UNFORTUNATELY THIS HAPPENS

About six months I was involved in start up of a project for spreading education and skill development for women in rural area. I was representing NGO I am consultant with. The project was sponsored by a well established corporate as its factory was located in that area. Ten odd surrounding villages were covered under the project. My interaction was with a young lady of that corporate who was responsible for CSR. She is in mid 20s, well educated with professional degree in mass communications. We met a number of times to work out modalities and also visited the site together. The project was launched after a month or so of preparations. Thereafter we met regularly at least 3 to 4 times a month to review progress and also visited site as needed. We developed a nice rapport and she started calling me Uncle. I treat her as family member. She speaks freely with me about anything and asks my advice on various issues. She has visited our home a few times. I have met her parents. We have developed a nice friendship. They are worried about her not consenting for marriage. I asked her a couple of times but she did not give any specific reply. I had even told that if our son was unmarried I would have taken her into our family as his wife.

Last week she asked me to help her. She told me that she had been in love with a boy but he had got married to someone else under parent’s pressure. I am going to narrate what she told me in her words with some moderation of language used by her:

“I met him little over a year ago at a party thrown by my close friend. He was known to her from college. He is 6 footer with athletic build, fair with very pleasing manners. We liked each other and exchanged our phone numbers. We met few times thereafter before he confessed his love for me. I too had strong feelings towards him as he never had behaved in any unwanted manner. As we both had busy working life, we used to meet on weekends but spoke many times daily. On meeting we used to mostly visit restaurants or his club. We started going for movies after a month or so. He used to put his arm over my shoulders or at times hold my hand. I was quite comfortable with this or rather I liked it. It was during a very romantic sexy English movie that he pulled me close to him and kissed me on the cheek. We were in the last row with not too many people around. I felt little shy but was excited also. As I did not resist, he kissed me a few more times before he planted a kiss on my lips. I was scared but the experience was intoxicating. After few kisses I also started responding by kissing back. This carried on throughout the movie. When we came out, I was blushing. He kept his arm around my waist and guided me out of crowd to his car. We went to restaurant and later he dropped me close to my house. When I was alighting from the car he asked for good bye kiss which I responded to. Thereafter we hugged and kissed whenever we found opportunity. He had promised that he would not do anything without my consent. I had full faith in him as he had been a thorough gentleman all the time. I am not a child and have my own feelings & urges. I enjoyed his attention. I fantasized and played with myself at times when alone after our long kissing sessions.

A few weeks later he suggested that we watch our choice movies in his flat by taking CDs. It seemed alright as we had become very attached to each other. We took cold drinks and some snacks while going to his flat. It is one bedroom with drawing dining room flat. I was very impressed to see it neat & tidy which I did not expect as he used to stay alone. Once there we made ourselves comfortable in the bedroom as the TV & CD player was there. We sat side by side on the bed. As the movie progressed we did a lot of kissing. I was very excited and did not stop him when he started fondling my breasts over my shirt. I agreed when he asked if he could remove my shirt and bra for more intimacy. I jokingly told that I would feel shy being the only one topless. He laughed and removed his shirt & vest also. We had almost forgotten the movie. He hugged me close to his chest which tickled me due to his being so hairy. His kissing and caressing my breasts aroused me sent shivers down my spine making me very excited. I just nodded my acceptance when he looked askance while unzipping my jeans. We both were soon naked. He kissed me all over caressing me at my sensitive parts. His manipulations raised my arousal to very high pitch. There was no stopping after that. He parted and bent my legs at knees but while he positioned himself kneeling on top of me, he asked if no objections to make love. I feebly told him to go ahead.

Our having sex became a regular after that. He assured me that it is matter of time before we get married as he was going to speak to his parents on next visit home. It was a real shock when he told me a month ago that his marriage has been fixed by parents to another girl from his home town. He told me that he cannot go against their wishes as that would jeopardize marriage prospectus of his two younger sisters. He has returned last week with his wife. He contacted me to tell that he does not love her but has to stay with her. He professed his total love for me and wants me to continue our relation as earlier. I cannot say no to him as I am deeply in love with him inspite of all this but at the same time I am aware that it is not right for his wife or me also. I have not met him still though my desire is very strong. I am in dilemma and want advice from you.”         

I have advised her to wake up from dreams and face reality. I have told her not to keep any contact with him at all and tell him bluntly not to call her up or make efforts to meet her. I have told her to avail leave for a fortnight or so as well as change her mobile number. If she feels she may even look to change her job. If he makes any threats to her, she should let me know and I will speak to him. She has promised me to follow this but does not wish me to tell anything to her parents. She told me that she will keep in touch with me regularly.

I have shared this as some of you may need this as reminder that everything is not like fairy tales.   

AVENUE FOR CORRUPTION

Is the government serious about curbing corruption? Why this question? I will first narrate a story of Akbar and Birbal before I speak about what prompted my question.

Akbar was told that one of his courtiers was corrupt. He discussed this with Birbal as there was no evidence to prove this. Birbal advised that he speak to the concerned person telling him to stop such practice. Akbar told that instead of that he would put that person on some job where he will have no chance to indulge in this. Birbal told him that no matter what you may do unless a person feels from within not to indulge he will find ways to do so in any position. Akbar challenged Birbal that he would prove him wrong.

Akbar put that corrupt courtier on job of recording waves of river Yamuna touching shores from dawn to dusk. After few days he asked Birbal if that man had found way to make money. Birbal confirmed in affirmative. Akbar did not believe him and told that he would ask that courtier. Birbal told that unless he granted that man royal pardon, he would not tell truth.

On being asked that person denied but after a lot of cajoling and grant of royal pardon, he confessed that he was making money. He told that after a couple of days of this boring job he started telling boatmen who crossed in front of him that they were hindering him in carrying royal orders. So they paid him in cash or in kind to hush up their crossing that place.

My idea to narrate this story was that we need to inculcate in our people that it is incorrect to indulge in corruption. It could be by proper education raising moral awareness or / and harsh punishments to guilty to deter others. 

But the actions of government point to the other way. Just to quote one example as how corruption avenues are being created, limit of 6 LPG cylinders per year on subsidized rates per connection has been laid down with rider that one address will have only one connection. This as it is had loopholes for corruption by dealers who could use dormant users for benefit of those whom they may like to oblige. Now it has been announced that one address can have two connections if there are two kitchens operational at that one address. This will be verified by officials of LPG supplier companies.  Do I need to say any more on this?

ASHAMED

Last few weeks were full of provoking news about spate of rapes mostly in Haryana and also in some other states. That not only made me feel angry but ashamed too as I expected that after first couple of such heinous acts the authorities as well as local elders would have or should have come out with some concrete plan to curb it. It shocked me to read what our respectable leaders including of KHAPs had to say about this. Instead of coming out with ways to curb such deplorable crimes, they showed their lack of sensitivity as well as thinking power.

One said that girls should be married off at young age. Will that make them Rapeproof? Don’t married girls too fall victims? Or did he mean that let boys be married at young age to channelize their energy? Don’t married men also make targets for their lust?

Another one, a lady, said that rapes are due to free inter mingling of boys and girls. May I request her to suggest what is the remedy, segregate both genders at all times.

Yet another one said that most of rapes are consensual as if he had been witness to those.

KHAP leaders blamed Chowmein or fast food for such acts. Does that not show how stupid a person can be?

I know that it is not possible for Police to give protection to everyone but certain steps can be taken to discourage potential rapists. To start with investigation of such complaints should be carried out fast and trials should be time bound including appeals to the highest court.  Once found guilty, punishment should be a deterrent – may be castration and made to do menial jobs in lunatic hospitals for the rest of life.

Awareness for respect of girls should be inculcated from young age and for this role of elders including teachers cannot be overemphasized.  Apart from that girls should be trained to protect themselves should they encounter such beasts. Some basic precautions need to be kept in mind. If a girl has to travel alone at unwarranted hours, then due protection should be looked for. If a couple wants to cozy up, they should ensure that place they choose for such activity is not exposed to unwanted intrusions. 

HAPPINESS AT FAG END OF LIFE, IS IT NOT A RIGHT?

Once again I take up news items which recently have been appearing regularly – Robbing or murder of elderly person/s staying alone, latest being robbing and assaulting of a 79 years old woman in a posh colony of Delhi. She stays alone in ground floor of the building. Her son and married daughter are reported to be staying within NCR. The attack took place at wee hours of morning. She had put up stiff fight as she is quite strong but was beaten up, overpowered and gagged by the robbers. She somehow managed to press the warning alarm bell which brought her caretaker living on uppermost story of the building. She is lucky to have someone as caretaker but how many can speak of that? The question which comes in my mind is why should elderly, even a couple, be staying alone?

Some may not want to leave their familiar environments. My own grandparents, both paternal and maternal, continued living at their own houses as they were not keen to keep moving to different cities with their children who had transferable jobs, though within the state. They were frequently visited at regular intervals by children and grandchildren to ensure not only their safety but happiness also. I used to travel inter-city alone from age of 10 years or so to be with my paternal grandparents frequently. Summer vacations were spent equally with both sets of grandparents. Of course, those days the crime was not so high. But then a time came when their children forced them to shift with them as their health starting causing concern.

As per news items it is seen that lately even those with ailments are reported to be staying alone inspite of their children being well off.  Is it due to desire of having independence or space by their children? Is it not selfishness to neglect the parents at their twilight years, specially when they are non-interfering and are more of a support, particularly in taking care of grandchildren when both parents are working? Don’t the elderly deserve happiness with their grandchildren in the fag end of their life? Are we becoming so insensitive to relations?

I think that we need to do introspection on this issue.

UNWANTED WASTAGE OF LIFE

Today I read, tucked away on an inside page of newspaper that a young married woman of 30 committed suicide. The reason was that her husband had stopped loving her after seeing photographs because of which her ex-boyfriend was blackmailing her.

I was quite disturbed as she was daughter in law of a retired officer of our elite service. This surely would mean that her husband must be well educated as well as well placed. Does that not mean that they should have been broadminded and in keeping with changing times? I strongly feel that they should have supported her and taken that unscrupulous man to task. He not only played with her emotions when she was young but also was a villain trying to ruin her married life.

Everyone of us has something from our past which we do not want to be publicly known but as long as it is PAST, it should be let remain so. Young persons do get carried away by false sense of security in love emotions but should that be held against only girls and not boys?  I think if a family understands and gives loving support to girl to overcome that mistake, she would be a truly dependable member of family for all times to come. Of course, there can be some girls who will not understand this gesture and take advantage of such affection as sign of weakness.