I have come
across a number of elderly couples who live alone while their married children
live separately either in same city or elsewhere. This can be either by choice
or otherwise. This more often than realised leads to neglect of elder parents
who are in need of support due to old age ailments. After coming across one
family, I am prompted to repeat what I had written more than 5 years ago as
adjustments are needed from both – elders and young couple.
An elderly
lady who is past 70s lives alone in a big house with a lot of open cultivated
space around in a city about 200 kms away from her son who lives with his wife
and children in Delhi. Though they want her to stay with them but she declines.
About 6 months ago she fell down in her house and suffered minor fracture of
hip bone necessitating full time bed rest advised by doctors. She needed to be
helped to visit even toilet. She was brought to Delhi by her son and given due
care. She was very well looked after though her daughter in law is also
working. Apart from a full day time maid, another full day time help was
employed to be with her when couple used to away at work during the day.
Grandchildren, though young, lent their bit after return from school. She is
almost fully recovered though is advised not to exert. She has praise for all
of them. Now situation has come when her son and his wife are looking forward
to her going back to the place. Reason – she continues gripping about her pains
& aches when they return from work, though grandchildren say that she is
perfectly normal when they are alone with her. This is where I feel adjustments
are needed. Young couple has gone all the way to make her comfortable but what
is her contribution? Not that she is expected to take on household work but can
she not make herself dependable by doing small things – like stop making drama
of her ailment from what she has almost fully recovered, take care of grandchildren
on their return from school by monitoring their studies as she herself is well
educated instead of young couple being burdened with this task on their return
from work?
In my
previous post on this topic I had said that adjustments are needed from elders
also as every young couple needs space. One has to get over BOSSY attitude and
be more of support than a pain.
