AMBITION Vs SENSE OF PROPRIETY

Our area is quite peaceful but about a fortnight ago there was a commotion at about 10 pm in the block next to ours. I went out to check as there had been a spate of burglaries in nearby localities. There were a few persons gathered outside and I learnt that young couple staying on 1st floor was having a fight. They had moved in here soon after marriage about 5 months ago as both of them are working in NCR while their parents stay in different cities. I got acquainted with them a few days after they had moved in as they both go for jog in the morning when I am out with our dog. They both are dog lovers and that is what got us talking. Anuj and Neena make an ideal couple. They are both complimentary to each other in appearance and behavior. They had visited us a few times and she had also come over alone at times when he was out of station. We too have been to their home a couple of times. They both get along very well with our son and his wife.

There was silence in their flat by that time and I went up to see if I could do something. I found the door ajar. I knocked and as there was no reply, fearing something untoward I pushed it open to find Anuj sitting in dinning room while Neena was standing in the living room crying. On seeing me he came over saying “ Uncle, she cheated on me.” She sobbingly said that it was not true. Under those circumstances I felt it would be better if we spoke about whatever it was after they both had calmed down. I called my wife over and once she was with us, she took her to the bedroom to calm her. I sat near him but kept quiet waiting for him to speak. What emerged was that he had gone out for a meeting with a colleague and while returning to office he saw her emerge from a guest house with her boss. By the time he could park the car to meet them, they had gone out of sight. I told him not to jump to such conclusions without letting her say how she was there. He said that she refuses to talk about it. He further said that he knew reputation of her boss was not good at all. I was apprehensive that if they are left to themselves they might again get into fight. So I asked him to sleep over it and let me get to the bottom of this matter. We brought her to our house and I slept in the guest room letting her be with my wife.

Next morning while escorting her back I asked what was the truth. She told that she would like to seek my advice later as she had to rush to office due to an urgent meeting. I found Anuj better composed and he looked askance at me. I told him to relax as I would speak to her later. He had to go outstation on official work next day and was expected after a week or so. Before going he came over asking me to advise her and find out why she was there as he loved her a lot and had a lot of trust in her. Theirs is an arranged marriage. I promised to do my best. I thought I would make use of Sunday which was 2 days away. I asked her to join us for the day once she free from household chores. She came over around 11 am and we sat in the living room chatting. Our son and his wife were out for the week end. My wife kept moving about the house doing her chores. I am writing what she told me after a little cajoling. Now I am in a dilemma as to am I right in what I did.

She is from middle class family. She is eldest among 3 siblings, sister being over a year and brother 3 years younger. Her father was in government service at decent post and retired as a senior officer. Her mother worked in a private organisaion to supplement family income. Though they were not hand to mouth but could not be called to be very comfortable. Her mother had insisted that they should start education in good schools. So they went to elite schools of the city. They were provided with all basic amenities but very little more beyond that.

She was in company of students coming from well to do families who had lot of things which she was keen on but could not afford. She was not jealous of them but did feel the lack of resources. So she started feeling that to get something in life she needs to work for it. She became very ambitious. She put herself to study hard as well as take part in other extra curricular activities. She excelled in studies and also in sports. She proved to be a good basket ball player and outstanding in debates & dances. She was quite popular. When she was in 11th she learnt that it is not just hard work but her interaction with those who matter also counted. Her being left out of school basket ball team for a tournament made her understand that. Everyone was surprised at her non inclusion as she was one of the top players. This hurt her young mind as her ambition of being in the team was not fulfilled. On asking the coach she was told that she needs to be little more interactive socially. She realised that this was because she had not liked her coach putting his arm around her or holding her close while talking. She had pulled away from him whenever he did that. Next time in practice session when he put his arm around her she stiffened but did not move away. So she was back in the team for the next match. This incident got embedded deep in her young mind. She felt that to fulfill her dreams she would need to compromise on some issues. Thus her innocent mind got moulded that way.

She got into a reputed college as she secured very good marks and was within first ten in the merit list. Here she continued to study hard as well as take part in other activities. She made a lot of friends and had a boyfriend also. They were quite close but she told him that she would not like to go all the way. He was very understanding and they enjoyed each other’s company well. After graduation she took up a job while pursuing MBA in HR part time.

On completion of MBA with good marks she joined the present MNC which is into consultancy of HR. She has been with them for over 2 years and due to her hard work is liked by seniors and respected by peers. She made a good name. Recently company decided to open another office close to our locality. She was told by her boss that though she is very junior, she may be made Branch Head. This position carries good pay and perks package. This will also open scope for her to rise further. She would be surpassing a lot of seniors if selected. Her ambition got strong. Her boss sensed her keenness for this post and fueled her desire. He told her that apart from hard work she also needs to be active socially as in that position she would have to interact with lot of top executives from the corporate world. He took her to a couple of meeting with heads of their client organisations. He went out of his way to prepare her to shoulder new responsibilities. She said that he was very nice and told her a number of times that he would like to see her get that post over other short listed seniors. The day Anuj said he saw her coming out of guest house, she was told by her boss in the morning that he has been given authority to select one amongst the short listed names and confirm appointment. He told her that he was keen to choose her if she is willing to do something for him. Her strong ambition made her succumb to the temptation of getting this position and she agreed knowing what he was hinting at. She started crying while saying that after she did what he wanted, she felt so dirty and guilty. She said that she can not face anyone with pride. By now my wife had joined us and she took her into her arms consoling that whatever had happened is over and now we need to see what should be done. She sobbingly said that she would never ever think of such thing again.

On my asking she confirmed that she has got the position. I advised her that once she has realised her folly it is best to keep it buried. I further told her that it would be in her interest to leave this organisation at the earliest opportunity. I advised her to start looking for another company as she would now be in better position to bargain. We decided to tell Anuj that she was not willing to speak anything that day as he spoke in such a mistrusting way. We agreed to tell him that she had gone for a meeting with her boss, which he knew that she does, and on the way back he wanted to meet someone staying in that guest house but as the person whom he wanted to meet was not there, they came out within few minutes to go back to office. She swore that she would always remember this and never let her ambition overrule her sense of propriety.

Now I am in dilemma if I have taken right decisions.

SAKSHI's TAG

Sakshi tagged me some time ago. I am supposed to tell 8 things under each heading. Here those are but may not be in order of preference :

8 TV shows/News Channels I like to watch

NDTV News
Aaj Tak News
Jhansi Ki Rani
Pavitra Rishta
Direct Telecast from Vaishno Devi in the morning
Casual Watching anything my wife or grandchildren are watching
----------------- ,, -----------------------.
Any programme found worth watching while surfing channels when alone

8 Places to eat and dine

My Home
My Club
My Mess
Sagar Ratna
Fujia at Malcha Marg
Haldiram in Gurgaon
Nirulas
Any place where our children wish me to come along

8 Things I Look Forward To

Inter-action with our grandchildren
Inter-action with my friends in Blog space
Walks with our dog.
Reading Newspapers
Doing something for the society
Counseling those who ask for help
Keeping good relations
Anything beneficial to someone

8 Things That Happened Yesterday

Played with our son’s daughter
Read blogs
Commented on few blogs
Assisted RWA for stray dog catching operation
House hold chores
Spoke to few friends
Worked out financial plan for Apr
Relaxed in general

8 Things I love about Winter

Good choice of vegetables
Can go out for work anytime
Relax in sun
Watch colourful dresses people wear
Lots of festivals
Enjoy camp fires when outdoors
Can visit relatives and friends
Longer nights for relaxation

8 Things on my Wish-list

Inculcating good habits in grandchildren
Living in harmony
To see end of conflicts in the world
Help as many youngsters as I can
Raise awareness in people to exercise their vote judiciously
Work with NGOs for empowerment of underprivileged
To see few more places of interest
Pray to God to take me in one GO without any lingering

8 Things I am Passionate about

Family
Sharing experience
My faith in God
Relationships.
Harmonious living in society
Driving
Writing
Logical discussion for benefit of society or someone who needs it

8 Words/Phrases I often use

Stupid Idiot or A H for someone weaving in and out of traffic dangerously
Come on CHACHA or CHACHI for some one driving like a bullock cart in front
Thank you
Enough is enough when some one behaves adamantly
Nothing more

8 Things I learnt from the past

You got to guard you back
Depend on yourself only
Be logical
Try to maintain level head when facing problem and analyse before taking action
Do not lose temper even if other person does it unreasonably
Be grateful for minor favours too
Live by your conscience
Even when everything seems to be going wrong, remember God is there who knows what is best for us

8 Places I would like to go /Visit

My birthplace , Lahore
Amarnath
Somnath
Khajuraho
Konark Temple
Ajanta Ellora
Back waters of Kerala
Ademan and Nicobar

8 Things I currently need/want.....

Tension free life for all
Good health
More time to do what I wish to for others
Sense of righteousness
Company of my near & dear ones
Do something for my young friends here
To be able to write more
Instil self confidence in youngsters

8 Blogging Buddies I want to Tag

Leave it to those who wish to take it up

TAG

Amrita and then Sakshi had tagged me some time ago. I am taking up Amrita’s tag first and Sakshi’s will follow soon.



1. A writeup on a kind gesture that someone had done for you which left you speechless :
Once in 1984 I and my staff were coming back late in the evening from Poonch to Rajouri in jeep. The water level in the river just out of Poonch was little high and at one point it splashed onto jeep engine. The vehicle started missing from then onwards but we continued hoping to reach destination. After some distance the engine stopped and would not start. It was at an isolated place in the hills with forest all around. It had become quite dark by then. Few vehicles passed by but none stopped even at our signaling. After a long time another jeep coming from opposite direction stopped even without our giving any signal. It was an Army vehicle. The gentleman who came to us was a foreigner and in uniform of an officer belonging to UN forces. On hearing what was the problem, he got our jeep towed back to the nearest habitation on his way. We could get shelter there and move in the morning after getting our jeep rectified. We could not even thank him as he moved off soon after leaving us at that place. I was speechless as it set me thinking would I have stopped to help an unknown person at that isolated spot in the night knowing the history of that area that time.

2. Indebted to someone lifelong..who??
My parents. My mother who had been source of encouragement and father who gave me freedom to do my own thing.

3. Want to say "sorry" to someone..who???

My children. I have given them full support for whatever education they wished for and reasonably decent life along with freedom without any strict monitoring except I told them not to do anything which makes us feel ashamed. Even now I am there for whatever they need me for, even financially from whatever meager resources I have but I feel sad as I will not leave any materialistic thing for them.
4. Want to say "thank you" to someone ..who??

My wife. She has been with me through thick and thin even when I had been unreasonable.

5. And whats your most cherished possession till date??

I may seem melodramatic but I am very emotional about 2 Swans and 2 Floral beautiful embroideries made by my grandmother before I was born. Other than that reputation and friends’ faith I enjoyed during my career, even now also.
6. A special moment in life which brings along a smile every time you think of it.
When I held our few hours old daughter and later few hours old son in my arms. Thereafter their children when they too were tiny, few hours old flashing old memories in my mind.


Ab meri baari to tag a few folks : -All those who like my ramblings and would like to share their memories.

IS THERE A GOD?

I had been busy with a friend of mine for some time as he was going through little difficult phase. I am going to share with you what happened and ask for your views. Let us say he is Mr Singh. I have known him for over 20 years. We were staying next door to each other way back in 1989 when we were both in service. We shifted out to different localities after a couple of years but kept in touch. Although we are in the same city but we meet off and on as they are in far part of the city.

Mr Singh is about my age. He is very Godfearing and open minded person. He has very practical approach to everything. He does not keep any grudges and tries to sort out differences by logical discussions. He is now retired from a senior post in Government service. His wife is little different as she, though very good at heart, is too blunt and calls a spade a spade without bothering whether it hurts someone or not. They have a son, Atul, who is working in private sector. They have given Atul a lot of freedom with just one line advice – “ Do not do anything which makes us feel ashamed”. Atul has lived upto their expectations. Though he had had his share of affairs, he told parents to choose girl for his marriage. Mr Singh was very clear in this regard and told him that even while they do find girl for him, he has to meet her and finalise it. Atul was married about a year and half ago to Devina, who’s father too was in senior position in Government.

We had met Devina at engagement and later marriage. Whatever little inter-action we had, she seemed to be an intelligent girl. We hoped that she would settle down in their house without any problem. She too is working at a good position in a MNC. They had welcomed her with not only a lot of love and affection but respect too. They consulted her on all issues pertaining to the family. She was encouraged to suggest menus and outings. She was not burdened with household work keeping in mind her being a working girl but whenever she wanted to do some chore at home Mrs Singh let her do it giving a helping hand.

We visited them 6 or 7 times after marriage and we found Devina to be away to her parents place most of the times. We did think much about it. Last month I ran into Mr Singh at a seminar which was organized by a NGO on Child Labour. He did not seem his ownself and looked little pre-occupied in his thoughts. After seminar I invited him to join me in my club for a drink and offered to drop him home as he had not come by his own car.

As we have nice healthy relations, over the drink I asked him if I could help him overcome whatever is keeping him distracted. He opened up and what he said made me wonder is there A GOD.

A few days after marriage Devina told Atul that she was in love with someone but could not make her father agree for their marriage. Atul stopped her there itself saying that he too had had affairs and past is past. They should not think or talk about it and spoil their present. It was seen that she was mostly on phone, cordless or mobile, talking to someone moving away from everyone or in whispered tone. After a couple of months she asked Atul to shift and live separately closer to her parents. Atul flatly refused it. Thereafter she started picking arguments on some issue or the other and moved to her parents house. She used to come back after a couple of weeks. Her father did not say anything to her on this but rather told Atul that she can stay with them as long as and whenever she pleases. He too told Mr Singh once as to why does he not let youngsters stay independently to have space. Mr Singh told him that it was upto Atul and as far as space was concerned he and his wife never interfered in what Atul and Devina did. He told me that she has been away now for more than 2 months insisting that they live separately but Atul has refused. He had even advised Atul to move out for sake of his marriage but he did not agree. He said that it is now getting on his nerves and all his efforts to bring harmony have failed. He told that it is certain that her father interferes too much in their affairs. He said that he would not speak to him but let Atul sort it out. He even made a statement which was very unlike him that he would like to call it a day now from this world. All I could do was to tell him to take it easy and things would get better as long as Atul is not losing his balance. That is when he told that Atul had started drinking little more than he used to.

That is what made me wonder Is There A God. Or is God testing this nice couple for their patience? What makes Devina indulge in this kind of behavior? Does her father not want her to settle down happily with her new family?

I could just keep in touch with Mr Singh on phone and meeting him a number of times to see that he does not take any wrong step. Now he seems to have regained his composure and advised her to return but she is still at her parents house.

HUMOUR ON HOLI

Let us have little humour on this HOLI day.


A man running roadside eatery in a remote hilly area was hauled up before a judge for mixing horse meat in chicken sandwiches. Judge told him if he told truth a lenient view might be taken. The man confessed that he did mix horsemeat as said. Judge asked him the quantum, he replied it was 50 – 50. He was fined $ 100.00 and let off. On coming out one of his clients told him that there was hardly any chicken in the sandwiches and how did he say 50 – 50. He replied “ I have told truth. It is 50 – 50, one horse to one chicken.”


A city bred boy got married to a girl from rural area. The marriage was held in village church. In the reception after marriage he told guests that he did not know what a cow looks like till he got married.


A spaceship carrying two astronauts, one male and one female, landed at a planet expected to be inhibited. Sure enough they were greeted by local aliens and surprisingly they could communicate. While being taken through their camp, they saw female species stirring thick liquid in huge pots over fire. Some of them increased speed of churning. They asked their guide as to what was happening. They were told that females were making babies. At one spot they saw a female churning frantically and a tiny alien baby emerged from the pot. They were asked how did they make babies. They explained but aliens did not understand. So they agreed to give a demonstration. At the end of the act, aliens asked as to where was the baby. They told that it will take 9 months for the baby to come. Alien showed surprise saying “ Then what was the hurry in the end.”

WHAT IS LOVE?

Tongue –fu Lady ( wellmylifemyway) in her post “Emosanal Attyachar” had written that a person falls in love due to feeling of loneliness. She had given logical reasoning. This post is not to contradict her. Her post set me thinking what is love and how does it happen. In my comment to her post I had said that I would write a post on this. Unfortunately I got busy as a very close friend of mine had some problem and was very depressed. I had to spend time with him to see that he does not take any unwanted step. Now that he is in much better frame of mind, so here I am with post I promised. I will share with you about his problem later in a post.

There have been numerous persons who have written either in verse or prose about love and have tried to tell what is it. And there are many more who are doing it even today. They all talk about ROMANTIC LOVE, like that of Romeo & Juliet, Laila & Majnu, Heer & Ranjha and the like. In my opinion LOVE is an emotion which leads to a strong bond between two bodies. Why I have not said “ Persons” is because I have been saying many a times that LOVE is of many hues. Just to name some love relations – Parents love for children and vice versa, siblings love, friends love, love for pets, love for country, love for one’s vocation, love for one’s organisation etc etc. And what we mostly think when love is mentioned is the ROMANTIC side. So I will confine this post to that category.

Now having tried to say what is LOVE, let me explore how does it happens. Initially it is just attraction. One sees some one who appeals to his or her eyes then he or she wishes to get introduction. Once they meet it takes a little time for feelings of love to surface if the conduct of the person is likable. As the time progresses his or her love gets reciprocated due to behavior to make good impression. Some may call it love at first sight but I maintain it is attraction which turns into love with time.

Having given my perception of falling in love, let us see what are the types of love one may feel. First is physical yearning which is nothing but LUST. Once that gets fulfilled, love takes a back seat. Next is POSSESIVE , in this the person wants to control his or her partner’s life. This leads to a lot of differences and in most case the one loved so feels suffocated and desires to break free. Last is TRUE or PURE love in which you wish to share all happiness or things of life with him or her. There will be certain amount of physicality but that does not become prime reason. One feels to spend time with his or her beloved. Everything seems rosy and dreamy when in company of each other. Anjuli (maybeiamaddicted) has described it in her post “Are movies reflection of life” very aptly saying that in such love one does not want “ Him or her to be mine” but wants “self to be his or her”. I have taken liberty changing the exact words but essence remains the same. If you have this feeling, you have achieved what many keep wanting. And such feelings do get rewarded. I am sure she will find this kind of love.

I am grateful to both the young ladies for their views on love and hope they do not mind my using their thoughts. Another young lady who needs mention is Ki as her posts on relationship showed a lot of maturity for a girl so young as she, I do not know where has she disappeared to.

May I request you all to add to these thoughts of mine?

HONEST TAG

I think I will take up another tag which I remember. Preeti Subramanian had also tagged me some time ago and I promised that I would take it up a s a p. As per rules of the tag one is supposed to tell 10 honest things about himself / herself. Difficult one as once again I have to speak about myself. I think in this I will tell what may be good, bad or ugly.

So here it goes –

1. I have been trying to control my short temper but still can not when I see our younger grandchildren doing something which may hurt them in the presence of nannies or other family members. Or can not find something needed urgently because it has been moved from it’s usual place. I know I could point out that neglect in normal way but that seems to have no affect.
2. I just can not withstand hypocrisy and have been sarcastic at times to persons who indulge it this. It has harmed my relations at times or even caused me financial loss but I can not change.
3. I enjoy 3 – 4 “Chhotta” Old Monks with water in the evening but maintain that enjoy your drink and do not let it enjoy you. Whenever I feel craving for a drink in the evening, I give it up for a week or more.
4. I do tell a lie sometimes but that is in the same way as narrated in
“ Mr Know All” a short story by Somerset Maughm.
5. I have a soft corner for girls. I know some of you may feel this old man has gone round the bend but it is because they are always at the receiving end. I wish to see them with equal standing.
6. I am a dreamer. I always have a wish to leave some sort of legacy behind.
7. I have lost out on awards number of times due to manipulation of my rivals but have never tried to counter it as I feel satisfied with my own achievements.
8. I never have forced my will on our children as I feel that they should take their own decisions. I have been labeled a softee by some relatives. However when I find them going wrong I just tell them to resolve issues in proper manner.
9. I love to see everyone living in harmony and feel sad at bickering for silly reasons which are just figments of mind.
10. I feel very angry at persons who try to use divisive ways to gain their selfish motives, be it at lower lever or national level. If I could even help it I would like to see them suffer due to their own madness.


I think it is enough of EYE ( I ) problem. I am not tagging anyone but leave it to those who wish to take it up.

Preeti, hope I am honest enough.

I do have a hazy recollection that there are few more friends here who had tagged me, please do give me clue so I can take those up also.