ASHAMED

Last few weeks were full of provoking news about spate of rapes mostly in Haryana and also in some other states. That not only made me feel angry but ashamed too as I expected that after first couple of such heinous acts the authorities as well as local elders would have or should have come out with some concrete plan to curb it. It shocked me to read what our respectable leaders including of KHAPs had to say about this. Instead of coming out with ways to curb such deplorable crimes, they showed their lack of sensitivity as well as thinking power.

One said that girls should be married off at young age. Will that make them Rapeproof? Don’t married girls too fall victims? Or did he mean that let boys be married at young age to channelize their energy? Don’t married men also make targets for their lust?

Another one, a lady, said that rapes are due to free inter mingling of boys and girls. May I request her to suggest what is the remedy, segregate both genders at all times.

Yet another one said that most of rapes are consensual as if he had been witness to those.

KHAP leaders blamed Chowmein or fast food for such acts. Does that not show how stupid a person can be?

I know that it is not possible for Police to give protection to everyone but certain steps can be taken to discourage potential rapists. To start with investigation of such complaints should be carried out fast and trials should be time bound including appeals to the highest court.  Once found guilty, punishment should be a deterrent – may be castration and made to do menial jobs in lunatic hospitals for the rest of life.

Awareness for respect of girls should be inculcated from young age and for this role of elders including teachers cannot be overemphasized.  Apart from that girls should be trained to protect themselves should they encounter such beasts. Some basic precautions need to be kept in mind. If a girl has to travel alone at unwarranted hours, then due protection should be looked for. If a couple wants to cozy up, they should ensure that place they choose for such activity is not exposed to unwanted intrusions. 

HAPPINESS AT FAG END OF LIFE, IS IT NOT A RIGHT?

Once again I take up news items which recently have been appearing regularly – Robbing or murder of elderly person/s staying alone, latest being robbing and assaulting of a 79 years old woman in a posh colony of Delhi. She stays alone in ground floor of the building. Her son and married daughter are reported to be staying within NCR. The attack took place at wee hours of morning. She had put up stiff fight as she is quite strong but was beaten up, overpowered and gagged by the robbers. She somehow managed to press the warning alarm bell which brought her caretaker living on uppermost story of the building. She is lucky to have someone as caretaker but how many can speak of that? The question which comes in my mind is why should elderly, even a couple, be staying alone?

Some may not want to leave their familiar environments. My own grandparents, both paternal and maternal, continued living at their own houses as they were not keen to keep moving to different cities with their children who had transferable jobs, though within the state. They were frequently visited at regular intervals by children and grandchildren to ensure not only their safety but happiness also. I used to travel inter-city alone from age of 10 years or so to be with my paternal grandparents frequently. Summer vacations were spent equally with both sets of grandparents. Of course, those days the crime was not so high. But then a time came when their children forced them to shift with them as their health starting causing concern.

As per news items it is seen that lately even those with ailments are reported to be staying alone inspite of their children being well off.  Is it due to desire of having independence or space by their children? Is it not selfishness to neglect the parents at their twilight years, specially when they are non-interfering and are more of a support, particularly in taking care of grandchildren when both parents are working? Don’t the elderly deserve happiness with their grandchildren in the fag end of their life? Are we becoming so insensitive to relations?

I think that we need to do introspection on this issue.

UNWANTED WASTAGE OF LIFE

Today I read, tucked away on an inside page of newspaper that a young married woman of 30 committed suicide. The reason was that her husband had stopped loving her after seeing photographs because of which her ex-boyfriend was blackmailing her.

I was quite disturbed as she was daughter in law of a retired officer of our elite service. This surely would mean that her husband must be well educated as well as well placed. Does that not mean that they should have been broadminded and in keeping with changing times? I strongly feel that they should have supported her and taken that unscrupulous man to task. He not only played with her emotions when she was young but also was a villain trying to ruin her married life.

Everyone of us has something from our past which we do not want to be publicly known but as long as it is PAST, it should be let remain so. Young persons do get carried away by false sense of security in love emotions but should that be held against only girls and not boys?  I think if a family understands and gives loving support to girl to overcome that mistake, she would be a truly dependable member of family for all times to come. Of course, there can be some girls who will not understand this gesture and take advantage of such affection as sign of weakness. 

UPBRINGING ?

Yesterday I went to see an old friend of mine. As I was going alone I decided to go by Metro instead of using car. There was not much of rush and I got a comfortable place to sit. Some more persons got in at the next station. Two young girls, may be around mid 20s, occupied seats next to me. One of them appeared to be newly married as evident from tell tale signs. Other seemed to be her close friend. They were talking all things under the sun and I could not help but hear snatches of conversation while watching  activities and expressions of  other passengers. I was startled to hear the newly married one saying “ ISNE TO 26 SAAL MAAN KI DUM SE BANDHE KATE HAIN TO AB MUJHE KUCHCHH TIME TO LAGEGAA USE  MAAN SE DOOR KARNE MEIN AUR ALAG RAHNE KE LIYE.” ( He has been tied to mother’s tail for 26 years, now I will take some time to distance him from her and live separately.) She further added that her father is supporting her in this.

This set me wondering is this what is being taught to daughters now, to break up families they go into? What kind of upbringing is this? How will her father feel if their son is made to separate out by his wife? I know there are many situations for taking such a step but is thinking of cutting family ties like she said right?

DREAMS

It is a must that we all should have dreams to achieve something in life. Some dreams can be fulfilled and some remain dreams only due to various factors.  Dreams do change also as a person grows up. As a child one has very simple aspirations which we may say dreams as a teenager these take on some new found thoughts while as adult these start relating to career and being settled in life. When one reaches final lap of life the thinking alters to putting experience to use of others.

I am no exception and have gone through this process. I have achieved most of my goals and now when I wait for my final call I long for making some of my dreams into reality. Few of those are dependant of others, like world living in peace and harmony, but I try to make my contribution to make those whom I know to bury differences and live happily in peace.

Two of my dreams which I hope I can fulfill before I go to meet my creator are

Self sustained schools to educate children of economically weaker families, without any caste or religion considerations, as I strongly feel that education is the foremost need to bridge gap between haves and have-nots. The students will be charged some fee as no one takes freebees seriously but that will be compensated in other ways. I have plans ready but need support from some organizations who are willing to invest for their name and avail income tax benefits apart from fulfilling their duty toward Corporate Social Responsibilities. I have knocked at doors of some but unfortunately those entrusted with such duties have their own priorities.

Second is to put a stop to eve teasing. This is not impossible, though difficult. My plan is to make use of our population of third gender as enforcement force. This will also help in taking care of their basic needs, leading to their not being nuisance at traffic lights. Apart from that to inculcate habit of respect towards girls from childhood itself by awareness campaigns in public as well as schools. Of course, again I need support for sustaining this from organizations as well as Government.  

I sincerely hope that something happens as I may not have unlimited time at my hands. 

A CHILD SPEAKS

Hi, I am Vanshika. I am going to be 5 years old soon. Why am I here? Well, I want to ask you why do grown up people fight and make life of children bad. I did not understand earlier as to what is fight but now as I have grown up I can understand.

My Papa and Mummy fight a lot. She says something which makes Papa angry and then fight starts. I feel like crying but my Dadi takes me to her room. I love my Dadi and Dadu as they always help me. They do not say anything when Papa and Mummy are fighting but if it goes on for long then they ask them to stop. My Dadi plays with me like a friend. Dadu puts on computer games whenever I want to play those. Dadi makes me do homework and tells me if I go wrong. I like living with them. I have many friends in our area and in the evening Dadu takes me to park to play with them.

Many times Mummy after fight takes me to Nanu’s house. She takes clothes and my school bag also. We stay there for many days. I go to school from there. Nanu and Nani also love me but it is not as in Dadi’s house. Nanu does not let me play as I want to or touch computer. Maid takes me to park in the evening. Many children come but I miss my friends. I always want to go back to my own house. Why can Papa and Mummy not understand that I become so unhappy at such fights and living away from my own home? Am I not right in asking for my happiness? Are they not supposed to see that I am happy? Why do they not talk peacefully?

Can any of you tell me that?

TALE OF TWO FATHERS

First is about a father who’s professionally qualified daughter died unnatural death few months after her marriage. She was in her early 20s or so. He is my wife’s cousin. He was in knickers when we got married almost 41 years ago. Though we did not have very close contact but met once or twice a year. I had attended his marriage as well as of his daughter. She is supposed to have committed suicide as claimed by her in-laws. It was after her death that we learnt that she was harassed by her husband and his mother. They had even lied about his business etc. She had told her parents about it and had even shown bruises she suffered but her father told her to adjust and settle down.  They did not share this sad situation with anyone. It was only after she was no more that they lodged complaint with police. I have shared this here almost a year ago stating that had he spoken about it when  she was alive, a young life could have been saved. This is one extreme of behavior for the sake of family honour in the eyes of society.

The second father is a self confessed strict person in who’s presence no one can utter anything which he disapproves. His daughter had once told that he used to slap her till she was 14 or 15 years old. While in college she got into relationship with a boy without her father’s knowledge. When she started working she told her father about it and expressed desire to marry that boy. He not only refused but also gave her scolding so harshly that she did not have courage to speak about it again. Then he got her married off  few months later. Her would be in-laws told her before marriage that they were not looking for a daughter in law but member of family as they would all be living together. They also told her that she had full right to refuse if she did not like their son or did not wish to live together. She had told them that she was willing without any problems. Even the boy she was married to told her a number of times whenever they met before marriage that he being the only son, as his sister was married and living with her family, he would like his parents to stay with him. She had accepted this without any arguments. But after marriage she had a lot of differences with him on small issues and her father used to be with her whenever she called him. She left for her parents’ house a number of times after quarreling with her husband on some small issue and her father not only let her be there but also never made efforts to contact her husband or his parents about what the issue was. Her in- laws had offered to live separately but her husband would not hear of that and even she outwardly told them that she had no problems with them but with husband only. They were blessed with child after almost 2 years of marriage. Her moving to her parents’ house frequently and staying with them for long periods is spoiling not only their married life but causing a lot of unhappiness for her in-laws as well as her child. It seems that main issue is that she wants her husband to follow whatever her father says which he does not as he feels that to be interference in their personal life which his own parents never do. Now this is the other extreme behavior of a father.

This makes me wonder why can parents not look for their daughters to settle down safely and happily after marriage instead of worrying about false prestige in the eyes of society or to satisfy their own jumbo ego. When our daughter was married, I had told her that though we would be there for her but she has to make her place in her new family with love and respect. I am proud that she has not let us down, though they had their own share of fights and all which they resolved at their own.