Tuesday, March 31, 2015

ADJUSTMENTS FOR HAPPY FAMILY LIVING

I have come across a number of elderly couples who live alone while their married children live separately either in same city or elsewhere. This can be either by choice or otherwise. This more often than realised leads to neglect of elder parents who are in need of support due to old age ailments. After coming across one family, I am prompted to repeat what I had written more than 5 years ago as adjustments are needed from both – elders and young couple.

An elderly lady who is past 70s lives alone in a big house with a lot of open cultivated space around in a city about 200 kms away from her son who lives with his wife and children in Delhi. Though they want her to stay with them but she declines. About 6 months ago she fell down in her house and suffered minor fracture of hip bone necessitating full time bed rest advised by doctors. She needed to be helped to visit even toilet. She was brought to Delhi by her son and given due care. She was very well looked after though her daughter in law is also working. Apart from a full day time maid, another full day time help was employed to be with her when couple used to away at work during the day. Grandchildren, though young, lent their bit after return from school. She is almost fully recovered though is advised not to exert. She has praise for all of them. Now situation has come when her son and his wife are looking forward to her going back to the place. Reason – she continues gripping about her pains & aches when they return from work, though grandchildren say that she is perfectly normal when they are alone with her. This is where I feel adjustments are needed. Young couple has gone all the way to make her comfortable but what is her contribution? Not that she is expected to take on household work but can she not make herself dependable by doing small things – like stop making drama of her ailment from what she has almost fully recovered, take care of grandchildren on their return from school by monitoring their studies as she herself is well educated instead of young couple being burdened with this task on their return from work?


In my previous post on this topic I had said that adjustments are needed from elders also as every young couple needs space. One has to get over BOSSY attitude and be more of support than a pain.

7 comments:

Geoff Herridge said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Live2cherish said...

hmm. I wonder if it is too much to ask to stay with family.

Amrita said...

Uncle you are so neutral in your view!!! I totally agree with what you say.

Librangirl said...

Hi Jack "U": Read few of the old posts. How have you been ?

Ellen said...

I think it's just a case of the older person enjoying the attention she got from the younger ones. So maybe not wanting it to end she decides in acting out her pains a wee bit longer.

You are correct in saying that she should try to make herself useful in the home... to give back kindness for their kindness towards her.

Blessings to you and your family, Jack. :-)

Elllen

Ellen said...

Hi Librangirl! :-)

Sorry, Jack, just couldn't stop myself from saying HI to a dear friend in the blog. :-) So thanks, Jack.

Jack said...

FRIEND :

How I wish you had not deleted your comment! I was so keen to read your book which you mentioned but now can not as I do not know your name. Kindly come back if you visit me again. Take care


L2C :

Each one of us has to contribute for happiness of family. We need to overcome our EGO and adjust. Take care


AMRITA :

Thanks for your supportive view. One needs to see what one does for happiness of family. Take care


LIBRANGIRL :

I am so happy that you found time to visit and read some of my posts. Thanks. I am following advice of doctor and keeping positive attitude. If I can not change something I must accept it, isn't it? Take care


ELLEN :

Yes, that could be a reason but one needs to be more realistic. Thanks for your visit. And no problem if you spoke to LG here. Take care