Friday, January 23, 2009

HAPPINESS IS IN YOUR HANDS

After having completed 37 years of marriage, I sat back to reflect on all that had happened since the day we tied the knot. My mind went over so many things – happy, not so happy and some irksome. But all in all I felt very satisfied with whatever was the way it was. That is when I thought of sharing sum of my experiences with you all to let you know that happiness or unhappiness is in our hands and we have to make efforts to make sure that happiness is more. This is not an autobiography but what I am going to share with you is what made me feel satisfied. On 20 Nov last year we completed 37 years of married life, which may be more than age of many of you. At 63 I am happily married with 2 children and 3 grandchildren – a Nanu and a Dadu too. What I am going to tell you is that marriage is something which two persons, may be unknown to each other till then , have to work together to make it happy. Let us take a quick look at what happens. A girl leaves known environments to move with a person and his family whom she may have known for years but it is only while living together 24 X 7 one gets to know each other. This is where EGOs, different upbringings / backgrounds, education and power to understand situations for better adaptability come into play. Physical attraction though an important aspect of marriage is but a small part in strong foundation which is necessary for a successful marriage. This is where husband has to understand that his wife who had sense of security & confidence in her parents house had left all that to be with him and his family. He thus has to make all efforts to make her feel secure, confident and welcome in the present family. He has to have an keen eye to see that there is no conflict in his role as son and husband. It is difficult for mothers to let go of sons but it is he who can ensure happiness of both the important women in his life by playing his dual role to the best. His family, here I mean his parents, brothers or sisters if any, too have a very important part to ensure that newlyweds get adjusted and settle down as quickly as possible. It is very easy to pick faults in anyone but one needs to see positive qualities and help with lots of love & affection to overcome negative ones. Now coming to girl, she has to understand that this is HER FAMILY now and she is not a visitor. What she can achieve by love and understanding ways can not be achieved by trying to assert her will forcefully. She has to know that she is part and parcel of this lot and is equal partner in all “ sukh – dukh “. She can not remain an outside spectator for happenings in the family. Her parents and siblings must try to inculcate in her that now she is part of this new family and though they are there for any support needed but she should first try to find healthy two way relations within her new family. This is the sheer basic for beginning of new life for the couple. It is not like a cut & dried formula, each situation may differ as per human nature but basics will still be the same. Adjustment is needed from both sides but who does more and who less can not be laid down. For all this a TWO WAY OPEN COMMUNICATION is a must. And I give all credit to my wife who made me what I am today with her rock solid support all the time. We did have some stormy fights, I being an outgoing one and she more of a home bird, but ultimately it was she who made me see where I went wrong without making it obvious or nagging. A home is made by lady of the house. If man falls sick or goes out of station for a few days, home will still run without much difficulty but if she is not there everything goes topsy turvy. Even children share their secrets more with mother than father. This is what I have seen and gone through in my last 37 years. The success of our married life definitely goes more to her than me. It is only once you are over the prime of your life you realize the worth of mutual bonding. Also remember

“ No matter what the provocation be for any arguement, never NEVER ridicule or belittle your partner. This holds specially for husbands.”

“ Mutual respect is a very important factor in any relationship - more so in marriage. Do remember this not only for your partner but his or her space too.”

Well, my friends this is what I have to say - it is you and only you who can make your life happy or otherwise.

12 comments:

Swats said...

Hi Jack,
BEAUTIFUL post!

Congratulations on completing 37 yrs of matrimonial bliss :)

Plz do share ur experiences..and enlighten us youngsters :)

I was veryyyy close to my grandad..9 yrs have passed, and im yet to come to terms with his gruesome death..loved ur profile intro..It moved me to tears..

Kanupriya said...

Wow, very sweet post. Wish every man / husband can think like you. Really nice!

Jack said...

SWATS :

Thanks for visit. I am so glad that you appreciated my previous post as well as this. My effort is to show both sides and let a person choose what he or she wishes to. Please do read my post here Strength of a Family here and kindly let me have your comments. Take care


KANUPRIYA :

I am delighted that you found time to be here. Please do read my other posts too and let me have your comments. Take care

Keshi said...

WOW u hv been married for 37yrs! CONGRATTZ! I hvnt even lived that many years yet :)


So I guess someone like u wud REALLY know how one can be happy. I liked this post. I cud learn alot.


**And I give all credit to my wife who made me what I am today with her rock solid support all the time

aww how sweet of ya to say that! she'll be thrilled.


Here's wishing u many more years of pure bliss together!


Keshi.

Jack said...

Keshi,

Thanks a lot for your kind wishes. I do not know how many more years but whatever be it we sure would like to live happily. And if I am not encroaching into your space, kindly drop me a line if ever you feel I could be of some help.

Take care

Keshi said...

tnxx Jack :)

Keshi.

ranjana said...

@jack
when you commented on my post i had no idea that you would be someone who has been long and happily married :)
congratulations. and thanks a lot to share your wonderful experience and handy advice

nups said...

hi Jack
m sorry for the delay in relplyin... thanks for the comment on my post....
ur advice means a lot to people like us who r still single we could sure learn a lesson or two :)
hope u guys keep growing in love together....
love

Jack said...

RANJANA :

You are most welcome. I have some strong beliefs - If you can not help someone donot harm him / her. Share your expereinces with people even so they may gain from it.

I feel very sad when I see youngsters suffer for lack of proper advice. Take care


NUPS :

If I can do anything to see you have a happy future it will give me a lot of happiness. Do keep in touch. Take care

nups said...

hey Jack
long time no posts... wats up don be so busy man! :)
Happy Valentines Day :)

D said...

Dear uncle jack, this post was much needed :) i am probably going to get married this year.. and whatever you said makes a lot of sense to me...

i have always believed that there has to be respect from both the sides to make the relationship work... there has to be a balance.. both the husband n wife are equally important... no one is superior..

congrats for 37 years !

i agree that the girl should accept her husband's family as her own family after marriage and their problems are hers only... i will give all my love and respect to his parents.. i just hope they love me too..

i'm just a little nervous about meeting them for the first time..

rohini said...

a very nice post sir...marriage is bond which means more than the seven vows taken...(although the couple forgets it often)...i too have a similar thoguhts and views on the success of marraige...nt the same but i had written a post on the youngesters who r running away frm marriage...sir check the post and give your valuable suggestion...Marriage........ No....Yes.....YES!!!! posted in the mth of jaunary 2010