While commenting on post of a young lady I had said that one needs to be little careful when falling in love. She had retorted that it is not possible to plan to fall in love. I agreed to that whole heartedly as I too had attained that euphoric feeling without any warning. Here I am going to share that with you all. But before I go any further let me clarify that love is of many hues. I am sure you all would know that – like mother’s love for children, love of parents, sister’s love etc etc. However what I am going to say is about love between two unrelated persons as a result of cupid’s actions, or about Mohabbat or Ishq.
First time when I fell in love I was all of 5 years old having just attained status of school going. It was in Pathankot. She was sikh girl with snowwhite complexion, chiseled sharp features, long black hair, dark brown eyes which invited you to lose yourself in them and a voice which was sweet music to the ears like honey is to tongue. My day was not complete till I met her. Luckily she was staying near our house. She too showed lots of happiness whenever I visited her. She showed her love in many ways like sharing sweets or some such goodies. Whenever someone asked me who would I marry when I grow up I named her without any hesitation. I used to get annoyed when they laughed thinking so what if she was eighteen years old. Then my father go transferred from there and new place, new faces, new classmates combined together to make me forget my first love.
I was in second standard when I went head over heals again. She was my classmate, good looking, sturdy but main thing was that she class monitor and used to take care of me whenever I was in trouble. All classmates were scared of her. Over a time I started liking her which turned into love without realization. I was stunned when during recess I overheard her telling someone why she likes me, it was for sharing half of my tiffin as my mother used to give me some delicious stuff. I was so angry I pushed her to ground and put lots of black Indian ink which we used to carry for writing on the wooden slate. It is a separate story how I was hauled up to Principal’s office post recess and what transpired there. However I was let off lightly with a long moral lecture on respecting girls and that is still etched as fresh on my mind.
As I grew up I got more involved in hockey and other games. I joined NCC as well as St Johns Ambulance First Aid team. I by then had established myself as a good orator in declamation contests etc. It was during one of such state level competitive trips of First Aid Teams that I saw a girl during camp fire on the last day. Her beautiful face haunted me for years though I never spoke to her or met her again. This you may call love at first sight one sided, of course.
Then after higher secondary I went off to NDA and the life was hectic with no time for anything other than rigorous training both academics & outdoors. Became an officer in IAF and got engrossed with making my mark. Had some friendships but nothing to term as love. Parents selected a girl , got engaged and pre-marriage on meeting her a few time fell in love with her simplicity and sweet nature. I have already confessed in one of my earlier posts that she is the one who behind my success. We had got married in Nov 1971 when Bhutto was talking of thousand years war and I did not want to remain single for so long. That war was over in about a fortnight but our love war still continues. Hope it carries on. I live a happy life of father of two and grandfather of three but God has own ways.
Just about a month ago on a Sunday afternoon I was sitting outside in the little space between footpath and our flat separated by small hedge basking in the sun and sipping a glass of beer when I saw her. She appeared out of nowhere crossing the road toward small market on the other side of road. Her graceful strides, sway of her hips and head held high made me miss a couple of heartbeats even at the age closer to 64 than teenage. What a beauty created by God at leisure! Luckily no one was around including my two close companions whom I adore and who’s photographs I have shown in an earlier post. Though I am a hardened dog lover but this graceful feline female robbed my heart in toto. I never saw her again but do yearn to see her again.
Well, that is the story of my love episodes. And all unplanned.
PS : And before I forget I do love all of you my friends in this space who have made my life so meaningful to share my experiences and mete out unwanted advice at times. Thanks a lot.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
WHY?
Some incidents which have taken place in the past few days have made me give a thought if those were avoidable or not. I am putting these here for you all to think over and give your valued opinions.
The first incident is of a very senior officer of IAF committing suicide. It was reported that he was depressed as he and his wife were staying in Chandigarh while his son was living away from them in Delhi. He was keen that his son should stay with them. The newspapers had stated that he was a highly decorated officer. It was as if to point that how such a courageous officer who won gallantry awards in wars could do this. There are two issues involved. First relates to Braveness. When you are in war there is only one thing in your mind “ It is either them or me “. So your actions are to see it is “them”. Thus braveness or courage makes you do what under normal times you may not think of. But when it comes to your own, it is just them and them as you would never think of harming them. At my age I can speak from both angles as I have seen both stages. As youngster you are looking for your own space and career. After marriage it is more complicated as the girl who leaves her parental house is also looking to set up her new HOME. Now from parents side, you spend your younger days ensuring that your child ( no matter how grown up he or she becomes you still consider them as child ) gets the best of everything. And you make a lot of sacrifices to do so. As you grow old and are in need of support – may not be financial but surely emotional, if you do not get it who do you look upon for that except your own? That is where a happy balance is to be arrived at. As parents you have to understand aspirations of your child and as son you have to understand the emotional needs of your parents. There can be or rather are circumstances where it may not be possible to live together but does it stop one from spending quality time with parents as often as possible which will make them happily sure of you being there for them? Girl also has to realize that after marriage his parents are you family. She needs to be for them as she would be for her own parents. What does she do if her brother’s wife neglects her parents? Does she not rip her apart? It is not possible to lay down set rules but it is upto both parents and youngsters to be alive to each other’s aspirations and expectations. That way they can be of support to each other happily.
Next come two incidents related to ragging. In first case parents lost their only son because of brutal beating by seniors because he refused to submit to their whims and fancies in the name of ragging in a Medical College Hostel while in the second case a girl in an Engineering College tried to commit suicide being unable to bear ragging by seniors whom she named once she was in a position to make statement. In both case the students had made their parents aware of ragging but asked them not to report as they feared it may affect continuations of their studies. I am aghast that in the case of girl the principal of that college made a statement that the girl was depressed due to not faring well in semester examination. Did anyone try to find out why did she not do well? Here I strongly believe that what is needed is someone who can interact with students in parental manner to know the pulse of what is going on. It should be in not only in hostels but all educational institutions including schools. One who can treat them as his own children. Ragging is something which we can not and should not do away with but it has to be contained within healthy limits. Would the authorities involved in both these incidents behaved in the similar manner if the student was their own child?
May I have your thoughts, please.
The first incident is of a very senior officer of IAF committing suicide. It was reported that he was depressed as he and his wife were staying in Chandigarh while his son was living away from them in Delhi. He was keen that his son should stay with them. The newspapers had stated that he was a highly decorated officer. It was as if to point that how such a courageous officer who won gallantry awards in wars could do this. There are two issues involved. First relates to Braveness. When you are in war there is only one thing in your mind “ It is either them or me “. So your actions are to see it is “them”. Thus braveness or courage makes you do what under normal times you may not think of. But when it comes to your own, it is just them and them as you would never think of harming them. At my age I can speak from both angles as I have seen both stages. As youngster you are looking for your own space and career. After marriage it is more complicated as the girl who leaves her parental house is also looking to set up her new HOME. Now from parents side, you spend your younger days ensuring that your child ( no matter how grown up he or she becomes you still consider them as child ) gets the best of everything. And you make a lot of sacrifices to do so. As you grow old and are in need of support – may not be financial but surely emotional, if you do not get it who do you look upon for that except your own? That is where a happy balance is to be arrived at. As parents you have to understand aspirations of your child and as son you have to understand the emotional needs of your parents. There can be or rather are circumstances where it may not be possible to live together but does it stop one from spending quality time with parents as often as possible which will make them happily sure of you being there for them? Girl also has to realize that after marriage his parents are you family. She needs to be for them as she would be for her own parents. What does she do if her brother’s wife neglects her parents? Does she not rip her apart? It is not possible to lay down set rules but it is upto both parents and youngsters to be alive to each other’s aspirations and expectations. That way they can be of support to each other happily.
Next come two incidents related to ragging. In first case parents lost their only son because of brutal beating by seniors because he refused to submit to their whims and fancies in the name of ragging in a Medical College Hostel while in the second case a girl in an Engineering College tried to commit suicide being unable to bear ragging by seniors whom she named once she was in a position to make statement. In both case the students had made their parents aware of ragging but asked them not to report as they feared it may affect continuations of their studies. I am aghast that in the case of girl the principal of that college made a statement that the girl was depressed due to not faring well in semester examination. Did anyone try to find out why did she not do well? Here I strongly believe that what is needed is someone who can interact with students in parental manner to know the pulse of what is going on. It should be in not only in hostels but all educational institutions including schools. One who can treat them as his own children. Ragging is something which we can not and should not do away with but it has to be contained within healthy limits. Would the authorities involved in both these incidents behaved in the similar manner if the student was their own child?
May I have your thoughts, please.
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