ADJUSTMENTS FOR HAPPY FAMILY LIVING

I have come across a number of elderly couples who live alone while their married children live separately either in same city or elsewhere. This can be either by choice or otherwise. This more often than realised leads to neglect of elder parents who are in need of support due to old age ailments. After coming across one family, I am prompted to repeat what I had written more than 5 years ago as adjustments are needed from both – elders and young couple.

An elderly lady who is past 70s lives alone in a big house with a lot of open cultivated space around in a city about 200 kms away from her son who lives with his wife and children in Delhi. Though they want her to stay with them but she declines. About 6 months ago she fell down in her house and suffered minor fracture of hip bone necessitating full time bed rest advised by doctors. She needed to be helped to visit even toilet. She was brought to Delhi by her son and given due care. She was very well looked after though her daughter in law is also working. Apart from a full day time maid, another full day time help was employed to be with her when couple used to away at work during the day. Grandchildren, though young, lent their bit after return from school. She is almost fully recovered though is advised not to exert. She has praise for all of them. Now situation has come when her son and his wife are looking forward to her going back to the place. Reason – she continues gripping about her pains & aches when they return from work, though grandchildren say that she is perfectly normal when they are alone with her. This is where I feel adjustments are needed. Young couple has gone all the way to make her comfortable but what is her contribution? Not that she is expected to take on household work but can she not make herself dependable by doing small things – like stop making drama of her ailment from what she has almost fully recovered, take care of grandchildren on their return from school by monitoring their studies as she herself is well educated instead of young couple being burdened with this task on their return from work?

In my previous post on this topic I had said that adjustments are needed from elders also as every young couple needs space. One has to get over BOSSY attitude and be more of support than a pain.

HAPPY HOLI

May life of everyone of you be as colourful as HOLI.

LONELINESS

There is a famous saying – A PERSON COMES ALONE IN THIS WORLD AND GOES ALONE. It is so true, not only for coming & going but even while being in the world. One may have a lot of others, relatives or friends, who are very near & dear but there are ample times when one does feel alone. I think this loneliness is felt by almost everyone at some time or the other in life. It is more so as one grows old.

During childhood or even student days one hardly feels lonely as parents are always there. So are siblings and friends. On growing up, siblings and friends settle in their own life. Contact remains with siblings but circle of friends may keep changing. As long as parents are there one feels confident to have their support & guidance but on their departure one feels the void.

I am no exception and have gone through the same phases. During working life there were times when a little loneliness was felt but with friends & colleagues around it was short lived. After marriage and arrival of children time seemed to be overly packed and even while going to sleep the mind was full of what is needed to be done for home & children. Once they grew up, got married and settled in their own life, more time seemed to be at hand till arrival of grandchildren. Growing up pranks of grandchildren ensured shortage of time. Our daughter is staying in the same town but different locality. We visit them once or so in a month and they too do the same. I do not like to interfere in their life. Our son was staying with us. His wife and daughter were also with us, though not for whole time which was another issue. He was offered placement in Canada by his organization and my advice was to do what is good for his career. So he, his wife and daughter are there. Though he wanted us to go with them but I felt that it is rather better if they are alone for reasons which some of you know. It is now over a year since they left. So self and wife are alone here. It gives us immense pleasure that our children are settled happily. Still there are times when I do miss our granddaughter who is in Canada. Circle of friends is also limited as most are in different places. During my active blogging days a number of youngsters here took me on as Uncle but as time passed most of them seem to have forgotten it as they got on with their own life. I do not like to impose myself on anyone as I never did so with our children but am always there for those who wish me to be with them. Some youngsters are still in touch and that does make me feel happy and wanted. I do try to keep myself occupied but how much TV can one watch or read books, specially with what my health? So there are many a times I do feel lonely. May be this is the life I am destined to live. I dread situation if my wife goes before me.

Sorry to share my sad feelings with you.          

HAPPY NEW YEAR

MAY GOD BLESS YOU WITH ALL THE HAPPINESS, JOYS, FUN AND ABOVE ALL PEACE.

SAFETY OF GIRLS

I have been wanting to speak my mind about ghastly rape of the girl by cab driver in Delhi but just could not bring myself to marshal my thoughts as I was so upset. Today I decided to write what comes in my mind.

First of all this act by that evil man is beyond any words to condemn. What is more hurting is the way we have gone about blame game and suggested the obvious what should have been rightly done by those blamed. The politicians have used it to make political mileage. Hardly anyone has actually pointed finger at what, as per my thinking, is the root cause of not only rapes but molestations and eve teasing also. It is the mind set of our society at large – BOYS ARE SUPERIOR AND SHOULD BE GIVEN ALL THE FREEDOM. Very few of us treat our daughters at par with sons. How many of us teach our sons from tender age itself to respect girls and treat them as equals? Particularly so in uneducated masses. Do we set an example by giving our daughters the same facilities as our sons? Most of us will say NO.

So the long term remedy for putting stop to crime against women is to start change of society mindset. For this there is need to inculcate sense of respect for girls in the minds of boys as well as that they need to treat girls as equal. This should be done right from tender age at home, in schools and colleges also. Political parties, social organizations as well as prominent persons of social standing should hold regular seminars, sabhas, panchayats, nukkad meetings or whatever ways to do this. They should start with teaching parents to treat daughters as equal to sons. It will take a few years before results are visible, so it has to be carried out over a long period regularly.   

Till this bears fruit, we need to look at short term remedies. One which comes to my mind, apart from much spoken about verifications etc, is that for safety of girls travelling alone or even in company of another girl, particularly at night or lonely places, we should make use of services of retired Defence personnel in receipt of pension as they come out at relatively young age after their term of engagement. We may even include ex – paramilitary personnel in receipt of pension. If such persons can drive it is good, otherwise they may be sent as escorts in the vehicle. 

ADVICE

When you are in the final lap of marathon of life, there are a lot of ideas gained due to experience which you would like to share. I am no exception, so here is what I want to share with you all :

When you are feeling in dumps or depressed, just visit big hospital to see what people are suffering or a home of challenged persons or even slums. That will show you how well off you are. To support my statement I am giving url of a site which you may visit –

 VOTEDTHEBESTEMAILOFTHISYEAR.pps

You may need to control click on the link to download it.

WHO TO BLAME?

I am writing this with a very heavy heart. Today I attended funeral of a dear friend of mine. He was about 10 years younger to me.

I first met him in 1989 when we shifted to house next to his in Delhi. He was in Army. We developed healthy relationship. My wife got along with his wife as if they were childhood friends. He had two daughters. Our children too bonded well. In 1991 he was allotted house in Army complex. Though they shifted, we kept in close touch. He was doing very well and had won a lot of awards. He was transferred to forward area in 1993. His family continued staying in Delhi. He availed premature retirement from Army in 1995 as his wife was not keeping too well. They settled down in Delhi for her treatment and education of their daughters. We used to meet as often as we could but kept in touch otherwise. Though he was getting pension, he took up job to add on to his income to meet all commitments. Subsequently his daughters were married. He had spent his entire saving and more for that. He continued working to pay off his loans and to run house. He used to share his worries with me but never accepted any financial help as he was confident of taking care.

About 4 months ago he confided that he was in little tight squeeze but was hopeful that with arrears from 01 Jan 2006 of his revised pension as per Supreme Court orders for the same i r o retired defence officers he would come out of this. He expected these to be given soon. He was looking under a lot of stress when I met him two weeks ago. He told me that bureaucrats have been delaying grant of pending lawful arrears on some pretext or the other and filing appeals in Supreme Court to that effect. I offered to help him out but he having confidence in justice told that he would wait for his arrears. I was not very happy with his worried looks.

I learnt from his wife that for the last couple of days he was under a lot of tension. This seems to have caused brain haemorrhage leading to his death.

This makes me ask who do we blame for his untimely death? Why do bureaucrats delay grant of rightful dues? I am sure that if any benefit is due to them, they will have it approved in a jiffy.