Recently I had to attend a condolence meeting. A speaker there narrated a story which I am reproducing below :
A Potter lived on income from earthen pots he made. He used to carry the pots so made to the market on a donkey he had. Once when he went to forest to collect firewood for baking raw pots he saw a small stone which was shining in parts while some parts were not so. He liked it and picked it up. He put it in a sling and put it around neck of his donkey. One day he was going to market with his wares and was accosted by a man who asked him if he would sell that stone to him. Potter agreed and on being asked price demanded Re 1 for it. The man offered half of that but Potter did not agree. So that man thinking that if he moves away Potter may agree to the offered price. But it was not so as another man who was witness to this offered Re 1 and got the stone. On seeing this first man came back and told Potter that keeping company with donkey he has also become as idiot because the stone was an uncut diamond worth Rs 1 lac and by selling it for Re 1 he has lost Rupees Ninety Nine Thousand. To this reply of Potter was “ No, I have not lost this sum. I did not know the value of the stone and thought Re 1 was alright but it is you who has lost this amount as knowing the value you did not do anything to make use of your knowledge.”
He linked it up with our day to day life saying that though we know that we have highly valued life as a human being but what use do we make of this knowledge? Do we do anything for betterment of society we live in or make better relations with others? Are we not wasting our highly valueable life as a human beings in petty squabbles due to our our egos?
I think he has a point here. What do you all say?
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Strenght of Family
I have a soft corner for girls. I know, I know many of you would be sniggering ‘this old man has gone over the bend after 60’ – “ Cheeni Kum “ and “ Nishabd “ affect. But do hear me out before you pass such comments. Only after you know of my sound logic as to why I say so, please then you may take digs at me. Let me also make it clear that this is not after Ms Pratibha Patil became President. I had started writing it long ago and was giving finishing touches when she became “ Rashtrapati “.
A girl is discriminated right from the birth, or rather from foetus stage if found out by mal-practice of medical technology. Number of reported foeticides of girlchild are just tip of ice-berg. If she is lucky to survive that stage and arrives in this world, she is mostly welcomed with cold comments like “ Ladki hui hai”. Very few persons, no matter how well educated or advanced, actually rejoice birth of a girl as their child or grandchild. I make this statement keeping in mind literacy rate and urban – rural divide. However I am glad that at least there are some persons, no matter how little, who do show happiness on birth of girlchild. May this tribe increase. This is our inbuilt mentality. We forget that if it was not for survival of a girlchild at some stage we would not have been born. So you see, even before coming to this world a girl faces such overwhelming disadvantage. God forbid if she happens to be second or third girl child in the family. Her journey in the track full of obstacles starts thereafter.
During her growing years her requirements, be it toys, clothes or choice of school / college, are on second priority, worse if she happens to have a boy as sibling. As she grows she learns that she can not be as free as her brother. Naughty pranks of a boy are recounted with much merriment and that of a girl are looked down upon saying nice girls do not do such things. Her way of dressing or choice of friends, going to parties etc is something which is always under scanner, not only by her parents or siblings but even neighbors . A boy with girlfriends makes his parents swell with pride but moment a mother comes to know that her daughter has a boyfriend she loses all semblance to sanity and becomes overly inquisitive to the extent snooping for everything her darling daughter does. She forgets she herself was a young girl once. A girl has equal right for her freedom. A one to one talk can do wonders in such situations but alas we tend to forget this. Well, this goes on and on as injustice to a girl.
After college a boy, if not keen on further studies, looks for a good job but for a girl parents look for a good “match “. There are lot of girls who go to work now but mostly it is out of compulsion in premarriage stage on the part of parents till they can marry her off and economic considerations after marriage to achieve better living standards for the family. There are some career girls but compared to female population their %age is dismal. Even the choice of job is regulated by as to what will people say if she is working late or is in male company most of the time at work place. Boys will be boys is famous saying but when it comes to a girl everyone goes back by a couple of decades if not centuries. A girl even as CEO is always under scanner by everybody, be it seniors, peers, subordinates or outsiders. Even a smallest slip up is attributed to her being a girl.
Now comes the most crucial stage in her life. She has to leave well known environments and move to unfamiliar territory ie move to new family after her marriage. No matter how long she may have known the boy before marriage or his family but it is only living 24 X 7 that you come to know what it is to share life. Thus starts real test of strength for a girl. Inspite of being highly qualified, successful in career she is excepted to adapt herself to new situations and win over everyone. This is where her upbringing comes up for microscopic test. Marriage is supposed to be full of adjustments but more is expected from the girl than boy. This is where a wise & intelligent girl realizes that what can be achieved by gentle way of love and affection can never be obtained by clash of egos. One who becomes an important and most loved member of family by her affectionate & charming ways is the one who will not only make each and everyone have soft corner for her but also make a respected niche in the society. Unfortunately in the present day scenario there are many a girls who instead of being HOME MAKERS become FAMILY BREAKERS. This is mainly because of their sense of insecurity as they try to wean husband away from the mother not realizing that bond between mother & son is different from one between her and the husband. It is a fact that it is difficult for many a mothers to let go of their sons whom they have reared for so many years There is no denying that there are some mother in laws who forget their days as young brides and cast aspersions on the ability of new member to settle down amicably. This friction causes strain not only on the young girl but the whole family, specially when it becomes two sided cold war. A sensible girl will win her mother-in-law to her side with respectful approach and satiating weak points of elder one which generally are need for feeling important and loving care & attention. So you see again it is the girl who has to shoulder the responsibility. Western countries have now come to realization that it is joint family which can stop rot of unhappy marriages leading to divorce and wayward behavior by children of broken homes.
Then comes next stage which is motherhood. She has to undergo all the pangs before becoming a mother while he is free as a bird except taking her to doctor or ensuring she takes her medicines timely. She has to juggle time to balance her career and bringing up child with such dexterity that would make even a skilled male management expert feel envious. She has to play multiple roles - firstly wife, then mother followed by career not forgetting role of family member. It is for sure it is she who moulds future of our nation with what she inculcates in her offsprings. As time passes she has to be a skilled negotiator for rivalry between her offsprings. There is never a time when she can relax as changing times make demands for more strenuous roles – as mother in law she has to see that married youngsters settle down happily and again go to changing nappies as grandmother so that young mothers can acquit themselves well in careers etc.
Now please tell me am I wrong in saying that I have soft corner for girls?
A girl is discriminated right from the birth, or rather from foetus stage if found out by mal-practice of medical technology. Number of reported foeticides of girlchild are just tip of ice-berg. If she is lucky to survive that stage and arrives in this world, she is mostly welcomed with cold comments like “ Ladki hui hai”. Very few persons, no matter how well educated or advanced, actually rejoice birth of a girl as their child or grandchild. I make this statement keeping in mind literacy rate and urban – rural divide. However I am glad that at least there are some persons, no matter how little, who do show happiness on birth of girlchild. May this tribe increase. This is our inbuilt mentality. We forget that if it was not for survival of a girlchild at some stage we would not have been born. So you see, even before coming to this world a girl faces such overwhelming disadvantage. God forbid if she happens to be second or third girl child in the family. Her journey in the track full of obstacles starts thereafter.
During her growing years her requirements, be it toys, clothes or choice of school / college, are on second priority, worse if she happens to have a boy as sibling. As she grows she learns that she can not be as free as her brother. Naughty pranks of a boy are recounted with much merriment and that of a girl are looked down upon saying nice girls do not do such things. Her way of dressing or choice of friends, going to parties etc is something which is always under scanner, not only by her parents or siblings but even neighbors . A boy with girlfriends makes his parents swell with pride but moment a mother comes to know that her daughter has a boyfriend she loses all semblance to sanity and becomes overly inquisitive to the extent snooping for everything her darling daughter does. She forgets she herself was a young girl once. A girl has equal right for her freedom. A one to one talk can do wonders in such situations but alas we tend to forget this. Well, this goes on and on as injustice to a girl.
After college a boy, if not keen on further studies, looks for a good job but for a girl parents look for a good “match “. There are lot of girls who go to work now but mostly it is out of compulsion in premarriage stage on the part of parents till they can marry her off and economic considerations after marriage to achieve better living standards for the family. There are some career girls but compared to female population their %age is dismal. Even the choice of job is regulated by as to what will people say if she is working late or is in male company most of the time at work place. Boys will be boys is famous saying but when it comes to a girl everyone goes back by a couple of decades if not centuries. A girl even as CEO is always under scanner by everybody, be it seniors, peers, subordinates or outsiders. Even a smallest slip up is attributed to her being a girl.
Now comes the most crucial stage in her life. She has to leave well known environments and move to unfamiliar territory ie move to new family after her marriage. No matter how long she may have known the boy before marriage or his family but it is only living 24 X 7 that you come to know what it is to share life. Thus starts real test of strength for a girl. Inspite of being highly qualified, successful in career she is excepted to adapt herself to new situations and win over everyone. This is where her upbringing comes up for microscopic test. Marriage is supposed to be full of adjustments but more is expected from the girl than boy. This is where a wise & intelligent girl realizes that what can be achieved by gentle way of love and affection can never be obtained by clash of egos. One who becomes an important and most loved member of family by her affectionate & charming ways is the one who will not only make each and everyone have soft corner for her but also make a respected niche in the society. Unfortunately in the present day scenario there are many a girls who instead of being HOME MAKERS become FAMILY BREAKERS. This is mainly because of their sense of insecurity as they try to wean husband away from the mother not realizing that bond between mother & son is different from one between her and the husband. It is a fact that it is difficult for many a mothers to let go of their sons whom they have reared for so many years There is no denying that there are some mother in laws who forget their days as young brides and cast aspersions on the ability of new member to settle down amicably. This friction causes strain not only on the young girl but the whole family, specially when it becomes two sided cold war. A sensible girl will win her mother-in-law to her side with respectful approach and satiating weak points of elder one which generally are need for feeling important and loving care & attention. So you see again it is the girl who has to shoulder the responsibility. Western countries have now come to realization that it is joint family which can stop rot of unhappy marriages leading to divorce and wayward behavior by children of broken homes.
Then comes next stage which is motherhood. She has to undergo all the pangs before becoming a mother while he is free as a bird except taking her to doctor or ensuring she takes her medicines timely. She has to juggle time to balance her career and bringing up child with such dexterity that would make even a skilled male management expert feel envious. She has to play multiple roles - firstly wife, then mother followed by career not forgetting role of family member. It is for sure it is she who moulds future of our nation with what she inculcates in her offsprings. As time passes she has to be a skilled negotiator for rivalry between her offsprings. There is never a time when she can relax as changing times make demands for more strenuous roles – as mother in law she has to see that married youngsters settle down happily and again go to changing nappies as grandmother so that young mothers can acquit themselves well in careers etc.
Now please tell me am I wrong in saying that I have soft corner for girls?
Monday, October 20, 2008
Loneliness at Old Age
I was peacefully enjoying morning cup of tea reading newspaper when a shriek from my wife made me almost spill tea. I rushed to her fearing worst but fortunately it was no kitchen mishap. She was in the bathroom pointing finger at apology of a widow which had it’s fly mash shutter closed but outer window ajar. She stated that pigeons had made nest in the little space. Asking her to relax I bravely approached the encroached site to clear it off intruders. But as I looked I saw 2 tiny eggs in the nest and told my wife that we should let the little ones come into being and then we will shoo them all off at the suitable time. After that every time I visited toilet I saw one pigeon presumably female sitting on the eggs while the other would bring morsels for her eating. A few day later we could see tiny birdies in the nest and both parents would tend to them by bringing in something or the other for them. I was fascinated to see parents taking pains to feed them and then teach them how to fly. The little nest had houseful at night and one , may be male used to stay out of it. A couple of weeks later I found only the older couple in the nest and little ones who had almost grown to full stature not home. It was so for next few nights and then realization struck that young ones had flown to be at their own, leaving parents lonely.
This set me pondering we humans are not much different. I know of lot many persons in our area who are well in twilight of their time ( not that I am far behind at 62 ) and are staying alone because their young ones have gone to be at their own – within India or abroad. Although most of them are well off but still you can see them longing for company of their children or rather more for grandchildren. When you talk to them you can see that wistful dreamy look in their eyes when they tell you of them even though they have not met them for months but seen photographs only. Visits by the children who are actually parents themselves or even some are grandparents are infrequent with long gaps. This makes the couples staying alone even more lonely and obsessed with talking at length about the ailments they face or their grandchildren, not in that order necessarily. Their befriending all and sundry particularly those who keep changing often eg domestic help, maintenance persons like plumbers, electrician, carpenter, cablewallah or whitewash people at time exposes them to high risk as they confide freely in them about how well off their children are and their own loneliness. There have been number of cases of crime committed against such elderly persons – including murders. On meeting such persons even I feel pangs of guilt for not having visited my old parents ( who are no more now ) more often but at least I have consolation that they were not lonely as they opted to stay with my younger brother at home town rather than having nomadic life with me. Present scenario is leading to vanishing bond of love & affection between today’s youngsters and grandparents making joint families redundant – just like pigeons family which set my thoughts on this line. We all talk a lot about such issues but what are we doing to check this erosion of values and exposure of lonely elderly couples to criminals? Presently I can suggest that locals RWAs and Police join hands to involve such persons in more social activities, make them have friendship clubs, inculcate habit in them to inform someone of their group whenever outsiders as stated above are let into the house. If possible let their children understand importance of visiting them regularly , not all at one time but in turns so that they have someone or the other with them most of the year. Even grandchildren should be encouraged to be with them whenever they can. Well, any more suggestions?
Note : A modified version of this was published in South Delhi Plus of Times of India last year.
This set me pondering we humans are not much different. I know of lot many persons in our area who are well in twilight of their time ( not that I am far behind at 62 ) and are staying alone because their young ones have gone to be at their own – within India or abroad. Although most of them are well off but still you can see them longing for company of their children or rather more for grandchildren. When you talk to them you can see that wistful dreamy look in their eyes when they tell you of them even though they have not met them for months but seen photographs only. Visits by the children who are actually parents themselves or even some are grandparents are infrequent with long gaps. This makes the couples staying alone even more lonely and obsessed with talking at length about the ailments they face or their grandchildren, not in that order necessarily. Their befriending all and sundry particularly those who keep changing often eg domestic help, maintenance persons like plumbers, electrician, carpenter, cablewallah or whitewash people at time exposes them to high risk as they confide freely in them about how well off their children are and their own loneliness. There have been number of cases of crime committed against such elderly persons – including murders. On meeting such persons even I feel pangs of guilt for not having visited my old parents ( who are no more now ) more often but at least I have consolation that they were not lonely as they opted to stay with my younger brother at home town rather than having nomadic life with me. Present scenario is leading to vanishing bond of love & affection between today’s youngsters and grandparents making joint families redundant – just like pigeons family which set my thoughts on this line. We all talk a lot about such issues but what are we doing to check this erosion of values and exposure of lonely elderly couples to criminals? Presently I can suggest that locals RWAs and Police join hands to involve such persons in more social activities, make them have friendship clubs, inculcate habit in them to inform someone of their group whenever outsiders as stated above are let into the house. If possible let their children understand importance of visiting them regularly , not all at one time but in turns so that they have someone or the other with them most of the year. Even grandchildren should be encouraged to be with them whenever they can. Well, any more suggestions?
Note : A modified version of this was published in South Delhi Plus of Times of India last year.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Will write soon
Hi my blog friends,
I am not very well versed in computers but can manage. I have been visiting you all for sometime and posting my comments but have joined this space today only. I have been writing for almost a year on indiatimes space and will take sometime to share my thoughts and experiences here with you all. Till then please do visit me at
o3.indiatimes.com/niceguy251
Take care
I am not very well versed in computers but can manage. I have been visiting you all for sometime and posting my comments but have joined this space today only. I have been writing for almost a year on indiatimes space and will take sometime to share my thoughts and experiences here with you all. Till then please do visit me at
o3.indiatimes.com/niceguy251
Take care
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