Friday, June 12, 2009

Happy Married Life

Shruti in her post listed out qualities she is looking for in the person with whom she would like to spend rest of her life and I thought that I would replicate my post of August, 2008 in o3.indiatimes here. Though I promised to put it on Sunday but could not wait. This is what I had written with little additions now :

Jitu while commenting on my post “ Why do we accept this ” had asked What is Happy Married Life. I promised that I will write a post on this as it was not possible to reply as a comment. So here I am keeping my promise.

Happy married life does not mean all love & honey with no differences or arguments . It means that inspite of all these, couple stay together and live happily. What are the ingredients for that? I am trying to list some of these, may not be in the order of priority :

TWO WAY COMMUNICATION : In my opinion this is the FOREMOST requirement where couple are in a position to talk things over instead of bottling up and sulking. This includes WILLINGNESS TO ADJUST as well as OVERCOMING EGOS.

TRUST : They both have to have trust in each other instead of trying to find what partner is upto to the point of nagging.

RESPECT : I do not think I need to elaborate this. Respect not only for each other but for partner’s relatives or friends too. They should never ridicule weakness of other.

SUPPORT : They should never have doubts that partner will not support him or her. Be it financially or emotionally.

SPACE : They both have to learn to respect each other’s space.

SENSE OF HUMOUR : They should be able to laugh together on silly things as well as laugh off silly differences which arise from time to time.

LOVE OR ROMANCE : It is important that even after decades of marriage they should be able to ignite romance in each other. It does not mean giving gifts or roses but simple things like saying same 3 words which they used often during courtship period “ I Love You. “ Or holding hands while walking.

PHYSICAL RELATIONS : These may ebb with age but are still an important part of staying together.
I think these may suffice but you all are welcome to add on more traits which I am sure will be there.

30 comments:

♥ Dip ♥ said...

Uncle you pretty much covered them all naa... i don't think anything else is there...

i'll come and read this post everytime i face a difficult time or a challenge in my relationship he he

yeah 2 way communication is SO IMPORTANT.. but there are times when one of them is busy with other things which are also very important and communication takes a backseat...and the other one has to keep some things inside .. i do that thinking that i will talk to him when he's free and in a better frame of mind to listen to me... earlier i used to sulk that he doesn't have time etc etc and everything used to come out in anger eventually.. which was unhealthy for my relationship.. so now even if i have to keep something inside me for some time, i do with patience.. and talk when the time is right..

--

support is also so important.. in fact all the points that u mentioned are very very important for a good relationship..

support.. love.. patience.. trust.. communication..space.. sense of humour...

CLUELESS said...

Wow...
This guide is definitely helpful...

Yeah...HUMOR MAKES THINGS TOLERABLE...
TRIED AND TESTED..!!
patience...care..and talking things out...keeping no grudges inside too...covers the two way communication thing...

I loved the post...

TAKE CARE

Ellen said...

Wonderful post! :-)

Pardon the 'silence' of the past few days, my friend. 'Been busy in the home with lots of stuff. lols!

'Loved that you dropped by the blog; that was an interesting message you left in there too. Thank you! :-)

Have a pleasant and blessed weekend with your family. May God bless you all.

Mystique said...

Very very true. All of this is needed to make a marriage work. Or any relationship for that matter.

And honesty. Honesty at all times.

Sorry i couldn't visit earlier, my connection is BAD.

Preeti Shenoy said...

I agree with everything you covered here. But there is one more important thing..Growing together in a relationship and not growing apart. People change as years go by.
Cheers
preeti

Shruti said...

Thank u, Jack, really needed to read this.
Among other points, I really appreciate one thing u mentioned- respect not only one another, but also one anothe's relatives, friends.. :-)
Other points, I guess, tolerance, cooperation, understanding..

Jack said...

DIPTI :

I am so moved by your comments. I am sure that you will make him very very happy. Take care


SONAL :

It is the attitude which matters. If one wants it to succeed it surely will. You have that attitude. Take care


ELLEN :

I will be more than happy if someone can gain from what I write based on my experience. Take care


MYSTIQUE :

Yes, these are ingradients of any relation to be successful. Honesty too is needed. Take care


PREETI :

So true, growing together and not drifting apart which happens as the years roll on. Take care


SHRUTI :

I should thank you for affording me a chance to write it here. I am sure you will have a very very happy time after marriage.
Take care

Rinkal said...

hiiiiii please aend mail wanted to ask .thaks for visiting and will read this post later but read half and its nice

Ki said...

I think I'm going to keep a copy of this one! I'll need it in 2 years or so. :)

Keshi said...

ty for this wonderful guide Jack! u nailed it all didnt ya :) ur wifey is a very lucky lady!

I hv never been married but I know if/when I do, I'll rem ur advice. Cos I know ur a happily married and a very wise guy.

Keshi.

nups said...

oh Jack
all ova sudden it all seems so difficult..this marriage thng... u r lucky u have lived thru it...i m dreading getting into it........ i wana run away u knw..right nw this second...i wana jus vanish so that noone finds me n asks me to marry....its so bloody tough........ m hitting the panic button.. as i said feel like disappearing........

Sakshi said...

Uncle J- I am not absent- just a lil caught up... read your post long back- have been formulating a reply- and that would be on my page... come and check it...

Jack said...

RINKAL :

You are very young for this but do keep it in mind when time comes. However most of these are needed for any relationship to be healthy. Take care


KI :

It will give me immense pleasure if this helps you both in having a happy & healthy married life. Take care


KESHI :

It is your support which keeps me going. Hope to keep up with your expectations. Take care


NUPS :

What happened? Why are you getting cold feet now? Come on Bete, no panic button. You are welcome to share your fears with me, if you wish to. May be we can put our heads together and find a happy solution. Take care


SAKSHI :

Read that and left my comment too. I am sure you being a level headed girl will make him proud of you. Take care

Cursed♪♫ said...

Hi!!
So sorry, I haven't been on blogspot. I'm just so busy studying :(

Shruti Mukundan said...

first of all very sorry for visiting so late. god damn these studies stuff, stuck up with them so hardly getting time these days.

as far as ur this post goes, i didnt really put up the points am looking out for in my would b soul-mate, its just that i was against a stupid custom of girls needing to leave the house after marriage.

am not against marriages, thats a lovely relationship n d way u have put it up, i guess a little plus minus will still make it happy.. how-so-ever u fight with ur beloved, how-so-ever times u shout or cry... love heals all! as they say, tru love is not blind, it sees all, understand all but then it still loves! so what ever +ve or -ve u c in ur partner, living with them can never b hard! I know all this n am not saying al this for the heck of it, i truly believe in all these things n appreciate the purity of love!

lovely post n i promise to get back to ur older posts by this weekend. promise!

Keshi said...

:)

Keshi.

Jack said...

JUHI :

Studies take TOPMOST PRIORITY. Hope you did read this post. You are far too young for this presently but keep it in mind when time comes. Most of these are needed for any relationship to be healthy. Take care


SHRUTI :

It was not your post which I mentioned. There is your namesake who writes under different name. You may navigate to her page from her comment here. Girl going to boy's house after marriage is another point which we may discuss later. Please do read the post I requested for. Take care


KESHI :

My day is made. Take care

geeta banati said...

The topic you have chosen is very sensitive .there are many other factors which work for a happy married life.....
coordination and mental compatibility is also needed... shall elaborate on this in my post...

Thanx a ton once again for your lovely birthday wishes...

Vyshu said...

I'm very much thankful to you for this post..its very timely and supportive.:)

I have been facing hardships in my relation these days,but still we are hooked together.

As you mentioned..Trust,Love,Respect
etc everything we had in our relation
And i realized after reading ur post hw important "Two way communication" btw a couple.

Touch wood..I realized this fr my life.

We were unable to handle our priorities /Career options.every time we tried to discuss and sort out.But we end with miserable fights..I hope at least now i cud able to manage our discussions well without the flow of egos/misinterpretations.

Thanks a ton .!

Jack said...

GEETA :

Looking forward to your post. Take care


VYSHU :

Thanks for your encouraging comments. Wish you all the best and I am sure you will always have peaceful time. Take care

PS : Found your link and will visit you soon.

Vyshu said...

Thank You Jack ..I am awaiting your visit.Check my recent post.!Somewhat relevant..Surely need ur help on that ..!
Cheers,
Vyshu

Meghna said...

a nice read really.......

i dun have much to say coz all others here have said it all :P

Rinkal said...

hiii how r u?i enjoyed post and i really liked it i have seen many couples not able to adjust with each other
thanks for giving me and all kind knowledge about this


rinkal
bye
take care

Keshi said...

btw I must admit Im HAPPY even tho there's no MARRIED part in my life ;-)

Keshi.

Jack said...

VYSHU :

I will surely read your posts today. You are welcome anytime to ask for whatever I can do to be of assistance. My contact mail id is in my profile. Take care


MEGHNA :

Your visit itself is encouraging. You are very young at present but do keep it in mind when time comes. Most of these are applicable for any relationship. Take care


RINKAL :

I am sure you will make a very good homemaker. Take care


KESHI :

May you always remain happy and HAPPIER after marriage. Lucky will the the person who takes you as soulmate. Take care

Cursed♪♫ said...

Yep. I did read your post. It's true. You know, I agree with Dip. You covered everything!
And yea, I am quite young to take this post like into my heart. :p
I posted. Check out my blog!

Jack said...

Juhi,

Most of these are needed for making any relationship healthy. Do remember when your time comes. I left my comment on your post Question... .

Take care

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hello jack,
That was an interesting read. Thanks for the post..

**Happy married life does not mean all love & honey with no differences or arguments . It means that inspite of all these, couple stay together and live happily.

I'm hoocked to your this line .. :)

You mentioned almost all prior things. Well, i would like to add my point here.

DEPENDENCY: Couple love each other, live together and share evry thing, still i believe they shd not depend on one another. Dependency not in the sense of money etc temporary things. One should support his/her best half for whatever she/he is.

Simply,
its not only about foot steps, but is also about heart beats...

Thanks for sharing ur thoughts...keep it going ...

Pramoda

Vandita said...

You pretty much covered everything... Not only in a marriage it applies to most relationships esp the communication bit
I always if I cannot 'talk' (be understood and understand the other) to a person, I can never be friends with him/her.
Great post!

Nahl said...

Do you know of anyone who has a perfectly "happy married life?". I may be cynical but I don't.