RANDOM THOUGHTS

There was a news that a state government has laid down dress code for employees. Though I agree that one should be dressed in formals for office otherwise it causes distraction but feel that this kind of order shows two things. First being failure of all of us, society as whole, to inculcate right sense of dressing for work and second that said government failed to change mindset of males to look at women with respect but is infringing in personal choice. It should rather be inculcated in seniors to not only set an example but to politely advise the one who dresses for a party rather than office in one to one basis.

Defence lawyer of Delhi gang rape case is supposed to have said that if his daughter has an affair and indulges in pre-marital sex he would burn her. If he has same attitude about his son also, then I am with him but if NO then it is people like him who create inequlity between boys & girls thus encourage young boys to do whatever they wish to, including rape, with assurance that they will get away with it.

A girl had courage to lodge complaint of molestation, true or not be judged in court, against a famous person and his prominent lawyer has started character assassination of that girl.

Over a period I have noticed that for any disturbance or riots it is the officers who get the blame but don’t we know that they are nothing but tools in the hands of politicians in power? Are they given a free hand to handle to situation as deemed fit to defuse? NO, they have to seek permission from so called government to take adequate strong steps. So who should be rightly blamed or removed?

A lot of schemes are being launched in a rush with a lot of fanfare that these are for the benefit of EWS or people who are BPL but is it not just for the sake of votes? Has anyone thought of financial implication which will lead to either these schemes dying natural death or help someone pocket major portion of funds by some way or the other. NRGES is a good example for this.

A number of politicians as well as some bureaucrats have been saying that what have soldiers done to deserve honour while laying down life as that is their duty and that they are paid for it. OK, but do you do your duty honestly for which you are paid? Do they realize that person joins Armed Forces not only for pay but has respect for the country to defend it from those who wish to harm it? Will they lay down their lives if they see someone trying to harm the country?

I have earlier written about those who break rules while driving. We all want others to follow rules but do we ourselves? How many of us avoid stopping at traffic light over zebra crossing meant for pedestrians?

Well, enough for the day. 

SAINTS OR GODMEN?

I have a lot of apprehensions about self styled Saints or so called Godmen. May be I have inherited this from my late grandmother or even my parents. My grandmother was very religious and prayed all through the day with rosary. She passed away peacefully with rosary in hand. She was not sick or anything and her going off was sudden. She used to say that God resides in everyone’s heart and it is we who have to make God’s dwelling place worth by being clean &honest at heart. She never subscribed to any Guru or self styled Godman. She used to say that anyone who shows off his or her so called proximity to God is not a true saint as that shows his or her wish to gain materialistic things through large number of followers. My parents, though religious, were also of the same opinion and did not join any such crowd of followers.

Let us see what makes one saint or Godman. In my thinking one who renounces materialistic things and devotes his or her time to God by following what God desires which is to do good for the society. Just saying prayers is not sufficient but it is the conduct which is needed alongwith that.  If one wants or accepts to have a lot of Ashrams or organizations named after him or her even by followers then where is renouncement of materialistic things?  By wearing crown etc to project image of being Godly is not what makes a person a saint. One needs to live in simple ways and be one amongst the others. He or she should not only preach but follow it also. Living or travelling in luxury is a much sought after materialist way. I think one who lives with family leading normal life doing expected chores but sincerely following God's directions is better than any self styled saint who craves for fame. 

Do think it over.

UPBRINGING SHOWS

A couple of days ago when I was returning from market after some chore there was an elderly lady, close to my age, alongwith two younger ones ahead of me, may be her daughters. There is a double carriageway main road between markets of two sectors.  I had to cross that to reach sector where I reside. They too seemed to be waiting to cross over. We waited for reasonable gap in the traffic to cross. As we started crossing the road a motorcycle at a safe distance suddenly speeded up and started doing zigzag pattern while driving. There were two young boys, may be even less the 18 years, on that. They were not wearing helmets. They zoomed past us making a S, starting from bottom  encircling the elderly lady in front and then dangerously going behind the younger ones on upper curve, making all of us more startled than scared. All this while they were making loud noises. Once they had passed, the boy on pillion looked back laughing and making unwanted gestures.

This set me thinking as to what has gone wrong with our younger generation of today. I have seen youngsters on motorcycles driving dangerously zigzagging through traffic, getting in whatever gap they find in heavy traffic even overtaking the vehicle in front from wrong side and then swerving in front of it. Few times even I had to brake hard to avoid hitting such youngsters. Most of the times they are without helmets. There have been reports in the newspapers about gangs of such motorcyclists causing havoc by indulging in stunts endangering others in traffic, specially pedestrians. A couple of years ago I had personally seen youngsters on three motorcycles doing stunts while driving on Noida e-way. The ones on pillion would stand up doing dance moments while ones driving would do all kind of stunts like zigzagging or lifting the front wheel. They were all without helmets. I am quite sure that parents of such youngsters are mostly not aware of what they do or those who know shrug it off saying “After all they are youngsters to have some fun.”  And if there is an accident resulting in death, such parents blame the traffic police.

I strongly feel that it is upto us  parents to inculcate habit of safe driving in our children, specially two wheelers and cars as well.  Why just safe driving, we should inculcate good habits like respect for others, specially girls, as well as doing their job, even studies, with heart into it and ensure that they do not do anything wrong including corruption.  

Is it not true that behavior of a person shows upbringing he or she has had as well as the family culture?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

I avoid writing about religion or politics as a rule but happenings in the recent past have made me make an exception to that self imposed rule.

I firmly believe that religion is an individual’s choice. It is in ones heart and there is no need to show that one is very religious. God is one and it is we who have given different names to pray in the way we want to. God is not deaf. A silent prayer said from heart reaches God rather than all the noise we make in our unwanted efforts to send our request to God. We project ourselves as followers of whatever religion we believe in but indulge in acts which no religion would ever preach. Unfortunately some leaders with eye of what they can gain misguide the gullible youth in the name of religion. Can anyone enlighten me if there is any religion which preaches violence against unarmed, old, women or children going about their normal duties? Don’t we think that any person who does this needs to be penalized? I know our police has earned notoriety by indulging in corruption, favoritism and fake encounters to please bosses – political mainly. Police reforms is another subject which needs to be paid attention by each and everyone of us. Even keeping shortcoming of police in view, does it make us correct in supporting one who has indulged in such ghastly activities against humans? I know that it is difficult to come to terms that our near and dear one may be wrong but we should think with open & logical mind for the sake of humanity as whole.

Politics, we all know is dirty as we have been hearing about this right from our childhood – family politics, society politics, school politics, college politics, office politics etc etc. I have very serious doubts if any political leader ever thinks of what nation needs for progressing. In my opinion each & everyone of them first think of themselves, then kith & kin followed by party and in such cluttered mind there is no space for national interest. All they see is CHAIR and how to garner votes to get that. Do they ever think rationally about what they do, misuse of authority or power by promising what not, just to get votes may damage the fabric of nation. Again who is to blame for this -  WE the people who accept all this with attitude HOW DOES IT MATTER TO ME?

Food for thought, isn’t it? 

WE COME ALONE AND GO ALONE ALSO

Every morning I think that I must get back to writing but visits to doctors, keeping track of medicines timings ( not only for self but my wife also ) and our dog keeps my mind in spin. There are a lot of ideas which generate as I observe so many happenings around when I take our dog for walk or visit market as I still continue shouldering my normal responsibilities as much as I can. These activities keep me tired not only physically but mentally too. Then the situation I am facing or rather we are facing makes me feel more so. Anyway one has to face what life throws.

This makes me firmly believe that one has to face whatever be it at ownself, though there are close ones, relatives as well as friends, who offer support and sympathies but at the end of the day it is one who has to do what needs to be done for own happiness or well being. They may offer physical help or suggest ways to overcome stress but one has to control own mind from wandering off to negative side. If one wishes to have stressfree life one needs to keep positive attitude for a start. One needs to take health issues as those are and take precautions plus medicines as prescribed by doctors. Next one needs to have an open mind and think of whatever happens from point of view of one whom one may blame for such events. That is the way to understand whys and hows. A frank logical talk with other person helps if that person also wishes to resolve the issue. Remember that we come alone to this world and go alone also.

Well, enough of GYAAN ( preaching ) for the day, isn’t it?     

ISN'T THIS POSSIBLE?

OMG, it is one month since I wrote anything and hardly visited my friends here. Let me try to make up for that.

I had started writing this post before I became unwell, so in all fairness I thought I should complete it.

“ I was very small, may be just a few weeks old, when I was separated from my mother and siblings. When I had opened my eyes and saw the world, I realized that we were 5 siblings. We all were black like our mother and looked alike but only I had white patch on my tail. We used to snuggle upto our mother who used to feed us with milk. We all squirmed to get in better position. It was just a day after I had started seeing everything that I was picked up by giant of a person and taken away.

At my new home there are number of other persons around who squealed in delight on seeing me tumbling around but I missed my mother and siblings. These persons look funny as they are big in varying sizes and walk on their hind feet. There is only one small one who walks on all fours like me and he keeps chasing me all the time. A few days ago he also has started standing on hind feet, though falls down often. When he takes tumbling steps on hind feet, all big ones make lot of noise clapping. Even I made efforts to stand on hind feet to please them. I have learnt to do so after a lot of effort but for a short while. At such times those near me laugh and offer me my favourite tidbits. They all pick me up often and cuddle me making funny sounds. I found that if I reciprocated by wagging my tail I am mostly rewarded with some tidbits which I like. Now I have got used to them and have started enjoying my time.

They have even made a soft place for me to sleep. Water in a pot is kept next to it and also another one in which they put things for me to eat. They give me tasty food and milk also. They never let me go out at my own. Always someone puts something around my neck with a rope in it before taking me out for walk. At times they remove the rope and play with me on the grass in front of the house. Life seems to be happy presently. “

Don’t you think your pet may be having such thoughts?

YOUR SUGGESTIONS, PLEASE.

Ramesh and I were classmates in school during our final years. That time it was Higher Secondary , 10 + 1. Both the final examinations, for 10^th as well as 11^th , were conducted by University unlike CBSE now. Though after school we parted ways to go for whatever career we chose but remained in touch even when we were in different cities. No mobiles or internet e-mails but good old Inland letters through Postal Department. We met at least couple of times a year. After I retired and settled in Delhi we had opportunity to meet more often as he too is settled here. We live in different localities but that did not deter us for meeting at least once a week in club. Needless to say that we were together on special occasions in each family.

Like us they also have two children , elder being daughter and younger a son. Daughter was married about 14 years ago and went off to USA with her husband. She had just completed graduation then. She took up higher studies there and  started working thereafter. They visited annually in the initial stages but later once they had children it became little infrequent due to their own commitments. Ramesh and his wife visited them a couple of times, last being about 4 years ago. They too like us believe in letting children have their own life without any interference but support as required.

Their son, Pawan, dilly dallied and consented to marry early last year. Ramesh had told him to let them know if he was keen on someone but the boy left it to parents to select. They found a girl from family with similar background. He insisted for son to meet the girl and decide. So Pawan and Disha met after office hours and spent an hour or so together in a Coffee House. They both consented. They got married in March last year.  Of course, all of us attended the wedding.

A couple of months later I found Ramesh to be in a little pensive mood when we met in club. During third such meeting while we were sipping beer I asked him why he seemed lost in his thoughts. That is when he shared something which I least expected.

He told me that Disha was not yet settled down inspite of their best efforts. She had been told by him as well as Pawan before marriage that they all would be together as a family and she was most welcome as new member. She was advised that if she faced any difficulty she should not hesitate to share it. He told that she had been insisting for Pawan to move out and live independently. He added that her father seemed to be interfering as he also had told Ramesh a couple of times to let Pawan & Disha live at their own. He said that his reply was straightforward that it was upto Pawan to decide and they would not interfere. Pawan had categorically stated that he would not leave his parents. He said that this caused undue tension between the young couple which affected the harmony of the house. He said that he and his wife were keen to see Pawan & Disha happily settled. They were thinking how to ensure that without making any outward show of it.  He asked me for advice. We discussed some ways including frank talk with her in presence of her father but ruled that out. Ultimately I told him to take his own decision after giving thought to every aspect.        

A week later he told me that he had informed Pawan that their ancestral property at native place was likely to be usurped by tenants due to their neglect and their presence is a must to save it. So he with his wife would be moving there in a week or so. Though Pawan suggested that they make frequent visits there to oversee the property but he insisted to shift there for some time. So they moved to native place leaving Pawan and Disha independent in the house here. We went to see them off when they drove away. Pawan kept in touch with me on regular basis, calling up at least once a week. They also visited us at times.

After couple of weeks of shifting there, Ramesh started a remedial school. The idea was to keep children from underprivileged class, who mostly go to state run schools, interested in studies by revising what had been taught in school and help them to do home work. As per him a lot of such students are taken off studies by parents once they fail a couple of times and made to work. He charged a meager amount of Rs 20 pm from students but put such funds back into school by giving them stationary or books as well as snacks.  His efforts are bearing fruit and they have a large number of students.

Disha is friendly with a young lady, Simi, in her office. She did not know that Simi stays in a housing complex close to ours and is known to us. Her father in law and I had been together in one of the organizations and keep in touch. Simi alongwith her husband and young son of 3 years are with his parents, my old colleague. It was only when Ramesh had confided his problem in me that I learnt the organization Disha worked in. So I requested Simi to keep an eye on her but without letting my name out. That is when she told me that Disha is already friendly with her and confides a lot in her. She told me that even before marriage Disha used to talk of having an independent life and used to wonder as to how did Simi stay with in laws. Simi said that she has been telling her that it is a boon to have elders with you as they are such a support in every way. On Disha’s saying that there would be so much of interference, she told that it is upto those involved to develop trust by mutual understanding and adjustments. She also told me that Disha’s father interferes a lot.

Last week Pawan told us that Disha is in family way and there are some complications. Doctor has advised her not to strain herself much. She wanted to shift to her parents place and wanted Pawan also to shift as she did not want to leave him alone. He refused. Then she asked her mother to be with her but she showed her inability as she did not want to leave husband and son alone. So now she wanted Ramesh and his wife to come back. Pawan had spoken to him but Ramesh showed reluctance due to his running remedial school.  Pawan wanted me to persuade his father to come back.

What do you suggest Ramesh and his wife should do? Should they abandon students who are doing well in their respective schools and come back? It is felt that once Disha’s need is over she would again want them to go away.

In my opinion Ramesh may keep looking after school and visit on alternate week ends while his wife may come back to take care of Disha. I know it will be a strain on both of them.