SOME HUMOUR

A friend of mine shared these three stories with me which I felt that after some serious posts, I must share these with you for a laugh.

MEXICAN MAID

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. 
The wife was very upset about this and decided to
talk to her about the raise.
She asked: 
"Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"
Maria: 
"Well,Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze."
"The first is that I iron better than you.
Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Maria: "Jor huzban he say so."
Wife: "Oh yeah?"
Maria: "The second reason eez that
I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense,
who said you were a better cook than me?"
Maria: "Jor hozban did."
Wife increasingly agitated:
"Oh he did did he???"
Maria: "The third reason is that
I am better at sex than you in the bed."
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.
"And did my husband say that as well?"
Maria: "No Señora......."
"The gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"

Two Woodpeckers

A Canadian woodpecker had migrated to Mexico for the winter and
happened upon a Mexican woodpecker.  Soon they were arguing about
which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed
Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a
hole in the tree with no problem.  He then continued to peck out a
complete statue of a man waving.  The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to
Summer in Canada and peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely
'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers).  The Mexican
woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the
challenge.

The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker
successfully pecked a beautifully carved cameo in the so-called
'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat...

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the
Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the
Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither
was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:
"Your pecker gets harder when you're away from home."

A true story, you gotta love him...

One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a
professional golfer and married man,was at his home in Dallas,Texas
mowing his front lawn, as he always did.
A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his
house, lowered the window and asked, " Excuse me, do you speak English
?"

Lee responded, " Yes Ma'am, I do "

The lady then asked, " What do you charge to do yard work? "

Lee said, " Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her ".

The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.

FOLLOW UP ON PREVIOUS POSTS

I feel that I should give follow up on my post Disgusting. Before I go on that may I say something on my previous post KAHAANI GHAR GHAR KI?

The tussle between MILs and DILs has been going on since times immemorial. Unfortunately most of those involved do not understand basic remedy. I am giving that which I had told in my post Happy Married Life spread in 3 parts written in Oct – Nov 2009 :

In laws should treat their daughter in law just as they would like to see their daughter treated in her in laws house.

                                And

Daughter in law should behave in her in laws house the way she would like to see wife of her brother do in her parent’s house.

Would that not make life simpler and happier?

Now coming to RS. We had put that plan in action within a couple of days after it was discussed. His daughter complained a few times about being groped in crowded buses or metro in his presence. She acted very hurt and shed few tears also at times. As per her he had been very quiet. Her mother had been telling her to retaliate is such situations by slapping the culprit. Last Sunday she called me up and asked me to come to their house next day as she was going to say something which should make an impact on her father. She discussed it with me and we refined it more. Her brother was also expected to be home as it was off that day for his business.

As planned I reached his house around 6 in the evening. We were just chatting when his daughter arrived in a very furious mood. She said in front of all of us that she was groped while coming in a crowded bus. Her mother said as to why did she not give a slap to that stupid person. Her brother to said same adding if she points out that person he would bash him up. That is when she said, “ I turned around to give a slap to that person and shout so others can beat him but when I saw him I was stunned. He was of Papa’s age and looked very respectable just like him. Thought crossed my mind that if I expose him how would he face everyone who respects him like an elder person.  Or even his own family. So I just gave him a dirty look telling Uncle save this for your daughter and moved away.”  I told his daughter that she should not have spared that person as he deserved to be exposed for his such deplorable act. I added that her father would never even think of doing anything like that as he is so pious and God fearing. As planned I was looking at RS’s face during all this to gauge his reaction. He was swallowing hard and had turned little pale. He also appeared to be in deep thoughts.

We now sincerely hope that he would desist from his disgusting habit.   

GHAR GHAR KI KAHAANI ( STORY OF EACH FAMILY )

I read Mummyji written by Shilpa ( shilpaagarg.blogspot.in )  a couple of days ago. She has very well brought out what Daughters in Law ( DILs ) feel about Mothers in Law ( MILs ). What she said is factual. While commenting I said that I would write from point of view of MILs to balance it out. We should hear out both sides, isn’t it? So here I go as to what MILs say about DILs :

1.     She is a working girl. We left it to her to continue or not after marriage. She chose to continue working. We never asked her salary or anything. But what I do not understand as to why is she on mobile almost all the time she is home and while talking she makes sure that none of us, including our son overhear, even late at night. I do not think it could be just official talks. We have left it to our son and her.

2.      She has a habit of telling everything to her parents, even if it is any minor thing in the house. She considers them to be the only ones who can advise her on any issue. I and my husband never speak any of our home issues with even close relations.

3.     Right from day one after marriage she has been after our son to leave the house and live separately. She raises some issue or the other at regular intervals to insist on her demand. This has been going on for more than 3 years now. We have told our son to shift out if he feels like it but he does not wish to.

4.     She picks a fight with our son on very small issues. We do not interfere except when it looks that things may turn violent. She uses very foul language even in presence of my husband.

5.     She at times after fight with husband leaves house and we do not know where she goes. Our son has at times called up her father to check if she was there but she was not. We get worried on this but if our son asks she flares up.

6.     Her son is with us all the day when she is in office but as soon as she comes back she takes him to her bedroom and shuts the door. On holidays she does not let him mix with us and if it is needed she restricts it to the minimum.

7.      Her parents interfere in our family issues a lot.

8.     She has a habit of talking to servants about all family issues.

9.     Her sense of dressing needs improvement. She puts on low waist jeans with t shirts exposing her behind unnecessarily many times. This is inspite of advice many times to wear long top.

10.                         If our son comes to our bedroom any time or speaks to me when alone, she rushes to us to see what is going on.

11.                         She tries to create misunderstandings by quoting things which I or my husband have never done or said, particularly with our son. She backs out when confronted that she never said anything.

12.                         On small issues with our son she packs her bags and moves to her parents place. Surprisingly they seem to encourage her on this.

13.                         Even after 4 years of marriage she still behaves like an outsider inspite of our best efforts to make her feel at home.

14.                         She wants to dominate everyone. It is like if she says it is day all must say Yes without any hesitations. She wants to control everything even after being told that we all have some roles to fulfill but she wants all of us to do exactly as per her wishes.

Well, these are few of the things which I have heard or even seen.   Any views from anyone?

DISGUSTING

RS, I will refer him by this name, is in late 40s or early 50s. He is quite popular in our housing society, though he lives in one close by. Almost all residents of our area greet him very respectfully. The reason being that he is very religious. He is at all religious functions in our locality. He organizes such functions regularly at common areas. He visits places of worship daily, mainly of his own religion but even of other religions on special occasions. I met him about 6 months ago at such a function where a friend had taken me along. I have been seeing him often at some place or the other. I have met his wife. They have two children, a son and a college going daughter. They are very well behaved and polite. I see his daughter almost daily while on morning walks. She greets me with a lot of respect and at times stops her jogging to have a word or so. Over a period we have developed a healthy rapport of uncle and niece. She at times seeks advice from me of some issues.

He has some business dealing in whole sale trading. His son who is around 25 years old helps him or rather he takes full responsibility leaving his father free to attend to his religious activities. RS had been asking me to be regular at all functions but I somehow feel that religion is in one’s heart and is  personal choice for which there is no need to make much of a show. Still to keep him happy I did join him at times. I surprisingly noticed later that his children almost never joined him in such functions.  

A few days ago I went with him to a function which was held in a small temple. The place was over crowded. One could hardly move. To avoid being jostled around, I climbed onto a higher side platform. There were a few persons like me on that. I had a bird’s view of crowd from there. I found RS milling around the crowd, majority of which was women. I was totally shocked when I saw him groping at young ladies while moving about. At first I thought that he was just trying to move forward but on close scrutiny I realized that it was intentional. If there was any male in his way he just elbowed him away but with ladies, particularly young ones, he touched at their bottoms or chest to move forward. I watched it for some time to be sure it was not a trick played by my eyes. I felt so disgusted to find what I observed was true.

I felt very disturbed for the next couple of days thinking of ways to make him stop this. I felt if I talk to anyone, I would not be believed. To talk to him was out of question as he would never admit such behavior, rather he would go ahead to talk ill of me to all and sundry. It was while his daughter asked me while on morning walk as to why was I so lost in some thoughts because she had to greet me twice before I responded that the dam broke. I asked her as to why did she not attend any of functions with her father. She looked at me intensely and said, “ So you have noticed it.” Then she went on to tell me that she had known his habit for the past couple of years and that is why she did not attend any function with him inspite of her mother insisting. She knew that no one would believe her if she told the reasons. Her brother did not attend as he was busy with work and on return he wanted to relax. We then hatched a plan. It was that on frequent basis she will speak of being groped by some male , mostly elderly ones, in the bus while commuting to and back from college. This was to be done when all of them are together and add to her narrating such incidents that what kind of males are these who indulge in such obnoxious behavior with girls young enough to be their daughters.   She would also say that next time she is going to slap that person irrespective of his age or status. We hope that hearing this regularly he may think of his own conduct and desist in future.

This makes me wonder why should one put up a false façade of being a God fearing religious person if he has to indulge in such nefarious activity.  

PARDON ME!

I sat down wanting to write,

But the ideas forming are not bright.

I have so much to share,

But mind does not know to start from where.

All my thoughts are in a jumble,

So all I can do is just mumble.

Asking you all to forgive my absence,

It is truth and not a pretence.

Hope to be back soon with something to your taste,

So as not to let your precious time go waste.

BEST FRIENDS, YES.

It was about 30 years ago that I fell in love again. She was so innocently beautiful. Her round eyes looked at me for love. She had a marvelous sleek body which could put many others to shame. She looked so wise for her age. She looked askance from me to enter my heart. She was all of 4 weeks old when our children brought her home from my friend’s house. His female dog had born a litter and our children who had been after us to keep one, just selected her and she entered our house or to be more precise our heart.

She was black with white paws and a white mark on forehead. Mixed parentage, Apso with Pom.  Technically she was my first dog as I do not remember much about the ones my parents had in my childhood and the  Cocker Spaniel I got from a very dear friend in 1965, had to be left with my parents as I was bachelor and on the way to settle down in my career. When I was settled and married he was well entrenched in my parent’s house that it felt cruel to uproot him.

She understood whatever I taught her and did not give even one chance to scold her. She was with us till the ripe age of almost 12 and went off when I was out of town. We felt her absence, so a Doberman female joined us. She was such a hellcat but very intelligent. She understood my sign language. Unfortunately she went off just short of 8 years due to high fever which I failed to make out, though I had taken her to doctor a day earlier. It was very early morning when she started nodding her head vigorously. I took her in my lap and we were praying when she went off.  Then we did not wish to have another as they become like family members and leave one sad on going off. But when our son got married, he and his wife expressed desire to have one. So when we went to pick up one, we brought two – a male and a female, both Cocker Spaniels. You can see them in my post of Feb 2009. Unfortunately male did not go beyond 2 years and again was victim of high fever. She is still with us.

I am sharing this with you all as it is only those who have them as pets can understand the love they give and how much they understand us, much better than humans. They are really best companions who ask for nothing much except a little love and give so much in return. 

HAPPINESS OF CHILDREN Vs EGO

I have known Shaloo for about 18 years. Around that many years ago we had shifted to the locality where she stayed with her parents close to our house. Her father, JK, became quite close to me as we used to be on morning walks at the same timings. We both had our dogs with us during that time. They have a son, Ajay, who is 2 years elder to her. That time she must have been around 7 years as she was in 3^rd standard while her brother was in 5^th. Her mother used to visit our house frequently to spend time with my wife. The children also used to visit regularly though our children were elder to them. After about 5 years stay there we shifted to another close by locality. They kept in touch and children or rather Shaloo used to visit couple of times every week. She kept in regular touch with us inspite of our moving to another locality. JK too used to call up often and we used to meet may be once on a couple of months.  In due course of time she graduated and went on to do MBA in HR. She joined a MNC thereafter. Ajay completed engineering in Electronics and joined a leading IT company.

About 3 years ago she confided to us that she has fallen in love with a boy, Sanjay, in her office. He is their Marketing Manager and about 3 years elder to her. They both wanted to get married soon.  On asking she told that she had not yet told her parents as she was afraid because he is from different caste and region.  She told that even he had not spoken to his parents till then. I advised her that in case they both were sure of their love and felt that they would be happy together, then it was time to take it further by involving parents of both side. I offered my help, if needed. A few days later she came over our house in tears. Her parents had refused to accept this match while her brother was on her side. Her mother was more against it than her father. Even from boy’s side, father did not have much of an objection but his mother refused to accept this.  I tried to convince JK, though he seemed to be willing but was afraid of his wife. Sanjay told me that there would be no use of my meeting his parents as his mother insisted that he marry a girl of her choice who was her cousin’s daughter as she had promised cousin that she would take her daughter into her family. I advised both of them to give a little time as it was quite possible that both side parents may agree after some thinking. But then Shaloo called me up after about a month to inform that his mother had set a date for his marriage to that girl and was going to send invitations soon.  She told that Sanjay and she are going ahead with Court marriage in a day or two and wanted me to be there. She told me that his father would be there but would not sign anything. He would maintain later that he did not know anything. She wanted me to bring her father along without telling him the reason.

So on the appointed day  I took JK with me to court on some pretext. On reaching there, Shaloo met us and she told him the reason. She further told that she would not go ahead if he objected vehemently. Sanjay’s father told JK that he was there to give his blessings but would not acknowledge that in front of his wife. JK hugged me saying thanks. He too agreed on same terms as Sanjay’s father. So they both got married with their friends signing as witnesses. After that they moved to a friend’s house for a few days hoping that his mother might relent but it did not happen. So they moved into a small flat on their own.

Next one year though fathers did keep in touch on the quiet and visited them whenever they could but Sanjay or Shaloo could not visit their parental homes because of their mothers not accepting the marriage.  Ajay was married to a girl of his mother’s choice. Right from day one she made it clear that Ajay should move out of parent’s house to live separately. The situation became so tense that Ajay took up an offer for job in USA and they moved out to that place. JK and his wife were left alone. Though Ajay kept in touch but did not visit even once after moving out. In the meanwhile Shaloo was blessed with a son. JK and Sanjay’s father kept visiting on the quiet off and on to spend time with him but no one else from family did. Even Sanjay’s parents were alone after his sister got married and moved out. Sanjay and Shaloo made repeated attempts with some veiled help of respective fathers to diffuse situation but their mothers did not relent or give an inch.

A couple of weeks ago Shaloo’s  mother had suffered stroke. She was taken to hospital and put into ICU.  JK told Shaloo and also called up Ajay. His wife had attended the call and told that her parents had come to USA for a two month visit only a couple of days ago so Ajay or she cannot come to India immediately. Sanjay and Shaloo rushed to hospital and had been of support to JK throughout. On her discharge from hospital a couple of days ago she has been advised full bed rest for at least a month, so Shaloo took leave to be there. Her mother was in tears when she saw Shaloo taking care of her. When Shaloo’s young son sat next to her on bed giving smile, she in feeble voice asked Shaloo to forgive her. Sanjay’s father managed to somehow convince his wife to visit JK’s house to enquire about her health. She agreed as she too was feeling very lonely. When they came the little boy ran to his grandfather shouting with joy DADU  DADU. Sanjay’s father picked him up handing him over to his wife who after taking him started crying while hugging him close.

So all is well that ends well but may I ask why do we not live with changing times and accept happiness of our children instead of getting egoistic?