamant and are unwilling to give in to their say.

http://asknrj.com/how-should-we-deal-with-someone-who-is-adamant-on-his-own-opinion/

Nikhil Jain said...

A nice read on how to deal with people who are adamant.

http://asknrj.com/how-should-we-deal-with-someone-who-is-adamant-on-his-own-opinion/