GUILTY, AM I ?

I do not know how to begin this as I have a guilt feeling for not doing what may have prevented a sad happening. I have to get it off my chest.

In the previous locality I used to take our dog for walk after her morning feed at about 6:30 or so. I became friends with another morning walker, Prakash a couple of years younger to me. Initially we just crossed each other without any contact. After a few days he asked me about breed of our dog and that is how our daily meetings started. In a short time we developed a strong bond as we shared lot of common ideas, major being that we both believed that once children grow up we should treat them in friendly manner thus encouraging them to share their feelings with us without any hesitations. Due to daily rush of life we could not spend as much time together as we may have liked. Apart from our morning walks, we at times went together to market or for some other chore. We did visit each other a few times. He had retired from Government service and his wife too had been a teacher. Their son, Sahas, stays with them. He is their only child. He is working as Manager Marketing in a MNC which involves a lot of travel out of city and many times country too. A very well mannered young man with modern outlook and a lot of compassion for others.

A year down the line Prakash told me that an ex-colleague of his had suggested a match for his son. He wanted us to accompany him and his wife to see the girl as they stayed in the same city. He also told me that he had known her father during his service time but had not met him for a very long time. I asked him if his son knew of this. His reply was affirmative and that Sahas had given his go ahead. He added that earlier his son had liked a girl very much and they too had given their blessings but her father did not agree. So Sahas had let the girl go by her father’s wishes.

We visited the girl’s house in a decent locality. Her father did most of the talking while mother seemed mute spectator. Her younger brother, a final year MBBS student, after initial curtsey stayed out of the room mostly. The girl, Nisha, appeared smart and well mannered but seemed reluctant to speak. I put it down to feeling shy. It was told by her father that she is working as Manager in finance department of a reputed company. Prakash insisted that boy and girl must meet independently to decide. Her father said that once he has agreed there was no such need. But he was ruled out by my friend who stated that it being question of their life, it was they who should decide and not we elders. They met a few days later and decided to tie the knot.

Their marriage was solemnised at their native place as per wishes of Prakash’s old mother. We could not attend it. We invited them over on their return and found Nisha to be rather very quite. Again I thought that she is in the process of adjusting to new role so it seemed natural. Our morning chats continued and Prakash seemed to be quite contended.

A couple of months later I saw perceptible change in his composure. He seemed preoccupied in some thoughts. On my asking reasons for this, he initially said there was nothing to it but a couple of days later he asked for my help to solve what was bothering him. He told me that on seeing Sahas a little distracted for few days, he asked for the reason. Sahas had stated that Nisha told him when her father informed her about their marriage proposal, she had confessed about her liking someone else. She had been in love with that boy for over five years. Her father not only refused to agree for her marrying him but threatened her with grave results if she even talked of it any more. Knowing her father’s strict outlook she had no option but to agree for marrying Sahas. That is why she did not say anything about it when they met before marriage. However she had not been able to forget that boy and they continued to be in touch. On being asked she had stated they both had been very close. Sahas told her that it was natural to fall in love at that age and to succumb to temptations. He advised her to let the past be past and she must stop all contact with that boy to get over her feelings enabling them to have trust in their marriage. She had promised that she would try to. This is where Prakash was worried as though Nisha’s office got over at 5 PM and even with little extra time of work and evening traffic she could easily drive back by 7 but she generally reached home around 8, even much later when Sahas was away on tours. He had not thought much about it earlier but after coming to know of what she intimated Sahas, he was very upset with all kinds of thoughts. I asked him not to let this burden his mind and let them resolve it between themselves. Though he reluctantly agreed but did not seem inclined to it. A couple of days later he asked me to check out on this or speak to Nisha. I promised him I would. He seemed to have changed his routine as I did not see him much on morning walks. We shifted out from there a month or so later.

A few days ago I came to know that he was hospitalized. On visiting him I was shocked to see him reduced to almost skeleton with far away look in his eyes. He hardly recognized anyone or responded to questions. I was told by Sahas that he seemed to have gone into deep depression on something which lead to this. I just could not bring myself to tell him about what his father had confided in me. This makes me feel guilty as I could have at least spoken to Nisha as we did share nice rapport. If that had not convinced him, I could have made a pretence to checking on her and given clean chit. This may have helped him to get over those nagging doubts.

CENTURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my 100th post. So I dedicate it to all of you.

I came into being in the blog world sometime in 2006 on joining o3.indiatimes. After having seen life from close quarters and having felt ups & downs I was keen to share my experiences as well as thoughts with hope that it may help someone not making avoidable mistakes. I write under pen name as I share many real life incidents and do not wish to compromise identity of those about whom I write.

The journey there was very satisfying as there were many other bloggers who became regular visitors and we shared a bond. But unfortunately the site gave lot of problems while posting comments, so many of my friends moved out to this space. A fine young lady motivated me also to start posting here. So I joined BLOGSPOT in end 2008. I started posting my writings at both places simultaneously. It went on for almost over a year with new visitors becoming friends here. o3.indiatimes changed it’s settings making it almost impossible to be there, so after having reached almost 80+ posts there I bade farewell to that site to be here exclusively.

I developed a strong bond with many of you because of your regular visits leaving footprints or your mesmerizing posts and as time passed it became more like a family here. I have immense happiness when you all visit, particularly to see you views and made sincere efforts to visit each of you as regularly as circumstances including my age permit. I have smile on my face when you share happy news, my chest puffs up when you share your success and feel sad when you write about feelings of hurt or loneliness. I genuinely feel to be of support in some way or the other if anyone so desires. I know it is each of us who have to face life at our own but there are many a times when it is advisable to get some direction from one who can sincerely offer so. My advice to those who still carry burden on their mind is to share it with those you feel comfortable with to have unbiased view. Some of you write very boldly which I appreciate and may have in few instances given well meaning caution to be careful lest others misunderstand such openness.

Many of you visit silently but I do get to know of it at times and am so grateful for being with me. I have not been able to visit many of you as there was no way to navigate to your space for lack of links. I apologise for this unintended folly of mine. Few of you drifted away but are still close to my heart and I pray for their well-being. I visit them as much as I can.

I have been in touch with some of this new family by mail and by phone. I did have fortune to also meet few which made me feel so protective. Most of them know my real name but with promise not to share it in blogspot. I am sure that each one of you will understand what I wish to say to each of you. Those of you who are close to me will know it as I feel their reciprocation. So no names.

I hope and pray that each of you do get what you wish for. That will give me true happiness. May God be kind to each one of you.

WORLD IS MIXED BAG

This world is really a mixed bag. After having shared about goodness still being there in human kind, I was brought back to reality with a jerk.

I used to see a girl of about 14 or so going to school in the morning when I took our dog for morning round. She used to be going out of our complex gate. Her uniform showed that she went to some government school. In the evenings I normally saw her looking after 2 children of around 7 and 5 in our small park. I had seen them too going to some public school in the mornings. Her clothes gave an impression of her being a maid. At times I saw a lady, who is mother of those small children as they addressed her as mummy, scolding her for being careless. Her tone used to be very harsh. The girl looked scared but did not say anything. On few occasions I saw all of them going out in car driven by a well dressed man. This girl used to be in the back seat with children in same maid kind of attire. I felt happy that they are affording education for their maid. However it was so short lived.

A neighbor of our was with me yesterday when we saw them going out in the car. I remarked to him that how nice of these people to send their maid to school. He looked at me and asked me did I know them. On my negative reply, he said then I do not know the actual facts. He then went on to tell me that the man is her father while the lady is her step mother. She treats her like a maid making her do all household chores in the morning before going to Municipal school and same is the story in the evenings while her father is a mute spectator. I was dumb struck on this revelation.