Manjusha was a very vivacious girl of 17, almost touching 18. She was tall, very good looking and her movements were graceful. Her parents were both middle level government officers. She had an elder brother by a year as well as a 2 years younger one. She had just cleared 12th and joined college. She was very social and jovial. She was well liked by one and all in our locality. She was very respectful to all elders. We were on good terms with her parents. I used to come across her during my evening walks. She visited us sometimes to seek guidance about career courses etc. What I could gather from her talks was that her parents favoured her brothers more. Their attitude towards her was not as warm as one may expect due to her being the only daughter. However it did not seem to affect her behaviour.
She was friendly with a boy about 3 years elder belonging to a well to do family. He was tall and quite handsome. He had just graduated. I had met him few times when he was with her and he seemed to be a nice boy with an aim to make it into filmworld. They looked a very nice as a couple. She had confirmed that her parents were in the know of their friendship.
A couple of months later I did not see her around for a week or so. Later I came to know that she had gone away with that boy to Mumbai. He wanted her also to join films as she had talent. She had turned 18 just a few days before she went away. She had told her parents and left. This was about 2 years ago.
Why am I bringing it up now is because last week I went to meet her father to discuss something about our locality and saw her there. She was just a shadow of her oldself. Her father told her to go to her room. He does share his woes with me, so he told me that when she went with that boy they wanted them to get married with knowledge of his family but the boy had stated that once they establish themselves in films they would tie the knot in proper fashion. They struggled for months to get a break in films by making numerous rounds of different studios and meeting many known or unknown persons involved with film making. Unfortunately it was a dream which looked rosy but reality was harsh. Though they had financial support from his family, it was not possible to continue indefinitely. We all are aware of how advantage is taken of such persons. He persuaded her to succumb to casting couch demands as it seemed last resort to gain foothold into glamour world. They did get some bit roles but nothing to talk about. But then there was no stopping such acts. She was very unhappy with this and refused him at times. He somehow convinced her that once they establish it would not be needed anymore. However it was not so and she was desperate to end this kind of life. On her refusal next time, he abused her physically and forced her to submit to demands of an agent who promised to get them meaty roles. This finally led to her being offered to please all and sundry. She could not take it anymore and packed her bags coming back without telling him.
As expected her father said that he would have rather seen her dead than to be there with them. I bluntly told him what stopped him from killing her, to which he replied that he could not as she was his child. So I then told him that it was the reason why she came back to them. She had faith in them to provide her help to start her life afresh. I suggested that putting past behind now, she start her studies to complete graduation even as private candidate. She could also take up some job for keep herself busy as well as financially independent. I offered to speak to some known person to take her as receptionist in their company. Fortunately sense prevailed and after some discussion with Manjusha we went ahead with it. She is now working in a company known to me and I keep track of it. She has started preparing to complete graduation.
I am bringing it here to analyse as to who was at fault. In my opinion it is first the parents who did not have enough bonding with her to make her feel confident for sharing her dreams with them before it was too late. Even then there was hardly any effort from them to make her see the truth. They could have given her directions to reach her goals in much better way or even taken help from some person who could have. Then the girl as she was too naïve to understand what world is like. She could have discussed this with someone whom she had trust in before taking such a big step. She just let herself be swept off her feet with rosy talk of that boy. Lastly the boy who being elder should have taken due steps for her well being. If they could not get a break into the films, he should have come back with her. I do not wish to blame the system in glamour world as there is no way of stopping such happenings unless those susceptible to such acts become strong to refuse.
May I invite your views on who to blame for this.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
NEW EXPERIENCE
In my over 3 decades of driving I have had a very rare experience which I would like to share with you all.
On last Wednesday I alongwith my wife had gone out for some household chores. I had taken Tata Safari Diesel vehicle. After finishing the work we were on our way back when we encountered heavy traffic. It was bumper to bumper. So it was clutch and brake situation with vehicles just crawling. I am very careful about not keeping clutch pedal half pressed. After about 2 kms of this situation I decided to take a side road which joined main road again at some distance after traffic signal. As soon as I turned I found that I could not change gears. The gear lever was moving in all desired directions but no gear could be engaged even with clutch pedal fully pressed. I felt panic as I was blocking the entrance to the road. Somehow 3rd gear got engaged enabling me to drive the vehicle to side and park it. I tried to engage gears again but without success. I switched off. I stopped a passing three wheeler auto and sent my wife home asking her to call me up to let me have telephone number of Tata workshop where we get our vehicle serviced. I felt that clutch plates may have given way. Fifteen minutes later I again switched on the engine and lo behold the gears started working absolutely normal. I cautiously drove back home. I left the vehicle there and went to the said workshop in our second car, a Maruti Estilo.
I narrated the whole incident to their GM. On his asking how much mileage the vehicle has covered, I told him it is about 35,000 kms. He told me that there is no idea of opening up clutch assembly as chances of clutch plates having worn off are little specially once I was able to engage gears after sometime and if we open up there will positively be some wear and tear thus changing of plates will be needed. On my asking then what was the cause of such happening, he explained that it is a very rare phenomenon in that at times air which finds it’s way into the assembly gets mixed with clutch oil. When the oil gets heated the moisture in the air converts to gaseous state. This causes forming of big size bubbles. On pressing clutch pedal these bubbles get compressed but do not allow full compression for clutch to be engaged to let one select gears. He told me that this can also happen to brake fluid thus leading to brake failure. Once oil cools the gas regains moisture state thus reducing bubble size and that is why I could drive the vehicle after it had had time to cool down. He advised that oil be changed and line bleeding carried out to ensure that there are no air bubbles inside. I got the said work done. The vehicle is running fine.
I had a chance to visit Maruti workshop for some work on Estilo and on my narrating my experience to their engineer, he too explained what Tata GM had said. I so flabbergasted as it is the first time I experienced such situation. So I thought of sharing it with you to appraise you that if such thing happens there is no need to panic but let the vehicle cool down.
This we may also translate to our day to day life. When we are angry, hot air in our head does not allow us to engage our brain properly. So it is best to cool down before doing anything.
On last Wednesday I alongwith my wife had gone out for some household chores. I had taken Tata Safari Diesel vehicle. After finishing the work we were on our way back when we encountered heavy traffic. It was bumper to bumper. So it was clutch and brake situation with vehicles just crawling. I am very careful about not keeping clutch pedal half pressed. After about 2 kms of this situation I decided to take a side road which joined main road again at some distance after traffic signal. As soon as I turned I found that I could not change gears. The gear lever was moving in all desired directions but no gear could be engaged even with clutch pedal fully pressed. I felt panic as I was blocking the entrance to the road. Somehow 3rd gear got engaged enabling me to drive the vehicle to side and park it. I tried to engage gears again but without success. I switched off. I stopped a passing three wheeler auto and sent my wife home asking her to call me up to let me have telephone number of Tata workshop where we get our vehicle serviced. I felt that clutch plates may have given way. Fifteen minutes later I again switched on the engine and lo behold the gears started working absolutely normal. I cautiously drove back home. I left the vehicle there and went to the said workshop in our second car, a Maruti Estilo.
I narrated the whole incident to their GM. On his asking how much mileage the vehicle has covered, I told him it is about 35,000 kms. He told me that there is no idea of opening up clutch assembly as chances of clutch plates having worn off are little specially once I was able to engage gears after sometime and if we open up there will positively be some wear and tear thus changing of plates will be needed. On my asking then what was the cause of such happening, he explained that it is a very rare phenomenon in that at times air which finds it’s way into the assembly gets mixed with clutch oil. When the oil gets heated the moisture in the air converts to gaseous state. This causes forming of big size bubbles. On pressing clutch pedal these bubbles get compressed but do not allow full compression for clutch to be engaged to let one select gears. He told me that this can also happen to brake fluid thus leading to brake failure. Once oil cools the gas regains moisture state thus reducing bubble size and that is why I could drive the vehicle after it had had time to cool down. He advised that oil be changed and line bleeding carried out to ensure that there are no air bubbles inside. I got the said work done. The vehicle is running fine.
I had a chance to visit Maruti workshop for some work on Estilo and on my narrating my experience to their engineer, he too explained what Tata GM had said. I so flabbergasted as it is the first time I experienced such situation. So I thought of sharing it with you to appraise you that if such thing happens there is no need to panic but let the vehicle cool down.
This we may also translate to our day to day life. When we are angry, hot air in our head does not allow us to engage our brain properly. So it is best to cool down before doing anything.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
SMALL GESTURE BIG DIVIDENDS
Last month I had planned a project for rural area to be conducted by NGO I am consultant with. I was asked by President of that NGO to accompany him for a meeting with secretary of rural development department to explore if state would fund it. I was to give power point presentation. I agreed. So off we went on fine morning last week to the state capital where we had appointment with the concerned person at 1 pm. It was about 4 hours drive. Enroute he briefed me about the said secretary. I was told that he was not only honest and strict but deeply knowledgeable thus capable of asking probing questions. This was all fine with me as I always liked to associate with those projects where chances of misuse of funds was minimal.
When we were ushered in for the meeting I saw a well built Sikh gentleman occupying the chair. We sat down and I found him staring at me with little frown on his forehead. On my being introduced, he just got up and moved around the table reaching me in no time. He touched my feet exclaiming how lucky he was to see me after so many years. When he straightened, my mental computer locked onto who he was and I was transported back by more than 25 years.
I was in an organization as Head of administration & personnel. He was a junior assistant aged about 22 or so. He was hard working with a smile on his face always. He had done PG in psychology but being from a not so well off family took up the first job which came his way. He had a unsatiateable quest for knowledge. A few months down the line I found him to be little preoccupied in his thoughts. Though there were no slip ups in his work but it was evident that he was not his ownself. One day I asked him frankly if he trusted me to share what was bothering him. He told me that he had fallen in love with a girl of well to do family and she too reciprocated. Though they were from different castes, there was no objection from her family as they were broadminded. Only stipulation they had was that he upgrade his status. They offered him position in their business but he did not take it up as he was quite proud with a lot of self respect. He was not vain or egoist but practical. I told him why did he not sit for civil services examination. He frankly told that he was not aware as to how to prepare. Those days there were hardly any coaching institutes. I gave him some directions like going through guides available giving last five years or so question paper with solution, general knowledge book as well as keeping himself updated on current affairs by reading newspapers. He earnestly started preparing for it. I moved on thereafter and lost contact with that organisation.
Coming back to that day now, he did not listen to my protests while ordering lunch for us. He told that it will be such a pleasure to have lunch together. Over lunch he told the rest of the happenings. He cleared civil services examinations in first attempt. Thereafter there was no hitch in his getting married to his love. He did face some obstacles in his career due to being honest and strict but in the end it paid off. They had 2 children, a girl ,doctor and married, a boy in a good position as an engineer. He wanted me to meet them but due to paucity of time I requested him to let it be for next visit.
When we got onto presentation part, he just bluntly said that there was no need as if I had prepared the project and was involved in implementing it, he had no hesitations in sanctioning funds. He said that his faith in me was absolute.
When we were ushered in for the meeting I saw a well built Sikh gentleman occupying the chair. We sat down and I found him staring at me with little frown on his forehead. On my being introduced, he just got up and moved around the table reaching me in no time. He touched my feet exclaiming how lucky he was to see me after so many years. When he straightened, my mental computer locked onto who he was and I was transported back by more than 25 years.
I was in an organization as Head of administration & personnel. He was a junior assistant aged about 22 or so. He was hard working with a smile on his face always. He had done PG in psychology but being from a not so well off family took up the first job which came his way. He had a unsatiateable quest for knowledge. A few months down the line I found him to be little preoccupied in his thoughts. Though there were no slip ups in his work but it was evident that he was not his ownself. One day I asked him frankly if he trusted me to share what was bothering him. He told me that he had fallen in love with a girl of well to do family and she too reciprocated. Though they were from different castes, there was no objection from her family as they were broadminded. Only stipulation they had was that he upgrade his status. They offered him position in their business but he did not take it up as he was quite proud with a lot of self respect. He was not vain or egoist but practical. I told him why did he not sit for civil services examination. He frankly told that he was not aware as to how to prepare. Those days there were hardly any coaching institutes. I gave him some directions like going through guides available giving last five years or so question paper with solution, general knowledge book as well as keeping himself updated on current affairs by reading newspapers. He earnestly started preparing for it. I moved on thereafter and lost contact with that organisation.
Coming back to that day now, he did not listen to my protests while ordering lunch for us. He told that it will be such a pleasure to have lunch together. Over lunch he told the rest of the happenings. He cleared civil services examinations in first attempt. Thereafter there was no hitch in his getting married to his love. He did face some obstacles in his career due to being honest and strict but in the end it paid off. They had 2 children, a girl ,doctor and married, a boy in a good position as an engineer. He wanted me to meet them but due to paucity of time I requested him to let it be for next visit.
When we got onto presentation part, he just bluntly said that there was no need as if I had prepared the project and was involved in implementing it, he had no hesitations in sanctioning funds. He said that his faith in me was absolute.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
BOSS
Once all organs of a body were arguing as to who is the Boss. Brain said, “ I give directions to all to do what is needed, so I am the Boss.” Heart said, “ That is what you think, if I do not purify and supply blood you will not be able to do anything. So I am the Boss.” Lungs retorted, “ If we do not give you purified oxygen do you think you can purify blood? So we are the Boss.” And so on and on the other organs too staked their claim. AH was quite all this time but when all had finished staking their claim, it said, “ I am the Boss.” Everybody else laughed as it was without any reasoning. They all ridiculed it. So AH told, “ You all will repent if I stop functioning.” There was loud hilarious laughter from all. So AH went on non functioning mode. All was fine on first day. Second day there was little discomfort. Third day there was difficulty being faced by others for normal functioning. By fourth day all others were in panic as they just could not function. On fifth day they all were in terrible shape, so they all surrendered accepting AH to be the Boss.
So do remember even if BOSS is an AH but for smooth functioning we do need a BOSS.
So do remember even if BOSS is an AH but for smooth functioning we do need a BOSS.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
FUN TIME
June is coming to an end and monsoons are likely to arrive soon. Let us welcome July with some humour so we get good rains.
One evening Jojo had gone to meet a friend staying closeby. They got talking of old times and did not realize how much time had passed. All this while friend’s wife kept regular supply snacks to go with their drinks. By the time they finished dinner it had started raining heavily. So his friend asked him to sleep over at their place. Jojo agreed. His friend showed him the guest room and went to get fresh linen. On his return he was surprised to see Jojo totally drenched. On seeing questioning look in his friend’s eyes, Jojo explained that he had gone to get nightsuit from his house.
Tutu was hauled up before court for misbehaving with a woman journalist. When magistrate asked him to explain his conduct, Tutu asked him as to what would he do if it was marked PUSH on the door. The magistrate replied that he would push the door open. Tutu then said if it is written PULL then. The magistrate by now was getting annoyed but said he would pull the door open. Tutu then said, “ Sir, that is it. I just followed instructions as it was written on her t shirt PRESS.”
A village simpleton was crying inconsolably on his wife’s death. People tried hard to pacify him but more they tried harder he cried. After sometime an elderly man told him to get hold of himself as no one comes back after death. He sobbingly said , “ I know but when my father died a few years ago a lot of elderly persons told me not to worry as they are there, when my mother died last year so many elderly women told me that they are there to take care but now not a single girl has come forward to tell me not to feel the loss as she is there.”
A man on his return from work was stunned to see his wife of so many years in bed with a tramp. Before he could say anything, she told him that she could explain everything. She told him that little while ago this tramp rang the door bell asking for something to eat as he had not had a meal for a couple of days. She gave him left over pizza from his dinner last night. She saw his shoes were totally torn, so she gave him a pair of sturdy shoes which he had discarded after buying new pair. She saw he had no socks, so she gave his pair of socks which he had not used for a long time. Then the tramp had asked if she had any woolen to spare as the coat he was wearing was torn at many places. She remembered a decent coat which he had not used for many years so she gave that to the tramp. She said then the tramp asked, “ Is there anything else which your husband has not used for long time and you would like to give that to me.”
She further added, “ And that is how I landed up in bed with him.”
One evening Jojo had gone to meet a friend staying closeby. They got talking of old times and did not realize how much time had passed. All this while friend’s wife kept regular supply snacks to go with their drinks. By the time they finished dinner it had started raining heavily. So his friend asked him to sleep over at their place. Jojo agreed. His friend showed him the guest room and went to get fresh linen. On his return he was surprised to see Jojo totally drenched. On seeing questioning look in his friend’s eyes, Jojo explained that he had gone to get nightsuit from his house.
Tutu was hauled up before court for misbehaving with a woman journalist. When magistrate asked him to explain his conduct, Tutu asked him as to what would he do if it was marked PUSH on the door. The magistrate replied that he would push the door open. Tutu then said if it is written PULL then. The magistrate by now was getting annoyed but said he would pull the door open. Tutu then said, “ Sir, that is it. I just followed instructions as it was written on her t shirt PRESS.”
A village simpleton was crying inconsolably on his wife’s death. People tried hard to pacify him but more they tried harder he cried. After sometime an elderly man told him to get hold of himself as no one comes back after death. He sobbingly said , “ I know but when my father died a few years ago a lot of elderly persons told me not to worry as they are there, when my mother died last year so many elderly women told me that they are there to take care but now not a single girl has come forward to tell me not to feel the loss as she is there.”
A man on his return from work was stunned to see his wife of so many years in bed with a tramp. Before he could say anything, she told him that she could explain everything. She told him that little while ago this tramp rang the door bell asking for something to eat as he had not had a meal for a couple of days. She gave him left over pizza from his dinner last night. She saw his shoes were totally torn, so she gave him a pair of sturdy shoes which he had discarded after buying new pair. She saw he had no socks, so she gave his pair of socks which he had not used for a long time. Then the tramp had asked if she had any woolen to spare as the coat he was wearing was torn at many places. She remembered a decent coat which he had not used for many years so she gave that to the tramp. She said then the tramp asked, “ Is there anything else which your husband has not used for long time and you would like to give that to me.”
She further added, “ And that is how I landed up in bed with him.”
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
DOUBLE STANDARDS
I am sure that you all will agree that on a good winter morning it is so heavenly to curl up under a quilt and savour the warmth. I was doing so on a Sunday morning way back in 1975 January in Pathankot. Those days it used to be 6 working days week, so Sunday was something we all looked forward to have this bliss. I was brought down to Mother Earth by a commotion in the attached servant quarter to our bunglow in defence area. I looked for my wife but found her feeding our little daughter, so I had no option but to reluctantly come out of warm refuge to see what was the matter. Our maid was the one staying in the said premises with her family. On venturing out I found that her eldest daughter was angrily shouting at her father. She was about 17 or 18 with two younger brothers and a sister of 8 years. She used to assist her mother in our household work, particularly taking our daughter to park. On enquiry following cause for her outburst emerged.
Her father who was a gangman with some contractor had returned from his native place the previous night and he informed having fixed up marriage of his younger daughter with some man of 30 years or so there. The elder one was married off at same age of 8 or so but before she could join her husband, who was much older than her, died. So she was treated as widow and no one would marry her. She forced his father to let her study but was taken out after she completed 8th standard with view that what was the use of making her study as she had to work in households as maid only. She was telling her father not to repeat his mistake and let the younger one study just like her brothers. She was of the opinion that girls should also be educated to take care of themselves and not be treated as cattle. She even threatened him that she would immolate herself if he went ahead with his plan. All this time her mother was crying silently. I was very impressed with her strong views. I admired her courage to stand up against her father as those days there was nothing like women liberation movement in India though we did read some news of such happenings in western countries. I told them all to take it easy and we would have a talk later in the day.
I called her father over after breakfast to find out why was he was in such a hurry to marry off his minor or rather still a child daughter. He stated that in his native place it was the custom to marry off girls before they attained puberty. On my saying that those were old customs which had no relevance in present time, he agreed saying that having stayed away for such a long time from his native place he had seen the better living ways. I advised him to let both his daughters continue studies and it will surely lead to better prospectus for them not only for being self sustained but for marriage too. Fortunately he saw the reasoning and agreed. I sent for his elder daughter and told her that she should continue with her studies to appear for 10th examinations as private candidate. But I made her promise that she would always stand for the right issues. She gladly agreed. Subsequently I spoke to the Base Commander to see if we could do something as encouragement for this upright girl fighting for a cause, to stand against child marriage. He promised and in a couple of weeks time she was taken as a helper at decent remuneration in one of the unit run schools. We moved out of that place in the following month as I was posted out to another location. There was no contact with them thereafter.
I had an opportunity to visit that Base again in 1987 for a few days on official visit. One of the evenings when I was in the Bar, head barman came over and asked me if I remembered him. On close scrutiny I realized that he used to be a young barboy during my earlier stay at that place. He gave me updates on all those who were there in those days. I learnt from him about that family too. That girl completed inter and thereafter had done primary teachers training. She got employed as teacher in a municipal school while her brothers too did well. One of them joined army after 10th while younger one was employed in a semi government organization after graduation. Their father had unfortunately died in an accident while at native place but they suspected that he was killed. Mother was running a tea stall in local college campus. Younger daughter was also a teacher in the same school with her sister. Both the girls were married to local boys and were happily settled as their in laws had sought them as brides for their sons. I felt a sense of happiness.
This is based on what a friend of mine told me few years ago.
Now what prompted me to write this, is the news of our government mulling over bringing out tougher laws to deal with HONOUR KILLINGS after a spate of these in the recent days. What we fail to see is that no law can prevent this totally. Only way is to educate masses that if we treat our girls as second rate citizens and deny them basic rights of living as per present days, they are bound to rebel against such oppression and try to find better life, be it by marriage to someone whom parents do not approve of. And also no one can do anything for them but they themselves as in the case of young girl I narrated. She stood for her rights. So the girls or rather even elder women have to take a stand against such heinous acts of murders in the name of false family honour. Let them say that no male of their family has ever committed anything which may bring bad name to the family. Why are the males forgiven for such acts then?
Her father who was a gangman with some contractor had returned from his native place the previous night and he informed having fixed up marriage of his younger daughter with some man of 30 years or so there. The elder one was married off at same age of 8 or so but before she could join her husband, who was much older than her, died. So she was treated as widow and no one would marry her. She forced his father to let her study but was taken out after she completed 8th standard with view that what was the use of making her study as she had to work in households as maid only. She was telling her father not to repeat his mistake and let the younger one study just like her brothers. She was of the opinion that girls should also be educated to take care of themselves and not be treated as cattle. She even threatened him that she would immolate herself if he went ahead with his plan. All this time her mother was crying silently. I was very impressed with her strong views. I admired her courage to stand up against her father as those days there was nothing like women liberation movement in India though we did read some news of such happenings in western countries. I told them all to take it easy and we would have a talk later in the day.
I called her father over after breakfast to find out why was he was in such a hurry to marry off his minor or rather still a child daughter. He stated that in his native place it was the custom to marry off girls before they attained puberty. On my saying that those were old customs which had no relevance in present time, he agreed saying that having stayed away for such a long time from his native place he had seen the better living ways. I advised him to let both his daughters continue studies and it will surely lead to better prospectus for them not only for being self sustained but for marriage too. Fortunately he saw the reasoning and agreed. I sent for his elder daughter and told her that she should continue with her studies to appear for 10th examinations as private candidate. But I made her promise that she would always stand for the right issues. She gladly agreed. Subsequently I spoke to the Base Commander to see if we could do something as encouragement for this upright girl fighting for a cause, to stand against child marriage. He promised and in a couple of weeks time she was taken as a helper at decent remuneration in one of the unit run schools. We moved out of that place in the following month as I was posted out to another location. There was no contact with them thereafter.
I had an opportunity to visit that Base again in 1987 for a few days on official visit. One of the evenings when I was in the Bar, head barman came over and asked me if I remembered him. On close scrutiny I realized that he used to be a young barboy during my earlier stay at that place. He gave me updates on all those who were there in those days. I learnt from him about that family too. That girl completed inter and thereafter had done primary teachers training. She got employed as teacher in a municipal school while her brothers too did well. One of them joined army after 10th while younger one was employed in a semi government organization after graduation. Their father had unfortunately died in an accident while at native place but they suspected that he was killed. Mother was running a tea stall in local college campus. Younger daughter was also a teacher in the same school with her sister. Both the girls were married to local boys and were happily settled as their in laws had sought them as brides for their sons. I felt a sense of happiness.
This is based on what a friend of mine told me few years ago.
Now what prompted me to write this, is the news of our government mulling over bringing out tougher laws to deal with HONOUR KILLINGS after a spate of these in the recent days. What we fail to see is that no law can prevent this totally. Only way is to educate masses that if we treat our girls as second rate citizens and deny them basic rights of living as per present days, they are bound to rebel against such oppression and try to find better life, be it by marriage to someone whom parents do not approve of. And also no one can do anything for them but they themselves as in the case of young girl I narrated. She stood for her rights. So the girls or rather even elder women have to take a stand against such heinous acts of murders in the name of false family honour. Let them say that no male of their family has ever committed anything which may bring bad name to the family. Why are the males forgiven for such acts then?
Monday, June 14, 2010
POSITIVE ATTITUDE HELPS
I met Ashok 8 months ago. He is Branch Manager of Bank where I have my account. I used to visit the Bank at least once a month to get my passbook updated. But after meeting him a few times I increased my visits to whenever I was in close proximity to the Bank. It was his cheerfulness, ever smiling face and good manners coupled with helpful behavior which made me do this. I felt it as my duty to encourage him in that by showing a customer’s gratitude. My additional visits were mostly just to say hello to him. He is tall, handsome man in early 30s, a little older than our son but younger to our daughter. He is well liked by all working under him whom he always referred to as colleagues.
Over a few months we developed a bond as if we were related. On my saying he started calling me Uncle instead of Sir which he usually called all male clients irrespective of their age or status. I am going to share his life story to show you all how a positive attitude makes one be happy and spread happiness all around.
His father was a Government employee while his mother was a school teacher. They both were God fearing but not fanatics. They did not believe in noisy rituals but silent prayers. They brought him as well as Rashmi, his 2 years younger sister with lot of values inculcated by example and not only word of mouth. They both were given a lot of freedom with just a single sentence advice “ Do not do anything which makes you regret later with shame”. They went to good schools and colleges. They were told to choose their own streams in education with options of each shown. Both of them did well in studies. Here he told me that his grandparents, who stayed with them, had a big hand in this. His grandfather, a retired educationist, used to involve himself by studying their lessons and then discuss with them in innovative ways while his grandmother roused passion for reading by telling them stories and exhorting them to read those themselves once they could do so. Both grandparents passed away peacefully at ripe old age and as per their wishes their eyes were donated. It was a happy model family.
He was 23 and had just joined the bank as PO when his father passed away. His father had gone to the market in the evening to fetch something where he intervened to stop a ruffian from some other locality eve teasing and trying to physically assault a girl. That person had a friend with him and both of them started hitting him. When he fought back one of them attacked him with knife. He hugged the attacker tightly even though he was stabbed a number to times. The other person also took out a knife and started slashing him to get his companion free. By now people formed a ring around them and someone called police. Both the ruffians tried their best to flee but he did not loosen his hug around the one who had first attacked him with knife. Police thus arrested both of them red handed. He lost a lot of blood and passed away couple of days later but not before giving his statement to the magistrate who came to hospital for recording it. This caused his mother to go into depression and she could not recover. She too passed away in a few months leaving him to take care of himself as well as his sister who had just completed college. His father had no surviving siblings and cousins were all at far off places. Though his mother’s brother and sister were there but they were too busy in their own affairs.
He shouldered these responsibilities well and got his sister married off into a good family a year later. All the money he had received from benefits due to parents was used up in that. He is so thankful to God that she is happily settled with 2 children, a son and a daughter. They live with his parents who are massive support to them.
One of his distant relatives living at a town about 5 hours drive from this place highly recommended and cajoled him to get married to a girl related to his wife from same town. He and his sister went to see her there. The girl was good looking and well educated. The family seemed nice. His relative with his wife kept hovering around them all the time without giving them a single moment alone with the girl. He consented and got married a year ago.
His wife joined him but did not seem happy. Within a few days after marriage she told him that she has been forced to marry him as she was in love with someone whom her parents did not approve. She told that she had had that affair for more than 4 years and was physically intimate with him too. As soon as she conveyed to her parents that she would like to marry him, they forbade her going out alone and started looking for suitable match. This is when his relative with full know of things came into picture to look for a suitable match for her.
He told her that past is past and let us start new life with mutual trust and respect. She stayed with him for a couple of month and then one fine day he found a note from her on return from office that she can not take it any more, so she is leaving to be with her ex. On my asking he told me that he has not filed for divorce as he believes marriage is for keeps. However he had sent a copy of her letter to her parents. He is confident that she will realize her mistake and be back. He also told that his relative has informed him that few days after leaving him she came to her parent’s house in the afternoon badly bruised and without any belongings. Her ex had ill treated her and was not keen to marry her. She spends most of her time in seclusion. Her parents seem to feel very guilty to reach out to him. He is just waiting for some more time for her to come back otherwise he will make his move to contact her.
After telling me all this he looked at me and said that he knew what I was thinking. It is that how does he still look so happy and cheerful. He told me that when he looks around he finds so many persons with problems much more bigger than his - health issues, physically or mentally challenged persons, children problem like drug addicts or not interested in studies, money problem, unemployment, family disputes etc etc. He feels thankful to God for not testing him with more complex problems. He said that what is the gain in fretting over what has happened and if he shows his pain to others all that he will receive is their sympathy. He has to be strong to resolve this and that is possible only if he keeps his attitude positive. He then surprised and made me teary eyed by saying that he would like me to accompany him when time comes for him to approach his wife to come back.
I will be more than willing to do this for him. I am sure that you would also like to do it.
There are so many lessons to derive from his life but I am concentrating on his POSITIVE attitude mainly.
Over a few months we developed a bond as if we were related. On my saying he started calling me Uncle instead of Sir which he usually called all male clients irrespective of their age or status. I am going to share his life story to show you all how a positive attitude makes one be happy and spread happiness all around.
His father was a Government employee while his mother was a school teacher. They both were God fearing but not fanatics. They did not believe in noisy rituals but silent prayers. They brought him as well as Rashmi, his 2 years younger sister with lot of values inculcated by example and not only word of mouth. They both were given a lot of freedom with just a single sentence advice “ Do not do anything which makes you regret later with shame”. They went to good schools and colleges. They were told to choose their own streams in education with options of each shown. Both of them did well in studies. Here he told me that his grandparents, who stayed with them, had a big hand in this. His grandfather, a retired educationist, used to involve himself by studying their lessons and then discuss with them in innovative ways while his grandmother roused passion for reading by telling them stories and exhorting them to read those themselves once they could do so. Both grandparents passed away peacefully at ripe old age and as per their wishes their eyes were donated. It was a happy model family.
He was 23 and had just joined the bank as PO when his father passed away. His father had gone to the market in the evening to fetch something where he intervened to stop a ruffian from some other locality eve teasing and trying to physically assault a girl. That person had a friend with him and both of them started hitting him. When he fought back one of them attacked him with knife. He hugged the attacker tightly even though he was stabbed a number to times. The other person also took out a knife and started slashing him to get his companion free. By now people formed a ring around them and someone called police. Both the ruffians tried their best to flee but he did not loosen his hug around the one who had first attacked him with knife. Police thus arrested both of them red handed. He lost a lot of blood and passed away couple of days later but not before giving his statement to the magistrate who came to hospital for recording it. This caused his mother to go into depression and she could not recover. She too passed away in a few months leaving him to take care of himself as well as his sister who had just completed college. His father had no surviving siblings and cousins were all at far off places. Though his mother’s brother and sister were there but they were too busy in their own affairs.
He shouldered these responsibilities well and got his sister married off into a good family a year later. All the money he had received from benefits due to parents was used up in that. He is so thankful to God that she is happily settled with 2 children, a son and a daughter. They live with his parents who are massive support to them.
One of his distant relatives living at a town about 5 hours drive from this place highly recommended and cajoled him to get married to a girl related to his wife from same town. He and his sister went to see her there. The girl was good looking and well educated. The family seemed nice. His relative with his wife kept hovering around them all the time without giving them a single moment alone with the girl. He consented and got married a year ago.
His wife joined him but did not seem happy. Within a few days after marriage she told him that she has been forced to marry him as she was in love with someone whom her parents did not approve. She told that she had had that affair for more than 4 years and was physically intimate with him too. As soon as she conveyed to her parents that she would like to marry him, they forbade her going out alone and started looking for suitable match. This is when his relative with full know of things came into picture to look for a suitable match for her.
He told her that past is past and let us start new life with mutual trust and respect. She stayed with him for a couple of month and then one fine day he found a note from her on return from office that she can not take it any more, so she is leaving to be with her ex. On my asking he told me that he has not filed for divorce as he believes marriage is for keeps. However he had sent a copy of her letter to her parents. He is confident that she will realize her mistake and be back. He also told that his relative has informed him that few days after leaving him she came to her parent’s house in the afternoon badly bruised and without any belongings. Her ex had ill treated her and was not keen to marry her. She spends most of her time in seclusion. Her parents seem to feel very guilty to reach out to him. He is just waiting for some more time for her to come back otherwise he will make his move to contact her.
After telling me all this he looked at me and said that he knew what I was thinking. It is that how does he still look so happy and cheerful. He told me that when he looks around he finds so many persons with problems much more bigger than his - health issues, physically or mentally challenged persons, children problem like drug addicts or not interested in studies, money problem, unemployment, family disputes etc etc. He feels thankful to God for not testing him with more complex problems. He said that what is the gain in fretting over what has happened and if he shows his pain to others all that he will receive is their sympathy. He has to be strong to resolve this and that is possible only if he keeps his attitude positive. He then surprised and made me teary eyed by saying that he would like me to accompany him when time comes for him to approach his wife to come back.
I will be more than willing to do this for him. I am sure that you would also like to do it.
There are so many lessons to derive from his life but I am concentrating on his POSITIVE attitude mainly.
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